Journal Entry: 13. Date: 1/2/5. Name: Greg George

  Well, my anti-nightmare stick apparently doesn't work against dread that I can't smack with it. This is bullshit. I would have had that shit even with my Overwatch Rifle. Which I'm nowhere near, nor allowed to sleep with during treatment. Which now probably still counts as? Getting kidnapped isn't in the MH regs. Anyway, shit was fucked. In the nightmare, Linus dissolved, Pops got spaced, Lucy was infected, and Mom transmogrified into that googly eyed fuck. I can't really describe it better, it was just a jumble of subconscious fuckery telling me that if I'm not on a battlefield where I belong, these weird blue people will die because I wasn't killing something to protect them. Fuck you subconscious I like my weird looking friends. They rescued me from devising a way to end that shit at the clickety clack spider centaur pound. I'm not going to fuck off on them if they want me around.

  I don't know how I got anyone's attention, but apparently Linus and Lucy found out I was in the shit. Well, my mind was, anyway. This ship feels so cozy, I can almost forget what I am sometimes. They got up into my berth with me and helped me calm my shit. I tried to apologize for bothering them, but it's hard to sign when you're being hugged by eight arms. They kept telling me it was okay and that they were here for me. I like that. It was nice. Like my brothers except with less beer and whiskey. Also less punching. Speaking of, can Bleivuses drink hooch? If yes, where is Pops's stash? Dr. Johan would say something about self-medicating to avoid confronting my feelings will only make the problem grow. Fuck you internal therapist voice, I want a damn drink.

  Anyway, they got me to fall asleep again eventually. Puffy eyes and bleary expressions said they stayed up to watch me. Well okay, that was rough on me, but you guys didn't need to go that far. Especially since instead of the inevitable family meeting, Lucy and Linus were sent off to Teddy Tutor for to get learned some. Which left me with Pops and Mom. I felt like when my mother caught Ray and me climbing out of Mr. Dubois's broken window. Jesus in a tank, I felt so fucking small. That's when it started. The talk I knew was coming. Kind of.

  "I owe you an apology," she told me. No shit. "I owe you an apology." Just like that. I felt like after Mr. Dubois came along to explain that he'd found evidence that his old hyperlense array had caught fire, and we'd broken in to put it out. Christ on a gunboat, I felt so fucking relieved.

  I had to make sure that I wasn't in trouble, so I asked if they were angry with me. My head's still spinning, so I don't remember exactly what was said, or by who, but I think I have the gist of it. It's a matter of honor. I get that. The fact that I hold them blameless in what happened to me helps, but doesn't fix things according to their customs. I get that too. I get that hard. Well, Pops says he owes me for trying to protect me by locking me up like an over curious... fuck if I know how to spell that shit in RBCW. Like a xenos puppy. I told him I got mine for that so we're even. Then he mentioned that he'd suggested a psych eval. Well, I told him that if we go someplace I can watch hyperspace slip by past our bubble from time to time, we'll call it even. Then we talked more about where I come from. I told them that I don't really have a home planet, and then they wanted to know if I was a stationer. Then I had to explain, while learning new signs from Dad, that I have a home fleet. I got moved from ship to ship for each job planetside as the fleet required. They didn't seem to like "sailing the stars," as they say, without a home ship. I told them it put me where I belonged.

  Then it was Mom. Shit got ritual. "I have brought dishonor upon my ship by giving [squiggly lines] insult to a guest within her hull. That you have forgiven me lessens (probably) my dishonor, but I did not treat you with the honor you [squiggly lines]. This is the [squiggly lines] I offer: I shall teach you to read and write the letters(?) we use. The offer is laid before you, what is left of my honor is in your hands." At least, that's what I pieced together with what I remember.

  My eyes must have popped out of my head, and Pops explained that when Mom denied that I was a person in front of me that shit was like spitting on the regimental colors. Well, he didn't know about regimental colors, and I didn't mention them, but that's the idea I got from his explanation.

  Well, I did the sensible thing and stood to attention and saluted. Then, I slowly signed, "Honor to honor, your offer is more than enough." Well, apparently that was close enough.

  They were so insistent on making shit up to me, that I decided not to bring up pulling my weight. It would have probably offended them. I did bring up shaving. I'm starting to get scruffy, and my grooming is crazy out of regulation. Mom then said that my hair needed attention. Some shit about ends? Hell, I generally just ran a buzzer over my head every couple of days to keep it nice and short, and not a place for enemies to grab. I just said "Yes, please," and let her do what she wanted. Good manners cost nothing.

  Of course, I wasn't done getting talked to. Lucy and Linus came into my cabin while I was... Well I was just sitting there. Thinking. Thinking about home. Shit that was hard to explain, and trying made me... thinky. Well my thinky box was getting overheated when they came in anyway.

  We had our chat through Linus. My man. I gotta find out what my nickname means, but it hasn't come up in the cartoons, or conversation about anything other than me. Just then wasn't the best time to ask, since Lucy was going doing some edifying. "Nickname, I'm glad you aren't angry with me, but that isn't really good enough for my people. I owe you something, I owe you a lot, since I'm [xenos word] for you." I interrupted her to ask what the new word was, "In this case it means that if anything goes wrong with you, it's my fault." I didn't like the sound of that, it sounded a lot like she was taking responsibility for me. Anyway, she went on, "It doesn't matter that I didn't know what I was doing when I brought you on board, I made the choice, so now I have to deal with the [xenos word]." Again, I had to interrupt her to find out what the word was which happened to be, "The things that happened because I made a choice."

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  I had to stop her. "Nickname says you saved his life," Linus translated, "he was thinking a way to not live when you met." Linus looked like he might cry, but it was important, "He says that his life was pain and madness, and he expected the shelter people to be more bad guys, so he had no hope. You changed that, Trantran!" Linus cried, I did not. Okay, maybe a single manly tear rolled down my cheek. Just one.

  "Thank you, Nickname. It makes me happy that I helped a little," she said like saving a man from suicide is no big deal, "but even saving a life has consequences. It would be dishonorable to just wash my hands of you because you turned out to be a [xenos phrase]." I interrupted again for clarification, "A person. Like I said, I owe you because I made the choices that put you here. It doesn't matter that you think it's a good thing, I still owe you."

  "He wants to know if this is about honor."

  "Yes. You said that you're broken inside, and I want to help."

  "I don't wanna say that..." Linus told me as his face went pale.

  "I'm sorry," I signed to him, "but the broken won't ever go away."

  "That can't be true!"

  He was getting upset, so I quickly told him, "It can get better. Like gluing a cup back together. The cracks are there, cup works."

  Linus swallowed, hugged me, then told his sister, "He says that the broken can't go away, only made better. There will be cracks even when he's better."

  "I know that, but I want to help."

  "He says that a doctor told him he needs friends to get better."

  "I can do that at least. I have a lot of studying to do, my sign is really bad."

  Maybe it was easier to get through that one because Lucy doesn't have mom energy.

  Dear Diary,

  Things are going to be okay. Sneaky and I talked it over. How many girls can say they talked something over with a giant heavyworld lemur? Just me. Well, we talked it over. I explained things to him, and he did hid best to explain things to Yoiv so he could explain them to me. I really need to study my sign. This three people trying to talk is getting frustrating fast. I can only imagine how Sneaky felt when he was telling us what he needed or wanted by pointing and making facial expressions. Of course, I have more questions for him, but we're going to have a family meeting tomorrow. There's only one course of action, really. Maybe we all just need to talk about it with Sneaky though.

  The really big deal is going to be the ship's meeting. Everyone's been talking about how adorable he is for almost two weeks, and now he's a person. An adorable person. I wonder if Sneaky knows how cute he is. I'll have to ask him that.

  I think this is a part of my Stars. Sneaky was in bad shape when we met, so bad that the cops just assumed he was an animal who needed to be made comfortable for his last days, and I just believed that. With bad guys who will kidnap people as well as animals and make them fight against their will out there, the cops can't just assume they know what's going on. Or that the bad guys care enough to record the right info. When he's ready, I'll listen to his story. Or watch. Or whatever. UGH THIS IS SO HARD!

  Log: 6000000.9.07, Personal, Captain Yormdrill

  Stars, that was difficult. I had to take the morning shift off, which shocked everybody. Not as much as the all hands meeting in the galley tomorrow at lunch. Ripples.

  My wife and I had a chat with our unwilling guest, though he doesn't seem particularly perturbed by his status. He did however look like a child caught with all four hands in the sweets bin when we approached him. He immediately started signing, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean.. I am on ship without... got on ship with wrong idea. I'm sorry."

  I took the lead since my sign is better, and I spoke while signing, "You are not a stowaway, you are a guest under our hospitality."

  "I owe you an apology," Trevdi said, and Sneaky looked so relieved that he might faint.

  "You are not mad?" he signed

  "No we are not," she told him soothingly.

  "I am not in trouble?" he insisted.

  "You are far from home with no way to get back, but otherwise, no."

  "More to the point, we owe you an apology and amends. You might not hold anything against us, but we treated you dishonorably by accident. Our honor demands that we try to make things right. For instance, I tried to protect you by locking your room like you were a curious brindi."

  "I won, so we're even."

  "I guess that's true. I was also the one who suggested the psych eval."

  Sneaky looked like he wanted to just tell me to forget about it, but then very politely offered, "Want to see hyperspace go by sometimes. Call it even if we do."

  "Hoping to see the way to your home world?"

  "Don't have one."

  "Your people don't come from a planet?"

  "We did, but my home wasn't on a planet."

  "Were you a stationer?"

  "A station person?"

  "Yes."

  "No, my home was on ships."

  "Do you know anything about where your home ship sails? Do you know if she's still afloat?"

  "My home was the fleet, the fleet is always going somewhere to fight."

  "Your home was the fleet?"

  "Job was to go to planet, see important things, break enemy things, then do again. Fleet need me for planet, then send me to next planet. Live on many different ships, same fleet. Only changed fleet once."

  "You were a soldier?"

  "I don't know word."

  "How can you sail the stars without a home ship," Trevdi asked, aghast.

  "It put me where is right place for me."

  I found the idea of interrogating that statement a little disconcerting, and so did Trevdi, apparently, because she launched into a ritual apology, "I have brought dishonor upon my ship by giving grievous insult to a guest within her hull. That you have forgiven me lessens my dishonor, yet I did not treat you with the honor you deserve. This is the amends I offer: I shall teach you to read and write the script we use. The offer is laid before you, what is left of my honor is in your hands."

  Sneaky's eyes nearly fell out of their sockets. In another situation, the expression might have been comical. I stepped into a breach, "Among our people, to insinuate that someone is not a person in their presence is worse than if you cooked yourself a nice dinner, and somebody came along and stomped all over it, then slapped you, and then slapped your mother."

  Sneaky shot up straight as a laser and put one of his hands to his forehead briefly before signing, "Honor to honor, your offer is more than enough." This was clearly the ritual for dealing with matters of honor amongst his people, or one of them, so it sufficed.

  The poor boy didn't get much respite before Trandi and Yoivdrill cornered him in his room, not den. Room. Very tiny, closet sized room. That's another thing we shall have to address.

  I hope the crew is welcoming. Who am I kidding? He's adorable. They'll probably ask him to be the mascot.