The old dwarven woman grinned as she waved the bloody gloves in front of Jack’s face. “Are ye still with me, lad?”

  Jack nodded.

  She shook her head. “1 silver 70 coppers including repairs.” She raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. “What’ll it be?”

  He recovered from his panic and riffled through his coins. “Make it 1 silver and 50 coppers, and we’ve got a deal.” He kept looking down at his purse so as not to meet her eyes. After adding the coin looted from the dead rogue, he had just over 13 silver; his father always said that even a nobleman should haggle for a bargain.

  The dwarven woman laughed, a dry, throaty chuckle. “Awe, ain’t ye a darling. I’m happy to negotiate with ya, lad… all night long, if ya like.” She gave him a playful, teasing wink. “For a cutie like ya, I’ll give ye me special price of 5 silver and a little of me time.”

  Jack looked scared. “Erm, no thank you, that will be okay… the price seems fine” He pulled out 1 silver and 70 coppers without further complaint. “How long?” He offered the payment.

  “Oh, I dunno? How long does it normally take a strapping young man such as ye?” She bunched up her breasts in a provocative way.

  Jack’s jaw fell open, and he dropped some of his coins on the counter. They rattled like his thoughts. “2 silver, I’ll give you 2 silver.” He panicked as he tried gathering his dropped coins.

  “That’s a bit cheap for the experience of a mature woman such as meself, the going rate is 10 silver at least, for a gorgeous woman such as me.” She pouted her lips and fluttered her eyelids as she played with her beard plait.

  With rosy pink cheeks, Jack waved his hands. “No, no, I meant 2 silver for the cleaning.”

  “Well, I had a bath this morning, but if cleaning me’s your thing… hmm… I’ll do it for 20 silver.” She leaned over the counter towards him with a mischievous grin.

  As Jack backed away with both hands raised, the dwarven woman hollered with laughter.

  “Suit yeself, lad.” She grinned in amusement. “I ‘ave a nice new eiderdown, I could’a shown ya.”

  Jack laughed. “That sounds like something you would spend the night showing my mother, not me.”

  “You’re right, we wouldn’t spend much time admiring my bedlinens, nah, would we?” She gave him an overexaggerated wink. “You know what I blame it on, dun’t ya?” she added. “Ye young folk, dun’t got no taste for adventure, that’s what it is.”

  Jack laughed as he considered just how adventurous his previous day had been.

  He’d had an orphan who’d tried to steal from him move in.

  He’d been attacked by a vicious goblin and had to escape from murderous adventurers by hiding in a hole with a warm corpse.

  And worst of all, he’d survived the embarrassment of his mother walking in on him in the bath.

  I was reborn four days ago, and I already feel like I need a holiday.

  Getting back to business, she said, “If ye’re in a rush, we can get it done for ya today for an extra 50 coppers.” Her eyebrows raised in expectation of earning extra coin.

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  Jack shook his head. He wasn’t in a rush for the items.

  The old woman sighed, her tone still cheerful, “They’ll be ready this time tomorrow.” She passed him a receipt. “Don’t lose it. I’ve got a memory like a bear trap,” she tapped her temple a few times, “for people who lose receipts.”

  Jack chuckled as he stored the receipt in his coin pouch. Ready to head home, he stepped out of the washhouse when a sudden thought made him return inside.

  “Miss me already, lad?” the old woman called with a teasing grin. “I’m afraid ye’re a bit too late for the special deal; that ship has long since sailed, along with me youth.” Her chuckle held a note of mischief.

  Jack laughed in return. “I don’t suppose you have a valet uniform I could buy? For cheap.” He couldn’t keep borrowing his sister’s costume just to visit the spell scrolls shop. “It doesn’t have to be anything special.” Recalling the costume was tight around his waist, he added, “It just has to fit and look the part.”

  The dwarf gave him a long, amused look. “Uniforms now, is it? Trying to sneak into posh nobles’ parties or bedchamber meybe?” She wiggled her eyebrows at him.

  “That’s not a bad idea,” he joked. “They have the best food.”

  “What in their beds? You’d think they’d have dining rooms for that.” The old woman’s chuckle morphed into a thoughtful frown. “We do have uncollected stuff we sell.” She stroked her beard in thought. “A valet uniform, ya say… I’ll take a look. Give me a few minutes, lad. Let me take ye measurements.”

  Expecting the simple pull of a tape measure, Jack was surprised when she instead used a class skill, one he wasn’t familiar with, to take his measurements.

  “Huh, that’s efficient.” He thought of his sister’s dream to be a tailor to nobles. I wonder if Polly will get that skill?

  The old dwarf’s shoulder sagged. “Used to be a seamstress before this wonderful job”

  Jack sank onto a nearby chair, resting his still sore body, as she disappeared into the back.

  Five minutes later, the old dwarf returned with a small pile of clothes and dropped them on the counter. “These might work. Some’ll need tweaking, lad.”

  Jack rummaged through the pile. Nothing screamed ‘valet’, but a few items were close enough; he thought he could make them work if they fit. “Have you got somewhere I can try these on?” He held several items that he hoped would do.

  “Oh yes, sir.” She leaned on the counter with her chin in her hands, like a schoolgirl with a crush. She gestured to the spot where Jack was already standing. “Right there.” After Jack raised an eyebrow, she sighed, gave a theatrical pause, and pointed to a changing room. “Spoilsport.”

  Jack walked away from the dwarf, as she called, “If ya need any help, gimme a shout, lad.” She chuckled and added, “And if you need any alterations like making something bigger, I can handle that for a small fee, too.”

  He shook his head as he locked the changing room door, just in case. She has to be close to a hundred years old. He chuckled.

  A few minutes later, he emerged in a convincing valet outfit, complete with a ridiculous hat perched on his head like an afterthought. “How much for these, including shortening the trousers and tightening the waist?”

  Everything fit well except for the trousers; the legs were too long and the waist a couple of inches too wide.

  “6 silver for the lot and 50 coppers for adjustments, lad.” She looked him over. “Are you sure ya don’t want the jacket a bit snugger? Show off those rippling muscles of yours,” she teased.

  Even though the jacket was a bit baggy, Jack rolled his eyes. “Just the trousers, please. The rest is fine.”

  The old dwarf added, “It’s an extra 50 coppers if ya need ‘em adjusted today, lad.”

  Jack shook his head at the extra fee. That’s a reasonable price. It would have cost much more from a tailor. He considered haggling, but had a feeling it would be a waste of time with the flirtatious old dwarven woman. “I’ll take these, including the trouser adjustments, if that’s okay? And I’ll pick the trousers up tomorrow with the other items.”

  After changing back into his own clothes and settling the payment, he left the washhouse for a second time, carrying the new valet uniform, minus the trousers. I’m getting low on coin again. I’ll sell some more spell scrolls tomorrow.