Context Warning:

  Domestic abuse

  I mentioned some of the darker subject matter being discussed in an earlier chapter's author notes if you didn't see that here's what I said:

  I would hope if you've made it this far I've done a good enough job at making it clear this story will contain some dark undertones/beats. i.e. the religious abuse Sofia's experiencing. As the undertones start to come to become more explicit I'm planning on using my best judgement on what I feel like should get additional content warnings. Namely things I worry could hit too close to home for some people.

  Here's the brief list of things that may come up and I'll add content warnings to:

  Suicidal thoughts, domestic abuse, thoughts of self harm, parental abuse, torture

  There are also some thing I never plan on explicitly touching like:

  Rape, sexual assault, or sexually related crimes.

  However, sex and sexuality do play a role in some of the types of abuse featured, for example in religious abuse. So while the story won't shy away from acknowledging that the things listed above exist and are terrible, there will never be sexual violence inflicted on or threatened against any characters.

  The blend of tea Father Kavlin brewed was much more earthy then the teas Fionn tended to prefer and I had grown to enjoy. Father Kavlin allowed Glenn and I to stay at his rectory. Though it wasn’t large enough for Archie and Ivili to stay with us so after dropping us off they headed to the village’s inn.

  “Sister Sofia,” Father Kavlin started after taking a sip of his tea, “are you doing well? I know our interactions have been brief, but you seem to be carrying a heavy weight with you.” His voice carried concern, but I couldn’t help but feel as though this were a trap.

  “I-I’m well,” I said, looking into my teacup.

  “I am here to listen if you wish to relieve anything weighing heavy on your mind. You are in my care whilst you are here. I believe as members of the faith we have as much a duty to help one another as we do those we help outside of it.”

  I didn’t talk for some time, neither did he. It was long enough that my tea was starting to cool. I couldn’t speak, even if I wanted to. I sat there, waiting for him to discipline me for some action I’d done, but it never came. I looked up at him, he looked back with a warm smile.

  “My apologies if this makes you uncomfortable,” Father Kavlin said. “You may leave should you wish, but otherwise I’ll be here.”

  We kept sitting there. Well past the evening’s Haze and into the night.

  “F-Father Kavlin,” I broke the silence.

  “Yes, Sofia?” His voice was still calm and caring. I had expected him to be annoyed at me.

  “I-I have this acquaintance. She said there are people in my life that only see me as an object of pity. A thing they can help to make themselves feel better about themselves. Is that how you see me?”

  “I see you as someone who has been hurt and needs help. It is a cruel thing this acquaintance said.”

  “I-I don’t think she’s cruel. It wasn’t said to hurt me. She only told me because I urged her.”

  “Then perhaps she herself is someone who is hurting. Though unless she is here I cannot hope to help her. Only you.”

  “I-I’ve been thinking, what if what she said is true? S-she says it with such certainty. Are you really wanting to help me or are you doing this for yourself somehow?”

  “You can twist any actions into your chosen narrative. My hope for this evening was to let you be aware that there are people who care. That you do not deserve to hurt. I saw how you shook when we went into the village. Why was that?”

  “I’m never strong enough to save everyone.” I held my head low.

  “Try instead of focusing on those you cannot save, you should focus on those who you did. How their lives are richer from you being there for them. You have a good heart. Even now you are thinking more of this acquaintance than yourself, correct?”

  “Do you know why the gods had waited nearly two years to bless me with a spell? Was I unworthy? Too incapable for them to see fit for their blessing?”

  “You are capable and worthy. Though you are also young. It is not uncommon for there to be long stretches. I have certainly gone longer without receiving their blessings. You should think of it more as a sign that you need to grow yourself. I will confess though, it can be tricky to know how the gods think you ought to grow. See it as a time for a reflection, what in your life is serving you and what is draining you. Weed out your hardships and that which is stifling you.”

  “T-thank you for the advice,” I replied, never meeting his gaze. We didn’t talk too much after, I finished my tea and retired for the evening.

  The next morning began with Glenn and I training. Archie and Ivili joined us a bit late in the morning. Archie began giving me some advice, while Ivili mostly watched. Archie’s weapons of choice were longer polearms so his input was quite helpful. We practised throwing my spear as a way to possibly distract or disarm a single attacker. As well as, channeling spells under pressure. Not that I added any mana into it, I simply recited the words of the spells the gods had blessed me with.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  Somehow Glenn had got it in his mind that he should be able to cut arrows out of the sky with his sword. Ivili was taking shots at him as he tried to slice at it. It seemed like madness and was distracting if not concerning. Apparently while Glenn was away with the knights yesterday one of them told him of a band of adventurers from Borros that stopped by the village. One of whom could apparently catch arrows out of the air. So he got it in his mind to do the same.

  Father Kavlin watched on amused. We stopped a bit before lunch.

  “Do you wish to become a paladin, Sister Sofia?” Father Kavlin asked me.

  “I-I’m not sure,” I hesitated, the weight of the spear feeling awkward in my hand at the question. Father Kavlin wore his familiar calm smile that gave some reassurance. “I mostly don’t want to feel like I can’t do anything if I run out of mana.”

  “A very noble pursuit,” He said, placing a hand on his chin as though thinking. “I do believe there was a monastery in the Realm of Faeries that was tailored to warrior monks and nuns. I know not if they would take an outsider, though I believe there to be some who follow their ways in Horw of the Principality of Senkelten. They likely have their own monastery there. If that is a path you truly wish to seek out, they would be of aid to your pursuits.”

  I froze up. There was a tightening in my chest. I knew it was different. I knew they were different. Though after my time in the convent I wasn’t sure. The thought scared me.

  “My apologies if I brought you distress. If you ever wish to talk while you are here I shall make time for you in the evenings,” Father Kavlin said after I’d been silent.

  “Oh no, not at all. T-thank you Father Kavlin,” I said with a bow after pulling myself together and looking away. I looked back over to the others, Archie and Ivili were preparing lunch while Glenn was still practising swings. It would be good for me. If I could train there. Only to help me make sure I can keep up with them. That I won’t be a useless weight. I clenched my fist and made a vow to myself. I would endure whatever the monastery’s training was if it would make me stronger.

  We continued the day going around and helping the villagers in whatever way we could. Archie and Ivili left to hunt, while Glenn either trained or caroused with the knights or walked around town with Father Kavlin and I. Evening came and I couldn’t bring myself to talk to Father Kavlin. I felt like I should. I was too scared to. I didn’t want him to see how worthless I truly was. He wasn’t like Maeori or Glenn who knew, but persisted in spite of it. I didn’t want his kindness towards me to be rescinded.

  On our final day Glenn, Father Kavlin, and I had finished making our usual rounds and we began heading towards the knight’s training area.

  “Father Kavlin,” I began before he could excuse himself as he often did when we approached the training area, “I know it’s late to take you up on your offer, but perhaps we could have tea again this evening. I-I think I have a few things I need your advice on.” My head had been lowered, but I looked up to see his warm smile.

  “But of course Sister Sofia. I had been preparing a small gift for you. If you do not mind I shall finish my preparations for it,” He said, giving Glenn and I a short bow before leaving.

  I had a seat overlooking the knight’s training. I wasn’t allowed to join them given my position, but that was expected. The last few days I enjoyed watching before I healed the more injured among them. My focus was lost. There was a pit in my stomach. Memories flashing in my mind:

  It was two years after I had first healed Glenn that my father visited my mother and I. My mother had seen him on some occasions, but it was one of only a few times I had seen him. I knew he didn’t care about me. I wanted him to. Mother told me not to talk about the gift the gods gave me. I promised her I wouldn’t.

  As the dinner progressed I could tell he didn’t see me. He scarcely acknowledged my existence. The only times I came up was when he mentioned seeing Glenn as a potential marriage candidate. I knew he was a high ranking member of the church. He was a follower of the gods who gave me some of their miraculous power. I wanted him to be proud of me. Like my mother was. Her face went white when I broke my promise to her.

  Father excused the servants. He cast some spell about the room that caused the walls to shimmer. I remember my mother’s pained screams and the holy light that seared her flesh. “Come child. Heal, this disloyal cretin,” he said to me. When I was too stunned to do anything some of the light nipped and burned me. Pushing me towards my mother. I healed her and for the first time my father saw me. A smile on his face. “You might be a fully fledged priestess by the time you’re of marrying age. It would be a pity to waste you as a mere Baron’s wife. Heal yourself. Don’t let the burns scar you.”

  I hadn’t seen my mother since. Father brought me with him to a convent the next day. They saw to my training there, but before anything else they strapped me to a chair. Enchantments stirred as they stole and replaced the memory of that night from me. Gone was the man who burned me and my mother. Instead there was a kind-hearted father excited his daughter was chosen. I spent years confused as to why my mother was so against me telling my father. It was only when Fionn broke the spell I realized the truth. Both versions of the memory linger in my mind. One of what was, and the other of what could have been.

  “Are you alright? Why are you crying?” Glenn asked as I looked up from my stupor.

  “O-oh, it’s nothing,” I replied. I knew he wouldn’t understand. He couldn’t. He could only see wounds that were visible on flesh. I don’t blame him for it. Most everyone was like that. Father Kavlin’s different, or at least I hope he was. After some time, Glenn escorted me back to Father Kavlin’s rectory.

  “Welcome back” Father Kavlin greeted us with a flat expression, “Sofia and Sir Glenn. I trust your training went well?”

  “Very much so, thank you,” Glenn said.

  “If you don’t mind I would like to have tea with Sofia, we have things to discuss.”

  “Of course, I’ll leave you two to it. Take care Sofia,” Glenn said before he left.

  “Come Sofia, the brew’ll get cold,” Father Kavlin said coldly. I shifted a bit in place before following. He had a strange eagerness that was offputting. We went upstairs to his study and took a seat near the window. “Go pour us the tea,” He said, taking a seat and looking out the window. As I looked away there was a loud gong of a ringing bell, then another, a third, and finally a fourth. It paused for a moment before continuing the pattern. Monsters were attacking.

  I turned to start heading to the door. With my spear training maybe I could help. “Where are you going?” Father Kavlin asked.

  “I-I can help.”

  “Please, you're a healer with little to no mana. You’re likely to be a hindrance out there.”

  “But I’ve bee-”

  “You’ll go out there and people will die trying to protect you. Come, sit. We can get out there and I’ll treat the injured when we finish our tea.” He opened up the window next to him. Only now did I notice the necklace of Orn he had worn proudly was tucked under his shirt for some reason. “Sir Glenn, see to the monsters, Sofia and I will come shortly to tend to the wounded.”

  “Yes sir,” Glenn called back from outside.

  “I made a special brew for us,” Father Kavlin said. “It has a unique taste, but is quite soothing.” I hesitated back from the door and took a seat. Father Kavlin wasn’t special like I thought, he was like everyone else. I took a sip looking out the window. Warriors carrying torches heading to the walls. I watched Glenn until his torch joined with the others and I couldn’t keep track. He was lightly armored. “Sofia, I was hoping to ask you a question.”

  “Oh, yes?” I replied, taking another sip.

  “Why do you hate your father so, after all he’s done for you?” He wore a malicious smile.

  “What’re y-” I started to say. The room danced and spun around me. I stood up but I was falling. Something inside screamed at me to force my Aura into my head and stomach. I did and soon after the world faded into darkness.

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