I pecked Esme on the cheek from where she was guarding the bar as I passed her, earning a cheeky giggle that converted into a squawk as my robo-rabbits filed through into the bar behind me.

  “Bob, what the hell! Where did you come from? Are they-they’re what I think they are?” she asked excitedly.

  “Troops for the war. Completely under my control.” I waggled the crystal at her. The crowd had backed up, abandoning their tables and now held their tankards of ale and plates of pastries in front of them like crosses warding off vampires.

  “Hee-hee shamone!” One of the cyber-bunnies said quietly, and I turned my head to glare at the offender. I shook the control crystal and checked that I still had complete control of them all. Everything seemed to be in order; I could feel them all in my mind, and the tightly bound rabbit rage was still being held in check by the cybernetics. Except for the offender, there was no rage in that one. It was… it was singing in its head. I glared at it for a second, but as long as it fought when I told it to, I wasn’t going to second-guess the Orlic cyborg process.

  Every manufacturer had duds, misfits that didn’t quite come up to spec in some fashion. It had a shoulder laser and wrist blades, and I could feel my power over the thing, so I turned back to Esme.

  “Cyborged up uni-bunnies. They aren’t pretty, but they’ll fight when the time comes. Is Johnson at the barracks?”

  “Yes, sweetie, can you get them out of here, please? They’re upsetting my customers. The only good thing about the war is that people want to drink more. You be careful?” She gave me such a worried look that I didn’t know what to say. So instead of speaking, I leaned forward and kissed her, earning a crushed buttock in the process.

  “I’ve got something to talk to you about later. I’ll come back once Johnson is up to speed.” I fidgeted nervously, but Esme just grinned broadly at me.

  “Oh, Bob, isn’t it too soon? You know what, you just ask me when you’re ready. What can I get for you, my lovely? Another pint?” she said, turning to a very nervous customer and leaving me more than a little confused.

  I marched through the streets, followed by an orderly column of cybernetic terror weapons, and made my way to the barracks. The streets were quiet now. The Mill should be bustling with farmers and craftsmen at this time, but all the windows were boarded up, all the doors flanked by sandbags, and a quiet tension hung in the air. My tongue flicked out to taste the smells, and it had an acrid taste of fear tinged with determination.

  “Sah. State your business!” barked one of the pair of guards at the entrance to the barracks. He eyed my escort warily, but didn’t appear to be unduly worried. His fingers rippled as he clenched and unclenched his hand around his spear shaft.

  “I’m the human called Bob. Here to speak to Captain Longfellow. I’ve brought reinforcements.” I swept a hand in the direction of my minions

  “He said to expect you. Those things have to stay outside, sir. Wilson, I’ll take Mr. Bob through to see the cap. I’ll send Krull out early. He’ll just be sleeping anyway,” said the other guard.

  “And you are?” I asked politely. Nothing here was making me peckish. I was being treated with respect and courtesy, as befitted my draconic superiority.

  “Sergeant Jones, seconded from the First a few months ago and missing my old division, sir. But we can’t always get what we want. Lady Heartflash will be along shortly, I’m sure, so we’ve just got to hold out till she brings the rest of the Rompers to the rescue.” He chatted amicably as he led me through a warren of corridors and rooms into the only building that could match Angtirm’s bank in terms of fortification. “Now I’m not one to gossip, but I’ve been hearing some things about you, sir. Made some enemies as well as some friends in the ranks.” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

  “You mean little lord Pratnip? He should keep his hands to himself; we wouldn’t have had a problem if he did.” I grumbled.

  “And young Reg?” Jones asked.

  “He’s not a nice man. He threatened to do something, so he’s going to get eaten sooner or later.”

  “Oh, no doubt, the devourer of souls will consume us all in the end.” Not what I meant, Jones! I decided not to correct him.

  He showed me into a briefing room. The wooden panels on the walls hid the heavy stone structure and gave the place a pleasant feel, like a fancy manor from back home. In the centre was a large table covered in maps held in place by glasses and stone figurines. At the far end, Johnson was glaring at the largest map, which had several carved tokens laid out across it. He looked up and smiled wearily.

  “Bob. Thanks for your help with the Chippolatas. They broke and ran back to base, but those bases have crept closer. Come have a look.” He waved me over and took a swig from the canteen of water he kept on his hip. “See these? The Foreverknot forces will be getting her in the next twenty-four hours.” He pointed to three pink counters, spear in a loose arc to the south and east of the Mill on the map.

  This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  “This is our best guess on the Orlic, based on what you’ve told us. That’s Mount Danglethorn–”

  “It’s called Mount Bob. And the Orlic are moving east to harass the Dwarves. They won’t be pestering us.”

  “Mount… You dealt with an Orlic warband?” Johnsons asked in a shocked voice.

  “They’re a lot easier to deal with than humans. It was basically a pissing contest, and I won. So that problem is off the table.” I flicked the green counter away with one finger, and it pinged off the wall. “How long do you need to hold for Lady Heartflash to get here?”

  “A week or so, but the Sausage Makers will be here in a day and a half at most. What news on the supplies?”

  “What news on the loan? I’ve bought some-” superlative reptilian self-control allowed them to say bought without snarling, “-flour and basics, but it won’t last a week.”

  “Here.” Johnson tossed me a pouch that I snatched from the air, and I stuck a finger in its neck and called up the total. Nice. Twenty grand. That would cover a fifth of the costs of Kat’s expansion plans. “You’ve obviously found some way past the sentries on the walls, otherwise I’d have been summoned to greet you before you entered town.”

  “Yeah.” No details for you yet, Johnson.

  “We can use it to evacuate the civilians in a worst-case scenario. That’s good. Portals?” I must have twitched or given myself away some other way, because he nodded and turned back to the map. “Night soil is the big problem now. We need a way to get rid of it.”

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “Shit, Bob. Shit and piss.”

  “Easy, Johnson, I was only asking! I’m not from around here, remember?”

  “No, it’s literally shit and piss. Usually, it gets carted out of town during the night from the communal cesspits and dumped on the fields. Now we’re filling up empty barrels and sticking the stuff behind the bank. None of the night soil carriers are willing to leave town in the dark. Didn’t you smell it on your way here?” Having to taste the air looked funny to humans, so I’d refrained from doing it too often while out on the streets.

  “My sense of smell is funny,” I replied, and he raised an eyebrow.

  “If you don’t mind, sirs, I’ll be getting back to my post!” Johnson nodded, and Jones saluted us both for some reason, then turned sharply on his heel and marched out, closing the heavy door carefully behind him.

  “I’ve got some pretty tough troops and a way to solve our night soil problem, but we should build up a supply before the enemy gets here. Want to see what I’ve got?” Draconic smugness tinged my voice.

  “Both of those are a bonus. Sure. And Bob… Thanks. Whatever you are… thank you.”

  We made our way outside to find the errant cyber-bunnie was moonwalking backwards and forwards and singing about how bad he was. I shook the control crystal again, enforced my will, and he stopped. Wilson had been clapping along and trying to mimic the dancing.

  “Aw, I was enjoying that!” he complained.

  “Get back on your post right now, soldier!” Johnson barked at him, and the man hurriedly picked up his spear and resumed a ready position. “So this is what you’ve made?” Johnson said quietly. He moved along the line. MJ-bunny had fallen back into his place and now looked exactly the same as the others, upright and at attention. ”Capabilities?”

  “Well, they’ve got these mana cannon things on their shoulders, some blades on their wrists, and they’re piloted by bunnies with bad attitudes.”

  “Hee-hee.” I glared at the cyborg that had chimed in at the word ‘bad’.

  They're about level twenty-two, but with the augmentations, they should punch above their weight.”

  “By the Glowing Ones balls. This is an elite strike force! I can only imagine what a thriller it would be to see them let loose on the enemy!” Johnson said happily.

  “Shamone!” interrupted the malfunctioning drone.

  “Yeah. Do you want them on the walls or what?” I glared at the aberrant machine as I asked the question.

  “Nope. Keep them out of sight. When the Makers turn up, we need them undercover and out of mind. They can tip the balance at a critical moment if we hold them in reserve. Put them around the back of the bank for now.”

  “Fine, I’ll leave them with the other unwanted shit. You need anything else?” I asked grumpily.

  “Just the food that gold will buy. And a promise. You’ll save the ones you care about if it goes badly. I know you’ve already got plans for that. But promise me that you’ll evacuate the other civilians as well. I’m not asking you to save my boys and girls. They’ll fight and die here for our Lord, as is our duty, but the civvies don’t need to get hurt over the nobility's squabbles.”

  I considered it for a moment. I could always set the other portal out in the woods or whatever and let the peasant-mammals out into the wild behind the siege lines.

  “The portals can only move so much at once before they need a recharge. I’ll do what I can, if I must. That’s as much as you’re getting.”

  “That works. I’ll let you get on then. I assume you’ll be at the Cod if I need to find you?”

  “Yeah. Take care, Johnson.” I marched the cyber-bunnies behind the bank. With access to the portals, a whole new option of robbing Angtirm had occurred to me. Portal in, load up all the shinies, then portal out and dump them on my beloved hoard. If the town were going to fall, it would be the last thing I did before we escaped. Fuck Angtirm.

  I made my way back to the bar and waited in line until I got to the front of the queue. Esme leant forward, propping her chin on her elbows and forcing me to focus on my self-control. Bloody mammalian parts!

  “What can I get you, love?” she asked in a sultry voice.

  “You got a minute? I want… that thing I wanted to ask you?” I blurted. Where was my reptilian detachment?

  “Ooh. Jenny, sweetheart? Could you watch the bar for a minute, please? Bob wants to ask me a question!”

  Jenny appeared, dusting the flour off her hands, and glared at me.

  “You sure about this?” she asked fiercely. I nodded, annoyed at being second-guessed so much today. I’d just single-handedly, and bloodlessly, turned the Orlic threat to the east, brought reinforcements, and was organising food relief. What more did these people want?

  “Yeah. If you don’t mind?” Jenny shrugged and took Esme’s place, calling out to the next customer who was bickering with the woman behind him in a good-natured fashion. Esme passed back into the kitchen, holding the curtain out behind her with one hand, and granted me a perfect view of her side profile. I followed and stood next to her as she sat down on a chair and laced her fingers together on her lap.

  I glanced down and then got down on one knee as the canyon of boob was too distracting. I opened my mouth, and she hurriedly put one finger to my lips. The scent of her perfume had mingled with the smell of ale, wine, and food, and it filled my mouth, forcing me to clamp my lips shut.

  “Before you ask, I want to see what it looks like.”