I soared over the heads of the crowd, passed gracefully over the barriers around the arena, and landed with a splash of sand between Brigitte and Kelly Krimsonscale. I did not do a superhero landing. A simple flex of the knees was enough to absorb my momentum. I have some standards, after all.

  “WHAT’S THIS? A new challenger has appeared!” The voice then became muffled, but whatever microphone the man was using caught the quiet words that followed. “Who the fuck is that?” The question echoed into the sudden hush of the crowd at the same time as it passed through the audience's minds.

  “Just another dead man! Am I right?” Brigitte called out. The speakers picked up her voice, and it bounced back and forth among the stands.

  “Well, now you’ve done it. Fucking stupid mammals,” Kelly grumbled from behind me as she untangled the net from her snout and tossed it aside. As soon as it was clear, the weapon vanished and reappeared in Brigittes' left hand.

  “I am not a mammal. Shut up and be grateful, you!” I snarled, shooting Kelly a glare over my shoulder.

  “So what are you then, little man?” Brigitte looked me up and down in a way that suggested she did not expect much. I really ought to shapeshift into a slightly more buff specimen of humanity as my norm. Sort out the jawline, maybe some more definition around the cheekbones… Being pretty or handsome lets you get away with a lot of shit. It’s just how human brains are wired.

  “I am Baronet Bob of Fidler’s Mill. You, I take it, are the big-titted idiot they send out to slaughter hamstrung beasts! Can’t fight fair, so you have to cheat? At least take the chains off her wings! It’s hardly a proper fight otherwise!” I yelled. Somehow, I was wearing a microphone now, and my shout damn near deafened half the audience.

  “So nobody important then. A little lord with a soft spot for the hard scales, eh? Without the wings being chained, these fights don’t last long. You do know those are already spoken for? Timmon’s Apocalyptic Armoury has bought the rights to the body,” Brigitte snapped at me.

  “Speculator Visus!” I growled.

  Brigitte the Bouncer

  Queen of the Pits

  Level 93

  STR 109 AGI 42 MAG 15 ARM 1750

  So she was tough. And strong. A shy little thing appeared in my mental world and stood quietly to one side as the others continued to fight it out. Regret shook its head and went to sit quietly in a corner. Wrath burst into flames; no mammal was worthy of fear. Except for Kenny. And that invisible dude in the Adventurers Guild. And Heartflash. So maybe there were a few worth watching, but as a rule, they would live only as long as it took me to decide to add them to the menu. Regret simply shook its head sadly at the antics of my other demons.

  “A wizard? Ha! Well, I’ll be gentle with you, you foppish moron,” Brigitte sneered, her spear coming back at her side as she spun her net over her head. She flicked her wrist, and the glittering metal net shot towards me. Dog-Loves-Fox-Poo sent me tumbling to the side as it flew past me to land in the sand, and I rose into the Don’t-Stare-At-My-Ass stance, knuckles pressed into the sand and one leg up under my chest in the classic sprinter's start position.

  “Lux Caeca!” I growled, forming the sigil in front of my forehead, as my hands were busy. The beam that shot forth was far more intense than it should have been. The mana poured into the sigil much more efficiently by summoning the focal point in front of my face, and I felt my reserves falling rapidly. I cut the beam to the side to track the dodging woman as she cartwheeled and twirled to her right.

  The column of burning light stopped after it had sliced a long line six inches deep into the reinforced wall behind her, causing some kind of shield to spring up and protect the now terrified section of the crowd behind Brigitte.

  Kelly had not been idle. She ignored me and moved quickly to intercept Brigitte, her jaws lunging forward to snap closed an inch from her target as Brigitte stepped back.

  I-Might-Not-Reach-The-Loo-In-Time set my legs pumping beneath me, I charged forward to sprint down the side of the dragon and intercept Brigitte’s retaliatory spear stroke with Oh-Shit-It’s-A-Wasp, hands flying as I deflected blows, and I managed to land a few slaps that staggered the warrior.

  My ally, being ever so helpful, batted me to the side with her snout and reared back to bring her forelimbs into play, red claws cutting arcs through the air that Brigitte deflected almost casually with her spear. She avoided a swipe from the right, then stepped in close, and the leaf-shaped blade of her weapon skittered over crimson scales before finding purchase and slipping in.

  The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  Kelly roared and tried to flap her wings to gain distance, but the movement simply made the great dragon stumble away as flight muscles flexed but couldn’t move the wings, and an inbuilt instinct failed her.

  “Two against one and still I triumph!” Brigitte hollered as she rushed to take advantage and find another chink in Kelly’s armoured hide.

  “Not yet! I haven’t even gotten started!” My clothes vanished into my belly pouch, and there was a brief titter, largely drowned out by shocked gasps. Well, at least that part of my anatomy was impressive now. Next job: jawline.

  I transformed into my proper form and pumped my wings, driving a wall of sand into the woman’s eyes and giving Kelly a chance to back away unscathed. Brigitte stared at me open-mouthed for a moment before tapping at something on her breastplate.

  “Look, I know you guys like to ad lib, but two fucking dragons were not in the contract. My agent is going to be having words.”

  “AND SO IT IS REVEALED! Will Brigitte be able to slay two of the great beasts? Your in-fight betting is now available! The odds have changed! Speak to your bookmaker to find out how!” Then more quietly, he continued, “No, I don’t have a fucking clue. Yes, her agent is going to roast us like one of those bloody monsters! Get Sam on the orb, we need to get ahead–” The whispers cut off.

  “Looks like you’re on your own. Paperwork won’t save you now,” I said, stalking forward to glare at Brigitte, who was whirling her net once again.

  “I’ve got a few big bets on myself.” Brigitte hissed as Kelly moved up beside me, a low rumble coming from her chest. “If you let me win, I’ll split them with you fifty-fifty!” So, the mics knew when to turn off when it came to illegal gambling.

  Hmm. Greed put up a renewed struggle against Wrath, but Wrath was still annoyed about the appearance of Regret and won out in the end.

  I slipped back a little and grabbed the chains binding Kelly’s wings to her sides. My claws bit into the metal, and I heaved my arms apart to split the chains and free my companion’s wings. Her red snout spun round and she laughed, the booms of her joy bouncing from the stadium walls.

  “Oh shit!” Brigitte squeaked as Kelly rose into the air and swooped down towards her. The net flicked out, having reappeared in her left hand and tangled the red dragon’s forelegs together, but Kelly didn’t care. Brigitte dove to one side, spear lancing out to leave a thin line on crimson scales.

  “Abort! Abort! Contract nullified!” Brigitte squeaked as she scuttled back. I was staring in shock at the sudden ferocity of the other dragon. Kelly’s neck snaked out and curled back as her jaws flashed, looking to chop Brigitte into bits.

  I barrelled into Kelly and batted at her with one of my wings, driving her head off to one side as three of my tails swung round to grab Brigitte and hold her up off the ground. I struggled to contain the woman; veins stood out on her neck as she fought to break free.

  “Jesus, she took all the roids! Kelly, get the fuck out of here!” I snarled.

  “She struck me!” hissed the red dragon. “The mouse has to pay!”

  “Wrong mammal, Kelly. You can fly. Get the fuck out of here!” Brigitte broke free of my tails, the little hooks that lined the insides left jagged rips in her skin. “Go!” I growled, smacking Kelly in the chest with my snout.

  “Would you run from one of them?” she demanded. An image of Kenny flashed through my mind. And Heartflash.

  “Sometimes it’s better to save a meal for later. Think of it as stocking a larder!”

  Brigitte had decided that our conversation had come to an end. The net flew towards Kelly while the spear shot toward my own flank. I felt it strike, the force shifting the flesh beneath my armoured outer layer, then I heard a gasp of shock ring out around us.

  Brigitte stood staring at her spear in horror. The pristine point had bent and flattened. She was now wielding a long-handled spatula. Her eyes went from her ruined weapon to my face, then back to the spear.

  “What the fu–” she began. Kelly clearly operated under different rules than I did regarding dietary requirements. I wasn’t convinced that Brigitte was a sufficiently evil person to add to the menu. Red fangs snapped closed and bit into the woman's midriff as she was tossed into the air, screaming. At the peak of her arc, another lightning-fast strike introduced the warrior to the red dragon's throat, and that, as they say, was that.

  “Thanks for the help, blacky,” Kelly said, wings beating to lift her into the sky.

  “Not sure you're allowed to say that these days,” I muttered in shock as she circled higher.

  “AND SO BRIGITTE FALLS AT LAST! You sure she’s dead? THE MIGHTY WARRIOR WOMAN HAS MET HER MATCH AGAINST NOT ONE BUT TWO MIGHTY DRAGONS! As the Krimsonscale rises to the skies and her brief freedom, we would ask you all to shield your eyes for a moment. There are reinforced umbrellas under the seats of those of you who aren’t under the protection of the roofed sections!” blared the announcer.

  “Eh?” I asked, my snout swivelling back and forth, looking for threats.

  “Let’s do the countdown! A three, a two, a one… AAAANNNNDDDD!” I was really starting to dislike the man behind the microphone.

  Kelly had cleared the upper reaches of the arena and was beginning to circle around, looking for a way out. How the hell was she going to fly out of here when the door was a human-sized affair on a standard street in the middle of the city? They must have some other arrangement to bring in a creature of her size. She was looking for the other way, the way they brought their victims in. She just needed to find–

  A blinding white flash, followed by a deafening crack, rang out, and it started raining. Not a Sinatra-tier singin’ in the rain kind of thing. Unless you were Norman Bates. More like throwing a dozen hamsters into an overhead fan set to a really high speed kind of rain.

  Gore poured from the sky, bright red scales, much brighter red than they should have been, fell from the sky. The crowd screamed as some of the people who’d been too slow with their magic brollies were slashed in half by scales or crushed under plummeting bones. Various minor stampedes broke out as the audience tried to flee in places. The people in the cheap seats at the back, who’d been sheltered by the roofing of the stadium, cackled and laughed at their richer cousins' misfortune.

  I shifted back into human form and raised both hands.

  “I’m afraid there may have been something of a misunderstanding. I’d like to stress that I didn’t eat anyone!”