Coming out the bottom of the steps, I felt this sense of peace. A new floor meant, hopefully, a chance to find a gang training club, or whatever it was called.

  "—will work," someone said.

  There were six people in front of me.

  Crawler #1,142,916. Trenton C. Level 8. Race: Human. Class: Not yet assigned. He was a hair past six feet tall, wearing huge, spiky shoulder-pads and holding a sword that looked far too large to wield effectively. There were five skulls beside his name, which seemed ominous.

  Crawler #1,142,800. Jenny Carpenter 7. Level 5. Race: Human. Class: Not yet assigned. She was a full foot shorter than her apparent husband, and had cruelly-hooked knives in each hand, as well as a weird black, hooded midi robe-dress that was held shut by four belts. Two skulls.

  Crawler #2,500,297. Chue Xiong 4. Level 8. Race: Human. Class: Not yet assigned. He was the same height as me, but hunched and scrawny, with pastel rhinestone rainbow robes. A weird blue cloud, looking like a constant haze of chalk-dust, hovered about his left hand. Six skulls.

  Crawler #331,685. Carlita Espinoza. Level 10. Race: Human. Class: Not yet assigned. Her ripped up jacket was a standard Carhart, matching her Iowa-80 trucker hat and practical jeans. She was short, stout, and armed with a huge fucking hammer with spikes on the front like a meat tenderizer meant for murder. Seven skulls.

  Even as he finished what he'd been saying, Trenton swept that blade up in a broad cut. I dove aside, hearing an abbreviated scream from behind me, followed by a longer one that turned to a choking, rasping wheeze. Carlita shook off her hammer, the bottom half of a mostly-pulped man sliding loose and flopping to the floor. She gained an eighth skull.

  Another man was on the ground, hair and clothes burned and blackened. Chue twisted his wrist and that blue glow pulled tight. A bolt of lightning silenced the man. Another skull. He turned and shot a bolt of lightning at a younger man who was trying to run, killing him in one.

  Carlita stepped over her first kill, swinging brutally down at two cowering women who looked like mall Karens who survived a bombing, until Carlita turned them into mall Karens who didn't survive the bombing.

  I watched all that while backstepping and dodging swings from Trenton and Jenny, who honestly seemed kinda slow and lumbering. Why were these all so high of a level, and everyone they just killed so much lower? I wasn't sure if I'd gained a level.

  After a moment, I remembered the rules about the stairs: If you went down before the last six hours, you'd enter the next floor at the instant of the collapse. These murderers had known when the collapse would come, so they'd decided to wait outside the stairs and see who'd been stupid enough, like me, to descend early.

  I wonder if they'd gotten lucky, or if all the stairwells had lots of early-descents. Whatever the case, I really needed to get out of there.

  "What's taking you so long?" Carlita snapped.

  "She's got some sort of spell on her," Jenny said.

  Trenton grunted with another overly-heavy swing of his massive blade. "Wherever I swing, she just slides out of the way. Fuck! Chue, could you—"

  "You owe me a potion, man," Chue interrupted. He lifted his hand and the dust turned a sickly green.

  I'd already turned to run, but I dove now, putting Jenny between us. Midair, I was jerked to the ground, my feet landing flat, pinned down. He'd stuck me to the floor, even though I hadn't been on it. I tried taking my shoes off, but it seemed it was my feet, not my shoes, that were stuck. I'd been right to be worried about magic.

  Looking over my shoulder, I watched Trenton approach, grinning, his blade cocked back. With a roar, he gave a massive, sweeping strike. It wasn't very high, but bending back at the knees let it pass over me. Bent back like that, I was almost within reach of Jenny.

  "Damnit, Trent!" She lunged in, and I had to tuck and twist my shoulders to get back upright with no more than a shallow scratch on one shoulder, although looking back over my shoulder was not a great way to see the threats coming. She stabbed a few more times, and I realized that, even pinned down, I could do a lot to twist out of the way, especially by darting out little slaps to angle her strikes aside.

  I didn't know what level I was, but presumably the dungeon had done something to grant me weird abilities, because all of this seemed wholly impossible and kinda easy at the same time.

  "Hit her feet, you idiots," Carlita snapped. "She can't move those."

  Jenny blinked, met my eyes, and lunged low. Twisted awkwardly around, I caught both her wrists. Holy crap was she strong. After the initial surprise of my grip, she just started pushing the blades ahead.

  I was about to die. No, that's a quitter's mindset, and quitters never win. Of course, most players don't win, either. I hated those aphorisms Mom would constantly spout. I didn't quit, though. I pulled with one hand, dragging that knife past as I twisted my whole body, and grabbed her other wrist with both hands, planting my shoulder against her chest and still barely stopping that one hand's strength.

  And there was Trenton again, blade high, about to kill me.

  His blade was descending, hers was cutting back in, and Carlita was circling around with her massive hammer.

  My foot shifted. As I realized the spell was gone, the world seemed to slow down. Not any true shift, but I could simply see everything so clearly, so simply.

  Pull the arms tight, roll into it, plant my feet on Jenny's shoulders, hold for the barest instant. Trent's blade swept past. I was airborne, flying towards Carlita, by the time his blade hit the floor. Her hammer was already moving, but I was too close for the swing to be easy. A hand pushing on the flat side as the hammer passed let me steal some of its momentum to launch myself even further down the hall.

  I felt as much as heard a strange crackling in the air, dipping my head aside by instinct. Lighting singed my ear, sending a spike of pain into my skull as it ripped past and blackened a patch of the wall.

  "Damnit, Chue, cast the sticky again," someone said. The words sounded spiky, constantly sending piercing noises through my skull.

  "It's called Sucking Muck, and I already had to potion just to cover for this pair." Chue's voice was even worse, his whiny tone cutting through me.

  "The fuck you say," Trenton roared, and that was the last I heard as I sprinted around the first corner I found.

  As I ran, my mind flashed back to other those people getting mashed into pulp by that massive hammer, blasted to char by lightning, murdered right in front of me. I stumbled to a stop as I vomited. Again, and then I forced myself to keep stumbling along. They might be after me. The third time I vomited, I didn't slow, letting it spray across my chest, warm and disgusting.

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

  The piercing sound in my head was getting worse. Keeping to a slow jog, I grabbed at my head, tugging loose the three pins until I could finally remove the damaged sound-processor, silencing the cochlear implant. The world receded to a muted mumble, my mostly-useless ears getting nothing more. I held up the little white box and attached magnet, as well as the three pins I always put in my hair so it wouldn't shift while I was working out.

  The white box was blackened and cracked. My success at dodging the lightning bolt had not been complete. Looking down at myself, I realized that was actually the whole story of my experience so far. My leggings were shredded, one leg entirely gone from mid-thigh down, the other in tatters around the knee with many holes higher. My top had lost the cloth across both forearms, and had holes all over it, showing skin in some places, my sports bra in others. The shorts were missing one pocket and had a tear in the waistband. The mesh top had enough sliced threads that I suspected it would fall off next time I removed my backpack.

  However, the skin beneath each gap was pristine, no scars to be seen.

  "What a mess," I said. I couldn't hear myself. I sighed. They had to break the sound processer. I slid a finger behind my ear, feeling the subtle scar, wondering what would happen if the implant itself was damaged. In theory, it shouldn't have power, as the batteries were in the processor, but in theory some weirdo in a rhinestone robe couldn't cast a spell to make me stick to the floor.

  I slowed to a walk, then thought of the murderers again and got back to a quick jog. No stopping, not near here.

  But I had to find Lacie, assuming she'd made it down. She must have. Except now, I wouldn't be able to hear her voice. Everything just kept getting worse.

  As I jogged, I dodged around weird little fuzzballs—Brindle Grub, Level 2, blah, blah, blah nobody cares about those little things. I was more interested in what this next intersection had to offer.

  Dead ahead, past another pair of turn-offs, the space opened into a wide, well-lit chamber. Something was moving, but they were too far off for me identify them. Dead-ahead seemed like a really bad idea. Left had no signs, while off to the right was... a bathroom sign? It looked kinda like a unisex bathroom sign sticking off the dungeon's stone wall.

  New achievement! You've discovered and read an official dungeon sign.

  Wow. You can read. Whoopie.

  Reward: All official dungeon signage will now be highlighted and easier to spot. Nearby guilds will appear on your minimap.

  I scowled. There was no minimap. There was nothing but a clock, the blinking dot in the corner where all the notifications went, and the bits of text whenever an announcer was talking.

  I jogged to the "bathroom". It was a simple blue sign, one figure with the straight-down "man" as one half and the angled-out "woman" as the other.

  The dungeon said it was official, which confirmed that Da Tutorial Guild and The Petting Zoo had been traps. However, I didn't have to go right then. The truth was, while I was running endlessly on the first floor, I'd eventually pissed myself.

  I opened the door, saw a regular toilet inside, and closed it again. It wasn't a training room or whatever it was called, so it didn't matter.

  That did remind me to take a bottle from my running pack. I finished that one off. While I was at it, I snagged another protein bar to eat.

  At the next intersection, I turned left, got two steps, and saw Carlita step into the path at the next turn. I spun sharply and ran, turning out of sight and hoping I hadn't been seen. Even if they yelled, I wouldn't hear them, so I wouldn't know if they followed unless I saw them coming.

  Running further, I turned at the next intersection, as I at least knew they weren't in that direction.

  I kept going, spotting another useless restroom further on. This time, the sign was black, with a line between the male and female icons. Two figures, one tall and one small, walked into the intersection. I stopped. One looked up. The other looked up. I turned and ran.

  After a few steps, I slowed down. Did I need to run? I honestly felt fairly confident that I could just avoid them if they tried to hit me. They didn't look very big or weird, just a guy like six feet tall and another about four.

  Unless they had magic.

  Onward, then.

  I realized I'd already forgotten which direction I was facing, which was just straight-up embarrasing. The place was obviously a grid, and I was lost within a few turns. Well, no direction but forward.

  I ran into another intersection and paused. Forward, dim blue-green light. Right, bright light. Left, well crap. Chue looked my way, pointing straight at me with his rhinestone sleeve.

  Not waiting to find out if his magic reached this far, I fled. A glance back showed that the tall-and-small pair I'd seen were giving pursuit with a quick-but-stiff walk. They gleamed strangely in the light, like they were soaked with water, except even glossier than that.

  Ahead, more of them. These ones had a small table with a sign on it. "Sign up for—" well, I didn't slow down enough to read it, so I didn't know what their charity drive was all about. For some reason I couldn't explain, it seemed easier to just kick off a wall, slap the ceiling with a hand to propel myself forward, and continue running on the other side of that trio. Their spears didn't get within five feet of me. It was all a bit too easy, like I was the movie's protagonist fighting storm-troopers.

  I turned again, hoping to lose those murderers, wondering which direction I was going. I definitely didn't know where the stairs were anymore. I felt like I should have looped back by now, but I realized I didn't know if the dungeon was squares or rectangles, so I really could be anywhere.

  Passing another intersection, I saw clusters—four left, five right—of those shiny, stiff-legged guys coming my way. I suppose someone out there was yelling, not that I could tell. I put on more speed, finding that what had been a dead-sprint in what I was thinking of as the "real world" was now just a light jog as far as my legs were concerned. My best sprint was maybe as fast as I'd have been on a bike, somewhere north of twenty miles per hour.

  This corridor was longer, no branches. There were torches early on, but later the blue-green glow was the only light source. It came from luminescent lichen on the walls and ceiling. Was that safe to touch? Also, why was this corridor so long? It felt like a trap.

  At last, it opened up, not another intersection, but a massive chamber. I skidded to a stop well shy of the doorway. A huge, pentagonal room with a dark, uneven floor, maybe fifty yards across. There were openings on all five sides, so the dungeon wasn't just a grid.

  The side I was on had a sign over the doorway saying, "Kobolds only. All dingoes must be leashed or left outside." There were a pair of scaly, reptilian men with spears at the desk.

  Shiny Lizard-Peep. Level 6. Did you know that I had to use the name lizard-peep because I ran out of options? Lizardfolk, lizardkin, lizardguys, lizardpeople, all taken. Lizardmen is a race that can be male or female, and lizardwomen is a different race that can only be female and isn't related. Why do they do this? Why is there a new set of lizard-whatevers every go-around instead of just re-using the ones there already are? Anyways, this one's all shiny. I wonder why.

  "Man, obvious trap is obvious."

  One of them turned away, probably yelling something I couldn't hear.

  The earth vibrated, a faint thrum, like the footstep that would set the water to shaking in Jurassic Park. Definitely a trap. I stepped back. Another step. A wisp of air came my way, the faintest breeze from behind when I knew the wind was coming from ahead.

  I dropped and rolled, coming up to see nothing there. I was certain something had been about to injure me. Looking further, I saw a corpse in the hallway. Corpse - Level 5 Lizard-Peep Stabber.

  Someone had killed something. There was magic. Could people turn invisible? I jumped backwards, ran up the wall, hurled myself back down the hall, only to have Carlita, Trenton, and Chue step out to block my path. I'd wager anything that I'd just leapt over an invisible Jenny. Chue's hand was tinging towards green.

  Hoping I was right about how magic worked, I ran up the wall and hurled myself upwards. As I'd been hoping, when the spell landed, my feet latched onto the ceiling, not the floor.

  "Fucking damnit!" He ran up, his hand glowing blue, and I twitched aside as lightning blasted the stone beside me. A shard of rock pelted my cheek, giving me a tiny cut. "Just die already, you bitch!"

  "Get yourselves together. We'll hit her when she comes down. Unless someone has a bow or something."

  Right then, Jenna appeared below me, struggling with a crossbow. We had one of those back home. She clearly didn't know how to load it properly, but she was strong enough that it didn't matter. From directly below me, maybe eight feet distant, she took aim. She missed so badly that I didn't even need to dodge.

  "Seriously?" Trent said.

  "I don't see you doing shit," she snapped as she tried to load another bolt.

  Looking down the way, I could see more of the local monsters approaching, all with a glossy exterior. Those wouldn't slow these guys down, and I couldn't risk just running past them. Eventually, this damn stuck-in-the-muck spell was going to catch me where they could kill me.

  Instead, I turned my eyes toward the huge open room. It was a trap, but with the corner so close I could break line of sight quickly.

  As Jenna aimed her second bolt, I felt the spell loosen. Kicking sideways, I got my fall close to the wall, slapped off ot it, leapt once after hitting the ground, and was into the room. As I rolled into the dirt, massive steel gates slammed shut on all the doors.