The Auditor moved with the terrifying smoothness of a machine that had never heard a joke. He didn't run. He didn't charge. He simply glided over the mud, his polished shoes hovering an inch above the filth, his briefcase swinging in perfect, rhythmic time.

  "Run!" Kai tried to scream. "He's a script! He’s going to—" The Curse seized his throat. Kai’s jaw unhinged against his will. "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE THE 1,000th VISITOR!"

  "A visitor?" Gideon stopped, lowering his Pink Foam Sword. "He brings a prize? Is it a chalice?" "No!" Kai slapped a hand over his mouth, muffling the next ad. "He's here to ban us! Gideon, don't let him touch you!"

  The Auditor stopped ten yards away. He adjusted his sunglasses. He opened his briefcase with a sharp click. He didn't pull out a weapon. He pulled out a massive, self-inking red stamp.

  "Entity [Kai_Dev_Admin] identified," The Auditor’s voice was a flat, synthesized drone. "Status: Compromised Account. Action: Immediate Liquidation."

  The Auditor thrust the stamp forward. A beam of solid red light shot out—not a laser, but a stream of glowing text that read [CEASE] [DESIST] [HALT].

  "I shall parry the red sorcery!" Gideon roared. The Knight leaped forward, swinging the Pink Foam Sword of Safety with heroic force. "HAVE AT THEE, BUREAUCRAT!"

  SQUEAK.

  The foam blade hit the red beam and wobbled harmlessly. The beam ignored the sword and slammed directly into Gideon’s chest. There was no explosion. No damage number. Gideon simply... stopped. He froze in mid-air, one leg raised, his cape suspended in an impossible wind. A gray filter washed over his colorful armor. A glowing tag appeared above his pumpkin helmet: [STATUS: PENDING REVIEW] [Wait Time: 7-10 Business Days]

  "Gideon!" Kai yelled. He grabbed the Knight’s arm, but it was hard as stone. The game engine had locked his assets. Gideon was buffering.

  "Target 1 buffered," The Auditor droned. He turned his sunglasses toward Viscount Pigglesworth. Pigglesworth was hopping on his one good leg, clutching his muddy cravat. "KILL MEEEE!" his left shoe shrieked.

  "Silence!" The Auditor snapped. He pointed a finger at Pigglesworth’s screaming boot. "Violation: Audio Decibel Limit exceeded in a quiet zone. Action: Mute." ZAP. A small grey beam hit the shoe. "KILL M—" The scream cut off instantly. The shoe continued to writhe and mouth the words, but no sound came out.

  Pigglesworth stared at his foot. He tapped it on the ground. Thud. No scream. "You..." Pigglesworth looked at the Auditor with wide eyes. "You silenced the leather? You have done what no cobbler could do!"

  "Entity [Viscount_Pigglesworth]," The Auditor ignored the compliment. "Status: Unlicensed Asset. You do not exist in the Registry. Prepare for deletion." The Auditor raised the red stamp again.

  "Deletion?" Pigglesworth stiffened. He dropped his cane. He didn't look scared anymore. He looked insulted. "Unlicensed? Unlicensed? Sir, I am the Viscount Pigglesworth of the High Gourd! My lineage is recorded in the Golden Ledgers of Westphalia!"

  "Error," The Auditor paused. "Database 'Westphalia' not found. You are invalid." "Invalid?!" Pigglesworth hopped forward, getting right in the Auditor's face. "I am a Peer of the Realm! I have dined with the Duchess of Yams! I hold the Royal Seal of the Waxed Fruit! And you... you dare to question my validity while wearing that?"

  Pigglesworth pointed a trembling finger at the Auditor’s suit. "Polyester blend," Pigglesworth spat. "Off-the-rack stitching. And your shoes... square toes? In this economy?"

  The Auditor blinked. "Attire is... standard issue. Compliance is mandatory." "Compliance is for peasants!" Pigglesworth shouted. "I demand to see your Warrant! By whose authority do you freeze my servant?"

  The Auditor hesitated. The script wasn't designed to handle a user who demanded a manager. "Authority: The End User License Agreement," The Auditor stated. He reached into his briefcase and pulled out the Infinite Scroll. He unrolled it. It hit the mud and kept rolling. "Section 4, Paragraph 2," The Auditor cited. "Read it."

  Kai watched in horror. "Pigglesworth! Don't look at it! It's a trap!" Pigglesworth looked at the scroll. He squinted at the dense blocks of text. "What is this chicken scratch?" Pigglesworth gasped. He poked the paper. "Look at this calligraphy! It is blocky! It has no soul! Where are the flourishes? Where is the Royal Serif?"

  "Font is... Arial," The Auditor stated. "For legibility." "It is hideous!" Pigglesworth slapped the scroll out of the Auditor's hand. "And the spacing! Look at the margins! They are barely an inch wide! A Royal Decree requires at least three inches of space for breathing room! This document is a breathless mess!"

  Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

  [ERROR: CRITICISM DETECTED.] The Auditor stiffened. Smoke began to pour from his ears. "Margins... are... efficient," The Auditor stuttered. "Efficient?" Pigglesworth scoffed. "It is crowded! It is rude! And you call this a contract? It isn't even signed in wax! It is a forgery! A cheap, polyester forgery!"

  The Auditor began to vibrate. [SYSTEM ALERT: LOGIC LOOP.] [Process: User_Entitlement_Overflow.exe has crashed.]

  The red light in the Auditor’s eyes flickered and died. He froze, stuck in a processing loop, trying to calculate the correct margin width for a Royal Decree. PING. As the Auditor crashed, his active spells shattered. The gray filter vanished from Gideon. "HI-YAH!" Gideon finished his swing, slicing through empty air and nearly falling over. "I have returned!" Gideon shouted, looking around wildly. "The Chronomancer released me! Did I win?"

  "Pigglesworth won," Kai breathed, staring at the frozen bureaucrat. "He critiqued him to death."

  Kai walked up to the frozen Auditor. A notification was blinking on the Auditor's chest. [Target_Scan_Complete] [Threat Identified: Kai_Dev_Admin] [Debuff Detected: Spam_Bot_Curse.exe] [Action: Purge Malware]

  "Wait," Kai whispered. The Auditor had scanned him right before crashing. The system had flagged his "Spam Curse" as unauthorized malware. A green light washed over Kai. He felt a tickle in his throat. He opened his mouth. "Buy now..." Kai whispered. He waited for the compulsion to scream. It didn't come. "Testing," Kai said normally. "One, two. I love..." He didn't scream about iPads. He didn't offer a discount. "I'm cured," Kai realized, touching his throat. "He deleted the ad-ware."

  "My shoe is silent," Pigglesworth noted, tapping his foot. "And my servant is unfrozen." The Viscount adjusted his dirty cravat with a look of supreme smugness. "You are welcome," Pigglesworth sniffed. "I simply explained to the clerk that his paperwork was shoddy. It is a standard administrative procedure in Westphalia."

  "We need to go," Kai said, grabbing them both by the shoulders. "Before he wakes up."

  He pointed to the cliff face. A perfect, unnatural square hole had been cut into the limestone, hovering a few feet off the ground. It didn't look like a cave entrance. Above it, a neon sign flickered: [DEBUG_TRASH_CHUTE_04].

  "Into the chute," Kai ordered. "Now."

  "The chute?" Pigglesworth planted his cane in the mud. He adjusted his monocle, staring at the dark, rectangular void. "I beg your pardon? I am a Viscount of the High Gourd. I do not 'chute.' I require a carriage, or at the very least, a dignified ramp." He dusted his muddy lapel furiously. "I am not garbage, Kai! I am a Viscount! I demand to be catered to!"

  "It’s not a garbage ahem, it’s a... a Service Entrance!" Kai lied, desperate to move them. "It’s the special shortcut! It leads directly to the... uh... the Lower Courts!"

  "The Lower Courts?" Pigglesworth hesitated. He peered into the hole, which smelled of ozone and burnt toast. "It smells of burning air. Is that a fashionable scent this season?"

  "It is the Scent of Industry!" Gideon declared, stepping up to the hole. He poked the darkness with his pink foam sword. "But it is dark, my Lord. And the wind howls like a banshee. It requires a leap of faith."

  Behind them, the frozen Auditor let out a mechanical whirrr. The red light in his sunglasses flickered. "Rebooting..." the Auditor’s voice stuttered. "Loading... ..."

  "He’s waking up!" Kai yelled. "We don't have time for faith! We just need to go! We need to pull a Leeroy Jenkins!"

  Gideon froze. He turned to Kai, his pumpkin helmet tilting with intense curiosity. "Lee-Roy?" Gideon whispered the name. "Who is this... Lee-Roy Jenkiyns? Is he a Saint?"

  Kai blinked. "Uh. Yeah. Sure. He was a... a legendary warrior. A Paladin of the Rush." Kai’s mind flashed back to the viral video from twenty years ago. "He faced impossible odds," Kai improvised. "His party was afraid. They were calculating the numbers. They were stuck in the planning phase. But Lee-Roy... he didn't care about the math."

  "He ignored the arithmetic?" Pigglesworth gasped. "A bold strategy."

  "He just charged," Kai said, looking at the rebooting Auditor. "He ran into danger when no one else would. He screamed his own name to strike fear into the dragons. And he did it... for everyone."

  Gideon fell to one knee. "He fought for all," Gideon whispered. "He understood. He was the bravest of us all."

  The Auditor’s head snapped up. The red beam flared to life. "TARGET ACQUIRED," the Auditor roared.

  "Gideon!" Kai screamed. "Do it! Channel the Saint!"

  Gideon stood up. He expanded his chest. He raised his pink foam sword to the gray sky. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the air of destiny.

  "LEEEEEEEE-ROOOOOOOY!" Gideon bellowed, his voice cracking like thunder across the swamp. "JJJJJJJJENNNNN-KINNNNNNS!"

  With zero hesitation, the Knight sprinted forward. He didn't look at the hole. He didn't look at the drop. He simply launched himself into the rectangular void, his cape flapping, screaming the name of a man he had never met.

  "He... he actually did it," Kai whispered, stunned.

  Pigglesworth watched Gideon vanish into the dark. He looked at Kai. He looked at the charging Auditor. "Was this Lee-Roy... a man of style?" Pigglesworth asked nervously.

  "He wore the finest armor," Kai lied.

  "Very well." Pigglesworth adjusted his cravat. "If it is fashionable to plummet, then I shall plummet with grace. Leeroy!" Pigglesworth held his nose, tucked his knees, and hopped into the hole with a dignified shriek.

  "Entity Deleted!" The Auditor shouted, firing a red beam right where Pigglesworth had been standing a second ago.

  "Missed me, you glorified calculator!" Kai yelled. He took one last look at the Swamp, flipped the Auditor and jumped.

  [Loading Zone: The Trash Can] [Tip: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle your assets.]

  ?? November 2025 Writathon Winner

  ★★★★★

  LitRPG Progression Portal Fantasy Summoning

  DENIED BY SYSTEM - HE SUMMONS HIS OWN

  The System rejected him. The World took his wife. And now, his daughter...

  Sasaki Jin must master a forbidden power to ensure his child doesn't share her mother's fate. He will tear down the gods themselves to keep her safe.

  "A high-octane, addictive read that perfectly balances “dad energy” with cosmic power. This fiction offers a refreshing take on the Returner and Hunter subgenres."

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  "If you’re a fan of Solo Leveling, then I think that you’ll enjoy this story, too. It definitely gives the same vibes, but I get the feeling that there will be deeper character connections."

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  Inspired by Solo Leveling & Pokemon...

  ? Competent MC: Street smart, ingenuity over luck.

  ? Unique Summons: Each with distinct personalities and powers.

  ? High Stakes: Death is a mistake away.

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