“What do I—”
A beam of horizontal orange light shot out from a small orb at the top of the machine and rapidly scanned the trio from head to foot. There was no discomfort from the beam of laser light, but it did cause an odd tingling sensation in Pete’s extremities. He flexed his fingers, enduring the strange sensation while Coop squirmed in his arms.
“I don’t like this, Pete. Damned alien machine prodding my insides with lasers. It’s one step away from one of those anal probes!”
“We’re not gonna get probed,” Pete said.
“And how in the hell would you know that, huh? We’re surrounded by green aliens, and they’ve done God only knows what to the planet. Shoved me into my poor little Pickles, and now this damned vending machine is gonna scan our innards. It’s one step away from a rubber glove and an all-expenses-paid trip to ass town!”
[Nero] Fret not, Coop. You are simply being integrated into the Vend-o-matic network. During this process, you will be registered to use any Tongsly Belch Vendo-o-matic machine on this planet and beyond. Anywhere you go in the cosmos, you will always be able to utilize this and any other vending machine or kiosk owned by the Tongsly Belch Corporation.
The scan finished, and Pete’s gauntlet appeared for a moment, shining with translucent orange light as though in response to his proximity to the kiosk. A quick glance to his left revealed that Sam’s gauntlet was doing the same thing.
He put Coop down on the ground and looked up at the vending machine display screen as it showed a cartoon version of him and Sam, standing with arms outstretched and wearing illustrated versions of the clothes they were currently wearing. The term “Penny Pincher” hung above the cartoon version of Pete’s body in glimmering gold writing, while “TBD” was over the top of Sam’s character.
“This is unreal,” Sam said with a broad grin. “It’s like we’re actually in the game.”
Pete smirked, noting her giddy excitement and wondering what her story was. She’d come out of nowhere, charging into the fray with her stolen pickup truck and whisking him away like some fairytale prince in reverse. They’d been thrust together by circumstance, but other than their shared human heritage, they knew next to nothing about each other.
The word ‘ACCEPTED’ appeared just below the Pete character on the screen, followed shortly after by the same word showing underneath Sam’s avatar.
>> Contestants Pete Harrison and Sam Harrow recognized. Access to Vendo-o-matic machine Zero1Alpha confirmed. Status as novice barterer confirmed. You are now welcome to begin transacting once you have paid the Vend-o-matic access fee and opened your account.
A five Belch Bucks symbol hovered at the center of the display screen above a golden padlock.
“Shit! I have to pay just to use this damned thing?”
Sam chuckled. “Of course you do. You pay for everything, remember. EVERYTHING!”
He shook his head. “I don’t even know if I’ve got any money, though. I’m already in debt by...” he looked down at his gauntlet and confirmed the figure. “Minus four hundred and ninety-five Belch Bucks.”
“What about me?” Sam asked. “Nero, can I pay Pete’s fee?”
[Nero] You can. There are no strict rules against cooperation within the contest. Many gladiatorial combatants choose to travel alone so as to maximize profits, but there is safety in numbers and there are certain fiscal benefits associated with pooling one’s resources. If you pay Pete’s fee, you will also have to pay your own, however.
“Yeah, yeah,” she said, tapping the semi-transparent gauntlet wrapped around her hand. “I get it.” She flicked her fingers so that several coin-shaped discs of golden light shot from the gauntlet to the vending machine.
>> Access fee accepted. You are now ready to interact with this kiosk.
The cartoon figures representing Pete and Sam both spun around in a janky animation and then disappeared to the accompanying sight and sound of fireworks. The Tongsly Belch character appeared standing to the right side of the display and looking directly at Pete.
“Well, hello there, future champion! Welcome to this Tongsly Belch Vend-o-matic machine! Are you ready to level up your life, one Belch buck at a time? I see that look in your eyes. That’s the look of a true winner, and winners need the best gear to achieve glorious fame!”
The goblin cartoon winked, and a spark of light flared in the corner of his eyes as he continued.
“Fame and fortune don’t come for free! But with the Tongsly Belch Vend-o-matic, you can sure as heck buy your way to the top. So, what are you waiting for? Let’s get you from zero to hero.”
Two boxes appeared on the screen. One read ‘BUY’ and the other read ‘SELL’. Without hesitation, Pete immediately pressed the SELL button. He fished out the Bailout Ticket from his inventory, simply thinking of the item and bringing it to his hands, then held it out to the large open slot beneath the machine display.
The golden ticket shimmered with light for a moment before vanishing completely. A moment later, the screen shifted to show a digitized representation of the ticket with details of the item’s exchange value.
>> BAILOUT TICKET: Standard value 500 Belch Bucks | Current value 50 Belch Bucks
“What the hell?” Sam said, leaning in close beside Pete and staring at the screen. “Damn, you weren’t joking about this Penny Pincher class debuff shit. Fifty bucks? That’s ridiculous.”
[Nero] I should point out, Pete, that if you use your Exchange Coupon, you will be able to acquire the full value of this item, in spite of your class debuff. I would suggest doing so, as failure to cover your debts may result in future debuffs and penalties.
Pete pulled the Exchange Coupon from his inventory and examined it, turning the little ticket over in his hands.
“I owe four hundred ninety-six bucks, right? So, if I use this, I’ll only be four bucks in the clear.” He turned to Sam. “How much do you think a medkit costs?”
[Nero] Typically fifty Belch Bucks for a low-level med kit. Because of your current level, that should be more than sufficient to completely heal your wounds.
Pete nodded, rolling his shoulders. “Yeah, but that’s the thing, though. I know I’m still badly wounded, but I actually don’t feel too bad. Is there anything in this class or the Mammon System that will heal me automatically? Over time, I mean?”
[Nero] All players receive a base level health recovery ability once they progress past their initial class level. You should note, however, that you are feeling significantly better because the Tongsly Belch Vend-o-matic machine contains a healing field that will temporarily increase your health while you are in close proximity. The moment you step away, the full weight of your injuries will return. You will have less than three hours of total life left before you succumb to those injuries.
“Right,” Pete said. “So I need a medkit, but if I trade this ticket in and pay back my debts, I won’t have enough cash to buy one.”
[Nero] Correct.
Pete looked through his inventory. “What about if I sell the Novice Arena Map?” He turned to Sam. “You’ve already got one, and as long as we stay together, we won’t need two?”
She shrugged. “I guess not, but that map’s only gonna be worth ten bucks, remember? That’ll give you fourteen total.”
A grin spread across Pete's lips as an idea started to formulate in his mind. “Nero, if I give an item to Sam, and she sells it, will it revert back to its original price?”
[Nero] I’m afraid not. Once you have taken hold of an item and claimed ownership in any fashion, it will always and forever be valued at its new price unless you possess an Exchange coupon that is of a similar level to the item you wish to trade in.
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
“Shit!” Pete barked. “I thought I had something there.” He turned to Sam. “Grinko Maas’s Skull Smasher. It’s valued at 1900bb, or it was until I picked the damned thing up. Still, that’ll give me my medkit at least.”
“Plus, the other axe,” Coop pointed out. “And the big knife.”
Pete nodded. “I’ll get another 70 Belch Bucks for the Ear Splitter, but I think I’ll hold on to the machete. I’ve got nothing else to fight with, and the damned axes are too heavy to swing.”
His eyes grew wide. “Wait? Nero, can I use the exchange coupon on Grinko Maas’s axe?”
[Nero] You cannot, unfortunately. The Axe is a blue-tier item, and the coupon is only usable for entry-level items.
“Damn it!” Pete hissed. “It’s like this place is trying to grind me into the ground.”
[Nero] The Dominion Ultrimax competition is the premier event in the cosmos, Pete. It is watched by trillions of spectators all over the world. The fates of entire worlds rise and fall on the back of wagers made at crucial moments of the contest.
“We get it,” Coop said dryly. “And we’re all very impressed.”
[Nero] The point I was attempting to make was that the competition is supposed to be difficult. Those who watch expect the very best entertainment, and they well know that luck plays a large part in anyone’s success in the competition. Indeed, Tongsly Belch himself demands it. In order for betting to be more thrilling, there has to be a large element of luck in the game. The game is designed to be grueling and, in some cases, utterly unfair, but for those precious few who prevail, the rewards are—
“Yeah, that sounds great and all,” Sam said impatiently, “but we’re about three minutes away from having a pack of bloodthirsty hobgoblins crawling all over us, so how about we get a move on here.”
Pete slipped the exchange coupon into the machine, and the display flared in response.
>> Exchange coupon accepted. Full price exchange of 500 Belch Bucks for 1x Bailout Ticket.
Pete watched as the money was transferred to his gauntlet. The display hovering above the translucent glove showed two separate figures, indicating his current debt and the money he had just acquired.
>> AVAILABLE FUNDS: 500 Belch Bucks
>> CURRENT DEBT: 496 Belch Bucks
As much as it hurt to do it, the threat of potential debuffs if he carried the debt forward wasn’t appealing, especially considering what Pete had experienced so far. Knowing his luck, he’d be hit with some crippling injury that required a steady stream of Belch Bucks to keep from getting worse, or he’d go blind in one eye or lose feeling in his legs.
“Fuck it,” he blurted, transferring the money from one area of his wallet to the other.
>> Debt paid.
>> CURRENT FUNDS: 4 Belch Bucks
He pulled Grinko Maas’s Skull Smasher from his inventory along with Haggy Krug’s Ear Splitter and exchanged them both for 190 Belch Bucks and 70 Belch Bucks, respectively. He added the Novice Arena Map, hoping that he wasn’t making a terrible error by trusting Sam, and got an extra 10 Belch Bucks as a result.
>> CURRENT FUNDS: 274 Belch Bucks
Pete quickly shifted to the BUY menu and surveyed the available items. There were dozens of objects for sale, ranging from core attributes such as Constitution and Agility to expensive gauntlet augments, single-use magical scrolls, crafting recipes, and more. Each of the items was grouped according to type, and there was a golden coin icon sitting on the left of the screen with Tongsly Belch’s grinning face on its surface and the words ‘COMMON ITEMS’ written in bold letters beneath it.
Pete clicked on the coin and was taken to a screen which mercifully showed medkits along with a variety of other items.
>> COMMON ITEMS
+| Ration Pack – 20 Belch Bucks pack of 5
+| Common medkit – 50 Belch Bucks each
+| Core Attribute – 50 Belch Bucks each
+| Stealth Spray – 75 Belch Bucks each x2 uses
+| Distraction Flare – 75 Belch Bucks pack of 2
+| Common Loot Lure – 150 Belch Bucks each
+| Uncommon Polished Coin – 200 Belch Bucks (long-lasting light source)
+| Legacy Unlock Augment – 500 Belch Bucks (single item unlock)
He picked up two medkits right away, drawing one of them out of his inventory and holding it in his left hand. It was a small tube a little smaller than a can of deodorant, pure white with a red cross on one end that looked like a button. Without needing instructions, Pete understood that he would need to press the non-button end against his body somewhere and press the button to activate the kit.
He slammed it against his thigh and pressed the button with his thumb, feeling a sudden rush of warmth and vitality flood through his body. Pete took in a sharp breath of air and closed his eyes as all the pain he had been feeling fell away, replaced by a thrill of energy.
“What the hell are you doing?” Sam asked, chuckling.
Pete realized that he was jumping up and down. He stopped immediately but couldn’t help the sensation of sudden strength and vitality that was flowing through his body.
“It’s the medkit. I feel incredible!”
“Yeah, well settle down, princess,” Sam said. “Those hobgoblins are still coming, remember? You can use all of that energy to help fight them off.”
Pete nodded, forcing himself to calm down and looking back at the kiosk display screen. He still had 170 Belch Bucks to spend but far too many options available for so little money. Given the game logic of the Mammon System and everything he’d seen so far, he needed to get his base attributes sorted out ASAP. Without attributes like Constitution, he wouldn’t be able to improve his chances of survival much.
Then again, without a loot lure, he wouldn’t be able to start gathering loot boxes and perhaps find better items and even start making some coin. He turned to Sam.
“Do you have enough money to buy a Loot Lure?”
She shrugged, then nodded. “Once I sell all this crap I should be able to, why?”
“I’m thinking I won’t buy one for now and you can pick up any loot boxes we find. I’ll concentrate on starting to build out attributes, and hopefully that will help me fight a little better.”
She shrugged. “Sounds like a plan.”
Pete clicked on the core attribute button and quickly scanned the options available. With only 174 Belch Bucks, he’d be able to pick three attributes at most, and he was also conscious that he was currently at his weakest, so anything that could bolster his chances of survival should probably be prioritized.
He felt Coop claw her way up his trousers and climb onto his shoulders as Sam leaned in close, all staring at the screen with interest.
>> CORE ATTRIBUTES
+| CREDIT RATING [Constitution]: Measures physical durability, but through perceived value. The higher your credit, the more punishment you can “afford” to endure—literally.
+| ASSET LEVERAGE [Strength]: Reflects the force one can exert based on financial backing. High leverage = high lifting power and physical impact, “backed” by collateral.
+| LIQUIDITY [Agility]: How quickly and smoothly one can move—akin to how liquid assets can be quickly shifted. A highly “liquid” character dodges well and acts fast. [Penny Pincher class bonus]
+| MARKET INSIGHT [Intelligence]: Reflects analytical thinking, magical aptitude, and tactical planning—recast as the ability to read trends and exploit data.
+| CAPITAL STABILITY [Wisdom]: Governs intuition, perception, and resistance to manipulation—here, it’s your financial grounding and resistance to market crashes (and mind-control magic).
+| INVESTOR CONFIDENCE [Charisma]: Social power measured by how much others are willing to buy what you’re selling—literally and metaphorically. A high stat sways crowds and closes deals.
+| SPECULATIVE YIELD [Luck]: Determines the favorability of chance, reframed as the risk/reward payoff from “speculative investments”—loot drops, crits, or random bonuses.
He dearly wished he had more time to work through the potential benefits and pitfalls of each choice, but Pete was conscious that they were running out of time and Sam still needed to trade in her own items and buy whatever she needed.
“Nero, what’s this bonus my class gets to Agility… I mean Liquidity?”
[Nero] Hmmm. It seems that any points you gain in Liquidity will be doubled in comparison to those you gather in other attribute areas. Higher levels of Liquidity will also allow you to swap out class spells and abilities with those more suited to capitalize on a high Liquidity build.
“Twice as many?” Sam said. “Holy shit, that’s ridiculous.”
Pete turned to her, grinning. “So, I’m guessing you’re a gamer then?”
“Dude, I’m twenty-two. Of course, I’m a gamer.” She pointed at the screen. “And being able to double stat points is ferking ridiculous!”
Sam’s eyes grew wide as she turned back to the screen. “Nero, will this be the same with every class? I mean, does every class get a bonus attribute that doubles every time that point is added?”
[Nero] In a sense, yes. But the attribute bonus for most classes only adds an initial set number of points to that attribute. For example, tank-like classes tend to get a 10-point bonus to their constitution. They will also have access to specialist abilities and spells relating to their class where the Constitution and Strength attributes are higher. But this is the first class I’ve encountered that doubles an attribute with each new point added. My guess is that this is because the penny pincher class is unique and has some bespoke benefits as well as a profound debuff. Classes that include heavy debts up front tend to balance those negative aspects with other positive aspects.
Pete nodded. “Guess I’m going for a high damage rogue build then? Or maybe ranged damage?”
Sam grinned. “You seemed pretty banged up when I found you. Maybe a range option would be better? Anyway, hurry up and get this done; we’re going to have company real soon.”
Pete selected the Liquidity attribute in addition to Credit Rating and Speculative Yield. To his way of thinking, if he was going to go for a high damage build, that would mean maxing out his agility and boosting luck to ramp up his crit chance as high as possible. In order to survive during the early phases of the contest, however, he figured a boost to constitution would be a smart investment.
“Alright, I’m done,” Pete said, stepping away from the vending machine.
“And what about me?” Coop asked, looking up from nearby. “We’re a team, you and I, aren’t we? So I should get something while you’re handing out money.”
Pete blinked. He honestly hadn’t even considered Coop, but he supposed she was right. She had helped him during the fight with the Hobgoblins, and they were technically paired together.
[Nero] I should advise that, since you are both soulbound, you share a common class. However, the assignment of attribute points and choice of spells and abilities is unique to you both. Given that Pete has purchased three core attribute slots, you are now able to choose three for yourself, Coop.
“Well, God damn,” Coop hollered. “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”
“Do you need to see the options?” Pete asked.
The little ferret shook her head. “No need; I know what I want.”
Pete wasn’t exactly sure how they were connected, but when Coop selected her three preferred core attributes, he knew instinctively what she’d chosen.
+| Credit Rating [Constitution]
+| Asset Leverage [Strength]
+| Liquidity [Agility]
“You’re going for a tank build then?” Pete asked.
“What in the hell does that mean? I ain’t no tank. I just don’t wanna die. I figure these three will give me my best chance of surviving and keeping your ass safe at the same time.”
Sam cleared her throat much louder than she needed to, drawing both of their attention. She motioned to the machine.
“You think I could use the damned machine now?”
Pete backed away from the kiosk. “Sorry. Go for it.”
Sam nodded, grinning. “Oh, I will.”