Pete couldn’t see any real change in Coop after she’d picked up the new class, but he did receive a notification advising that his soulbound companion was now a Ledger Keeper and that there would be certain benefits which would now pass to him relating to damage reduction and increased survivability.
Once that was done, Craig approached the Vend-o-matic machine, tapping the interface cautiously at first, as though he expected a blaring warning signal the moment he made contact with the machine. Instead, it recognized Craig as a player and allowed him to navigate various options like anyone else.
Pete noticed, however, that there were slight differences in the options that were available to the goblin and several components of the interface didn’t display at all. He wasn’t given the opportunity to buy a player comms unit, for example, and the number and type of items available for purchase were different as well.
When he clicked on the Class Purchase menu, the options that appeared on the screen seemed to be specifically geared to the goblin and his companions, leveraging off their identity as followers of The Path.
>> RAG SAINT
>> ASHMOUTH ZEALOT
>> BEGGAR KING
“Only three options,” Craig mused.
“Yeah, and they’ve all got a Path kind of vibe,” Pete added.
The little goblin clicked on the first option as Grizzle and Torgo hovered nearby, still meek as kittens and occasionally looking left or right with darting eyes as though they expected an attack at any moment.
>> RAG SAINT CLASS DETAILS:
A martyr of mud and misery, the Rag Saint turns suffering into sanctity. Goblins who follow this path embrace broken rags and rusted relics, wielding pain itself as their armor. They are revered not for wealth, but for the scars they endure in battle.
>> KEY CHARACTERISTICS:
+| SACRED SUFFERING [Passive Class Trait]: Every point of incoming damage fuels the Rag Saint’s aura of endurance. For each 5% of max health lost, the Rag Saint gains +2% Damage Reduction and +1% Regeneration for 15 seconds. Pain is not weakness—it is currency in a higher economy.
>> BASE ATTACK ABILITY:
+| BROKEN RELIC STRIKE
The Rag Saint hefts a ruined object—shackles, a snapped spear, an old religious text, even a half-burned shield—and smashes it into their enemy with raw faith. Though crude, the relic glows faintly with sacred conviction.
Casting Time: Instant, no finesse required.
Mammon Cost: None. Faith in pain alone powers the attack.
Damage: Moderate blunt damage. Increases by +10% for every 10% of health missing.
Secondary Effect: The weapon leaves a spiritual mark, reducing enemy crit chance by 5% for 10 seconds.
>> BASE DEFENSE ABILITY:
+| SHROUD OF SUFFERING
A mantle of rags stiffens into a holy ward, absorbing punishment meant for allies. The Rag Saint doesn’t block pain—they invite it.
Damage Mitigation: 50% of all incoming damage taken by the Rag Saint is absorbed by the Shroud of Suffering for 6 seconds.
Durability: Equal to 20% of max HP. Once exceeded, the shroud crumbles.
Cooldown: 20 seconds.
>> COST: A Penitent Prayer.
Pete considered the details of the class. It wasn’t explicit, but there seemed to be a sarcastic tone to the class description, as though the Mammon System was mocking Craig and his companions for their faith. Or, in Craig’s case, his former faith. Even the fact that there was no monetary cost for the class suggested that this was all part of the System’s way of screwing with them.
“Good survivability,” Sam mused, nodding towards Grizzle and Torgo. “Could be handy considering you’re not really fighters.”
Craig nodded, expanding the details of the second class.
>> ASHMOUTH ZEALOT CLASS DETAILS:
A pyromaniac prophet of poverty, the Ashmouth Zealot believes that gold is rot and fire is purity. Their creed is simple: burn the wealthy, scorch their treasures, and leave only ashes. The Zealot’s fury makes them dangerous to friend and foe alike.
>> KEY CHARACTERISTICS:
+| FLAME OF WANT [Passive Class Trait]: The presence of wealth fuels the Zealot’s fury. For every 100 gold carried by nearby enemies, the Zealot gains +2% Fire Damage and +1% Attack Speed. Wealth becomes tinder for wrath.
>> BASE ATTACK ABILITY:
+| CINDERS OF BLASPHEMY
The Zealot spits a stream of fire and ash that clings to gold and glittering objects. Enemies with higher-value gear or coin purses burn hotter and longer.
Casting Time: 1 second.
Mammon Cost: Low. Hatred burns cheap.
Damage: Fire damage over 8 seconds.
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
Secondary Effect: If the target carries 500+ gold, burn duration is doubled (requirement scales depending on player and enemy level).
>> BASE DEFENSE ABILITY:
+| ASHEN VEIL
The Zealot cloaks themselves in swirling soot and flame, punishing greedy attackers.
Effect: Creates a fiery shroud for 5 seconds. Melee attackers suffer 5% of their own damage as fire backlash.
Damage Mitigation: Reduces incoming ranged damage by 20%.
Cooldown: 25 seconds.
>> COST: A Fiery Rebuke of Wealth.
“Fire mage,” Pete mused. “Or something like it. Could be good for ranged damage, and it’s got defense too. Does it say anything else about that friend or foe stuff? I’m not seeing anything here about potential damage to allies.”
Craig tapped the screen, but no details showed up. Instead, a message reading ‘Select Class Yes/No’ appeared. He navigated to the third option and expanded the class description.
>> BEGGAR KING CLASS DETAILS:
A king without a crown, a ruler without a throne. The Beggar King reigns over refuse and ruin, transforming poverty into power. Every coin he touches becomes tainted with hunger and despair, a weaponized mockery of wealth. He bursts forth in sudden strikes of cursed lucre, then lets corruption fester in his enemies’ veins, while his ragged host grows stronger under his banner.
>> KEY CHARACTERISTICS:
+| CROWN OF RAGS [Passive Aura]
Enemies carrying more than 100 gold suffer -10% Attack and -5% Speed within a 50 foot radius of the Beggar King. Allies with less than 10 gold gain +10% Attack Speed and +5% Crit Chance while inside the aura.
+| RAGGED STANDARD [Leadership Buff]
The Beggar King hoists a makeshift banner of torn cloth and scavenged bones. Allies within 50 feet gain +10% Damage and +10% Resistance when fighting enemies with higher-level or rarer gear.
+| THRONE OF THE LOW [Leadership Buff]
The Beggar King exalts his followers in poverty’s name. Allies within 50 feet gain +5% Attack Power and +5% Lifesteal.
>> BASE ATTACK ABILITY:
+| FILTHY LUCRE
The Beggar King hurls tainted coins, each one corroded by envy and despair. When they strike, they burst in a spray of black ash and gutter-rot, dealing sudden ruin and leaving lingering curses behind.
Casting Time: Instant.
Damage: High burst damage on impact.
Secondary Effect - Damage over Time (DoT): Target bleeds out spectral wealth, suffering additional Shadow/Decay damage over 6 seconds. DoT damage increases by +20% if the target carries more than 100 gold or rare/epic gear.
Additional Effect: Each coin hit reduces the target’s Healing Received by 10% for the DoT duration.
Mammon Cost: None. The Beggar King never spends.
>> BASE DEFENSE ABILITY:
+| ALMS OF THE EMPTY HAND
With a selfless gesture, the Beggar King transfers their own vitality into nearby allies, weakening themselves in the process.
Effect: Heals allies in a 10-meter radius for 10% of their max HP. The Beggar King loses 15% of current HP.
Duration: Instant burst.
Cooldown: 30 seconds.
>> COST: A Declaration of Piety
And there it was again, that snarky, sarcastic tone, as though the System delighted in describing each of the classes in an offensive manner. Craig either didn’t notice or simply took the insult in his stride. Pete supposed that the chance to become a player in the great game rather than NPCs who were basically fodder was worth a little humiliation.
He turned to the other two goblins.
“Do any of these classes appeal to you?”
Grizzle shook her head. “I still don’t understand why we need a class. We follow The Path. That is all. Accepting classes is not our way. The Testament of Ashes forbids—”
“The Testament is a lie,” Craig interjected, though his tone was less angry than it was exasperated.
“No, it’s not a lie,” Grizzle insisted, holding up the book she still clutched in her hands. “There is truth in here, Craig. Despite your fall from faith, you cannot deny that there is truth within these pages.”
Craig was about to shout back a reply when he caught himself. He let out a long sigh. “Yes, there is truth within the Testament,” he admitted. “And I agree with much that is written in that book. The love of money leading to ruin, the need to relate to one another outside of base transactions. I still believe much of that truth. But the faith itself, The Pious Path of the Penniless Penitents, is a lie. It is a fabrication that has been used by the System to bolster bets and provide more mindless entertainment for the masses.”
Grizzle shook her head, stepping forward and placing a hand gently on his chest.
“But the message within this book still holds truth. The need to fight against injustice, to stand against this all-consuming drive for profit. That derives from a deep truth that we three understand, do we not?”
Pete watched the exchange, utterly fascinated by the interaction. By the look on Sam’s face, she was equally engrossed, and Coop was practically entranced. The two obviously had chemistry, and part of Pete wanted to know more about the goblin race in general and how they had all come to be embroiled in the Dominion Ultrimax Contest, but the clock was ticking, and every moment they wasted could cost.
“We should probably get moving,” Pete said, drawing a withering glare from Coop. “Need to gear up and head back to the Tongsly Belch robot if we’re gonna have any hope of making it to the Novice Arena.”
Craig turned to face him.
“They will not take a class, Pete. For my part, I am willing, but I will not force Grizzle and Torgo to do likewise.”
There was determination in his eyes and, despite the risk it put them all in, not having everyone in the party holding their weight, Pete couldn’t hold it against the goblin.
“I guess we’ll just need to pick up the slack,” Pete said.
“Or use them as a distraction,” Coop suggested. “Have them run around in front of the enemy to keep them occupied.”
Pete smirked. “But that’s your job, Coop. And you’re gonna be a hell of a lot better at it than these two because you’ve got a good chance of surviving.”
“Then what the hell are Bimbo and Bozo going to do while I’m risking my bacon on the battlefield?” she protested.
“We’ll find something for them to do,” Pete insisted, but he could see that Coop wasn’t buying it.
>> CLASSES ASSIGNED
They all turned to face the screen as the announcement was repeated.
>> CLASSES ASSIGNED
+| RAG SAINT: Assigned to Grizzle McTongle
+| ASHMOUTH ZEALOT: Assigned to Torgo Catterblats
+| BEGGAR KING: Assigned to Cragmire “Craig” Gaul
“No!” Grizzle shouted, eyes blazing with anger as she turned to face Craig.
He held both hands up. “It wasn’t me! I didn’t touch anything.”
She turned to Pete and Sam, who both shook their heads, and Coop, who was managing to grin wickedly despite her cute, ferret features.
“Looks like the choice has been made for you, princess,” Coop said.
Grizzle turned to face the kiosk display. “You cannot force us to do this! You have no right!”
>> CLASS ATTRIBUTES ADDED
You have each been granted Novice level status in your chosen class, and five attributes have been awarded in the interests of bringing you up to speed with the other members of your party. Please consult your class codex for more details on class abilities, passive buffs, advancement, and weaknesses.
“There was never going to be a choice,” Pete said. “That’s why there were only three class options available, because the System had already chosen one for each of you.”
[Nero] I concur. It seems that the System wishes to make your upcoming battle as thrilling as possible, so it has given our goblin friends here a means of joining the fight.
“I will not!” Grizzle protested. “I won’t raise a hand against another soul, whether goblin or orc, or human. I will not give in to the demands of this System and the barbarous game it forces us to play.”
Craig shook his head. “You don’t have a choice. I might not be able to protect you if you don’t fight. We are facing overwhelming odds as it is.”
She turned on him, eyes blazing once again. “I won’t fight.”
“Then you’ll die,” Coop said. “And probably take one of us with you while we try to save your ass. This isn’t the kind of thing you can just opt out of, princess. You’re in the shit good and proper just like the rest of us. So, you either fight, or you die. It’s that simple.”
“Maybe not,” Pete said, stepping forward and examining the Rag Saint class details more closely. “This class has a lot of good survivability options. Looks like you’ve got a shield that can help allies as well. Maybe you could just stay on the outskirts of the fight and help where you can by using your ward?”
The goblin’s eyes narrowed as she considered his words.
“He’s right,” Craig added. “You can defend yourself and offer help where it makes sense, but you don’t have to actually fight and—”
A gout of flames shot into the air behind the goblin pair. They all turned to see Tongo staring wide-eyed at his hands, which were slightly blackened at the fingertips with wisps of smoke spiraling upward. Eyes skull-bulging out of his head, he turned to Grizzle and Craig, a broad grin spreading across his face.
“Well,” Sam said dryly, “I guess we’ve found our resident firebug.”