They were one.
They were driving the RV...somehow.
There was no Pete anymore. No Coop or Sam or Craig. No individual entity with their own body. No autonomous physical beings separated by space and the boundaries of physical flesh.
The new being was a multihued creature with light green skin, its many-armed torso corpulent and pulsing with life beneath an impromptu outfit stitched together in an instant and covering its considerable bulk. The many-eyed head atop its swollen body observed the racecourse ahead with only mild interest, taking in the details of the racetrack, the upcoming obstacle, and the mini map still floating above the dashboard as it held to the steering wheel and pushed its singular leg against the accelerator pedal.
Somewhere among the confused thoughts of the creature’s brain, it wondered why it only had one leg, but then immediately reasoned that the need to maintain vehicle speed was its primary objective and thus a single leg and foot stump devoted to the task seemed most efficient. Given that it was required to stay within the confines of the RV for the duration of the race and in that it knew it would not exist in this form for long, the newly awakened entity had reformed itself in a manner which best fit that purpose.
In like fashion, its arms held the steering wheel deftly, with ten digits on each hand, able to encompass the object and swiftly maneuver it left or right at a moment’s notice. Its eyes, meanwhile, were positioned in such a manner that it was able to take in a hundred-eighty-degree view of its surroundings whilst also keeping one eye fixed on the map and the rearview mirror at all times.
It had no name, this amalgam of smaller beings, firstly because it hadn’t existed for long enough to think of one, but secondly because the newly awakened being felt no need for such pedestrian trivialities. Its pooled intelligence fostered a belief in efficiency above all. Names, individual drives, and the like were of no concern. All that mattered was the purpose for which it had been birthed—the race.
For this reason, far from proving disadvantageous, this vast, oddly formed being, with its mohawk of vivid white fur running from the front of its forehead to the back of its neck, fulfilled its task efficiently and without complaint. It saw the obstacle up ahead, immediately registering the two black skulls that indicated level two and preparing itself for the danger ahead.
[Nero] Oh my! It seems that you have been bonded together temporarily into a single being.
[Unnamed] What information do you have as to the nature of the upcoming obstacle?
[Nero] I don’t have any information. It will potentially be another life-threatening encounter, of course, but I cannot say what dangers you will face.
The new being didn’t respond. It felt no need for politeness, no need to engage with the AI tutor in any way but the most curt and direct manner. This was largely because all of its emotion-generating chemical interactions and impulses had been fenced off, locked away deep inside the strange new organ sitting just to the right of its expanded heart. That organ produced the various neurotransmitters that would typically induce fear, anger, delight, and so on, but it now did so within a closed loop.
The entire emotional center of this new-made being was housed within a skull-like orb that continued to fulfill its task but whose inner workings were completely cut off from the larger body. In this way, the unnamed being could assess its environment, upcoming threats, and the like without reason being interrupted by emotion.
Still, it harbored strange thoughts and impulses, chief of which was a desire to peek within the miniature prison it had erected around its emotional core. There was nothing more tempting than forbidden fruit, even within an intelligence devoid of emotion. Or at least as devoid as it could possibly be.
[Nero] Gatling guns!
The unnamed being had already reached the same conclusion moments earlier, its keen eyesight picking up on the rows of guns lining two raised sections of wood to either side of the obstacle. There were goblin gunners seated on the guns, each wearing elaborate helmets with large crests of opposing colors displayed like Roman centurion helmets.
All of the goblins on the left wore bright blue crests, while those on the right wore vivid yellow crests. As their Gatling guns cycled up, it became clear to the newly formed entity that there were two games afoot in this one obstacle. The RV and its vast inhabitant had to survive, but each goblin team was also attempting to slaughter the other in what promised to be a catastrophic hail of projectile fire.
With full access to a large range of abilities, the unnamed being triggered the blue shield that had failed to protect the individual members of the team from the specters earlier. The spell was different than it had been, enhanced by a smoky shroud and the shimmering potency of a single-use ward that could deflect any amount of damage but only a single time. All of this produced a shimmering, smoky, blue sphere that surrounded the front cabin of the RV and extended to cover the engine of the vehicle as well.
As the RV entered the obstacle area, the air was filled with the rat-a-tat of gunfire. Guns on either side of the vehicle shot golden projectiles at a blistering pace. The bullets glowed slightly, leaving light trails across the night sky as they bounced off the ward or passed through the rear of the Winnebago, tearing away at the vehicle’s walls and internal components.
The shielding that Orin had built into the RV deflected a good deal of the damage, but the number of bullets fired was so staggeringly high that it was unable to stop all the damage. Fortunately, the reinforced shield surrounding the unnamed entity held, deflecting a hail of bullet fire and sending rounds fizzing through the air in all directions.
There were at least a dozen guns and gunners on either side of the obstacle area, all shouting furiously, their elaborately plumed helmets proudly displayed as the Gatling guns roared in front of them. The eye that was constantly watching the rearview mirror caught sight of the carnage left behind as the RV passed by. Goblins were cut to ribbons, their guns bursting apart or spinning wildly around as barrels burst apart and goblin bodies were reduced to bloody pulp.
Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!
The vehicle slid to one side as a chunk of metal was torn off its midsection and got caught under one of the rear wheels. The unnamed entity wrestled with the steering wheel as the RV bucked and skidded, veering closer to the left side of the track and the last blue gunner in the line of guns.
Goblin eyes widened as the gunner noticed the RV sliding toward its position. Before the vehicle made contact, however, the strip of loosened metal sheeting was ripped free, and the Winnebago bunny-hopped over it before its tires gripped the road’s surface and the vehicle corrected, moving back to the center of the track.
The whole obstacle had taken only a few seconds to pass, but in the carnage, it was likely that none of the goblin gunners would have survived the onslaught. Gatling guns continued to fire as the unnamed entity drove the RV onwards, noting with mild interest that the green square indicating the other vehicle had slowed considerably and that the Winnebago would be within reach within just a few moments if this trend continued.
That realization was abruptly interrupted as the spectral forces binding the entity together suddenly shifted. The unnamed entity became liquid once more, splitting up into its constituent parts in a violent, confusing milieu. All sense of calm and intellectual detachment vanished in a moment as six individual entities were reconstituted—autonomous and restored to their former state, whilst simultaneously staggered by their recent joining.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” Pete roared, eyes wide as he gripped the side of his seat, desperately attempting to stay inside the vehicle.
A tangle of kicking limbs and flailing hands battered his face and shoulder while the RV swerved, tires screaming in protest. In the confusion, he caught sight of Sam, struggling to bring the RV under control while Torgo’s posterior jammed against the side of her head and Grizzle’s elbow thudded against her right arm.
Amid the sound of grunts and groans, the RV twisted sharply, lifting up on two wheels as Sam’s hand was wrenched sharply to the left and the vehicle was temporarily lifted up on two wheels. At the same time, Pete was flung out of the RV, managing to grip onto what he hoped was a seatbelt but soon realized was Coop’s furry body as he tumbled up and out.
In the panicked moments that followed, Pete had the presence of mind to summon the machete from his inventory and slam it down against the top rim of the RV passenger side door—or rather the hole where the door had been before it was ripped off earlier in the race. The machete bit hard into the metal, halting Pete’s fall as he yanked himself back toward the front cabin of the RV, gripping Coop in his left hand.
In spite of the kicking and shoving still going on, Sam brought the RV under control and back on all four wheels while Pete pulled himself back to his seat and dropped the machete into his inventory all in one movement. As the RV sped on down the racetrack, Pete sat holding Coop, his chest heaving with breath, the confusing memories of their temporarily shared existence together still rattling around in his mind.
>> ACHIEVEMENT: The Voltron Flesh Smoothie!
Congratulations! You just joined together with your fellow players in probably the grossest way possible. Who can tell when one player’s ass ended and another began? You spent those few blissful moments as part of a genuine collective, bound together in purpose, your flesh bound together like different candles all melted into one glorious puddle. While your memories might be a little hazy on the matter, allow me to confirm. It was gross. You looked like what would happen if a cow was turned inside out and all the parts were mixed together with a hundred different armpits and big toes. There are thousands of different species within the Dominion, and you just made the worst-looking one!
ACHIEVEMENT REWARD: Hexheart Pendant.
Pete held the golden heart pendant in one hand, frowning down at the object.
>> NEW ITEM: Hexheart Pendant
RARITY: Unique
TYPE: Linked Jewelry (Set of Six)
DESCRIPTION:
Originally inspired by the classic human “two halves of one heart” lover’s charm, the Hexheart Pendant takes a more…socially demanding approach. Instead of two neat pieces, this heart is shattered into six jagged golden fragments, each mounted on a simple chain. Together, they form a full heart—assuming their owners can agree to stand in the same place for more than ten seconds.
>> EFFECTS:
+| Regeneration Buff: If all six pendant pieces are within 30 feet of one another, all bearers will gain 0.01% additional life regeneration (healing 0.01% of total health per second).
+| Synchronized Awkwardness: When all six wearers are within range, they occasionally cough, sneeze, or clear their throats in perfect unison.
NOTE: Other effects may emerge the longer this item is held in an inventory or worn.
FORMER VALUE: 500 Belch Bucks
CURRENT EXCHANGE VALUE: Non-Exchangable
As Craig and his two goblin companions crawled their way out of the front cabin and into the rear of the vehicle, Pete dropped the pendant into his inventory. Sam looked over at him awkwardly.
“That’s another thing we’re never going to talk about, EVER!”
Pete grinned. “You didn’t want to wear your new pendant?”
She shot him a hard stare before turning back to face the road.
[Nero] Curious. Unlike normal items of jewelry that need to be worn in order for their bonuses to trigger, these Hexheart Pendants appear to provide their benefit without having to equip the items.
Sitting on the console, her fur slightly ruffled, Coop sneezed at exactly the same time as Sam. The two turned and looked at each other for a moment.
“How’s the RV handling?” Pete said, eager to move on from their shared awkwardness.
“Seems okay,” Sam replied. “Feels a little lighter, if I’m honest, and the back end is a little more slippery than before, but it’s still holding together.”
In the back of the RV, Craig and his goblin companions settled themselves, noting the various bullet holes and broken pieces of crockery and other items that were now scattered all over the floor.
“Shot to hell back here,” Craig called out, prodding a finger at a three-inch hole in one wall. “But it seems like everything is still holding together.”
Pete looked down at the race map, confirming that the other car had still slowed considerably. Sam nodded toward it.
“Must have skipped an obstacle.”
“Yeah, either that or they’ve got a flat tire.”
They both looked ahead, watching for signs of the other vehicle as another obstacle sign appeared. This one showed three black skulls.
“Fuck. This is gonna be bad,” Pete said.
“Yeah. I guess that’s why the other car skipped it.” She turned to face him, the question clear in her eyes.
Pete shook his head. “We can’t afford to skip. Whatever this is, we’re gonna have to just go through.” He pointed to the racing map. “We’re getting close to the end, and if we can’t catch that other vehicle, my mom is dead.”
The RV was already moving at top speed, rattling and shuddering along, but Sam turned back to face the road, pushing her boot down against the accelerator pedal as hard as she could manage.
“Hold on to your tits, people!” Sam shouted. “This is the big one!”
The area just ahead of the obstacle sign was a dark mass of road without any defining features. Pete squinted, trying to determine what they were heading toward, but he couldn’t make out anything other than a large black expanse where the obstacle sat.
They drove closer and closer, but nothing became clearer in the black spot up ahead.
“Any idea what that is, Nero?”
[Nero] I’m afraid not, Pete. In fact, I sense nothing up ahead other than the track itself. It is as if the obstacle is an illusion, or as if there is nothing actually there but a normal stretch of racetrack.
“Here we go!” Sam said, bracing her arms against the steering wheel as the RV thundered forward.
The moment the Winnebago hit the expanse of pure darkness that covered the obstacle area, the truth of that expanse became abundantly clear. The RV nosed down sharply, heading down a steep ramp that led directly below the racetrack and into a pitch-black underground tunnel. Darkness swallowed them as the meager light of the RV’s headlights struggled to illuminate anything in the impenetrable darkness.