Most people don’t plan on spending their day's getting chased down by a grizzly bear, at least Ozzy hadn’t. Which left him more than a little perturbed when during a rather relaxing nap he found himself face to face with the ugly mug of a fully-grown grizzly.
Now surprised, did not equate to unprepared, and as a self-proclaimed mountain man and once upon a time Boy Scout he lived by the motto “be prepared.” He was always packing heat, bear spray to start and lead to finish. Reaching down, however, he found himself two preparations short, no bear spray, and certainly no bear gun. Scoutmaster Todd would not have been pleased.
In stark contrast to what Scoutmaster Todd was probably feeling up on high, the bear looked just a little too pleased with itself. It had found itself a juicy, caramel, hammock wrapped snack. It was a great day to be a bear and a very bad day to be in a hammock.
With all of the grace of a moose on ice Ozzy did his best squirming and flailing maneuvers to get out of the hammock. He tossed and turned, lost his balance, and through a feat of panicked strength, flipped the hammock. Landing himself squarely at the feet, of the slathering mammal.
In a movie you might see a bear swipe at someone and back off. They’d do that Hollywood predator circling thing to build some dramatic momentum, violins and an orchestra would go crazy driving up the tension. The bear would take a couple measured shots, maybe even make a dramatically music timed roar.
No director would ever cast this bear.
It came at him like an avalanche, thundering straight through the canvas hammock like it was made of thoughts and prayers.
Ozzy rolled like his life depended on it, the bears heavy clawed paw catching him in shoulder and nearly pinning him as he just barely slipped by. Even still the claw tore at him ripping through his jacket and tearing grooves into his shoulder. Pain flared, his raging nerves screaming at him each time his not so graceful rolling scramble landed him on his shoulder.
Hot air tickled the Ozzy’s face and neck as he tried to keep ahead of the beast, he could hear its grunting breaths like the horrific omens of the brutal gory death that they were. They were just inches from his head he and knew that any sort of slowing would land him in chow town. A theory proved true when with a hollow clomp, Ozzy heard the bears maw snap shut just behind him, a spray hot spittle and mucus marking just how close the bear had come.
He knew his fire would be the only thing to give the bear any sort of pause, and he rolled like a madman for the crackling glow. It was a great plan, one which would have been made flawless had he not needed to roll directly over it. The consequences of which were bright, searing, and unbearably hot. In an instant he was ablaze, his freshly treated oilskin jacket turning him from stumbling fool to fiery fiend in a dreadful blazing moment.
Cowering back for potentially the first time in its adult life the Grizzly watched as the tasty morsel it had nearly taken a chunk out of turned into something it couldn’t comprehend. Its quarry waved its limbs about menacingly, shaking and twisting in a terrifying dance of fire and fear that shattered the bear's diminutive mind. That was of course until said tasty morsel came back by throwing the flaming coat down into the fire.
While he sustained a few burns from his unfortunately flammable garment, what he’d gained in time and space were invaluable. All he needed now was to remember where his gun was.There were several places he might have left the firearm, but this was hardly the time for might haves. He doubted he’d get more than a few seconds to grab it once he left the safety of the fire. Going for the wrong spot would be suicide. Already the bear was beginning to circle to the right of the fire and Ozzy had to match pace with it circling opposite to keep the crackling logs between them.
At camp there were three places where he could reliably count on having left his gun; His hip, which was right out, in his bag, or on his camp chair. It certainly wasn’t on his hip, and he was really hoping it wasn’t in his bag. If he had to unzip and dig for it with the grizzly bearing down on him, he was as good as toast. Problem was, he couldn’t verify the gun's second location. He and the bear had run over the camp chair which was currently laying facedown several feet to the left of the grizzly.
It was up to a coin toss, and unsure about how long the bear would be happy circling the fire for, Ozzy went all in on the chair. Plus, maybe if it wasn’t he could ask the bear nicely to let them circle around the campfire one more time to let him check his bag.
Once he finally reached the chair he nudged it with his boot, moving as inconspicuously as he possibly could. Looking down the bridge of his nose at the ground and keeping his face pointed at the bear, doing his best to hopefully give it the illusion he was still looking straight at it. Then the glimmer of firelight on cold blue steel changed everything.
With little regard for grace or safety he dove, hitting the ground hard as he snatched up his revolver. Nothing mattered but the familiar feeling of wooden grips in the palm of his hand.
The grizzly charged the second it felt a shift in the pace of their circling. It was natures very own meat-eating bulldozer and it came for him like eighteen tons of steel through the flames. Leaping at him like a tiger, massive claws outstretched before it, orange teeth gleaming golden in the firelight, and beady eyes glaring hateful death down on him.
Time slowed to a crawl, it was impossible to tell who would land the first hit.
Almost torturously slow the barrel of the pistol swayed towards the bear. The gun was about as close to heavy ordinance as you could get with a pistol, 500 bushmaster did not play around. The revolver weighed 5 pounds empty, the rounds themselves punching in at just a hair over three ounces a piece. Locked and loaded it was six pounds of barely contained destruction. It’d put a hole through an engine block with enough spunk left to party, the bear stood little chance.
Thing was however, he was growing less and less confident about who would strike first. Even if he beat it to the draw he’d be smothered by at least 600 pounds of bear. Ever so slowly, time began to normalize, the bear came down quicker, the revolver moved over with a snap. He pulled the trigger, feeling the hammer click back into place and right as he felt the tension leave the trigger and the hammer slammed forward everything went dark.
***
Coming to, Ozzy found himself in a disconcertingly warm environment, one strictly at odds with his Alaskan home. Not to mention it was incredibly breezy, he had to suppress a shiver as the wind caressed one of his particularly sensitive areas.
As he began to regain some of his composure warning bells started going off in his head, something was absolutely not right. Just moments ago, he was in the middle of nowhere chilly Alaska layered to the teeth with most importantly, heavy waterproof pants, his delicates were the last place on earth that should be getting extra attention from the wind. Not to mention, where the hell was the bear??
Opening his eyes he was assaulted by the angry ball of fire that was the sun at mid-day. Which allowed him to find himself, against his will, intimately familiar with the hot muddy ground. He was buck naked, bare as the day he was born.
“Ughhhh” he groaned, “what the hell.”
Up in Alaska there had been several strange people in Ozzy’s life to tell him about the connecting and freeing wonder of nudity in nature. They were all of course born and bred Alaskans and well things could get a little strange up there. So, he’d taken their words with the grain of salt they all deserved. If they wanted to have their junk and stuff swinging around as they walked through the woods that was on them. Personally, he was all about keeping the family fruits protected and well swaddled within the confines of a comfy pair of boxers. So when he felt parts of him that hadn’t gone unclothed in the outdoors since he could walk, mixing and matching with the muddy earth, he knew the bear must have won.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
With more squelches than he was comfortable with, he slowly extricated himself from the mud pit he’d woken up in. Getting promptly flash banged by the only article of clothing on his person. A dark green watch which was busy projected a stream of light directly into his eyes.
After a moment of waving the watch about he realized that it wasn’t just shining a random light in his eyes but projecting a screen. It was like one of those old projectors they had in most classrooms except it was the size of a watch face and projecting onto thin air, so really nothing like the old clunky projectors. The screen had a slight green tint to it, and after he gave it a moment to settle text began to scrawl out onto it.
Inert human characteristics transfigured to — Cosmic Stranger abilities
Universal Watch
Cosmic Stranger
Explorers Instincts
“What the hell?” Ozzy said for the second time in twenty seconds.
Tapping the watch with an incredulous look on his face Ozzy watched as the hologram faded and flowed back down into the watch face. Curiously, he tapped it again, nearly forgetting his nakedness as the little watch projector blew his mind, completely subverting his expectations of what he thought was possible. As with a simple tap the hologram flickered back to life showing the same text it had closed on. Trepidatiously, he reached out to touch, “Universal Watch”.
The screen changed.
Universal Watch
Everything you need to explore a new world!
There was a black arrow button to the top left of the holographic screen which he also clicked. It was the omnipresent back button, and it took him right back to where he’d started.
Cosmic Stranger abilities
Universal Watch
Cosmic Form
Explorers Instincts
He clicked on Cosmic Form.
Due to your nature and Cosmic Form you are especially suited to magics and energies relating to the Outside. Your cosmic form negates the need of an intermediary when consolidating power from the Outside.
He went back and clicked on Explorers instincts.
As a compass always points north your instincts will always lead you where you need to be. Allows the comprehension of languages, letting the explorer go where they please.
“Well that’s not at all strange and uncanny.”
Ozzy clicked the back button twice, hoping it’d take him to some sort of home page. where he was met by a log. Though the entries weren’t nearly as helpful as he’d have hoped.
12:34 Annihilated by cosmic event
12:37 Reconstituted in normal space
12:38 Arrived on Arcturin
12:59 Woke up
12:59 Activated Cosmic Stranger abilities
Yeah, he might be going insane, but it was at least sort of funny. Seeing “Annihilated by cosmic event” and “Woke up” only two bullet points away from each other had to be the universes way of making him into a joke.
*BEEP BEEP*
Looking over at his watch he saw a new notification.
Log added — Core created during cosmic event.
“Huh? Core? The hells a- “
He stopped as he felt instinctually pulled towards something. It was like the world’s strongest gut feeling. Figuring he had nothing to lose he allowed himself to be guided by the pull of his instincts. His gaze was dragged downwards, landing on the unfortunately detailed imprint he’d left in the mud. Lying half buried where his right hand had been, he spotted a matte grey chunk of metal in a perfect cube.
At first glance there was nothing special about the hunk of metal. As he held it in his hand however its’ seeming normality faded. It had that perfectness about it that only came from perfectly programmed high end CNC machines. Not to mention the edges were sharp, even at a dull 90 degrees the edges felt intentionally sharpened. He didn’t even bother to test the points, one of the sides had nicked his finger as he examined the Cube and drawn blood without him feeling a thing, he’d only realized he’d been cut when he turned the cube over only to find a bright red smear down one side.
*BEEP BEEP*
Core acquired, scan for details.
Ozzy frowned at the text before fiddling with the watch for a few moments, doing his best to activate a scanning function. Finding a button on the bottom left of the watch he clicked it, and cone of green lasers began scanning up and down the length of the metal square.
“No way…”
Wonder could barely describe his feelings as he watched the scanner get to work, it was like something out of a science fiction flick but compressed into the function and fashion of a modern chronograph. Holding his hand out towards the cube, or core as it was apparently called, he was mesmerized by the little light show as the lasers locked on and scanned up and down the entire length of the core before stopping with a whine and receding into the watch.
*BEEP BEEP*
Attuned Core identified. — Gun Core
Contains the manifested concepts of firearms.
Absorb? Yes/No
*BEEP BEEP*
Notice
New objective added, 1/3 starter objectives used.
Objective: Absorb Gun core
Rewards: Clothing
It only took Ozzy a moment to mull over the Yes/No prompt onscreen. If he was crazy like he currently expected himself to be then what was an insane person without an unregistered firearm. Then again if he was alive and well and just mysteriously happened to pop up naked in a swamp a hemisphere away from home? Well let’s just say he missed his gun.
“What’s the worst that could happen.” He muttered encouragingly to himself and clicked yes.
In a fascinating display of what had to be magic the core started melting in his hand. It was like watching chocolate or butter dissolve in a microwave. It had a warm gooey texture and it felt weirdly pleasant… for all of two seconds. Then as the melting core began to heat up, he realized he might’ve been a little hasty in his decision. The cube went from hot wax to molten metal in about an 8th of a second, and with a sensation that felt like his bones were being used to funnel liquid steel directly into his soul he might’ve started to lose his composure.
Screaming Ozzy began to flail his arm about, trying and failing to launch the scalding blob of gun core off of his hand and into the swamp. It didn’t work. The core continued to melt into him, burning its way through the inside of his arm to his torso. Even after the core was wholly subsumed beneath what impossibly seemed to be unmarred skin it continued to burn, only stopping after almost a minute had passed with Ozzy having long since expended all of the air in his lungs.
*BEEP BEEP*
Came the infuriatingly chipper noise from the watch, he had a notification. Panting, Ozzy tapped the watch throwing up the screen.
Gun Core absorbed
Cores 1/?
Unlocked Gun Core ability — Big Iron
To summon the Big Iron conjured weapon focus thoughts and willpower to summon into hand.
*BEEP BEEP*
Objective completed
Reward Granted
Still panting face down in the mud, he felt as clothes popped into existence around his body as he did his best get ahold of himself. His best was unfortunately not great, and he probably looked like he’d been through eight levels of hell, but hey, at least he had clothes now.
New gun though? Now that was something that could get him up on his feet. One thing was for certain though, wherever he was, that had been some serious pain. He would not be going around absorbing any more random cubes.
Clicking the word “Summon” which had been highlighted blue the screen repopulated with clearer instructions.
The act of summoning an item with mana can be freeform or guided by the use of a core ability. To summon the item, focus your mind on the item and with a force of will pull the item from your mind into existence.
The explanation certainly left a lot to be desired. Whatever, Ozzy thought. He could leave it for later. As it was, he was busy trying to digest the reality around him that was slowly starting to get real as he realized this wasn’t some random dream but potentially his new existence.
He’d felt the sun on his shoulders, the breeze against his untanned cheeks, and the slimy mud on his unmentionables. Then he’d been turned into the world’s first human kiln as he absorbed the gun core, and to top it all off he’d been using a magical wristwatch to define the meaning of a word in the description of a gun summoning power.
Maybe he was the victim of some elaborate prank? The sort they put on tv and got sued for afterwards. A lawyer would have a field day with this.
With his head spinning he began to sit down, then realizing he was in a muddy swamp looked around for a tree to lean against. The normality of it only added fuel to the fire, it was a cypress tree like any other he’d ever seem. It looked real, felt real, it even smelt real, there was no way it was fake. Even if it was fake there was just no way someone would’ve taken all the time to set up a bear attack, rescue him, take him from his campsite in the middle of who the hell knows where Alaska, and dump him into this hellish swamp.
There was no other way to explain it, and with a horror he came to a conclusion as to what had happened to him. He’d just fallen victim to the world’s worst anime trope. He’d been isekaid.
“I’m not some loser neet!” He shouted up at the heavens shaking his fist in indignation. “That stupid bear didn’t even kill me!”
After throwing a couple rude gestures at the sky he leaned back against the tree and rested his head in his hands. After sitting and glooming his situation away for a few minutes however he heard a disturbance off into the swamp.
With a snap he felt his gut pull him in that direction. Straining to hear he cupped his hands and held them over his ear, listening closely he slowly began to draw a mental picture of what was going on. It was like trying to talk over the phone in a concert hall though. Something metallic was clanging, there were the crashing noises of several big things splashing through the swamp, and then finally he heard them, voices.
