It was early in the day on Oneday when I realized my error. I had asked Kurumi to schedule her Student Council Fundraiser Fun-Fair on a Sixthday that I didn't already have plans to go out with my friends or to attend to any missions, quests, adventures or meetings. So, without paying adequate attention, we wound up scheduling my dunk-tank extravaganza for the same day as the opening of Fashion Week. The two schedules did not quite conflict, but it was pushing stuff close right when I really needed to have more slack and leniency. This could be a real problem later. Well I sure hope not, fingers crossed!

  I mailed a letter to the Greifir heir I had lit votives with. It was not a straightforward message, but an easy one to explain anyway. I told him that I and a band of helpers had penetrated the heart of the Uchislowi jungle and discovered a barbarian village there, and in doing we had discovered the secret to traveling safely through that land. I shared the knowledge and suggested that a joint venture of Greifir and Brunbling forces could move into that region, slay the monsters, reclaim the land, eliminate a threat to the kingdom, and free the endangered innocents.

  I knew that there was a good chance he would go for it, Greifirs are noble, militant, honorable, proud, and pious. The chance to slay monsters and minister to heathens would be a siren's song. And since the jungle is in Wanfarrun, they would need Brunbling cooperation or assistance to bring a force of soldiers over there. And the Brunblings would definitely go for it because they would eat their own gloves if it made the Greifirs respect them at all. The chance for a joint campaign would thrill them both.

  And, I wanted the Brunblings and the Greifir just a little closer than they otherwise would have been. I've got long-term plans, after all.

  Unfortunately I'd have to wait a couple days for a reply to find out if they're going to go for it, because that's how letters work. In the meantime I've got classes and electives and other important errands. During math class I need to encourage Kurumi, who is starting to slowly recover her affection for me, and I need her to believe that I'm not pissed about her fucking carnival games stepping on my time. She's rich. I'm rich. Why are we busting our asses for a dozen platinum crowns worth of funding? Because that's the right way to do it, apparently.

  My share of the bounty from this weekend, after expenses, is enough to pay four years of tuition and the Student Council's funding goals. I should not have to subject myself to this indignity.

  Professor Ryichsur wanted to discuss my emotional well-being. I did a lot of explosions, violence, and strenuous catharsis this last weekend, but it did not really seem to help me. Something was off. I don't feel as relieved and quieted as I thought I should. Probably because I never really got a chance to really relax into it. I spent the whole thirty hours worrying about everyone else and trying to watch every angle. It's a shock that I'm not more wound up now than I was before we left.

  Seriously, going out as part of an expedition is a lot of pressure!

  Rabert Frantlin and I discussed this upcoming weekend, because we would both be attending. For various reasons we would almost certainly not see each other during the event. So we spoke in our circumspect way, making vague allusions and never clarifying exactly what we were referring to. It's a talent and a skill, and I'm slowly picking it up.

  Belisa is reaching for me more readily, and not holding me as desperately. That feels like its own kind of progress.

  Every time I see Yheta at lunch he's excited to talk about anything and everything. I'm finding more subjects that we can include Elica into so he's got someone besides just me to talk to. I'm trying to broaden his social circle. I'm starting to think that the reason he's been lonely the whole time he's been at the Academy is because he's just got no idea how to talk to people who do not share his interests or who have interests he does not share. He makes an exception for me because I myself am one of those interests. In the most objectifying way.

  Conversations with Kimothy have taken an interesting turn. He's actually less impressed with me as a sorceress than he was before. My special knacks and versatility were more impressive to him before he got so intimately aware of my limitations. And yet he seems to respect me more as a leader than before, and he engages more on subjects other than magic. Kinda funny, that.

  Tiviti is still friendly, but I think I missed a chance to close our relationship a little more. She's amiable but it feels colder now. She wants me to invite her along to any events that include monster-killing. I think if I find a way to have her kill one of the skywhales that would help us. Or I should take her at her word, and try expanding our association beyond a simple "saving people, hunting things" kind of partnership. Take her someplace nice. Maybe include her as plus-one for one of my outings with the roommates?... I reconsider that. Friction between Tiviti and Elica could escalate fast.

  Nux is much more badly behaved during class sessions, acting out more, yelling more, and lashing out. He got a taste for violence, and an appetite. But when he's restraining himself his designs are getting sharper and more daring. He's designed a clockwork that includes a large trough and a lot of gears and grips- if you drop one or more crossbows into the trough, the machine will sort them, orient them, cock the string back, load the crossbow, and present it in ready position for use. A dozen crossbowmen with two dozen crossbows could shoot almost continuously with this thing!

  Enefiat Trazom is scrupulously not mentioning Fashion Week. I think he avoids it. He has quietly advised me that I should avoid it as well. Sometimes, I wish that was an option for me.

  Quarl has some newly conflicted feelings. On the one hand he has seen me inflict brutal and overwhelming violence at point-blank ranges. And, he really likes the part where we got money (and poison) and made it out alive. But he's mentioned that my leadership style leaves something to be desired. So, what he wants to see and what Kimothy wants to see, don't line up very well.

  But Thumper has been giddy for days, telling everyone about her turn as an adventurer, how she went into a poisoned forest and slew monsters and sparred against barbarians and saw a skywhale up close. I suppose I didn't swear anyone to secrecy but only after the fact I felt like maybe I should have. Or maybe Tiviti's right and keeping secrets has become too much a part of my nature.

  In my defense, most of what people know about me makes them hate me. I'm a lot more palatable as a mystery than a known quantity.

  "Don't take this the wrong way," Licard said. "It was good to get out in the field. It was good to stretch the mana channels real thoroughly. It was good to see an entire team come back alive. It felt good to see the next generation of adventurers getting their start. Don't ask me to do that again."

  I considered my response for a second before I spoke. "Very well. The next time I take an expedition of adventurers out into the field, I will not ask you to join us." I paused a beat. "But I will tell you who is going and where we're going."

  His eyebrow quirked and he slipped a grim smile. "Ah. So I'll know which kids are in how much danger. So I'll agree to go along without you asking me."

  "Or, you could ask me not to do that, and then you'd never know," I added.

  He emitted a wry and bitter chuckle. "Oh, even worse, so I would have to assume. I see you've got me pegged as a soft touch that can't help wanting to take care of plucky young troublemakers. Gonna have to disappoint you. There's lots of other healers. I'll get you their names."

  So, as it turned out he really meant it. I backed off and did not try to get him to commit to any more exciting outings. And, I want it on record, I really did try to leave him out of my troubles going forward. But sometimes, way too often, things don't happen the way I want them to and I have to just adapt. For example, just a few days later I was going to come to him with a hell of a case.

  My new sorcery teacher was extremely excited about my new affinity for thunderbeasts. Everyone else in my class was very impressed by our new petting zoo.

  When I got to the science labs I pulled some of the twigs from Uchislowi and looked at them under a microscope as if that would help me. I was able to rule some things out. Like, anything that would be visible under a normal light microscope. But just when I was about to give up on that, I found a new clue somewhere unexpected. In my status menu.

  [ Uchislowi Tree 4% ]

  I had an affinity for the tree. Not much, not yet, but a start. And the more I develop that, the more I'll understand the essence. If I can't get answers with science, maybe I can get them with magic.

  And every night I open up a small notebook I've been keeping with me. Song titles. Trying to remember every song I've ever heard on Earth. I've converted so many now that I have a hard time remembering which ones I've finished and which ones are still on my list. When I remember a song, I jot the title or as much as I remember, scratch it off when I'm done. Someone says something that reminds me of a song, I add it to my list. Feel It Still? Write that down. Pirates? Write it down. Crazy. Well shit, I know like six songs with that title. I do my best.

  Meanwhile I decided I would finally start taking my [ Rival ] role more seriously. I started with some trivial nastiness. Just enough to make Nathan's life a little more difficult, embarrass him in unexpected ways. He had his lettering class right after lunch, so that was my opportunity to curve the ink in his supply bag and thin it down so it would be too runny. I warped his jacket just a little so it fit him wrong for a few hours. The plate for his breakfast was almost ice-cold and left the food unappetizingly clammy. I asked Thumper to be a little harder on him during his fencing lessons.

  But I continued to hold Elica back. She thought it would be funny to go after his reputation, but I wasn't ready for that step yet. I could show him that I was annoyed without dragging the family down. The way I figured it, a Rival is allowed a little bit of nastiness and aggression, but only up to a point. After all, my main role is to be better than him. A living challenge to his abilities. I don't need to drag him down, I'm supposed to drag him up. But, I am supposed to drag him.

  It's just kind of hard when he refuses to try to meet my standards and would rather forge paperwork to convince everyone that he's better than me.

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  I had a slow period in my Developing Theories class. All I had to do was mention the use of vacuum tubes as electrical components, give them a few samples to work with, and watch them go wild. So while the adults in the room are all dazzled by my brilliance and scrambling over themselves to come up with the best application and theory and use-case and documentation. On good days, my role here is just to wave a wand as The Puzzlemaster! and challenge them to create the best answer to my riddles three.

  So I had nothing better to do than to kick back with ol' Nux Gysmo and let myself think out loud. He was working on his sketchbook, it looks like armor specifically meant to deflect and deter the hook-shaped claws of the Blind, and to up-armor all the spots they usually bite at, or spikes where they're likely to impact.

  "So I was asking myself," I said, bouncing a ball off the wall, over and over. "How does a tree evolve the ability to create a poison specifically against positive emotions? That seems unlikely. But, first of all, maybe it's just magic. Okay. On the second hand, well, it's a pretty viable strategy right?"

  "The tow hitch yanked itself inside my skin," Nux commiserated.

  "Sure dude. Like, species cooperation is probably the most important strategy in the evolutionary lottery. Social groups are a game changer. That's well-established," I said, bouncing the ball and catching it, over and over. I don't have access to rubber, so it's just leather and air pressure. "So, it stands to reason that the ability to disrupt social groups of other species would also be a massive tilt of evolution. A hard counter to the dominant strategy. That was where my mind was, right?"

  "Keith is an adorable bat."

  "Yes he is. Thing is, that hypothesis only make any fucking sense if animals of a social group are a major threat to the lives and genetic future of these trees. And historically, prehistorically, that's never really been the case. Their threats are fires, weather conditions, parasites, disease, competition with other trees, or the actions of specific animals like an elephant ripping up a sapling, or a bird whose nesting habits are a danger." I paused, holding the ball and staring at it in my hands. "With one major exception."

  "Tie the X in half?" Nux suggested.

  I started tossing again. Bounce, catch, throw. "I can't think of any animal species that collectively endangers species of trees, other than humans. So, my hypothesis really means that this toxin is an evolved defense against the logging industry and manmade deforestation. And that's ridiculous. Impossible."

  "Start the tarts, begin the beingets!"

  "You tell 'em Nux. I remember some story about how evolution can happen a lot faster than we used to think, taking decades or centuries instead of eons. But, that's for a shift of existing traits, I'm sure. Not for developing whole new strategies to deal with a specific threat."

  "Lick the salt, take the drink, bite the lime, and throw," Nux advised me. He started a new page, diagramming something that appeared to be a new laser array, this time including the light-multiplying crystals from the Hearstcliff cavern.

  "Maybe later. But here's the thing: The beaches here have sand, Nux. That means that when the coastal landforms were developed, there were tidal forces depositing sediment. Okay, big whoop. But where's the fuckin' moon, man?"

  "Giving the sisters their names, they are Daisy and Devotion."

  "That's very sweet," I said, smiling. "But for real. This game has a recurring theme for glimmering points of light. Twinkling stars, the bling off a sword's edge, a very shiny hero-smile. So there's plenty of artwork of the night sky, and there was never art of a moon, which presumably would only have gotten in the way. But then I get here and there's actually not a moon. Not even a dark moon locked in orbit away from the sun, astronomers would notice that blocking out stars. I'm pretty sure that landmass formation as we know it requires a tidal force and satellites, but we appear to have none. Hypothesis: there used to be a moon and now there isn't. Did it crash? Or did it slip its orbital tether and float away?"

  "Varmints with garments?"

  "Probably not," I sighed. "But at this point I'm open to new ideas. But... man, this whole fucking planet. The axial tilt is off, there's very little distinction between seasons. The summer solstice and winter solstices only have about forty-five minutes of daylight difference. So, we're very near the equator. But it's always so damn cold! Summer temperatures are comfortable, winter temperatures are lethal. All the seas are relatively shallow. This continent has no mountains on it anywhere. That is weird. Geologists have identified where the fault lines are, and there's no folding, pressing, subsidence... nothing. The fault lines are inactive. No naturally-occurring earthquakes, just the ones created by wizardry. The only major geological event is the Fissuring, which I'm pretty sure was induced by wizards and not natural. Right?"

  "An invasion of abrasions, a legion of lesions." Oh yeah, he's definitely working to upgrade my laser cannon. And he is carefully marking all the safe handholds so I don't destroy my hands clutching the lens directly again.

  "You said it, pal. Now, all this made sense when I was playing a video game. Simple map, simple geography. But that simple geography implies a very skewed geology. I've never seen an igneous rock here. Everything is sedimentary, with a little metamorphic. that's it. And the limestone! Nux, the very first cave I ever explored in Hearstwhile was the size of a world-class sporting arena. And all the others too. The landscape here is so riddled with sinkholes and caves that they're basically treated like free sewers and garbage disposal, everyone just throws stuff down into the ground and forgets it forever!"

  "Have you tried turning it off and killing someone and turning it back on?"

  "We'll call that Plan C, okay? What I'm getting at is how fucking long does it take for water to carve a cave that big? Or for that much sediment to deposit? How long does it take for a moon to drift out of orbit? How long does it take for a forest to evolve a response to clear-cut lumbering? Nux, I think this world is ridiculously old."

  He handed me the new laser array, which would definitely need a stand and came with a magnification chamber. Neat. He tapped his pencil, grinning. "We could stand here wading through shadow essences all day, but the God Grinder still needs to be fed."

  "Cool cool," I replied. "Look, one of the first indications I ever got that something is off, was back when I was about seven years old and my agricultural tutor said the words: 'what do you mean, different kinds of wheat?', and that was not a joke. He was confused. There's only one strain of apples here. Oak is a species, not a clade. All of our staple crops are genetically identical. The ecosystem here is turbo-fucked, and and it's all being held together with painter's tape and prayer. Oranges, lemons, limes, clementines, pomelos, tangerines? All limited to extremely specific regions and every year their harvest is a little less. Tomatoes barely grow here at all. Do you know how fragile an agricultural environment needs to be if all your scurvy protection falls on two crops of grapefruit and cranberries? And shit, I wish it was just plants. The degree of racial hegemony in this nation is... troubling."

  Nux tuned me out, he was designing some kind of fine-strand netcaster to take advantage of the roiling, stumbling, aggressive movement of massed Blind. I need to start figuring out an opportunity to test this out.

  I tossed the ball, and contemplated. This is an old, worn-out world that's been hollowed out, sanded smooth, and has barely managed to stay habitable to human civilization on one continent with one government that is is so top-heavy that if we actually did root out all the corruption and the bureaucratic redundancy, it would crash the whole system, like a weight-bearing black mold infection. There are at least a dozen species that have evolved intelligence and sapience, and they're all hostile.

  If the lands outside Hearstwhile are populated with trees like the Uchislowi, that explains why monsters thrive outside our borders. And it means that this nation is the last enclave on the world where love, affection, comraderie, friendship, and compassion mean anything at all. If this land fails, all that's left is the tyrannical gangs of the nailmonkeys and the unconditional individualism of the centaurs.

  Maybe it's kind of fucked up, but I think I'm actually trying to save this world for love and friendship. Which, honestly, is not a role I expected to see myself cast for.