Kuba, Moryana, Kasia, and Vasil sat in a semicircle around the hoard. I stood, since I was going to be identifying all the goodies the bwotnik had so generously left me.

  Phisto also decided to bless us with an appearance. He went straight for me, stopped at my side, and nodded toward Moryana. “You know she’s dead, right?”

  “Undead,” I corrected.

  “Just checking.”

  He turned and walked over to Kasia, hopped up onto her lap, and curled up. She started gently stroking his fur as he purred.

  I watched them for a moment. “So that’s how it is now?”

  Phisto didn’t look up. “That’s how it is.”

  “So,” Kasia started. “Vasil can talk. Skelly can talk. How come Phisto can’t talk?”

  I snorted. “He can talk, alright. Be glad you can’t hear it.”

  Phisto scowled at me. “That was uncalled for.”

  I considered it. He had been less annoying lately. But I’d also seen him less lately. Maybe he was just as annoying as ever, but I just didn’t notice since he was always doing goddess knows what.

  “What have you been up to?” I asked him.

  “Oh, you know,” he said.

  “Yes, Phisto, I know exactly what you’ve been up to, which is why I’m asking like an idiot.”

  “That’s okay,” he replied, looking smug.

  Oh I saw what he was doing. He was messing with me again. For some reason annoying me gave him pleasure. Well, it wouldn’t work. I had treasure to identify.

  “Eat a moutza,” I said, giving him the gesture.

  Kuba raised an eyebrow. “Are you arguing with the cat?”

  “No. Yes. He started it. Look, let’s just start identifying some stuff, alright,” I said as I turned to pick up the axe. I tried to pick it up, but I couldn’t. For half a second I considered the possibility that this was some kind of only the pure of heart may lift the sacred weapon type of deal, but then I remembered that Moryana, the murderous swamp spirit, had managed to haul it up. Compared to her I was probably a saint. Compared to most people, actually. I probably couldn’t lift this thing because I only had three points in Strength.

  I figured I’d just cast [Artifact Index] and Kuba could deal with the axe after.

  [Hinkypunk* - Axe]

  Skills are 25% more effective

  +18 Strength

  +20% Attack Speed

  Restores 1 Mana per hit

  On death: 50% chance to reanimate as a will-o’-wisp for 10 minutes before returning to normal

  Odd name, but a very solid axe. Twenty-five percent to all skills was excellent, the Strength gain amazing, and the death-avoidance clause felt specifically designed for Kuba, given his… romantic situation. And if I was to believe Kasia, [Carpenter] was also a dangerous class to have, though something still didn’t sit right with me about that story.

  I told Kuba the stats and his mouth fell open. It took him a couple of seconds before he was able to speak again. “Is this real?”

  I shrugged. “That’s what it says.”

  “And you’re just giving it to me?”

  I shook my head. “No, I can’t give it to you. It’s too heavy for me to pick up. You’ll have to grab it yourself.”

  Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

  “I meant, I can have this?”

  “I told you, it was my gift to you. Why wouldn’t I let you keep it?”

  “B-but, you’ve already given me so much. This axe is a named item. The stats are insane. I just don’t understand why you’re being so nice to us. No one is ever nice to us.”

  I walked up to him, put my hand on his shoulder and crouched. “This may come as a shock to you, but I’m actually a very nice person. I said you could have it, so you can have it. Besides, what am I going to do with an axe? One I can’t even lift.”

  I caught Kasia looking at me with tears in her eyes.

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “Once you get your class, I’m sure we’ll get you some nice stuff too.”

  She wiped at her eyes. “That’s not…”

  Damn. She was crying. I assumed it was because her brother was getting all these amazing items and she wasn’t. Maybe I should have asked that cobbler to make her shoes instead of giving her my old sandals. Now I felt bad.

  I sat down next to Kasia and put my arm around her. “If you have any idea what kind of class you might get, I promise I’ll keep an eye out for some goodies for you. We can save them for when you turn eighteen.”

  She hugged me and cried even harder. I looked at Vasil, hoping that he might be able to tell me how to respond in a situation like this, but he was just sort of smiling at me, and it looked like he might start crying any moment too.

  Was I really that bad? Man, I really needed to work on my people skills.

  I started to feel embarrassed and tried to get up, but Kasia was still hugging me tightly. I awkwardly patted her head and said, “I’m sorry. I promise I will get you something cool.”

  She looked at me with tear-filled eyes. “You’re sorry?”

  "Hecate," Vasil said gently. "She's crying because you're being nice to them."

  That was confusing. Why would she be sad if I was being nice?

  "You saved their lives. You gave them shelter. Food. Protection. You gave Kuba armor, and now an incredibly valuable axe. You’re treating them like they matter. They’re not used to that."

  I looked at Kasia, then at Kuba, then back at Vasil. "But... I'm just being normal?"

  Vasil huffed a soft laugh. “Normal for you.”

  I thought about it for a moment. A lot of people in Silesia did seem to be pretty dickish. Dickish people. Dickish Church. Dickish god.

  Well, all those dicks could stay dicks. I'd just keep being my non-dickish self. Someone had to set a good example around here.

  I gave Kasia a final pat on the back and stood up. “This stuff isn’t going to identify itself.”

  I carefully tried lifting the sword and found out I could lift it just fine. Good.

  [Artifact Index]

  [Flameowl’s Cry* - Sword]

  While equipped the user has access to the [Flame Breath] ability.

  +8 Attunement

  +20% Fire Absorption

  Gain increased Movement and Attack Speed based on Fire damage done. After damage ceases to be dealt the buff stops after 10 seconds.

  A genuine smile crept onto my face.

  “Hecate, what’s with the creepy look?” Phisto asked.

  I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, and counted to ten. Don’t let him get to you, Hecate. He’s just a cat. This is what he does. He feeds on annoyance the way vampires feed on blood.

  I opened one eye to check on him. Phisto was staring at me with the smuggest expression imaginable. Wait a minute. A horrible thought just entered my mind. I cast [Soul Index] on him.

  [Purveyor of Chaos]

  Status: Thriving

  Okay, first of all, “thriving” was a status now? And second of all, what? Phisto had a class? Did he have a class all along?

  I pointed at him. “Phisto, you have a class.”

  “Of course I do.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “What level are you?”

  He smiled. “Pretty high.”

  “You must gain experience by annoying people.”

  “I do, actually. Double experience points for tripping them.”

  I believed him right away. Probably got triple experience for making people fall down the stairs. He was always twisting between everyone’s legs when they tried to walk up or down the steps.

  “You’ve been farming me this whole time?”

  “Obviously. I couldn’t possibly farm Kasia. She’s too kind and innocent.”

  I spread my arms. “I’m fucking kind and innocent! Sort of.”

  Wait. He was doing it again. Clever little bastard. I almost gave him a moutza, but didn’t want to give him any more undeserved experience. He’d have to farm someone else from now on.

  I waggled a finger at him and shifted my attention back to the sword. We could discuss this shocking revelation later. Did make me wonder what he was doing when he disappeared for hours at a time, though.

  Anyway. The sword. None of us used swords, and it seemed like a good offering. It would synergize well with the gear I already had, and being able to breathe fire like a dragon was cool.

  The Fire Absorption would heal me for 20% of incoming Fire damage, and with my 74% Fire Resistance, most attacks would barely scratch me. A hundred points of fire damage would heal me for twenty, my resistance would block another seventy-four, leaving only six damage taken. Get my Fire Resistance any higher and fire attacks would actually heal me.

  Of course none of these benefits were guaranteed to carry over if I offered it up for an upgrade, but I was hopeful. Only two items in and the bwotnik’s hoard had already proven to be exceptionally good. It made me a little giddy to see what the other pieces of gear did, and what might be in the chest.

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