–

  What in The Realm were you two thinking?!”

  Three people were sitting in front of the head receptionist. The very same ones that had been overlooking the defense in Lazhen. The two rising stars of the adventuring world, Zedart and Valee, as well as Kenheart the [Assassin] were getting an earful.

  Valee leaned back on her chair with both her hands behind her head like she didn’t care, and she really didn’t have to. After all, she had already hit rock bottom, it was all up from here.

  Zedart sat up, stock straight and met the administrator’s fury.

  “I wanted a duel with Artigan, I apologize.”

  The head receptionist of Lazhen knew better than to argue with a stubborn [Swordsman]. He instead pointed a finger at the orc [Rogue].

  “You attacked Ken just to give Zedart his duel? I expected better from you, team leader Valee.”

  Valee didn’t take the bait, she knew better. Nobody here was getting blacklisted, not after that video. She kept her tone casual, confident in her position.

  “I do know better, Ken wanted to try to kill Artigan even if it cost him his life. I wanted to keep it non-lethal and bag him if we won.”

  “You’re trying to tell me the three of you together wouldn’t have been able to kill Artigan?”

  Now Valee sat up straight and stared the guild receptionist in the eyes.

  “Did you see the damage on the hill? It wasn’t on video but if we seriously pushed Artigan we would have all died. The way I see it, Zedart got his duel, Artigan failed to get the portal achievement, and we all survived. I think that’s a job well done, head receptionist.”

  The head receptionist turned a shade of red as he failed to refute her words.

  Valee was finding out that she was quite good at spouting dragonshit.

  –

  A [Rogue] stood in front of a door. He seemed nervous, more worried than he was when he performed in front of the Witch Tyrant or to the rest of the world.

  Ryan knocked and waited. A voice answered.

  “Come in.”

  He opened the door. Milock looked the same as always, typing away on random social media sites, arguing with strangers online. Ryan entered the room and stood by the door. He left it open just in case he needed to retreat.

  “Um, can we talk?”

  Milock sighed, “Ryan, it’s fine. I just needed some time to not be angry.”

  “Oh, well, I just wanted to say… sorry for not telling you sooner.”

  “It’s okay, I get it. I forgive you.”

  This wasn’t at all what the [Rogue] had expected. The entire conversation had thrown off his gameplan so much that Ryan just kept standing there. A yelling Milock would have been preferable. His friend finally swiveled on his chair and shrugged, a small smile on his face.

  “So, are you going to keep standing there?”

  Ryan awkwardly walked into the room and sat on Milock’s bed as his friend turned back to the laptop and typed away. Milock talked as he typed.

  “I really mean it, by the way. I’m good and I forgive you.”

  “Thanks, it was selfish of me to keep it a secret. I guess I wanted the best of both worlds without realizing I was taking away your own choice from you all.”

  “It’s fine, you don’t want to stop and you think this is more important than your life.”

  That answer sounded… off. Ryan frowned but Milock had already moved on, his friend chuckling.

  “You know what would have been funny? Imagine if I started drawing dicks on your face and kept doing it. I wonder how long it’d have taken for me to realize you died for real.”

  Ryan imagined the picture and started laughing nervously.

  After a few more minutes of awkward banter Ryan left the room with a pen and paper. It wasn’t the perfect resolution, nor did Milock actually sound like he’d processed everything. But at least his friend sounded better.

  He found Clara next. Clara had somehow sequestered a bottle of Seffara’s alcohol, and she’d been sipping straight out of the golden bottle. On the floor of Seffara’s dining room. She waved at him with the bottle.

  “Heyyy Ryan! Thish stuff’sh really good.”

  Clara slurred her words. Ryan eyed the golden bottle.

  “I think that’s adventurer’s alcohol. I wouldn’t drink any more of that.”

  “Nonsensh. it was only a few sips. I’m ex-ex-exaggerating okay?”

  Ryan gently prised the bottle from Clara’s hand. High quality magical alcohol was apparently less poisonous than regular alcohol but that would also depend on what realm grade it was made for. Better safe than sorry considering Seffara could be quite irresponsible at times.

  Clara looked at him with big searching eyes.

  “You’re not going to die are you Ryan?”

  “Nah, I’ll be fine.”

  Clara stared at him, her eyes seemed to pierce through. The way he’d seen Barry do.

  It really was a wonder how Ryan had never realized Clara acted like a bubbly airhead on purpose. It was the same way Barry walked around like a big lumbering orc. Which he was.

  She flopped onto the ground, staring at the ceiling.

  “Liar.”

  “Damn, you’ve got to tell me that trick.”

  She laughed, “that’s easy, if they’re trying too hard then they’re lying, and if you’re not sure you just call them a liar anyway.”

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  Ryan blinked, then shook his head.

  “I wonder who’s sneakier, you or Barry.”

  Clara started punching the air, annoyed by the mention of the orc.

  “Barry’s a cheater! Cheater!”

  She stopped then put her hands to the sides as she stared at the ceiling, “it just became so real, you know? I mean, I know it was serious but it was just Realm stuff. Literally another world. One where you messed about with an extra life and did crazy things. It kept getting realer but you kept doing crazy enough things that it still didn’t feel quite real. You know? Now it’s just really really real.”

  She sat up and stared at him, her eyes piercing once again.

  “Hey Ryan?”

  “Yeah Clara?”

  “Don’t die.”

  “I won’t.”

  “That’s better.”

  Clara went back to staring at the ceiling. She just lay there, silent and looking older than he’d ever seen from her before. It had been a good reminder that he really couldn’t underestimate anyone.

  Ryan walked away from her trying to feel better about that interaction. The original plan had been to ask for her help with writing a will to his parents.

  He sure as shit couldn’t ask for her help now.

  The [Rogue] stalked back to his room and sat by a desk. A pen and blank piece of paper in front of him. It just stared at him like a monster he’d never expected to deal with before. A challenge as great as any other.

  Greater perhaps.

  The bottle he took from Clara glistened in the moonlight. It was mostly full and would probably sell for a lot. Yet he was an adventurer, he would not hoard consumables for a challenge like this.

  It took twenty minutes. Probably too little time for a final will to his parents but the drink did help him along, and he didn’t want to think about his death too much.

  Ryan wasn’t going to die. He was going to become a dragonslayer, punch a Tyrant in the face then see if he could punch the Manager in the face too. Then punch the multiversal invaders in their stupid face if they came.

  It was a good plan.

  Ryan folded the paper into a small square then jumped out the window. He went searching for the final person he wanted to talk to.

  He found Seffara walking out from the woods. Seffara’s compound encompassed a densely packed forest that grew wildly and seemed almost out of place compared to the rest of the neat compound. The picture of a gleaming sapphire tinted [Knight] walking out of a dark forest should have made him giddy.

  Okay, it still made him a little giddy.

  “Hey Seff.”

  Her ears picked up his words despite the distance. The heroine took a step and appeared in front of him. She had moved faster than the speed of sound without causing a sonic boom. A problem all adventurers had to solve when they reached the higher realms.

  The heroine looked down at him.

  “What’s up?”

  “I got this for you, can you pass it on to my parents if I, you know, die?”

  Seffara took the letter, then she looked him up and down.

  “Definitely not a rookie anymore.”

  “Thanks.”

  “It isn’t always a good thing.” She sighed.

  Seffara took the neatly folded letter, and opened it, ready to read through his personal message.

  “Hey, that’s private.”

  Seffara put out a hand that held Ryan’s face as he tried to grab at the letter, he flailed uselessly as she held the letter out with one hand and read through the handwritten words.

  “I’m not delivering anything I don’t know the contents of… hmm.”

  She finished reading the letter in moments, still holding Ryan’s face. Seffara nodded in approval.

  “Not bad. A little rough but that’s probably better. Fine I’ll send it to them if you die.”

  “Thank you, I’m sorry for asking.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ve done this enough times at this point.”

  Seffara’s eyes weren’t like brilliant sapphire gemstones at this moment. They were just regular eyes of an ordinary weary heroine. Ryan looked away from that gaze.

  Seffara scoffed.

  “If you feel bad about it then make sure I don’t have to send this.”

  “No promises,” Ryan had already lied once today, “I’m going to keep doing stupid things until someone stops me or I reach the level of the Tyrants.”

  “Hah! I expect nothing less from someone in your generation,” Seffara didn’t say it like it was a compliment.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Oh, nothing.”

  The [Rogue] narrowed his eyes at the [Knight]. Then his body dropped like a bag of bricks. Seffara managed to catch him before his body hit the ground. She realized what he’d done as she caught him.

  “You little shit.”

  Then he grinned at her and actually activated the skill.

  [Return to The Realm]

  The skill wasn’t like [Return to Earth], there was no delay or shine or sound to announce his teleportation. It was an instant teleportation back.

  It was almost as if the Trial System disliked sending people away from The Realm and welcomed Destined with open arms.

  –

  When Ryan used [Return to Earth] it had been in a cave which he had scared off all the monsters. Normally he wouldn’t have even needed to do that, but the stupid evolved blue bird refused to leave him alone.

  It wasn’t quite willing to go into a cave where he could aim an [Aura Slash] at it.

  Ryan frowned at the pitch black darkness. Even if it was night, the light from the moons should have snuck through. Then the smell hit him and he understood what had happened. He made a face in disgust and groped around to find the bag he’d carried from the last Trial.

  He turned on Felsley’s phone and used the light to guide him forward.

  Ryan reached the only entrance to his cave and smelled the problem before he saw it. The asshole bird left a present in front.

  A copious amount of excrement that practically covered the entire entrance.

  “That’s just disgusting.”

  Aura condensed around his broken sword before he slashed out. The red wave smashed apart the entrance and the ‘present’ exploded outwards, leaving him a clear gap for him to walk through.

  Ryan smugly hopped outside and then promptly heard an outraged screech from above him.

  The bright and glittering blue bird soared into the sky as it screeched angrily at him. It saw his smile and he could practically hear its thoughts.

  Ryan waved an angry fist.

  “Leave me alone! You already evolved, you won!”

  It screeched at him. Ryan also screeched back.

  “Go screw yourself! I’m not letting you shit on me.”

  The glittering bird continued to tighten the circle around him. He’d seen this before, it would attempt a dive bomb at any moment and a filthy projectile would come at him at near supersonic speeds, breaking apart and spreading in the air.

  Ryan started sprinting.

  “Gamielle! Get this shitbird off me, I need to talk!”

  A [Mage] in white cackled as she floated beside him, she appeared back with a film camera and a ‘Artigan vs Shitcrow part 3’ titled in system text on top of her head.

  “I think this is more fun! C’mon big bad Artigan can’t handle a single birdy?”

  The said bird halted its circling as it panic-flapped in the air. It squawked in surprise and dove to a hill nearby. Its beady black eyes bulged as it looked cautiously.

  Not at him, but at Gamielle.

  It let out a weird warbling whine and lowered its head, blinking slowly, then flapping its wings twice and spreading them on the ground. It covered its head with spread wings.

  Ryan blinked. He had never seen a bird submit before but this one was definitely begging for its life.

  Gamielle smiled.

  “Smart little crow.”

  She disappeared from Ryan’s side and reappeared next to the cowering bird. Gamielle looked comically small compared to the giant blue crow. Its wingspan alone was at least ten of her armspans. Gamielle touched a wing and moved it aside. Its black beak eerily still as Gamielle put a hand on it.

  It cooed softly at her.

  “Aw, you’re a gorgeous little thing aren’t you?”

  The hand stroked past the beak and onto the top of its head, it patted down the almost metallic feathers and the bird let out a warble at her compliment.

  “I think I’ve seen your kind before. The burning lands in Sector Twelve? Is that where you’re from?”

  The bird nodded once, it let out a pained keening sound.

  “Aww, I’m sorry. It was the Passive Tyrant wasn’t it? Yeah she’s a big meanie.”

  It nodded rapidly, agreeing with her. It looked left, then right, and then pointed its beak towards the direction of its long distant home and tilted its head curiously at her.

  Gamielle clicked her tongue and shook her head.

  “Ah, sorry little guy, your home roosts are gone.”

  A pained screech fell out as the bird hollered its loss. Ryan scratched his neck, not sure what to make of this moment. Gamielle continued to sympathize with the bird, stroking its neck and whispering in a soothing voice.

  “It’s okay, most of your flock survived. Just your leaders were too strong for the Passive Tyrant to leave alone. Most of your flocks scattered but a lot of them are still alive.”

  The bird laid its head around Gamielle’s shoulder as it lightly scratched at her back. Gamielle gave it a big hug.

  Ryan canceled the aura he was condensing around his sword. Even for him this was a bit too awkward to attack.

  As the [Mage] and crow hugged, a beady eye locked in on him. The crow snapped lightly at him and opened its mouth slightly, baring the inside of its mouth. Ryan had no idea how Cerulean Crows acted, but he knew a mocking grin when he saw one.

  He narrowed his eyes back at the bird as he started condensing his aura again.

  “Keep it still Gamielle.”

  She spun around and pointed a finger at him, “Ryan! We’re having a moment! This is a juvenile Cerulean Crow, they’re very social animals and it just heard its flock had split apart. Have some sympathy, you monster!”

  The Cerulean Crow put its head high into the sky and sniffed, the damned bird actually sniffed at him.

  Ryan pointed a finger at the smug looking bird.

  “There’s no way you’re not seeing that! This shitbird is a menace, it terrorized Lazhen and shat on some very brave adventurers!”

  The crow warbled a challenge and flapped its wing once. Gamielle somehow translated.

  “You disturbed it first, it just wants to mark you once and it’ll stop following you.”

  The shitbird nodded its head rapidly, eager to hit Ryan with its droppings. He threw his hands up and sheathed his broken sword.

  “Hell no!”

  Frustrated, Ryan started jogging away. The main reason for The Realm visit was forgotten as he decided running was better to blow off some steam.

  The cerulean crow flapped once and looked ready to take after him. Ryan’s eyes twitched at the damned spiteful bird. He looked far in the distance where the Emerald Hills became more like mountains, they reached so far into the sky that there was snow at the top.

  Gamielle had said that the crow had come from the burning lands.

  “Let’s see if that Cerulean shitbird will follow me into a frozen tundra.”

  He paused half a minute into his spiteful jog. Somewhere during the whole fiasco he’d forgotten that the main reason he returned was to find a solution for his arm.

  “Wait, what am I doing? Hey, Gamielle?”

  Ryan turned around expecting a raspberry or a jumpscare, instead he got a sonic boom from far above him.

  “Weeeeee!”

  A wild Gamielle was riding on top of a brilliant blue bird. Throwing her arms in the air as they went at breakneck speeds.

  Ryan was trying really, really hard not to be jealous.

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