[ALERT: Animal rage state triggered.
Attempt to calm it to resume the procedure.]
The status update came in Lucretia’s voice, which did the opposite of calming me down.
“And how the floss am I supposed to do that!” I yelled.
SNAP!
The rage-rabbit tore free from its restraints and began hopping around the room in thunderous thumps, trashing it. At the same time, the pleasant theme of animal dentistry underwent the same transformation, playing the same tune but now blaring as hectic synth-metal.
“Oh, well done!” Silas blurted as he leaped from my shoulders and latched onto the ceiling, out of range of the rage-rabbit.
| Objective Updated: Subdue the rage-state animal without harming it. |
The objective update appeared across my vision at the exact same moment Todd the rage-rabbit charged toward me. I drew my Rook’s Revenge rifle on instinct, even though it had no ammo.
The rage-rabbit opened his maw and roared, then he chomped down at my head, his almost perfectly clean teeth spread wide. The fleeting thought that I actually had done a decent job providing preventative dental care to Todd flashed across my mind, but only briefly.
Then I jammed Rook’s Revenge into his mouth like I was hitting the bench-press, blocking him from eating my face, lest I end up looking like the receptionist.
Heaven forbid.
In his fury, Todd knocked me to the floor, where I braced my feet against his hips and kept the rifle wedged into his mouth. Another fleeting thought, this time about how nice and luxurious it was to feel his soft fur on my bare feet, came and went.
Focus, Erik!
Vicious talons tipped his humanlike hands, but his arms were short and stubby. They thrashed and scratched at nothing, reminding me of a furry T-Rex, and he couldn’t get me based on how I’d landed.
Silas crawled over to where another button had emerged from the wall. I caught a glimpse of it, and it read, “Call Dental Assistant.”
He began pushing it, smacking it repeatedly. “Wow, the service here is terrible.”
“Silas… help me!”
He jabbed a tentacle at the rage rabbit. “What am I supposed to do about that?”
“Distract it! Hit it!” I strained, but as a were-rabbit, Todd hadn’t skipped leg day even once in his furry life. “Anything. Just help!”
Silas flung himself off the wall and landed on the rage-rabbit’s back. Todd roared again and reared backward, relieving the pressure on my arms and the rifle. He hopped around the room in a frenzy, unable to shake Silas free or reach him with his short arms.
When the rabbit charged me again, I swung Rook’s Revenge like a baseball bat. I clocked it in the jaw, knocking out a jagged tooth and a shower of sparkles.
[WARNING: Please don’t hurt the animals. They’re our friends!
Subdue and calm. Striking a poor defenseless animal a second time will result in a penalty, diminishing rewards for this challenge.]
“Defenseless?” I shouted. “In what world is this thing defenseless?”
“I’d like to see how long he’d last in the briny deep, mate!” Silas called from Todd’s back. “I reckon it wouldn’t be very long!”
I drew on my past knowledge of gaming, considering my options. “Silas, is there Novocain or something by the tools?”
“What are you asking me for? I don’t do drugs!”
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“No! It’s—ah, never mind! Is there a sedative of some sort?”
He slingshotted off the rage-rabbit’s back and began rummaging through the tools. Meanwhile, the creature stood back up to its hind legs and clawed at me. I tried to hold him back with the rifle again, but even with his short arms, he managed to slash me in the chest. Fortunately, my vest absorbed most of the damage, but I doubted I could take many more hits like that.
I had no choice, so I spun the rifle and slammed the stock into Todd’s chest. Numbers erupted from the spot of the blow, and the rage-rabbit staggered back, wheezing. After I hit the thing, floating words appeared across my vision.
| -10% AllCash and XP. Repeated strikes will incur further penalties. |
“Silas, hurry up!”
Silas produced a mask hooked on a tank. “I think this is it? It says 'laughing gas,' but nothing about this is funny.”
I fought the monster off with Rook’s Revenge, trying to parry its teeth and stubby arms away. If I hadn’t selected the Scrapper skill just before this, I would’ve been out of luck. “Just use it!”
Silas furrowed his determined brow ridge. He spun the knob on the canister, put the mask on his own face, then looked at me for approval. “Like this?”
“No, you idiot! Use it on the rabbit!”
“Rude, and a lack of specificity… but I admit that does make more sense.” He added, “Also, the gas doesn’t make you laugh. That’s an egregious mislabeling.”
I gritted my teeth. I’m gonna make calamari out of you, you piece of aquatic snot.
Silas waited for his moment and then leaped onto the back of the rage-rabbit. Even with eight limbs, he struggled to strap the mask onto its wretched face. The furry monster wouldn’t stop thrashing.
It caught me with another heavy blow, this time mid-hop and from one of its powerful hind legs. The hit sent me crashing back into the office wall so hard I actually cracked the plaster. It rocked me and took a quarter of my health, which tumbled away as numbers again.
| -12% Condition: Ballistic Vest |
| Open wound: Right arm |
True to form, its taloned toes had nicked my arm, and I bled sparkles. It hurt like a ton-of-a-brick. I’d need another medkit to seal that up.
I bared my teeth. This stupidity has gone on long enough.
I leaped at Todd, aiming to ram a heavy stock-jab into his chest, just enough to knock him down so Silas could get the mask on, but Todd had other plans. He crouched for a jump right as I thrust the gun, so I caught him in the face instead.
| CRITICAL HIT |
A flash of light and a spray of glitter spewed from Todd’s face before he crumpled to the floor in a heap, accompanied by a familiar electric guitar riff. He immediately reverted to his pacified—and cute—rabbit state, but his leg kept twitching, and glitter continued to bleed out of his open head.
Todd issued a pitiful dying squeak, and his little pink nose stopped twitching.
I immediately and irrationally felt awful about it… but also, frag this stupid game.
Silas slipped the mask over what was left of Todd’s adorable bunny face. “There ya go, mate. A bit dodgy, but we got there in the end. Should be easy to clean his teeth now.”
I hung my head. “Now what?”
Words manifested before me.
| Critical Mission Failure |
| You killed a harmless little bunny. You’re a monster! |
I scoffed. “Critical mission failure? A ‘harmless little bunny?’ Please.”
| For the totally avoidable death of a helpless, terrified animal in your care, you are subject to the following penalties: |
| -$1,000 AllCash |
| You have been flagged as a troublemaker at this facility.
Subsequent offenses will result in a permanent ban. |
| You have been flagged as a troublemaker and will be
temporarily denied entry to all Veterinarian Simulators. |
| You have been flagged as a troublemaker and will be
temporarily denied entry to all Dentistry Simulators. |
| You have been added to the AllVerse Animal Rights Violators list. |
I rolled my eyes and headed toward the door. “Whatever. I don’t even have $1,000 AllCash, so you can scratch my back.”
Again, not what I tried to say, but the next message stole my focus.
| Outstanding debt to Animal Flossing: $1,000 AllCash |
| -$316 AllCash deducted. Current balance owed: $684 AllCash |
Boiling rage that rivaled what we’d just seen from Todd brimmed to the back of my neck. “What the—no! You can’t just—”
[Thank you for your inquiry!]
[Incurred debt is a feature of many games in the AllVerse. Once a debt is incurred, it remains until it is paid in full. There is no maximum debt threshold. If the Player is not locked into the specific game where the debt is incurred, repeat attempts are required until the debt is cleared. AllCash earned by any other means in the AllVerse will first be applied to incurred debts.]
The AllVerse’s debt policy was bad enough, but hearing Lucretia’s far-too-chipper voice explaining it aggravated me even more. As soon as I got out of here, I was going to change her voice, first thing. I didn’t often make mistakes, but that was a big one, and I wouldn’t let it haunt me any longer than I had to.
Silas slumped. “Well… that qualifies as a critical mission failure in my sea scroll.”
My jaw hung loose. I was at an utter loss. Based on the amount of rage coursing through my veins, I was surprised it didn’t cause me literal physical damage.
I don’t know if an AI is capable of feeling pain, but I intend to find out when I’m free… unless I’m locked in this animal dentist center forever.
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break--Royal Road. They call us the Critical Hitters.
In the desolate desert of the North American Sector, the government harvests the Soul Energy of siblings Eos and Maxima in secret.
When their powers attract the attention of a dangerous criminal organization, their routine lives are shattered. Eos and Maxima must search for freedom and the truth about their past as hostile forces close in.
The answers they seek lie behind one word—!
Occam's Favor
A grizzled ex-mech pilot is drawn back into the Everwar, a decades-long conflict raging across Jupiter’s moonscape.
This time he refuses to fight alone, bringing a crew of misfits and a mech powerful enough to rewrite the war itself.
is a can't-miss power-scaling mech series. Read it now!
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Dungeon Crawler Carl Audio Immersion Tunnel for Soundbooth Theater, and he's the lead writer for the Dungeon Crawler Carl Role Playing Game.
