My first day was hell. Officially, I was supposed to work an eight-hour shift, ten-hour shift tops, with overtime. My first day didn’t end until the sun rose, peaked, then finally began to descend. Which meant, my first day didn’t end until a full thirty-six hours had passed.

  There was no drinking that night. We all, like members of the living dead shambled out of our building towards our respective homes.

  I sorely wanted to crash and forget everything, but I smelled. Forcing myself to take a bath wasn’t the hard part. The hard part was trying to keep myself awake while submerged in blessed warm water. The water worked at my stress, pushing it away. I felt unburdened, freed, but by the time the bathhouse was closing, I wasn’t nearly well enough.

  Slightly energized, I grabbed some beers and food on the way back home. I ate and drank. Then crashed.

  I was awakened by my phone alarm. Then began the new trek to work. New suit, somewhat refreshed. I felt deceptively good. Perky, bright eyed, I felt like I could go at it with full force. I knew that to be false. It was false energy. If I really pushed through like I thought I could, I’d be dead on my feet by the end of the day.

  My second day worked out about the same. My pace picked up as I familiarized myself better with the system. Tom sent me more of his work, along with notations and notes. Brief little things, but enough that I felt confident doing the work. I did what I could and sent it back.

  Once again, when it came time to clock out, we went out to the bar. We ate, drank, this time I was a little more careful with my drinking. It didn’t help that Terada was watching me like a hawk. I almost wanted to get smashed just to see what they’d do, but I was beyond such petty little things. Plus… I did not need a hangover right now.

  Same as the day before, we went back to the office, worked through the night and day. Rinse and repeat. This continued throughout the week. I had a single day off over the weekend, and I spent it sleeping and lazing about. Even went to the bathhouse early to just luxuriate in the warm water for longer.

  Just being able to stare into space without having to think did wonders for my mental health. Then the work week started again.

  At this point, it was obvious. None of the new hires had stuck around. Most had quit after the first blitz, but those that stuck it out hung around until the weekend. They must have crashed, having failed to properly pace themselves.

  The week continued on, by this point, with me being on my second week, I was being introduced to other parts of my job. Officially, they weren’t my job. Nor was I hired to do them. I was picking up the divisions slack, as it was. I rarely, if ever had a spare moment to myself. I’d eat, drink, do whatever without stopping.

  My second week passed without much change in my routine. Though, it did end with an ominous warning.

  “We’ll need to pick up the pace if we are to meet the deadline at the end of the month.” Terada said as we prepared to leave for our day off. There was a round of sighs, exhausted smiles, and more than a few dead laughs.

  I wasn’t sure what that meant exactly… So, I prepared for the worst. Third week rolled in. There was no stopping. The only breaks we had been when we went to the bar for dinner, only to return back to work. We were expected to sleep in the office. Sleeping bags and futons were prepared for such an occasion.

  Nobody left, except to get food or drinks. The only exception being our dinners at the bar… and our manager, Leo.

  The man was a sight, he’d show up early in the morning, clearly drunk. He’d shut himself up in his office for a few hours, likely to sleep, only then would he come out around the evening, and head out after a brief ‘inspection’, if it could even be called that. He never did much of anything. Neither did he get in our way, something I was thankful for.

  The third week came and went without break. At some point, the fourth week had started. That was when the workload increased, and even the dinner breaks were cut, due to safety reasons. It was all a blur, but during this time, I came to realize a few things.

  Terada, was a wizard. I hated the man. It didn’t matter that he was in the same position as me, but he was the taskmaster in this situation. If I was a workhorse on the farm, and he was the farmer pushing me well beyond my limits. Didn’t matter that he was pampering me and giving me plenty of apples and oats, he was clearly killing me and everyone here. Just in a much slower, nicer way…

  Anyone else would have collapsed trying to do that, but somehow, he managed. The man was a genius at keeping everyone together and on target. As tempers inevitably flared from the lack of proper rest, Terada was always the mediator. A few soft spoken, or curt words, and he kept any fires from becoming full-blown blazes.

  If someone fell behind, Terada would work behind the scenes to redistribute the labor, making sure that nobody was too overworked. I hated the man with every ounce of my being, but… I also couldn’t help but admire him. In a better workplace, I could see myself idolizing this man. Not as a harsh taskmaster, but as a genuinely caring boss. As it was, it was like being watched by a taskmaster twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week.

  He kept checking on me. Making sure I was fine, and the same goes for everyone else on the team. The man was infuriatingly likeable and attentive. So, even when he did crack the whip, nobody complained and kept at it. I just wish he was easier to hate…

  Then there were my colleagues.

  Never had I ever been in a company where my colleagues were so… attentive? Terada was one thing, but I was constantly approached by my colleagues. Usually to check on me, ask how I was, or let me know that I was doing good. It was strange. It wasn’t something I was used too…

  They constantly seemed impressed with my work, and it would be insulting, if they weren’t so genuine with their praise. More impressively, they knew their jobs inside and out. Which made working with them a joy.

  It made me think back to the last time I was genuinely praised… and wow, was that a long time ago. The last time I could remember ever being genuinely praised was back when I managed to get into college under a fake name.

  After…

  …

  No, I didn’t want to think about it. My mind was already fraying at the seams. It wasn’t just the increased workload that was wearing at me, but everything else. Something was wrong, but I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it or not.

  More than a few times, people would comment that the area was oddly cold around me. Which was strange because I didn’t feel cold.

  Sometimes, bottles of water or cans would gather frost. There appeared to be a cloud of cold that hung around the floor of the division at times. Whenever I slept in my sleeping bag, I’d wake with the inside coated in frost.

  I must have been losing it, and with only a few scattered comments on the temperature inside the office being lower than normal, nobody noticed the oddities. Even with how little sleep I had each day, it shouldn’t be enough for me to start hallucinating… right?

  Still, the fourth week was coming to an end, nearing the end of my first month working here. Everyone was exhausted and sleep deprived. I couldn’t have been the only one suffering…

  Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  Speaking of suffering, Tom was definitely having the worst of it. After the incident, he’d clearly been placed at the bottom of the social hierarchy. If everyone was treating me like a princess to be pampered, he would be the equivalent of the dung scooper.

  Everyone avoided him like the plague. They saddled their jobs on him, which inevitably ended up in my lap, increasing my own workload. Tom did his best to keep his workload from spilling over, but… he really was struggling.

  He’d probably make it through this month, maybe another month, but he was clearly flagging. His work speed had decreased by a notable margin. As did his up time, and his overall ability. At this rate, he was going to be the first one gone, and it seemed like Terada had little interest in preventing that.

  Sure, Terada did what he could, but any deference or care he felt for Tom was gone. The older man was clearly struggling now.

  I really didn’t think he’d last much longer, and I knew Tom knew that. As well as everyone else on the team…

  Time continued to flow, the praise and compliments didn’t cease. What did stop was the number of comments of concern, saying I was pushing myself too hard. After all, I was doing perfectly fine. I was riding at the very edge of what I could do. Something I’ve done plenty of times before. This was no different. I just needed to make it a few more days, or so everyone told me.

  The weird bouts of cold though gave way to something else…

  “You doing okay there?” A voice called out to me. I blinked. Everything felt like a haze, to the point where I even dreamt of the work I was doing. Not exactly a good sign for my sanity but this… This felt different.

  “I… Yeah. I’m doing fine.” I said, not quite convinced myself. The man, the speaker, Kenta, I think, was looking at me oddly.

  “Well, if you say so, but you look oddly pale today.”

  Pale? I was feeling a bit clammy. My stomach was bothering me too. Probably indigestion or something.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Perfectly good.” I reiterate.

  He looked at me and finally left after leaving a final comment to look after myself. The care was nice, but it did chafe a little. No matter how genuine, a part of me balked at the praise. Was I really so fragile?

  I continued to work… or… tried to… I tried to focus on my work, but bouts of dizziness hit. Then there was my stomach that was still bothering me. Then there was the growing nausea. The list kept growing, and I was now getting concerned.

  “Are you doing well Prima?”

  Now it was Terada asking after me.

  “I’m doing fine.” I retort with a little too much bite.

  “Are you sure? You’ve been staring at your monitor for the last few minutes.”

  Had I? I blinked. My vision just did not want to focus.

  “Yeah… just, stuck on a particular issue.” I lied through my teeth.

  He scrutinized me. “I think you should consider taking a break Prima. We’re on the final stretch. I’d hate for you to breakdown now.”

  Because we can’t afford it? I nearly bit that line out. Only to catch myself. Was I really that irate? No, something was going on. Maybe I needed a brief nap or something…

  “…Just let me finish this and I’ll do that.” I relented. Knowing that he wouldn’t stop until I did take a break. He looked ready to argue but shook his head.

  “Be sure to do so.” And he left me to my devices once again.

  The state of my body was… not good. I knew myself. I knew myself well…

  I blinked… Ah… No, I knew who I was well, not the current me. Maybe I should take a break. I might’ve just pushed a bit harder than I should.

  I forced myself to focus and clacked away and barely managed to finish the paper before another wave of dizziness crashed into me. Even sitting, I nearly fell to the ground. My stomach felt awful. Probably the sandwich I ate earlier was bad or something. I waited for it to pass before forcing myself up.

  A few people noticed me getting up, but nobody spoke and focused on their own tasks. I made my way towards the bathroom. At least, that was one thing nice about living here in the office building. The bathrooms here were so much cleaner than back at my apartment.

  Just remembering the state of the apartment bathroom had me shuddering… Mm? I suppose I was shuddering… That’s funny. Was I actually cold? Hot? I couldn’t tell…

  I stumbled into a stall, and for a moment, everything blacked out. I came to sitting on the toilet and looking down…

  Blood?

  I stared. My heart didn’t skip a beat. I didn’t panic. I just breathed in and out. My mind churning to process what I was seeing.

  The answer came all at once.

  Ah, right. I was an adult female, a woman now. Not a man. That was a thing…

  I continued to stare as I realized the mistake I had made. A very grave mistake.

  “That’s… not very good… is it?” My words came out slurred and I slumped down, falling off the toilet to the floor. I was shivering. Cold. Freezing. The ground around me crackled as frost covered it.

  My vision cut in and out. My eyes shut…

  I was burning. My whole body felt like it was on fire.

  “You really push yourself too hard.” Through my hazy vision, I saw a familiar figure. Her black hair, eyeliner, and lipstick. Wearing all black as always. I blinked; my vision struggled to clear up. She was sitting beside me. I was on an old ratty couch. The smell of cigarette smoke hung in the air.

  “When you first told me you’d get back up, well, I didn’t expect much.” She continued, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face. “I don’t exactly have the best history for picking men.” she said with a self-deprecating laugh.

  “You though? You just keep getting back up. Even just watching you is exhausting.” She said with a loud sigh. Her eyes were looking at me. They were filled with adoration and love. “Which is why you need to rely on me more. I can more than pick up the slack. So, rest up and give me a chance.”

  She said with hopeful eyes. I couldn’t move or say anything as I stared at her. Trying to focus on her hazy face. I moved my jaw. Without noticing my state, she came closer, the smell of cigarettes was strong on her, eliciting unwelcome feelings and emotions. She reached down and kissed my forehead, and from where she kissed cool relief spread throughout my body.

  “Just you wait, I’ll be right back. After all, we’re in this together, aren’t we?” She said with a wide smile that hurt me to the core of my being.

  And she stood, making for the doorway. My arms jerked. Fingers twitched. Just when she reached the door, cracking it open. I worked my throat, trying to speak, but failed. I withdrew every ounce of will I could muster, every drop of my being, I pulled all I could out so that I could speak. All for one word… A single guttural cry… A name that I had called out too for countless nights…

  “Alex…” I cried. With all I had. Barely a whisper. A rattling hiss.

  It wasn’t enough. Nowhere enough to call her back. The door shut. Leaving me alone. Empty…

  Then… I heard the sound of running water. I could feel my limbs again. My body responds to my commands. I blinked a few times and what came into view was the women’s bathroom.

  “Ah, you’re awake.” A familiar face came up. “Terada was getting worried when he didn’t find you in your cubicle. Then he heard that you went to the bathroom and hadn’t come out.” She said with a wistful sigh.

  “You really need to take care of yourself better Prima.”

  I watched her. Took her in before sighing. Letting the tension leave my frame. I was on the bathroom floor. A blanket was thrown over me. I’d been stripped, my clothes were hanging on a stall door. A wet, cool cloth on my forehead. A pillow under my head.

  “I… miscalculated.” I said finally. “I completely forgot about…” I trailed off. Not sure how to broach the subject.

  “Forgot about planning for your period, right?” She then sighed. “I kept telling Terada to ease up on you, but you did so well, and he was sure he had your measure. Bah, men, they always forget that we women, even if we can keep up with them, can’t do it forever.”

  “Terada had nothing to do with it Samantha. I should have listened.”

  “He’s the Division Leader, it’s his job to keep everyone healthy and sane. I mean, I couldn’t even imagine what would have happened if we didn’t find you? If nobody noticed you were missing. Could you even imagine how I felt seeing you on the floor like that?”

  “I’m sure I could…”

  “No, you don’t. You were running a high fever, why didn’t you mention that you had bad periods? You didn’t even come prepared if you had one, it’s irresponsible!” She continued to berate me. It was… familiar.

  “And why are you smiling? You could have died!”

  At her words, a low chuckle left my lips. “Just… you reminded me of someone I used to know.”

  “That have something to do with that name you called out, Alex or something?”

  “Y-yeah…” I barely responded. A lump in my throat.

  “He must have meant something to you.”

  “…He did. He was, far more then I deserved.”

  “And what happened to him?” She continued.

  “I let him down, a few too many times.” I answered vaguely. I could see that she wanted to press more, but with me in my current state, she thankfully relented.

  “Well, I managed to clean you up, and we managed to save your clothes. We had one of the men run out and get you some food for you to eat.” She gestured to a few bowls at her side. “They’re from a pretty nice restaurant. They’re revitalizing soups. You lost a lot of blood, and they should help.”

  I nodded along and didn’t resist when she helped to feed me. The warm liquid burned down my throat. With every swallow my body cried out for more. I quickly downed the soup that was brought, along with a few other items. My ravenous body demanding food and rest.

  “Now, rest. You did more than enough, and we can finish without you. We don’t need you falling over again.”

  I didn’t argue. She was right. I had pushed myself too far. I felt stupid for forgetting something so important. Something that was to be integral to my new life. I laid back into the pillow, snuggled under the blanket, letting my eyes fall.

  When I heard the door open, I spoke. “Thank you, for helping me out.”

  “Just don’t collapse again.”

  I wanted to laugh… to cry…

  I didn’t do either… Instead, I just closed my eyes and rested, and I tried my best to keep the nightmares at bay.