Work, work, and more work. That was what my life had become. I hadn’t slept well last night… no, I must be losing it. I didn’t get any sleep last night! The night before was when I was last in bed. Funny.

  It was already the second day of work, technically, the first day, since I still hadn’t had time off. We didn’t break for dinner. It was just more work. We just got right back into it…

  I can’t believe I was looking forward to this. Clacking away at a computer, working almost constantly as I check over other people’s work, and doing what felt like dozens of other jobs all at once. I wasn’t even being paid enough. No overtime, no hazard pay, nothing. All because of the budget.

  This couldn’t continue. This pace would eventually kill me… and if not me, it would kill everyone else here. Everyone was nearing their limit, and I didn’t even know when this insane pace started. Was it our manager, Leo that started this death march? Perhaps the person before him?

  Did it even matter whose fault it was?

  What mattered, was that I needed a way out. I had enough money, technically. If I could exchange the bronze coins for cash, I would be set for a period of time… Only, if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to keep my apartment. I’d be rendered homeless, and have to move into the lower district, the slums.

  That, or tough it out a year until I can apply to become a full citizen.

  On reflection, I might be able to do it. Especially if my doctor’s words were correct. Not that she told me her name, now that I think about it.

  The greater issue was, how long before the division collapses? At that point, would I lose my job as well? Would I even be moved to another division or department? From what I gathered, probably not. When a division fails, the entire division is let go, barring exceptional individuals.

  Terada was probably safe, but me? I doubted it.

  The greater issue was manpower. I was swamped. Even if I wanted to do something or anything, I don’t have the spare time to do it. I’d need help…

  At least the tech is fine. Looking over my memories, I realized that none of this was exactly unfamiliar. It was older for sure. Late 90’s maybe early 2000’s tech. Which meant we had the beloved Mindows ’98 and not the accursed Wacintosh. Floppy disks for storage, with the occasional CD.

  What a time to be alive. I was used to using flip phones, after all, they were cheap, but they were apparently all the rage. Landline phones existed, as well as phone booths and… wow… phone books were a thing again.

  It’s hard to imagine that I hadn’t noticed any of that before. It just felt, right…

  Internet was domain based with no real search engines, so unless I knew a domain it was unlikely I’d even find a website. Wireless internet wasn’t a thing, but apparently, I didn’t have to deal with the eternally damned dial up internet. So, win some lose some.

  I wonder if they ever invented game consoles here? Were computer games even a thing? I’d have to do some research on it, but I don’t think it would fall under the company’s umbrella. Taurus dealt with producing media meant for the screen, small and big.

  Not that I had time to even research any of that, or even make plans to do anything.

  Which rolled back into the main issue here. I needed help. I needed extra hands, I needed-

  “Prima.” I blink. Terada’s voice cut through my train of thought like an avalanche, completely and totally de-railing it and pushing it over a cliff. I turn, with a congenial, totally fake, smile.

  “Ah, Mr. Terada. How can I help you?” I asked, and I saw behind him a pair of faces I never saw.

  “We have new employees, would you mind showing them the ropes?”

  Oh, was I going to get paid for this? Were they my replacements… I thought with such acid, it could be weaponized… After all, there was no way I’d be paid extra for this…

  Then, it struck. Wait, help? I looked over the two faces. Both young women. One, looked bored. She had sharp eyes and looked like a delinquent type. Black hair with purple highlights. The other, light brown hair, blue eyes, had all the energy of a childhood friend, not that I ever had one, but I’ve seen the type. She was all shy smiles, like a ray of sunshine.

  The two were polar opposites, but… I think it could work.

  “Sure thing Terada. It would be my pleasure to help them out!” I said, and actually meant it. He gave me an odd look but smiled and nodded back.

  “Thanks, and sorry for putting this on you so soon.”

  “Don’t worry about it. We are a team after all.”

  He looked concerned but nodded and left me alone with the two new recruits. I waved them into the cubicle, eyeing them with a critical eye.

  “I’m Prima.” I started.

  “Liche, pronounced Lee-Che.” The sharp-eyed girl, Liche answered back.

  “Ah, Joan, like, Jo-Ann?” The other girl said nervously.

  Was that a question? No, I shouldn’t get hung up on that…

  “Wonderful!” I clapped my hands. The pair shivered. Odd. I don’t think it was that cold in here. “I’ll be sure to show the ropes, ah, but first…” I looked them over once more and ran my tongue over my teeth.

  “Fell down the rabbit hole, did you?” Both perked up. Eyes widened.

  “You…” Joan said and Liche’s eyes shifted towards the exit.

  “Now, now.” I wave them down. Though, it didn’t appear to help. “I can be considered your senior, in more than one way. So, no need to get defensive.”

  I gave them another smile that had them shivering again. Again, it wasn’t that cold.

  “Now, I can’t tell you much about the situation you found yourself in, but I can get you oriented here. So, do listen.”

  Both nodded seriously. Good. They could be useful.

  I started with getting them settled. The cubicle had multiple stations set inside, and I quickly got them logged in and showed them how to register.

  “Now, I assume you both have experience with the relevant programs?” I asked as I showed them the ropes.

  “I’ve had experience with accounting and such.” Liche offered.

  “Er, I’ve done a bit here and there.” Joan went next.

  “That’s good…” I wasn’t sure if it was to be honest. “Our job is…” I started listing off the various items, the system. How the tickets work, the works, everything.

  “Should we use the floppy disks, or the CDs?” Liche asked.

  “Focus on the floppy disks. We don’t get refills of CD’s very often and they’re prone to breakage.”

  She nods. Before long, orientation was done. At least, the preliminary part. I gave them a bit of space to work and caught up with them later in the day…

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  “So, what do you think?” I asked the pair as they worked.

  “It shouldn’t be hard.” Liche answered.

  “I think I have the hang of it…” Joan added in.

  “Good, now. With that done, I’m going to be straight with the both of you.” They both looked at me with such innocent gazes. “This is hell. This workplace? Hell. You’re going to be worked to the bone, and the pay isn’t worth it. No overtime, nothing. You probably won’t see your home for days on end, and by the end of the month, I guarantee you will have more fingers on both of your hands then the number of times you’ve been in your bed.”

  “Eh! That, that can’t be true!” Joan, the sweet summer child exclaimed.

  “Your… joking right?” Liche followed up with.

  I said nothing. I merely looked at them. Pressing upon them that, no, this was not a joke.

  “Fuck…” Liche muttered and sagged in her chair. As for Joan, it was like the light in her eyes died. Like a beautiful blue ocean that went completely black.

  “Which is why… I need your help.” They looked at me skeptically.

  “Terada has a rule. He won’t let you guys be overburdened with work, at least not until the weeks over. It’s his attempt at being, a nice guy. Even if he works us to death, the damn slave driver.” I muttered the last part, just barely audible.

  Both nodded.

  “I can read you in early. I can talk with a friend, and we can see about getting you into the groove sooner. If you can do that, well, I might be able to get us out of this mess. Not this week, or even this month, but sometime in the future.”

  Both looked conflicted. Was I lying to them? Was I tricking them? Such thoughts ran through their heads; I could see the gears turning just behind their eyes.

  Eventually.

  “Yeah… I can do that.” Liche replied with resignation.

  “Mm… Same…” Joan replied, with a dead look.

  “Good, we’ll get started later. We’ll probably stop for dinner later, eat out, then get back to the grindstone. Until then, if you need anything let me know.”

  For the most part, neither had questions. The day pressed on and before long we were out at dinner. Back at the bar, sitting around the table. Liche and Joan were at my side. We made small talk as we ate, and I drank.

  We didn’t talk about much. We spoke of where we lived, how we arrived. Joan wasn’t very talkative about how she arrived, which was fine. Liche though…

  “So… I was at a club. Got really smashed, right?” She was, maybe a little drunk. “And, it was all, like, a blur. Next thing I know, I’m on a bus. And of all the things, the driver says, he says,

  ‘Hey, you. You’re finally awake… it looked like you crossed the city border at some point and passed out. Figured I’d pick you up and drop you off at the city center, there you can apply for a job and get a place to stay. After all, it isn’t safe after dark…’

  She finishes her retelling with how confused she’d been when it happened. She had thought she was kidnapped at first, then it all slowly came together. Honestly, I didn’t think the driver could be so cold to someone, but Liche didn’t think it odd.

  Overall, it was nice. I got a nice buzz going, even if I was limited to a single tall glass. I suppose that was a benefit, all things considered. I didn’t have to try very hard to be drunk. Not that I like being drunk, but a good buzz, yeah, a good buzz is great.

  Laughter, clink of glasses and utensils on plates. Light chatter, the warm lighting. It was cozy as usual. Even if I hated what I did, I did like these moments. Being able to drink, close my eyes, soak in the atmosphere, just… drift off…

  I felt safe.

  I felt comfortable.

  Even if life was hard.

  Even if there was no end in sight…

  I would keep moving forward.

  Always forward…

  A dream came to mind. The chatter, the warmth blending together.

  I wasn’t in the bar anymore. Everything felt like it was underwater. I was in a classroom, people chattering. Speaking in incomprehensible words and syllables. At the front of the class, was a familiar face, a face I hadn’t seen in a long time. A face I never really expected to see again.

  My professor, back in college. He had a cane in hand, horn rimmed glasses. He walked slowly, his one leg lame. He spoke, his voice soothing, lulling. I felt happy. Drifting in and out of classes doing work. Listening to him speak.

  Time seemed to pass…

  Then… I felt it. Heard. A deep thrum. A beat that reverberated through the dream. It made the world quake. The hallways gave way to something more sinister. Gone were the polished tiles and the nice walls. In were the fleshy growths from deep underground. I was still under water, but it was no longer clear. It began to dye red, the taste sickeningly sweet. It clung to my tongue, forced itself into my sinuses and shoved itself down my throat.

  I couldn’t breathe. It grew unbearably hot. The water around me almost boiling. Then, there were the words. The people, my fellow students. Their warm murmurs and chatter gave way to harsh hisses and clicks. Their bodies morphed and changed into tall shadows that leered over me.

  I felt like I was surrounded by sharks, and there was blood in the water. I couldn’t move. I tried to call the ice to cool me down as my body burned, but it felt distant, and I received no answer back.

  Against my will, I moved. Like a puppet on strings, I was directed. Classes grew more daunting. The thumping beat echoing in my ears, making me dizzy, nauseous. Amidst it all, there was a single anchor. A single man.

  The professor. The clack of his cane seemed to push it back. His very presence like a beacon of hope, purifying the surrounding waters. He spoke, his words drowning out the hisses and clicks, until finally, his words cut through it all.

  “Come to my office after class.” He said, his voice directed at me.

  As the class filtered out, I almost ran to his office. The door shutting behind me. The air cleared, the water that surrounded me went still. He was standing there. He gave me a firm smile. Everything felt right. Everything was right…

  Then it wasn’t…

  The world fell away. In my hand was a familiar envelope, a letter, and my diploma. Laughter filled my ears, echoed in my skull. Fire burned in my veins.

  “No matter what, I will make sure you graduate.” The professor’s words rang in my ear. My mouth opened, I tried to scream out, even as I fell away. A warning, anything, but whatever exited my mouth was drowned out by the omnipresent thump of a heart. My lungs filled with water, I could feel it pressing in. Forcing itself inside.

  I felt hands on me. Shaking. Grasping. Clawing. Screaming! Then, something crashed, a piercing series of cracks…

  I jerked awake. My body soaked through with sweat. Voices could be heard over the ringing in my ears. My heart hammered against my chest. The world spun.

  “God fucking dammit Kenta! What the fuck did I say about stacking those plates on her head!?”

  “S-sorry boss, I’ll get it cleaned up, right away!” Another voice cut in, he rushed over and picked up shards of glass.

  “Shit, shit, sorry, fuck…” He kept muttering and swearing, but I couldn’t hear it. Everything felt like it was underwater. I couldn’t breathe. I could still taste it, the cloying sweetness clinging to the back of my throat.

  “Prima are you-” He didn’t get to finish. I lunged forward, grabbed my nearly empty stein. All at once, I erupted, vomiting everything I ate and drank in a single motion. I could feel people recoiling. I was hot, burning. My entire body continued to shiver. Yet, I could finally breathe. The acrid taste of bile chasing away the sweet smell.

  “Prima!” Terada cried out in worry.

  “I’m fine… really.” I said after taking a couple gulps of fresh air. “I just… need a moment.” I staggered up. Brushing past the man beside me, nearly shoving him aside. I stumbled into the bathroom and towards the sink.

  I couldn’t focus. I tried to call up the ice, but it did nothing. It only made me panic more. Everything was spiraling, but…

  I looked at myself in the mirror. Pupils dilating. My mouth opened and closed like a fish on land as my heart, beat against my chest. Staring at myself, I realized what this was… A panic attack. I was having a panic attack.

  If I could, I would have laughed.

  Had I really forgotten my lesson? The lesson Alex taught me so long ago? To focus, and just breathe.

  I evened out my breathing. Inhale, exhale.

  When was the last time I did this? Inhale, exhale.

  When was the last time that I took a moment to just breathe? Inhale, exhale.

  The ice made it easy, but it wasn’t the answer. Like an addict looking for their fix, I clung to the ice to suppress my emotions, my trauma, my memories.

  I had forgotten how heavy these burdens were. How heavy those memories were. How deep the scars were.

  Was this what she meant? When she said those with ice tend to break? A frozen heart was cold and strong, but prone to shattering…

  Though, I wasn’t alone.

  Those with fire magic burned brightly but tended to burn themselves out.

  Those with wind magic were spirited and free to share their thoughts, but also never found themselves truly anchored.

  Those with water were fluid, finding it difficult to make a stance, and when they did, they were unmovable, stubborn.

  Nature was nurturing, like a mother, willing to push themselves to help others, even at the cost of themselves.

  Earth was steady but stuck in their ways. Uncaring for others, they press on.

  Light brooked no lies.

  Darkness was shrouded in them.

  Every magic came at a cost. It afflicted the user differently, and as one got stronger it became paramount to control how one’s magic affected them. Not only that, but whatever magic someone starts with, is heavily influenced by their mentality, their thoughts. Who they were at the core of their being.

  What did that mean for me?

  Had I, a heart of ice? Am I a cold-hearted being? A monster at the core of it all?

  Over the buzzing light above, I could hear it. The screams and agony of the spiders I had massacred. The words of my own rationality ringing in my skull.

  I couldn’t deny it. I couldn’t push it away. All I could do was manage it, like everything else.

  I washed my face. Washed out my mouth. Even then, I only felt slightly better.

  The door creaked open.

  “Prima, are you okay?” It was Samantha, here on Terada’s orders probably.

  “Yeah… Just…” I considered how to answer. “A nightmare.” A half-lie. “Nothing more.” I flashed her a smile.

  She frowned. Like she was ready to question me, but… she stayed quiet. Her lips didn’t move.

  “I understand. If you need anything, be sure to let me know.”

  “I will.”

  And she left. I stared at myself. At the reflection in the mirror. I straightened my suit out, cleaned any mess I had made, then made it back towards my seat.

  I sat down, the table was a mess. Shattered porcelain was on the ground near my seat. My eyes landed on my stein, now filled with vomit being taking away.

  Ah…

  My stomach grumbled…

  I really wish I hadn’t vomited up all that food and drink…