Roland waited until everyone had finished their bookkeeping and oohing and aahing about their loot – everyone had gotten at least two Rare Items from the Challenge – before asking them the question that had to be in everyone’s minds.

  “You all did great,” he said to start things off.

  All of them had changed noticeably. Bob and Barton had lost a good forty, fifty pounds apiece, or at least converted them to muscle. They had to tighten their belts and armor straps, and their XXL or XXXL clothes hung loosely on them. Dahlia had lost all the weight that had recently plagued her and now looked fit to model for Suicide Girls.

  Josh had changed the least, just adding an extra layer of muscle and losing what little flab he’d had.

  Wendy had changed the most; Roland didn’t need to see her System nameplate to know she wasn’t human anymore.

  “And now you all have Classes, Titles, Achievements, and even a couple of magical weapons,” he continued. “Only question is...”

  As he spoke, a crackling sound made him turn to the top of Trash Hill.

  Two standing ovals filled with swirling lights had appeared there, about twenty feet apart, with helpful nametags over them: EXIT and DUNGEON LEVEL 2. Dungeon portals.

  “Speak of the devil,” he said. “So...”

  “Do we keep going, or get while the getting is good?” Bob finished for him.

  Dahlia looked up from the furry monstrosity she was cuddled up with. “Let’s keep going! For real, guys. I can probably solo the damn Dungeon now.”

  Dahlia Zellner (Human Ascendant)

  Level 1 MiniFiend Mistress (L) (Creation, Death, Spirit, Undeath)

  Health 69(79) Endurance 72(82) Mana 110(121)

  She just might, with a freaking Legendary Class, Roland thought. A lot of her stats were higher than when he was a first level scrub.

  He noticed that his helmet’s Trait was still augmenting everyone’s stats, too.

  “Bloh-dee, bloody! Bloody-Kee!” her pet fiend said with a vaguely Japanese accent.

  Roland found Dahlia’s Class baffling and infuriating in equal measure. He didn’t know if the System was being serious, or if it enjoyed turning people’s fantasies into cold, hard reality for some sadistic purpose.

  Bloodykee was a Chibi nightmare – something like a cross between a fat cat, a fat fox, and a fat racoon, with dark red fur, long foxy ears, and glowing eyes, not to mention having a full set of sharklike teeth in its small mouth. It didn’t look like a toon out of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? or those basketball Moroon Cartoon flicks; it was a very real creature, down to every spiky red hair in its round body. The Fiend smelled like ozone and sulfur, mixed with a faint whiff of fresh blood.

  He Analyzed it – him, he supposed:

  Bloodykee (Undead Manifestation)

  Grade-F Familiar (Undeath)

  Health 72 Mana 72 Endurance n/a

  Bloodykee is a sentient construct, made of Creation and Undeath energies and given a quasi-soul by summoning a spirit to animate its Undead body. Its Familiar status makes it nearly impossible to destroy permanently, unless its creator is killed.

  Undead beings do not have Endurance.

  Skills of Note: Skills improve by 1 per master’s Class level as well as through practice.

  * Black Bolts (Beginner 1): Inflicts 25 points of Undeath-attuned damage per Skill level (Necrosis Debuff: (5 + Skill level) damage per second for 5 seconds. Creatures killed by Necrosis have a 10% chance of rising as random Feeble Undead Minions).

  * Black Storm (Beginner 1): Inflicts 13 points of Undeath-attuned damage per Skill level to any living beings in a 10-foot radius (Necrotic Debuff: (2 + Skill level) damage per second for 5 seconds. Creatures killed by this effect have a 5% chance of rising as random Feeble Undead Minions).

  Weaknesses: Life- and Death-attuned damage is doubled against all Mini-Fiends.

  Friend of yours? Roland asked his spirit resident spirit expert.

  Raven and Bloodykee looked at each other for a bit before exchanging a nod.

  It’s a spirit of Creation, Raven said. One of a type that lacks personality and craves having one. It is willing to pour its energy into a prepared mold and play whichever role its creator assigns it.

  Is it friendly?

  The spirit has become Bloodykee in every way its creator envisoned. Which includes absorbing Undeath energy and turning into a cute beast who loves to drink the blood of its enemies.

  Yeah, that’s not going to have unintended consequences, Roland thought.

  He noticed that Dahlia was shuffling her Mini-Fiend deck with an evil grin on her face. And she’s got a whole deck of monsters to call to life. I just hope she can control them all.

  “I’m in too,” Barton said. He had replaced his metal breastplate with a bright blue silk bathrobe that looked downright ridiculous. “You guys won’t believe the stuff I can do now.”

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  Barton Martinez (Human Ascendant)

  Level 1 Hex Wizard (E) (Magick, Rules)

  Health 47(57) Endurance 60(70) Mana 81(92)

  As Party leader, Roland could see everyone’s status and basic information. Barton’s Class was not just Epic, it was weird as heck. The System had let Barton jury-rig some mutant version of D&D into his abilities. Just as it had let Dahlia convert her cards into actual powers. That was more flexibility than Roland had expected.

  Maybe he should have. After all, the System had integrated Cultivation at some point.

  But Barton’s Class did more than that. The nerd could now mess with System rules. He’d been given access to the damn source code! There were limits to how much he could do, but the exploit potential was huge.

  Barton might end up developing the most OP Class of all. That wasn’t in anyone’s bingo card. The System just gave potentially godlike powers to a neuroatypical social reject.

  Before he could follow that train of thought, Josh announced his decision:

  “Well, we’re out,” the annoying weasel said, including Wendy with an arm gesture.

  “No, we aren’t!” Wendy shouted.

  “Winnie...” Josh began to say before he finally got a good look at her and froze mid-sentence.

  Everyone looked fitter and a little taller – System Attributes did that to you – but Wendy’s transformation went far beyond that. Her dirty-blonde hair was now gleaming as if it was made of a mix of gold and platinum strands. Her ears were bigger and a little pointed, but the biggest difference was in her eyes, which had turned deep purple and grown inhumanly large for her face, like an anime character come to life. Her elf-like features had bloomed, transforming her into a full-fledged fantasy creature.

  Wendy Hennessy (Demi-Fae Ascendant)

  Level 1 Fae Cloud Maiden (R) (Life, Lightning, Second Sight)

  Health 80(90) Endurance 80(90) Mana 90(101)

  “What the fuck, Wendy?” Josh blurted out.

  “Shut up,” she told him, and he did.

  “You never listen to anybody, but you listen to me now,” she went on. “If you leave now, you will die. Not today, and not tomorrow, but by the weekend at the latest.”

  “Winnie,” Josh tried to interject in a pleading tone.

  “I’m not done,” she said, her voice pure ice.

  “If I go with you, Josh, you get to live an extra seven, eight days, and then you die. And me along with you. Unless I’m really lucky, in which case I just get to watch my brother die!”

  “We almost died in here, Wendy,” Josh told her. “And look at you!”

  “Yeah, look at me. I’ve changed. The world is changing. Here, we have a chance.”

  Josh looked down, as if he couldn’t stand looking her in the eye.

  She wasn’t done, though. “If we go, who’s going to help us? Your junkie buddies? Mom and Dad, who haven’t spoken to us in two years? Who?”

  “Okay, Winnie. Okay.”

  Bob raised his hand. “I vote for going on, too, in case anyone was curious.”

  “I’m staying with Wendy,” Josh said, looking at everyone but her. “But I want the SFAR. This fucking game gave me a piece of shit for a gun.”

  He produced a freaking blunderbuss from the time of The Three Musketeers, a heavy-barreled weapon with a flintlock action and a bell muzzle that looked intimidating as hell. At least, intimidating if you were willing to wait a minute or two while its owner loaded it.

  Coach Gun of the Reaver (Rare, F-Grade)

  Damage: 45 single shot, or 35 buckshot (physical damage cone with a width of one foot per 5 yards from the muzzle).

  Capacity: 1

  Range: 40 yards.

  Durability: 200/200

  Effects: Wounds inflict a Bleeding Debuffs (8 damage per second for 5 seconds). Single shots reduce effective Physical Damage Resistance by one half.

  Significance: 0

  Inherent Traits:

  * Autoloading: After it is fired, the gun will load itself in 1 second.

  * Big Boom: By spending 5 Mana, you trigger a Big Boom, a blast that inflicts 35 physical and 35 Fire-attuned damage to all targets inside the gun’s cone (see above).

  “Are you kidding me?” Bob said after he got a look at the gun’s stats. “That ‘piece of shit’ does a lot more damage than the SFAR, and it has a cone effect. You can clear a room with one blast, dumbass!”

  “Uh?” Josh said.

  Bob facepalmed before continuing. “Please tell me you threw some points into Intelligence.”

  “Why?”

  “Just put a red shirt on him already,” Barton muttered.

  Josh faced his critics with the befuddled look of a dog asked to solve a math problem.

  “You can have the SFAR, Josh,” Roland said, taking pity on the guy. “But maybe have Wendy walk you through the stuff your new gear can do. You’ll probably want to save the rifle for specific situations. You can also use an Item Upgrade Token on the SFAR.”

  Josh shrugged. Wendy walked up to him and took him by the arm. Roland noticed that she was now taller than her brother.

  Josh Hennessy (Human Ascendant)

  Level 1 Reaver (U) (Guns)

  Health 56(66) Mana 34(44) Endurance 49(60)

  “Hey, quit it,” Josh hissed at Wendy and tugged at his arm. Wendy held on with surprising strength.

  Roland checked their stats: the siblings now had the same Strength Attribute. Twenty, which made them the strongest rednecks in Ohio, if not the country.

  “I’m trying to keep you alive,” she said. “Idiot.”

  Josh grunted but allowed himself to be led away.

  Roland shook his head. Josh was now the weakest link in the party, with the worst stats and Skills. He hadn’t even selected a self-heal, which most fighter- and rogue-type Classes had as an option. Instead, he had picked damage Skills and one stealth ability. Not terrible choices, but keeping him alive was going to be the main job of their healers and tanks.

  Everyone had their own Inventory now, so Roland distributed the gear he’d been carrying among them. He discovered that non-Exemplars got only ten Inventory slots per Class tier: ten for Common, twenty for Uncommon, and so on. Even Dahlia’s Legendary Class only gave her fifty slots, compared to the hundred Exemplars got. Just another of the System’s unfair rules.

  By the time he had handed out the stuff, Josh and Wendy were done with his character sheet and items.

  “So, it’s unanimous,” Roland said. “More or less,” he added, looking at Josh, who nodded curtly by way of casting his vote.

  “Let’s do it,” Bob said. He had a shiny new shield and a war hammer, both Rare. The medieval weapons looked weird alongside his plate carrier and tactical helmet. “I guess I can be the tank.”

  “You don’t have a taunt,” Roland pointed out after checking Bob’s Skill list. “You picked a tanky class without crowd control, on the grounds that it’s unconstitutional or something.”

  “It was an Epic Class, Rolls, and it fits who I am. I wasn’t going to pick Paladin just because it had a damn taunt.”

  “Which means I’m the tank, since I have a taunt now,” Roland said.

  “Some of my Mini-Fiends can taunt,” Dahlia broke in. “Like Killodillo and Gravetoise. In fact,” she added, shuffling through her deck. “Five of my twenty-two Mini-Fiends can serve as tanks.”

  “But only if you have them in your hand,” Roland pointed out. “We’ll adjust tactics depending on what hand you draw.”

  “Bloh-dee bloh-dee,” was Bloodykee contribution to the discussion.

  “I need to memorize my hexes,” Barton said, joining in the discussion while Wendy had her counseling session with her brother. “It takes me forty seconds per tier to memorize a Hex, so I can hold off until we know what we are dealing with.”

  “And those are all the hexes you’ve got for twenty-four hours, right?”

  “Yes. I mean, I have a couple of Skills I can use too, but once my hexes are gone, they are gone for the day. I’ll get more daily Hex tiers as I level up. And I have a Skill that lets me cast extra Hexes, but it’s got a failure chance.”

  “Okay, save them for now,” Roland decided, going over Barton’s abilities. “You can adjust your Hex load depending on the situation.”

  “And I get to be the utility player,” Bob said. “I can tank, a little, I can heal in a pinch, and I’ve got ranged and defensive spells. And guns, of course.”

  Roland nodded, feeling a lot better about the group’s chances since entering the Dungeon.

  All in all, this was an overpowered party. One Legendary Class, three Epics, and the Hennessy siblings bringing up the rear with a Rare and Uncommon, although Wendy had evolved, which earned her a World First Achievement and a Legendary Title. The Evolution itself had added enough stat points to her Class to bring it up to par with an Epic.

  Maybe he wouldn’t be carrying them, moving forward.

  They might end up carrying him.