1 hour after the meeting, Grimoire Near Starboard Chapel, Sara

  Sara was confused. Not at anything going on around her, or the last few days. She had felt frustrated rather than happy or content when she woke up in a mound of pillows, comfortably rested. She had plenty of time with Dribble and Nick, and she was never one to need time with people anyway. But every day that passed, the confusing, anxious frustration had only grown.

  The first day, she ruled out her shift changes affecting her sleep. The nap with Nick had been the perfect medicine to help her adjust to her new sleep schedule. By the second day, she had ruled out work. Granted, there was more stress than usual. She felt satisfied in her work, and if anything, the opposite of whatever unreasonable frustration she was feeling at the back of her mind. If anything, she was proud to have become the first watch sensors operator. Even before the disaster of the first drill with Nick storming the bridge, that black haired no name hack was on her way out, and XO Jean was simply taking the time to cross-train Sara on other stations. Learning the operations stations gave Sara a new appreciation for her other bridge team member roles.

  Some time after the Marines drill that sent three Marines, and apparently Nick, to the medbay, she finally had a breakthrough in her moodiness.

  “Where is Nick?” Sara asked more pointedly than she meant. Selena blinked. Her poor friend’s long brown hair was falling out of her bun, giving her a disheveled look.

  “Good to fucking see you too cunt!” Selena shot back, shifting the overloaded box of assorted cables and monitors. Sara mentally slapped herself, offering to carry Selena's load to make amends. They also hadn't talked since she started helping coordinate drills with Nick’s opfor.

  “I’m sorry. I would say it's been hectic on my end, but it must be ten times worse for you.” Sara said, following Selena to her destination.

  “To stay humble, it's probably only been three times worse. Your boyfriend now, maybe he's had it five times worse, but I'll kick him in the nuts if he bitches about any of it.” Selena said playfully. Glancing over her shoulder to gauge Sara’s reaction.

  “Nick's not my boyfriend, he's more family than anything else,” Sara responded with practiced ease, letting her tone carry even and unaffected as he had become accustomed to over the years.

  “He's not blood related, what is he like a brother to you, like Dribble?” Selena asked.

  “No… he's just some kind of family. We are close, but we never looked at each other as more than friends.” Sara stumbled as always over that part, but only for a lack of words. Nick and Sara never had a label for their relationship. Best friends had always been enough for them, even if it never seemed to satisfy other people.

  “Does he know that?” Selena teased.

  “Ask him yourself, you've seen him more than I have. Speaking of, do you know where he is? I text him, but he never has enough time to respond more than once or twice a day.”

  “I have a guess where he might be. Maybe next time I’m finally off the clock with him, I’ll ask if he is seeing or interested in anyone. Then maybe I could entice him to spend a little time with me.” Selena hardly finished before Sara was already shouting at her.

  “No! No, you will not, you leave you thirsty cock gobbling fingers off him. You have plenty of men and women to satiate you!” Sara let her volume drop as she spoke.

  “Including Dribble.” Selena had stopped walking, smiling coyly as she took in Sara’s overreaction.

  “Yes, including Dribble.” Sara huffed, repositioning the box in her hands.

  “But not Nick?” Selena purred as if she had just won a prize at a cultural fair.

  “Not Ni…ck. Bitch, that doesn't mean anything. He's been through a lot and… and.” Sara Stammered. And what? Nothing she knew about the last few years apart told her that a casual fling would bother him. If anything, it might be good. Sara had spent the last few years hoping Nick would meet someone who made him happy, or at least that was good for him. Now, just because she shared the same ship with him, none of that changed.

  “Okay, you're right, it's fine, if you want to make a pass at Nick, it's up to you. But the same thing applies as it did for Dribble. No games, no leading him on. If he wants a long-term relationship, then leave him alone.” Sara admonished herself as she spoke. Of course it was fine, and if anything, she should thank Selena for asking her first, even if it was far too playful for Sara’s nerves.

  “You're welcome,” Selan said as if reading Sara’s thoughts. She took the box from Sara and indicated down the hall with her chin. “I might be wrong, but around this time, it's worth checking the chapel. But if he is there, leave him alone until he is done. He has snapped at more than me for bothering him before he’s done.

  Sara waved at Selena before turning her back and fast walking towards the chapel. She recalled his mother's adherence to the astral church of Christ. The amalgamation of Christianity after most of the sects fell apart under the absurdity of the human race still existing after the revelations. Like most religions that survived, they condensed, mixed, and exchanged ideas to form a more coherent ideology, even if there were still loosely bundled sects with minor variations. The Astral Church of Christ was one of the more unified beliefs in their ideology, and one of the few religions that believed their god still mattered and listened to their prayers.

  Sara had never known Nick to be devout, but it made sense that he might have fallen back on his parent’s teachings as an adult. Sara herself found herself praying to god sometimes, but more out of habit and comfort than strong belief. Maybe his faith had kept him company through whatever he had been through.

  If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  When she came into view of the chapel, she slowed to a walk. Unlike most room chapels or religious rooms like this one usually stayed open, the doors only closing during an emergency or on special requests from occupants.

  It was quiet as she approached the archway, peering into the room to see a familiar figure sitting cross-legged with his back to her. She caught the greeting in her throat, almost forgetting Selena's warning.

  Nick seemed tired, more than that, weary? Something uncanny about the way he sat there gloomily reminded Sara of an animal with a broken leg or wing. Like a bird whose wing was crooked, and you can tell there was something wrong with it, even if you had never seen a bird before. There was something unnatural about him, wrong, burnt, bent.

  Maybe it was just her. In the very least, that frustrated feeling in her chest was growing again just looking at him. She felt selfish for feeling that he had been avoiding her. He responded to her text like he promised, even if they were delayed, she was busy almost as much as he was. There just wasn't time for them. Why do they need to be? If he wanted to spend time with her, he would make time, and if Sara really wanted to talk to him, she would wait for him to finish.

  If she could see him looking at some kind of scroll, I busted cross lying in two pieces next to it. Light from a candle jar flickered off his slowly growing brown hair he had been growing out. His stubble on his face needs a shave.

  The ever-present need to know that always led to Sara snooping led to her trying to read his scroll. The first name she read, the last entry, that's when she recognized one of the names. Brian “Pyre”. Sara covered her mouth to stifle a sob. This is why she wanted to talk to him, or at least the excuse to. She and Dribble were going to hold a wake for Brian in the next few days. She wanted to make sure Nick knew, and a part of her wanted to make sure it was in person when she asked. Something a simple text could suffice, but she wasn't sure anymore if she just wanted to talk to him for her sake and needed the excuse, or if this was something generally she needed to be there for him. But how could she? The list was so long, staggeringly dense with names that seemed to haunt the room, and Nick was sitting right in front of it, as if chained to it.

  Nick’s slow, methodical movements after so long of him sitting still startled her. He was halfway through rolling up the scroll when he spoke.

  “I thought this could be a time and place during the day that I could get some peace and quiet, but it seems the only visitors this chapel gets are from you people waiting to speak to me,” Nick said, still not looking up from the multi-use altar. He didn't seem to realize it was her, although he certainly had to have had keen perception to have sensed her. Sara had plenty of experiences sneaking and lurking quietly to know she at least wasn't an amateur.

  Nick's fluid movements of practiced handling of his items froze abruptly when his eyes met hers. He resumed as if he had never missed a beat, stowing the last of the objects in a leather bag.

  “I’m going back to my room to drop this off if you want to talk.” He said, standing. Sara was lost for words, simply nodding and falling in step beside him.

  She wasted minutes of their walk in silence, unsure what to say, even if it were so simple. It felt good spending the silence with him, as it always had. He never had any expectation to fill dead air with words or other noises. Whenever she was around him, there never seemed to be an expectation when it was just the two of them. One of the unique things she loved about her relationship with Nick was his reliable calmness, like the eye of the storm, if only she were able to navigate his tempestuous wind and rain of moods. It seemed accidental when it was like this, though, a random happenstance instead of a mutual flight plan to safety. Sara hoped that she was still his safety net, his go-to counsel, like when they grew up together. He didn't seem to have anyone like that since he arrived, and was less likely now to find anyone else. If he even needed someone like that anymore.

  She caught another side-long glance and the barest hint of a smirk curling his lips. A subconscious tick of his that told her he was comfortable, if not starting to unwind.

  “There is… a wake for Brian in the next few days.” She said, finally.

  “When?”

  “ four days from now, during both of our off shifts. Others will be taking hours off to attend.”

  “Where?”

  “The Witches Hat, the bar that Dribble and I took you to a few times.”

  “Hmm, any music planned?” Nick asked, and Sara faltered physically, missing a step before catching up with his long stride. She peered at him, seeing a look of melancholy on his face. When he glanced at her and their eyes met, he smirked for real.

  “No music, just whatever is queued up on the juke box that night,” Sara said, searching for answers to questions she didn’t even know in his deep blue eyes.

  “Hmm. Okay, I’ll be there. Hey, Sara?”

  “What?” Sara asked as they stopped at his door.

  “Thanks,” Nick said, averting his gaze from her. Was he embarrassed?

  “For what, silly?”

  “Just being here. We don't hang out, but knowing I have… family here. Never thought I needed it until you made sure we spent a little time together.” Nick said with a far-off look as if he were staring through the bulkhead, but at nothing in particular.

  “I’ve always been here for you,” Sara said, playfully pushing on his shoulder. His attention slid back to her.

  “No, you haven't, but now…” he trailed off when he grabbed her hand, his thumb pressing into her palm and his fingers wrapping over the top of her hand to hold her tight. It didn't scare her. Only fluttered a fresh wave of confusing frustration. A slight whiff of rain, and she finally realized the source of her frustration. The stupid man, whom she couldn’t understand anymore, held her hand as if she were about to disappear if he let go. Oh, Nick, you look so tired and sad when you smile at me like that. What's wrong? What happened to you? She thought. Maybe her frustration was at the mystery that she couldn't unfold or make progress on. He wasn't like net diving, where she could just slowly make progress. Everything about him was a wall, but she didn't even know where to start climbing. Most frustratingly of all, she felt drawn to try.

  Nick let go of her hand and pulled her into a tight hug, his arms squeezing the air out of her, almost tight enough to hurt, but never too tight. The perfect hug he always managed to give her. They separated, and he waved goodbye, walking away without another word. The air was thick with awkward silence as if more should have been said, but neither of them knew what words to put their thoughts into.

  Sara felt the same love and affection she always had towards Nick. Nothing was new. He didn't need her, and she didn't need him, but damn it, that didn't mean that she didn't want to be needed by someone. Only ever since he walked back into her life did that need to relegate itself to one other person, even if Sara hadn't realized it. One thing was certain. Nick “Canine” Jerik was the most frustrating person on that ship for her, and for Sara, it had nothing to do with his annoying drills.