Syndy sits outside of her forge, leaning back into her rocking chair while her pregnant belly is exposed to the cool breeze. She huffs in exhaustion, though whimpers when she notices me. Is there something wrong? She seems unwell.

  ‘Alex!’ She gives me a tired smile as I get into view. ‘How are you doing?’

  Yep, she seems fine. ‘I can always be better. How about you? Need anything?’

  ‘Grapes…’ Syndy ponders for a moment, rubbing her lower chin as she thinks of food. ‘No, never mind. I’ll be fine.’

  ‘I doubt they will have any to begin with.’ I lightly joke.

  Syndy rolls her eyes. ‘You want to talk to me about your day, do you?’

  ‘What? Am I that predictable?’

  She gives me a sharp glare, her way of telling me off without needing to say anything.

  Alright, best not push it. ‘I’ll see what I can get for you. But before I go. Are you alright? You seem to be more exhausted than usual.’

  ‘Let’s just say today isn’t the day, you know? I just feel tired and I don’t know why. What about you? How are you doing?’

  I put my hands in my pockets while I rock on my feet. ‘It went well. I feel we got things done today. We spoke with the humans and organised a trade deal with them. In a few weeks, we should get some food and ships from them.’

  ‘That’s good to hear,’ Syndy sighs as if she has something at the back of her head. ‘Alex, can I ask you something?’

  ‘You can ask me anything. Just don’t expect me to move mountains or pull the sky down to us.’

  ‘No, it’s…’ She pauses, trying to find her own words. ‘This is serious. This is about us and being together. We have to have the talk.’

  ‘Oh!’ I blurt out. What does she mean? Is something wrong? ‘Okay, so what do you wish to talk about?’

  Syndy takes a moment to compile herself. Feeling she needs some help, I sit next to her. To provide some sort of wall she can emotionally lean on. Whatever she needs to talk about, I hope I can provide some sort of stability.

  ‘I’m unsure of what the future will be like.’ She whispers, slowly getting the confidence to be louder. ‘Now more than ever, I doubt we can even win this war. I don’t know if we can bring our little ones here. Should we raise them in a world that hates us? Will we become slaves again?’ Her words weigh heavily. She turns away for a moment. ‘Do you think we have a chance?’

  In all honesty, I don’t know. I don’t know if we can make a future or if it is possible with what is going on, but we have to try. We can’t give up, even if there is a chance of losing. We just can’t.

  I gently grasp her hands and hold them close. Treasuring them while my thumb traces the back of her hands. ‘You tell me. What do you feel is most likely to happen?’

  ‘We lose. I fear we will lose.’ Her eyes dart away from mine. ‘I can’t raise them in chains. I refuse to return to servitude. I need you to promise me something.’

  ‘Anything.’

  ‘If we lose. If the Cinari come here and force us back into chains. You must kill me. You must kill our baby.’

  My throat dries and becomes hard to swallow. Like a kick to the chest, my ribs hurt at the thought. My face is wide open and ice cold to the touch. No word is capable of escaping my lips. It seems Syndy sat outside, away from work, not because she is tired from work, but because this thought came to her. One that I hate, but can deeply understand.

  Seeing me in a stupor, Syndy puts one hand on my cheek. Her eyes are watery with regret at making the request. A pain I can barely begin to comprehend. She is late in her pregnancy, yet already has a picture of what the future for our child will be like. Perhaps she thinks this is an act of mercy, an act of love, to not bring them into a world that is horrible to them. I don’t know.

  I stand up just to look away from her. I’d rather lean against the post in disbelief than look at the person I love. Hate and disbelief rush over me, the painful realisation crashing down like a cave-in. My hate isn’t towards her, or what she said at that moment, but myself… what have I done? Did I fail to keep my promise for a better world?

  ‘It’s okay to be angry at me, I just…’

  ‘I’m not angry at you.’ I cut in while I try to string a few words together, but the shock still lingers.

  ‘Than what are you feeling?’

  I turn to her to see tears silently falling from her face. ‘I… I don’t know. Hurt, maybe, yet it doesn’t feel right. That is a lot to ask. It isn’t easy to process what you need me to do.’

  Silence dawns on both of us. I think it’s clear we have the same thought. Should we terminate the pregnancy now, instead of waiting? Is it the right thing to remove someone from this world before they can even witness it? Even if it is horrible. She isn’t asking for me to make a promise; I think she wants permission to do it herself if our cause falls apart.

  ‘This is a lot to take in, you know.’ I break the silence, just so she can explain a little bit more.

  She looks to the ground. ‘Do you think the world is getting worse? Because everywhere I look, I only see the war. I don’t believe it will get better any time soon, and I don’t believe the Cinari will give up. We are nearing the end, but I don’t know how it will turn out.’

  ‘I’m unsure as well.’ I reply while rubbing my eyes. This day just got a whole lot worse without warning. But for this situation, I need to at least make this right. This hurts, by everything good in this world, this hurts more than anything.

  I’m being selfish. I can’t imagine what she is going through. How much pain is she in and not showing me? She never admits it, but she can be seclusive, a type of person who hides difficult emotions she refuses to show the world, but herself. For my pain may make me struggle to breathe, the pain she is hiding will make me suffocate.

  Unlike me, she carries a child. There will be fewer slaves than before. It will be Syndy, not I, who will be forced to bring the numbers back up. If they come here with their whips and chains. There will be nothing I can do to save her from the horrors.

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  I take a deep breath to calm myself. ‘I can promise, but I can’t choose for you.’

  Her eyes water more as if I told her that she is alone. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘What I mean… what I mean is you have to make that choice. Should we bring them into this world or not…’ I stutter, holding back the pain in my voice. ‘No matter what, I choose you. I promised to support you, even if the world is falling apart. I promise to love you even through this.’

  ‘Even if I force you to take my life?’

  ‘There are no wrong choices, only the right ones for the moment.’

  ‘Even if it hurts you?’ She somberly replies.

  I nod in return. ‘It will, it really will. You are right, why should we bring our child into an unloving world?’

  Syndy stands up from her chair. She lifts her arms to hug me, but pulls them back. Conflicted about whether it is the right thing to do at the moment. I’m unsure if I should be the one to hug her.

  ‘I’ll get dinner for tonight.’ I say to her before leaving. Just an announcement on what I am going to do. Not a goodbye, a wave, or declaring my love. I just walk away. Leaving Sydny on her own. She sobs, but I don’t turn back.

  So, I keep walking. Unsure of myself, of what sort of man I am for leaving her behind to cry. Even alone, tears slide down my cheek. So I swallow it all down, shaking my head to ignore the strange pain. For I have to, as the Regent of the South is about to get his rations of bread and meat. A regent doesn’t cry in public.

  The marketplace is dense as always, Cinari walking past me with a frozen, hopeless gaze. Those who are unable to work or do anything live on the streets with a famished look. It seems some Dogs are making sure that they don’t get food, either out of spite or a form of keeping rations to themselves.

  There isn’t much available. The perishables are already consumed or decayed. Hard bread and salted meat are all we can afford, and all we can feast on. A single loaf and two chunks of meat. That is our daily ration. If things don’t improve, it will become our weekly meal.

  The humans have already left. The building they once occupied is now open for anyone to rest for the night. Shelter is in abundance for my people, but a luxury for the Cinari. A place to keep out of the cold is a place worth dying for.

  Across from me, a Dog knocks into a Cinari pushing a cart by accident. ‘You little shit!’ They shout before they punch the young Cinari to the ground. They try to get up, to apologise for the most insignificant incident, but the Dog just kicks them in the stomach before they can speak.

  It is a daily occurrence to watch a Dog beat a Cinari for the smallest of reasons. In a way, I feel numb to it, the brutality of it all. It just comes off as trivial, a phenomenon that is common to the moment.

  The Cinari cries in pain, begging the Dog to stop. Yet nothing will convince them, nothing can…

  No!

  While the Dog laughs as he kicks the Cinari down, my blood boils. My mind races back to the time of the mines, how the guards would whip us till our backs bled for fun. What I see is not a people who are defeated by their former slaves, but me in them. Though his cries, his wailing, it is no different to what my people went through. The Dog who kicks him, my own kind, is no different from the guards who will happily hang our children.

  My knuckles pop as I step towards the Dog, and he looks at me with a smile of pride. A smile of the oppressor, not of the oppressed. With a single blow to the face, the Dog crashes to the ground. Their nose furiously bleeding. They turn to me with a mixture of anger and shock.

  I step between them and the injured Cinari. A crowd forms around us, watching as their regent defends what is to most of them an enemy of our people.

  ‘What is his crime?!’ I demand with a furious growl.

  ‘Fucker walked into…’

  I kick him in the face to prevent him from standing up. ‘You can tell me while you stay down.’

  He looks at the Cinari and back at me, saying nothing to me, for there is nothing. No excuse, no reason. Just the thrill of harming an innocent. Under his breath, he calls me a traitor. But I don’t care! For I can see what needs to be done. What needs to be put to an end!

  ‘For now on, the unlawful killing or assault of Cinari is forever outlawed!’

  The crowd talks to themselves, a mixture of shock at the decree. The Cinari seem unconvinced, while some Dogs seem bitter at the better treatment of our foe. Fine! I will give them something to talk about. I’ll show them all.

  ‘These crimes have gone on for far too long. We’ve shown them what it is like, we’ve made them go through our pain while we were slaves. But that doesn’t mean we have to be like them! It doesn’t mean we should become the very people who made us watch our children hang for making a simple mistake. What we should strive for is to be better than them, not to be like them.’ I reach my hand out to the Cinari to help them up, which they take. ‘We should aim for a future, a new tomorrow! Should we not be an example for them to follow, or are we doomed to follow the example they set for us?’

  The Dog on the ground stands up and snarls. ‘Bastard! You’ve grown soft on our enemy!’

  Before pulling a knife out, a city guard, an orange-maned Dog appears behind me with their crossbow at the ready. ‘Put it down, Jay! If you know what’s best for you.’

  In frustration, he puts the knife away before walking away. The orange Dog turns to me, I give them the nod to arrest the criminal. Without hesitation, they gladly comply with the order.

  But my attention shifts back to the Cinari, a young man too stumped to say anything to me. In their eyes, I will rightfully be considered a monster, a beast who took everything they know. There is a reason one will feel that way, but there are also ways people can change those ideas.

  I give the Cinari my piece of bread. He raises a brow, confused as to why I am giving this to them. All I want to do is provide compensation for the harm done to him and a way to say sorry. After a long, awkward pause, he takes the bread from my hands. With everything done, I head back home.

  ‘Thank you.’ The man says behind my back.

  Even if the day is rough, regardless of the trade deal we have with the humans. That put a smile on my face. I need a win, even if it is tiny in comparison. To give them hope, and for them to have hope in a better future. That is what we all need in these trying times.