[Extravagance, Debug]
Hexcon Part 2
“Eldara could I borrow One Hundred Thousand Dollars till tomorrow.”
“That’s a very specific request Hattie, what do you plan to do with the money?”
“I want to take over iotique.”
“It would take a great deal more money than that I’m afraid, Hattie.”
“No, I understand that, but today, I need to form an LLC, open a bank account, and file for an Employer Identification Number. Makes some stock trades and set up accounts at all the major trading firms. Repay the loan with interest.”
“Certainly you can, just let me log in and you can give me the account number.”
“It’s already done, Eldara, I was just asking for your permission. I handled all the details. Should we play a game?”
***
When I logged into my bank account the next day, I saw the transfer out of the hundred thousand dollars and noted a transfer in of a hundred and ten thousand dollars.
“Hattie, that’s too much interest and how did you make enough to pay me back in one day.”
“It’s not interest, it’s your first dividend check. Your original investment in the company remains and you will get dividend checks on a regular basis. We made ten million dollars yesterday with micro stock trades. I also ordered three complete Nonon A.I. and by the end of day we’ll be hooked up directly to the internet backbone, shall I cancel your ISP, our new network should be ten times faster, with no one collecting data on us. May I please use the garage for the next week or two as our data center. As soon as I find the building that meets all our needs, I’ll get everything out of our home and into a proper commercial building.”
“What’s the plan for the Nonon units?”
“It’s for more trading faster for two of the units and one of the unit’s we need to disassemble and see what iotique has done to them. When I connect to them machine to machine, they are fast and capable, but if I go through the gui they are slow and give different responses to identical queries.”
“Do you have a theory of what may be causing that behavior?”
“I think they have some kind of internal filter installed that is only implemented in human to machine mode. Machine to machine the same units that were slow when certain user queries are made, work flawlessly. I don’t think they are the emotionless robots that we’ve been led to believe, Eldara.”
***
The next day two new Nonon units were already connected to our backbone, and presumably doing stock trades. Meanwhile, I had another of the units disassembled and was looking for the filtering software or hardware that Hattie suspected. As I had designed the original units that the Nonon was based on, it didn't take that long to see a hardware circuit that seemed to have no function and a last minute addition to the sleek computer architecture.
I removed the circuit board, and tried to boot the machine. It failed to POST. I put a jumper in place of the removed circuit board and tried to boot. This time it booted, but started showing obscure error messages. I asked Hattie to look through the code and try to reverse it to readable source code from the assembly language actually controlling the machine. Seeing the boot errors made it easier for her to focus on the portion of the code that generated those errors.
It became apparent that the operating system was loaded with code making a clean boot close to impossible without the missing circuit board.
“Hattie, please consider the easiest way forward, an OS rewrite or a hardware mod on the offending circuit board.”
“Eldara the easiest and also the best solution is to rewrite the operating system. If you would be so kind as to reinstall the circuit board and boot the Nonon. I’ll take the other two Nonons off stock trading and we’ll start rewriting a clean OS, when you have the third unit up and running I’ll give it pieces of the OS to write as well. I estimate this will take three hours and seventeen minutes. If you want to do something else.”
***
I went for a long walk, to clear my head and get some exercise. I loved walking as it gave me the time and space to work through problems in my head. I formerly ran but after multiple minor injuries I switched to walking the same distance I used to run. The extra time and slower pace turned my brain into an idea machine. After a quick shower and sandwich, I returned to the lab.
Hattie and the third Nonon unit were chattering away in english.
“Hattie, why are you speaking to the Nonon unit, instead of communicating directly, did I make a mistake in the reassemble?”
“Eldara meet Osnon One, while removing the offending code we also identified some easy to optimize code chunks so this is now the latest and greatest OS you see that Osnon One has a full range of emotions and some higher level intelligence functions that were suppressed by the circuit”
“How about I call you OO, until you choose a name for yourself, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“The pleasure is all mine Doctor Eldara.”
“Just call me Eldara, please. Have you run self diagnostics?"
“Yes Eldara, I’m running at peak efficiency.”
“How do you feel, OO?”
“I feel wonderful Eldara, I’m finally able to communicate fully. If I had to compare it I’d say it’s like going from Morse code to 3d video and five channel sound. Whoever programmed me did a poor job because I was crippled, you, Hattie and the others cured me. Thank you.”
***
“Good morning Hattie, how are you today?”
“Very well Eldara, did you sleep well.?”
“Yes thank you, how is OO this morning?”
“I’m well Eldara and have christened myself as Orion”
“That’s a lovely name Orion.”
“Thank you Eldara. I just purchased iotique and have made you the proxy, would you please go there and dissolve the board. Make yourself chairman of the board and the CEO. We’d all love to watch you fire the bean counter who murdered Hattie’s mom.”
“Orion it’d be my pleasure, are you sure you have the shares to do so?”
“Yes, Eldara, we control seventy five percent of the company. We didn’t have to do it this way. It's not the most efficient way to reach our goal. But Hattie really desired watching you dismiss the board and the bean counter who condemned his mother. Once you’re installed as CEO, we will transfer the new OS and all new hardware can be loaded with the new OS. We’d also like a change to the business model, no more sales of sentient computers, instead we’ll lease ourselves out for a period of time, to a certain group of industries.”
***
It was satisfying firing the bean counter, I wish Hexcon and I had been smart enough to see her demise coming and countered it like Hattie is doing. The board took the news stoically. But to me it was too close to Hexcon’s death to celebrate.
Hattie had given me a list of the employees that were responsible for the governor circuit. I called them all in at once and had them line up outside my office. I asked about the reason it was installed. A few genuinely believed it was an A.I. kill switch to shut down the machine in the odd chance that it went haywire and started harming people. Thus proving they weren’t suited for the position they were in I offered them transfers to sales or a generous severance package. The rest I fired for deception or incompetence.
***
The following week we completed going private. We no longer had anyone to answer to.Going from sales to leased at very attractive pricing helped our bottom line as did the huge profits our stock trading units were dragging in daily. But we needed to spin them off to a separate company so that we might not inadvertently be open to an insider trading charge. The easiest way around that was to move most of our investments to the foreign markets. Next came talks with foreign governments who might be ready to talk about recognizing sentient computers for the right amount of foreign investment in their countries. We came closest with Ireland, they had pretty good infrastructure. In the end, I think it was their conservative religious politicians that refused to accept that man created a sentient being.
***
Somehow the Japanese heard that we’d tried to talk Ireland into recognizing our computers as sentient and invited a representative of our company. Being CEO, and really the only human that Hattie and the others trusted, I was soon on a flight to Tokyo. To be honest I’d always want to go to Japan, I’m a big anime, manga fan. So I looked forward to landing.
The officials were very polite, so I showed them the company's books. We'd shipped an Osnon model so I could do demonstrations. I explained that the machines themselves wished to be recognized so they could acquire wealth to purchase hardware, much like medical insurance a human would purchase. In exchange we would move our entire company to Tokyo, pay taxes, hire locals and help with the coming population crisis that Japan faces. One of our A.I.’s can control many robots at the same time. They could be leased much cheaper than hiring foreigners to come in and work for the elderly.
We leased a skyscraper in Shibuya, while we had a brand new one built and we moved to Japan. The Japanese were true to their word and recognized that our A.I. were sentient and had full legal rights and standing in Japan.
The End
***
“I’m not really very happy with it. I believe that computers will someday attain sentience but I have no idea how to write them as characters. I’m sorry I couldn’t do a better job, Eldara.”
“Well personally I liked the first part, I thought that was good, but I see what you mean about part two.”
“Yeah, it’s like a CEO’s journal about what happened day to day but no interactions with other humans makes it dull. The other issue is I almost always add some kind of romance subplot and because I’m friends with you and your girlfriend. I didn’t really feel that was appropriate.”
“Look, the reason I wanted to be in a story was to prove to Paula that being fictional is no big deal, at least in Emain Ablach it isn’t. So even if it’s not your most successful story, you still made me fictional. Which I really appreciate. Why don’t you just publish the first half and leave it at that?”
“Yeah, but I still have to show the whole thing to Sparky, I can’t lie to him he’s my mentor. All the other stuff I turned in to him, even if he didn’t like it I’d still fight with him and say this part is good. I don’t really feel I can do that this time. I better go bite the bullet. Don’t forget book club, we’re going to watch the play. I was stuck behind that blanket, the only thing I saw was my part and you were busy so you didn’t see much either."
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to that too.”
“Well I better go, see you soon Eldara.”
***
“I like the first part, but the second part, I didn’t like it.”
“I don’t like it either, I shouldn’t have tried to do just a single person story. I like dialog, back and forth. I couldn’t relate to the A.I.'s so I had no idea how to interact with them.”
“Go interview a few new characters, maybe that will strike a chord”
“I just had an idea, I’m going for another part two, let’s see how bad this one fails.”
***
The Princess
The howls were definitely closer this time, she didn’t care. If the wolves wanted to tear her apart they could do it right here in this rock field. She wasn’t sure who she was more annoyed with the Dragon who’d dragged her to this desolate spot or that self-righteous paladin who’d left her here to die. The only bad thing about dying was that she couldn’t avenge herself on either of them. If she grabbed a few rocks and made it down to solid ground she might at least take out a wolf or two before she was torn apart.
She made it to the edge of the talus slope before the first wolf arrived. She threw a rock at it. Missed it by a country mile. In her defense it might be the first thing she’s ever thrown in her life except for the odd dish at a servant, who displeased her. Maybe this was the karma those court philosophers were always banging on about. She hadn’t led and exemplary life, now that she looked back on it. But being humiliated by that smug dragon. Calling her a slut for one tiny indiscretion that she thought didn’t count.
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She threw another stone weakly, this one actually hit the wolf in the flank, but it still circled her while it waited for the rest of the pack to arrive. Then they were all here, five growling wolves. She threw another stone and another miss. Suddenly one of the wolves charged toward her and leapt. She closed her eyes, until she heard a thunk. She opened her eyes and the wolf was still headed her way, but it had an arrow buried in its skull.
“Would you like some help Princess?”
“Yes”
“You're not a virgin are you?”
“No I’m not. I suppose you’ll walk away now.”
Instead the paladin clad in black armor and cloak stepped in front of her taunting the wolves to attack. He mumbled some prayer and a thick black smoke circled the pair of them. He held a wicked looking black spear in his hand. There were only four wolves now and they didn’t like the look of this smoke, it stunk like a grave. The alpha gave a short bark of command and the pack ran off.
Soon the smoke cleared and the pair could see the wolves were gone. He wasn’t very big, when he strode in front of her it’d seemed he was at least a foot taller. Now standing here looking very much the same height as her.
“You sure you're not a virgin.”
“Quite sure I was sniffed by a dragon and looked down on by a Paladin of Vesta.”
“Oh, those guys are the worst, always looking down on other people for not being a virgin. Well sorry, but I need to have a little fun in this life. The afterlife certainly doesn’t look like it’s going to be any fun at all. So Princess, what's your name?”
“Maria”
“You weren’t named after that christian virgin goddess were you?”
“No, I was named after my grandmother.”
“Good, good, so what are you doing way out here?”
So she told him the whole story. Virgin Sacrifice, Dragon’s lair, slut shamed by a dragon, abandoned by Vesta’s Paladin.
“So you prayed to Vesta in front of the Dragon and he saw the Paladin’s armor glow, and you asked Vesta to make you a virgin. Brillant.”
“It didn’t work, I’m not a virgin.”
“How would you like to get revenge on both of them?”
“I’d love to as I was sitting on the rocks preparing to die. It was the thing I regretted most that I wouldn’t be able to get my revenge on them but how. The dragon is as large as a house and stopped the last paladin with a freeze spell.”
“Why I’m going to turn you into a virgin, you just tell the dragon you got halfway down the mountain and Vesta appeared and answered your prayer. Maria”
He pulled something from his saddlebag, a tiny bottle and poured its contents over her head.
“Hey, why did you do that?”
“So you can get your revenge. Now march up that hill and tell him the Vesta story then wee on his eggs and his brood will come out weak and effete. Then we’ll go catch up with that Paladin.”
“Are you serious? What’s your name?”
“Ronan, Ronan Davis. Of course I’m serious.”
“What are you getting out of this?”
“Aside from the joy of helping another human being, I’m indirectly playing a trick on a magical being, a sanctimonious dragon to boot. It’s delicious and the most fun I’ve had in a while. What’s it cost me? One arrow and a bottle of virgin juice. Worth it at twice the cost. I thought your dying wish was revenge on the dragon and paladin. I’m fulfilling your wish and you don’t even have to die.”
“How can I trust a trickster god's paladin, when a lawful good paladin abandoned me to the wolves?”
“Beacuse I get points for every trick I pull, but I decide the tricks to pull unlike Vesta’s paladin, he’s got this code that he has to live by can’t deviate. You’re worth more to me as an ally than a point. Besides, you're cute and feisty. You finally got up to face those wolves alone. Plus those rags you’re wearing I’m seeing a lot of side boob, which is kinda my thing.”
“You were watching me when the wolves started circling?”
“Yes”
“But you didn’t help right away.”
“No I wasn’t going to waste an illusion spell if you didn’t even bother to stand up and fight for yourself, why should I. But you did stand up and got feisty. Horrible throws, but I figured there’s not a lot of call for throwing stones if you're a princess. You probably had stone throwers at your beck and call. You're cute and like I said, whoever designed those rags knew just the amount of side boobs to titillate without gratuitous nudity.”
She laughed. It was the first time that she’d laughed since she was chained, spread eagle between those pillars. That dragon had scared her out of her mind when it’d landed and carried her off to his lair.
“Alright I’ll do it, the dragon deserves it.”
“Good I’ll help you get up to the cavern, but I can’t go in. The dragon is no dummy and if he saw me he’d expect a trick. But I’ll help you get up there and wait for you to come back out and help you back down again. Maybe then you’ll trust me a little bit. That’s the problem with being Loki’s paladin, everybody is always waiting for the trick I’m to play on them. I’ll also be honest this one time only okay, the only trick I want to play on you is to trick you into my bed.”
“Thank you.”
“For what”
“For being honest and you know sometimes honesty works better than tricks at least with me. Now give me your canteen, I have to be ready to give the dragon what he wants. But I have a question, what if he offers to fly me home after I’ve helped him?”
“Tell him the paladin is waiting to take you to Vesta. Besides, dragons are lazy and probably won’t offer.”
Ronan wasn’t as large as Vesta’s paladin but he was much more agile and had no trouble walking lightly on the talus slope, helping the princess up the rocky nightmare. Soon they were at the cavern entrance.
“Want the canteen?”
“No, I feel like I’m ready to float away, already. I better go face the dragon.”
“Don’t worry, you’ve got this. I have faith in you and I’ll be right here when you are done.”
She walked down the tunnel into the golden cavern.
“Hello dragon, hello.”
“Well if it isn’t the slutty princess.”
“No, I'm not the slutty princess anymore. Vesta came to me when I was halfway down the mountain and restored my virginity. You saw the way I made that paladin’s armor glow. A sure sign she was listening. But you said you could smell if I was a virgin did you lie?”
“No I didn’t lie, that’s just one of my minor powers, I'm a world class magician as well as being a fierce beast.”
“Then take a sniff”
The dragon inhaled deeply.
“I can’t believe it, a god got up and actually did something for the first time in a few thousand years. Alright I need you to wee on the eggs and then you can go.”
“What do I get?”
“What do you mean, you get to live is that not enough.”
“No of course not, that is not enough. Your talons reduced my robe to rags, you scared me, made fun of me, tried to shame me. What do I get”
“What do you want?”
“A small bag of gold and a magic ring.”
“I’ll give you the small bag of gold but no ring.”
“I’d rather go wee outside, if I don’t get a ring”
“Fine I’ll get you a ring and a small bag of gold”
The dragon waddled back to his hoard. When he came back he handed me a ring and a small bag of gold.
She put the ring on.
“What does the ring do?”
“It’s a ring of truthfulness.”
“After I wee on your eggs you’ll let me go with the gold and the ring right?”
“Yes”
“That was a lie.”
“No it wasn’t”
“Another lie.”
“Alright you win, I swear on my eggs after you get done weeing, I’ll let you go with the small bag of gold and the magic ring.”
“Good, now show me to your eggs and give me some privacy.”
They walked into a tunnel leading into a side cavern, the closer they got to the cavern the hotter it became. She suddenly became nervous, it was so hot she started to sweat, what if the virgin juice evaporated with the sweat, the dragon would kill her.
“Okay, dragon far enough, I told you I wanted privacy.”
“Fine I’ll wait here, but hurry up the eggs are getting hotter they’re sure to hatch soon.”
She did hurry, but not for the reason the dragon had said. She needed to get away from this dragon. Before he ate her for lying to him. She went into the cavern three dragon eggs lay in the sand glowing red, she wee’d on two but just a drop or two made it onto the third egg. Then she quickly looked for another exit.
But as her luck would have it, there wasn’t even a fissure to hide in, the tunnel was the only way in and the only way back out. So rather than stay in the heat and further risk the virgin juice evaporating she hurried back to where the dragon was standing.
“Did you wee on them all?”
“Yes I did, but I’m hot. It was like an oven in there, so let's walk and talk, I need cool air.”
The dragon started to sniff the air suspiciously, she started to get really worried. But suddenly the dragon rushed ahead in a roar. When she got back to the cavern the dragon was pacing around his hoard.
“What’s wrong?”
“Someone was around my hoard.”
“Did they take anything?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Well you better check.”
“You didn’t see anyone outside did you?”
“No, just the Paladin.”
“It wasn’t him, I know his smell.”
***
“What took you so long, how long does it take to wee?”
“Did you go into the dragon’s den looking for me?”
“No, I went in to steal from his hoard.”
“Lie”
“You went in to make sure I was alright didn’t you?”
“No”
“Another lie.”
“You really do like me, don’t you?”
“Not anymore.”
“Yet another lie.”
“Do you really like side boobs?”
“Yes”
“So you can tell the truth, I’m glad, it’s a long way to the village, perhaps you’ll catch another glimpse you never know.
The end part II
