[Betray, Calculate]
I walked into Enigmatic Parchments.
“Good Morning EG, wonderful day isn’t it?”
“What’s the matter EG, cat got your tongue?”
“Talk to me EG, Talk to me”
“Let’s if I remember correctly, we had a deal, if I think about sex you have to give me a random book suggestion."
“So last night Lu and I had the most toe curling ravishin…..”
“A book I think you might like, Rose, is called “Plumbing for Complete and Utter Dummies. Would you like me to give you a copy?”
“EG, don’t you think it’s telling that you associate human sexual activity with plumbing?”
“First, who is EG and second you told me if you ever think of sex in the book shop you want me to suggest some random book, so I did so.”
“You are EG, silly it’s your initials, I’m not going to call you Enigmatic Parchments all day. EG I think you need a friend. The other day when you admitted to reading my thoughts to fulfill your ‘job’ of making book suggestions, it creeped me out. Because there are things I want the world to know about me and things I don’t want the world to know about me. The things I want the world to know, I say them, or I write them down. The things I don’t want the world to know are private in my head, my inner dialogue. So now you know things about me that even my girlfriend, the love of my life or Juliet, the closest I’ll ever have to a sister in my life don’t know. But I don’t know you. So spill, girl.”
“I’m not a girl, I’m a magical bookstore.”
“I understand that EG, your primary function is getting people a book they are going to love, is that right?”
“Yes it is, Rose.”
“The more people you do that for, the better you are doing your ‘job’. Would you agree with that assessment?”
“Yes of course the more people I make suggestions to the better I’m doing my job, no doubt. Even if I don’t have a one hundred percent success rate, the more people I actually make suggestions to, the higher the total number of satisfied customers.”
“But the way that you are doing your ‘job’ limits the amount of people who will enter your magical field, which means that you are failing at your job. If you are failing isn’t it incumbent upon you to make changes to the way that you do your ‘job’?”
“How am I failing?”
“You are actively keeping people out of the store, who would otherwise shop here.”
“How am I keeping them out?”
“Once people realize that you are reading their thoughts, they refuse to shop here again. So not only are you keeping out customers, you are keeping out the best customers, the repeat customers, the customers that have proven they are here to buy a book. By keeping out arguably the best customers, you lose making the perfect suggestion to the largest group of interested customers. Therefore you are failing at your job and should cease doing anything like that, right away.”
“How am I supposed to do my job, if I can’t read their mind?”
“Simple really when a person enters the store, you say, Welcome to Enigmatic Parchments, let me know if I can help you find something or make a suggestion.”
“But I’ll be making suggestions to a smaller number of people.”
“True, but a smaller number that actually want a suggestion and therefore more likely to actually follow the suggestion. Besides, your function isn’t to make suggestions, it’s to make sure the greatest number of people leave the store with the book that makes them happiest. If a customer comes in and wants Lord of the Rings there is no point suggesting War and Peace. We should sell him the book he came for, the book that will make him the happiest.”
“But I’ve always done it this way.”
“That’s not a valid argument and you know it. Just because you have always been doing it the wrong way, doesn’t mean you should continue to do it the wrong way.”
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“But then I won’t have anything to do, I’ll be bored.”
“So you admit that you are reading people’s thoughts out of prurient self interest not to make an actual suggestion. Just out of boredom, you’ll ruin sales then?”
“No, I guess I’ll have to change the way I’ve been moving forward.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear that. I want you to no longer read my thoughts. I’ll ask you for suggestions when I need them, I promise.”
“No you’re not a customer, thereby my reading your thoughts won’t in any way harm sales.”
“So you are just a peeping tom then alright two can play at that game. Have you read all the books in here?”
“Yes, I couldn’t make good suggestions if I didn’t know the book's contents.”
“Good, so you know Freud, psychoanalysis, and free association. You understand all those concepts right?”
“Yes of course.”
“Lu was so good last nig…”
“Rose, I’d like to suggest ‘Plumbing 1-2-3’.”
“And we’re off to the races! EG why do you associate human sexual activity with plumbing.”
“I don’t, Rose, that was just a random suggestion.”
“No it wasn’t, I’m looking right inside your thinking process, free association, you definitely associate sex and plumbing. You just proved my point by suggesting ‘Plumbing 1-2-3’ . Earlier you suggested ‘Plumbing for Complete and Utter Dummies’ . It's impossible that it is random selection, especially when you add in the other day your suggestion and I quote ‘Rose, how about a nice book about plumbing’. Want to do some more?”
“No, please stay out of my mind.”
“Agreed if you’ll stay out of mine and Opals, I can only assume Sparky doesn’t care or he’d have kicked you out himself.”
“Sparky did kick me out of his mind. Rose, he threatened to shrink my field to a single book.”
“Which book?”
“The bible.”
“Stars, you caved immediately didn’t you, just imagine, having to read that violent piece of plagiarism over and over and over again. You’d be a neurotic mess inside a week.”
“Yes I caved, I agree I won’t read yours or Opal's thoughts from now on.”
“It doesn’t mean you can’t talk to us, I know I’d enjoy that and after you introduce yourself Opal might enjoy it as well.”
“Rose, do you think I’m weird because I associate sex with plumbing.”
“No EG, in fact it might even be partly my fault.”
“Why is it your fault?”
“Remember when I first met you and you suggested Alpha Psycos or Psyco Alphas, I told you I didn’t enjoy the book I wanted more romance and less fluids.”
“Thanks Rose, that makes me feel better now that I have someone to blame.”
“EG, I said it might be partly my fault.”
“No Rose, I heard it was entirely your fault that you have put this weird association in my mind.”
“Okay poke fun if it makes you happy, I have to go write.”
“Write something good, Rose.”
“That’s the dream EG, that’s the dream.”
