There was a tutorial guild on the way to the borough boss intersection. On the way Cascadia made me shoot her with the turret until her shield failed. It could only handle a half dozen shots before failing, but it also only took about 30 seconds to fully recharge.

  Jasper had obviously been waiting for us. He ushered us in as soon as the door opened. The room had changed slightly; there were now only two chairs in the room which had been arranged facing some sort of sketching device that had been hung on a wall.

  “Did the rest of your crawlers get eaten or something?” Cascadia asked as we took in the new arrangement.

  “Ah ha, no. My manager determined that I was not pre- ah…that it would be better if I focused my efforts on just a few crawlers. I just have you two this season. But I consider myself lucky! I have been watching you ever since you left the guild hall, I did not know it was even possible to progress this quickly. We aren’t even halfway done with the first day and you are already level seven and you’ve beaten a neighborhood boss. At this rate you will clear level twelve before the second floor!”

  “Yeah we killed a neighborhood boss,” Cascadia said casually, “but we weren’t the first to do it.”

  “Why do you say?”

  “Just a hunch. Was expecting better rewards, like the ones I got for being the first to come into the dungeon wielding a weapon and the first to kill a mob.”

  “Well…,” Jasper said carefully, “if such an achievement existed I certainly wouldn’t be allowed to tell you about it, even if you asked me directly. But I can tell you that you shouldn’t worry about such things at all. You two must be the most powerful crawlers in the dungeon. You are sure to be featured; I can’t wait to see what kind of sponsors you pull. Speaking of sponsors, your feeds aren’t exactly live until the second floor, but you should get in the habit of cleaning up better before they are. Showers are available in most safe rooms.”

  “Well I’m glad to hear viewers aren’t into the post-apocalyptic, grungy, blood and guts look. That’s not really my style. But, we will shower once per day. We’ve worked out a schedule.”

  “So,” I said, “what can you tell us about bosses? Give us the short version, we aren’t scheduled for a break for another ten hours.”

  “There are six types of bosses…mostly. But the first two floors only have three. Neighborhood, borough, and city. All bosses drop boss boxes. Bronze for neighborhood, silver for borough, and gold for city. And neighborhood bosses drop a neighborhood map which you are already familiar with.”

  “Great,” Cascadia said, pulling up a chair. “Let’s open our boxes real quick and go find the borough boss.”

  Jasper's eyes went wide.

  “No! No, don't do that! Borough bosses are meant for large groups of crawlers to face. Five at the bare minimum! Higher level ones at that! If you had a group of ten or twenty, it might be worth considering, but it would be suicide with just the two of you. Let’s just review your performance so far and talk about a strong, conservative strategy.”

  Cascadia stood up from her chair and walked over to Jasper.

  “And what do you think of my performance so far?”

  “Em, well, you see,” Jasper side stepped his way over to the sketch pad, which was some sort of advanced touch screen. Cascadia followed him with her eyes.

  “You and Gel make a fantastic team. He is able to provide ranged support while you handle frontline muscle. You, um, obviously you aren’t having any issues with the standard mobs, you haven’t even used any of your heal kits except for to test them…and in the boss battle you pulled off some incredible maneuvers. I didn’t know that it was possible to move like that with a dexterity of ten and a strength of six. Amazing! You must have extensive….” he trailed off under Cascadia's dead stare.

  “Hey, do you have a fridge in here?” she said.

  “Um….I have a time locked, dimensional mini-storage box that I keep my meat in…”

  “Can I borrow it? I have some perishable items.”

  “I…don’t think I am allowed to offer that kind of service as a game guide."

  “Which one of those is it? It’s the big black one isn’t it?”

  Jasper just looked at her. She walked over, opened the storage bin and dropped her dozen, giant, tentacles in.

  “I’ll come get them later. Anyways, is there a specific level we should be to fight a borough boss? It doesn’t seem to matter since we can’t assign stat points anyways.”

  “Oh it matters! You need way higher skill levels and more gear! You do not have nearly enough survivability yet! Borough bosses are not like neighborhood bosses, they almost always have at lea-“

  ZAP!

  “Please, don’t go find a borough boss...”

  “Don’t worry Jasper,” I said. “We’ll be careful. And we will be sure to power up before facing a borough boss. But Cascadia here is very competitive, and I’m afraid letting someone else beat us to taking down the first borough boss just won’t do. Do you have any tips?”

  Jasper looked dejected, but he replied, “you need a bigger party. When I went through the dungeon there were five of us together. It’s the perfect size. You need to find some allies.”

  “Ok, we will keep an eye out for other crawlers. Now let’s see what these loot boxes have.”

  Our loot boxes from clearing out the dens contained mostly basic supplies. Since we had been taking no damage, we were building an enormous stockpile of healing kits. Cascadia had gotten several low-tier weapons boxes, most of which were garbage. She did equip a “collapsible tactical staff,” and a set of “plasma throwing discs,” though she was now out of spots to hold more weapons outside her inventory. She had received another style box for killing the boss monster while standing on top of it and the rewards from it and her boss box were much more interesting. From the style box.

  Somatically Tuned Earring of the Greater Sun Wyrm

  This classy ear cuff is styled after the legendary sun wyrm and is sure to make you popular with all the dragon nerds out there. A graceful black-gold construction evokes mystery and power and the bioreactive eye and accent crystals highlight your fiery personality.

  Grants +2 to strength. Grants +2 to intelligence. Grants +2 to constitution

  This item is part of a set. Assemble entire set to unlock additional benefits

  Jasper murmured something about the amount and quality of gear acquisition on just the first day. From the boss box.

  Attuned Gravitation Enhancement Disc

  A favorite of mentally unstable asteroid belt explorers, this item comes with two components; an adhesion disc and an attunement injector. The injector is a single use item, granting the target a level 1 Enhanced Gravitational Coupling skill. This skill can be used at will on any item the adhesion disc is attached to. There is no cooldown. Once attached, the adhesion disc can only be removed by the attuned user or by aggressive physical debridement.

  Enhanced Gravitational Coupling

  This rare skill allows the user to increase the gravitational force between two objects. At level 1 the user can create a force of 1 standard gravitational force equivalent. Maximum force scales directly with skill level.

  Neither Japser nor I had ever seen anything like this before but Cascadia seemed extremely excited about it. The adhesion disc was just ten centimeters in diameter, constructed of a flexible metal. While I opened my boxes Cascadia practiced throwing it around the room, sticking it to things and activating her skill.

  I had received an apparel box for some “fancy driving” in addition to my boss box and some miscellaneous low-tier boxes. The apparel box contained an operator's jacket that gave me a welcome plus two to constitution and had some convenient straps to hold things like my injector pens, which I had been trying to keep in my pants pockets. It also had a pair of “reflex gloves” which gave me plus two to dexterity and looked much better than the chauffeur’s gloves. My boss box contained an Advanced Utility Module which enhanced my drone with a multispectrum light, six degrees of freedom claw grabber, mini-dimensional storage compartment, and multi-purpose scanner. I installed the module in the last open spot in my drone and rose to my feet. Jasper had cheered up a bit watching Cascadia zip around the room. She was currently practicing jumping between the ceiling and the floor, but he still looked nervous as we moved towards the door. He raised his fist and we each gave him a fist bump, then walked out.

  We decided that we had time for another neighborhood boss and a few more dens before tackling the borough boss. I was concerned and thought that Jasper's advice was probably correct, but I also knew that the first crawlers to take down a borough boss almost always got a platinum box in addition to the boss box. Plus, Cascadia had clearly accepted it as a personal challenge and that meant we were going to push for it.

  I rocketed the speeder into the main borough intersection. It was larger than the neighborhood intersection and had what looked to be a sprawling zoo exhibit with a sign that said “COME GAZE UPON THE KING.” It looked like the exhibit had been ripped straight from a real zoo and dropped in the middle of the intersection. I couldn’t see any mobs but there was a small shelter in the middle of the exhibit that likely housed them. They wouldn’t come out until we were trapped in there with them.

  I piloted around the exhibit and shot off down a hallway that led to another neighborhood intersection. That neighborhood boss ended up being even easier than the last. It was a squid-elephant hybrid but with bundles of tentacles for legs. The thing could barely move but it had gatling guns attached to its tusks and an enormous amount of health. Fortunately there was plenty of cover. I hunkered down and let the turret work while Cascadia practiced her dodging and used her various thrown weapons. It took several minutes but was an almost casual encounter. This neighborhood had several dens that had already been cleared out by someone but we used the neighborhood map to find the ones that still had mobs. There were some signs of dead crawlers, but the amoeba janitor mobs seemed to be clearing them off the map quickly.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  As we cleared the remaining dens I kept the turret in reserve and practiced fighting with my drone while Cascadia experimented with her various weapons. She had already been an expert staff fighter before entering the dungeon and with her enhanced physical abilities she tore through the low level mobs like they were made of paper. She racked up levels in various combat skills while I improved mainly my Combat Piloting skill.

  I checked the neighborhood map for safe rooms and saw that the nearest one had a single blue and a single white dot in it.

  “What do you think?” I asked Cascadia. “We need to open our boxes anyways, maybe we see if they want to join up.”

  “I guess so. I don’t want to deal with a big group, but it’s just one person. Let’s give it a try, make Jasper happy at least. I wouldn’t want him to get mad at us and throw out my tentacles.”

  “You know he’s probably watching us right now.”

  “Yeah I know, that’s why I said it. Don’t throw away my tentacles Jasper!”

  I showed Cascadia how to use the chat feature as we headed to the safe room. She was not excited about it, complaining that physical typing was difficult enough, but she acknowledged the utility of being able to communicate privately. The safe room was a type we hadn’t seen yet. It had accommodations for rent and a caretaker; a tall, spindly, insectoid looking cyborg. It spun and waved one of its pairs of arms at us.

  Tabaka - Cyborg Overseer. Level 70

  Caretaker of this saferoom.

  This is a Non-Combatant NPC.

  You can find these barely biological creatures in saferooms and, more uncommonly, in certain guildhalls, where they provide instruction to crawlers desiring to improve their domestic skills. Most Cyborg Overseers have a specific specialty that they are more than willing to tell you all about. Their contracts can be purchased, both during and after the crawl, should you find yourself growing attached. Contact an outreach associate for details.

  The cyborg was behind a counter at which a lone figure was seated, eating a steaming bowl of noodles. They smelled amazing. Thick, long, dripping with sauce and topped with fresh garnish... It took me a good 5 seconds before I thought to examine the crawler.

  Crawler # 9,000,083. Parson V.

  Level 5

  Race: Human

  Class: Not yet assigned

  Parson V did not respond to our entrance. He was considerably behind us in level. We had reached level eight clearing out the rest of this neighborhood, but level five was still very noteworthy for the first day. And he was somehow surviving solo, another impressive feat.

  Parson V had medium length, scraggly brown hair, fair skin, and a short, scruffy beard. He had an oversized coat on and what appeared to be pants and boots made of rubber. On the counter next to him was a…..something. It looked like an enormous slug or maybe a round mouthed fish. It was half a meter long, about twenty-five centimeters in diameter and had deep openings on either end. One side appeared to be a mouth of some sort, filled with needle-like spines. The other side had no noticeable features in the opening. There were two bumps that looked like they might be vestigial eyes.

  Cascadia and I looked at each other, confused at his lack of response to our presence. Just as Cascadia was about to address him, he spoke. His head remained down, eyes focused on his bowl.

  “Well met, adventurers. It is fortunate indeed that you have come here, for there is great need of your skills. I have a mission for you, should you choose to accept it.”

  He finally turned to face us, holding his soup bowl.

  “We’ve run out of spring onions, an essential ingredient for my festival soup. The next town over has some, but the path is too dangerous for me. So what say you, will you help out an old man in need?”

  We just stared at the man, at a loss for how to reply. The man turned back to the counter and set down his bowl, giggling gently.

  “Sorry, sorry. Tabby has plenty of onions. I was just trying to fit in, since we are in a game now. How did I do?”

  His voice had lost the heavy affectation he had been using before but he now had a strange, hyper-relaxed way of speaking.

  “You should try the noodles. Noodles are Tabaka’s speciality. They are so good.”

  I stared at his bowl. Food was something I had been looking forward to coming into the dungeon. I had seen the amazing things available at some safe rooms and from the personal space upgrades; compared to my normal diet, dungeon food seemed incredible.

  “I have expert knowledge of the noodle traditions of over 20,000 different cultures, spanning hundreds of species and planets. I would recommend this clear broth soup from the human population of the distant planet Zamurna as a starting point,” Tabaka said in an eager, robotic voice. They produced two bowls of fragrant noodle soup and held them out to us with sets of long spindly arms. I looked sideways at Cascadia and my heart leapt as she reached for the bowl, five stat points was nothing in the long run! I nearly shouted for joy as she brought the bowl to her face and breathed in the delicious aroma. She closed her eyes and let the breath out, then handed the bowl back to the robot.

  “Thank you Tabaka, but we will not be requiring your meal services at this time.”

  My heart dropped and I fell into one of the chairs dejectedly.

  “Hardcore,” Parson said consolingly. “So what brings you to the saferoom? Got some boxes to open?”

  “We do. Some boxes and some planning. And yourself?”

  “Oh I’m just here for the food. I think I’m calling this lunch. And, you know, I’m working on a few things. Tabaka here has been very accommodating.” He thumbed towards the corner where there was a small lab setup with a few bubbling beakers and tubes.

  “So…you’re alone?”

  “Not quite,” he patted the thing on the counter next to him. “I got this in a loot box for killing a mob with a syringe full of liquid narcotics; a little ratsquid attacked me right after I entered the dungeon. It nearly killed me. This whole dungeon thing had me thinking maybe I had gotten my mushroom extraction wrong and had gone a little too deep, I got a good reward for that too, first to come into the dungeon on psychedelics it said, and I didn’t really defend myself at first; I was just trying to ride out the bad trip, but when it started eating me I decided it was real. Fortunately I had some syringes on hand in my mobile lab, thank goodness I brought that down with me. Those ratsquids are feisty but their little bodies can’t handle a standard dose of any full strength opioid. Anyhow, this little guy’s been keeping me company since then. I’m thinking of naming them Bessie, or maybe Parsonson. I haven’t decided. But I didn’t come into the dungeon with anyone else. There was a large group that went down before me, but I think they were all killed before I came in.”

  The rambling story was hard to follow, but Parson V had clearly figured out how to survive in the dungeon, and the solo experience had accelerated his level progress.”

  “May I?” I said, gesturing towards the wormlike weapon. He pushed it towards me.

  Veraklion Spitter Worm

  This semi-living organism rapidly produces cemented carbide spines which it can launch at supersonic speeds using extreme pressure cavities. The Spitter can consume chemical concoctions and deliver them through its spikes.

  “It’s reaaallly powerful,” Parson continued. “Even when I don’t add anything to the spikes I can kill any of the monsters in this area with just a few shots. What about you two though? You are already level eight, and I bet you didn’t enter the dungeon in this area. How are you getting around so fast?”

  “We…drove a speeder into the dungeon.”

  “Nice. Very nice. I’m working on a way to get around faster myself.”

  Cascadia spoke up.

  “You seem to be taking all this very well…mushroom extract?”

  “Heh, no I don’t think so. I used to be all up tight about everything you know, but I found a better way to be. Now I just roll with it. Plus, the noodles are really good. This is my third meal since finding this place.”

  This crawler was bizarre, but I liked him. He seemed safe, level headed, and he had skills and abilities neither of us did.

  “Look, Parson, we are actually in a bit of a rush. See, we think there might be more rewards for being first to do things, like you got for your syringe attack and psychedelics rewards. There is a borough boss nearby, and we think there might be time to be the first to beat one. We were hoping to have another crawler or two for the fight.”

  “So there are bosses! That’s what those stars mean huh. I thought there must be bosses but I couldn’t get my game guide to talk about it.”

  “There are, and they give really good experience and loot and an area map. So, do you want to join the party for the battle?”

  “I’m interested. Are you going to try to kill me and take my gear or something though? My game guide says that happens a lot. And those skulls by your name have a very informative tooltip.”

  “Not unless you’re an undercover enforcement officer with an overgrown sense of your own importance and a penchant for abusing your presumed authority,” Cascadia said.

  “Heh, naw. I don’t get along so well with enforcement. Ok, I’m in. So how do these boss fights work anyway?”

  I gave him a brief rundown of our experience so far and we figured out how to join him to the party. I took a look at his stats.

  Strength: 4

  Intelligence: 14

  Constitution: 8

  Dexterity: 5

  Charisma: 3

  “Dude, what the hell? Intelligence of fourteen? Constitution eight?”

  Parson shrugged. “I started with eight and I get a plus six daily buff from a “psycho-brew” kit I got. Constitution, I don’t know what to tell you man. Take care of your body and it will take care of you. I do get plus two from a pack I’m wearing under my coat though.”

  I just shook my head while Cascadia laughed. I couldn’t wait for the third floor where I could finally assign stat points. Parson’s starting intelligence was startlingly high. I wasn’t interested in getting his backstory at the moment but a starting value of six was about as high as possible to my knowledge.

  “So, how close are you to having a fast travel method? We could probably squeeze into the speeder, but it’d be tight.”

  Parson stood up and looked over the counter. I followed suit and discovered an unconscious squid-horse hybrid attached to an IV drip filled with green liquid. The bizarre beast had 8 hooved legs, cephalopod-like skin with suckers placed seemingly at random, and a squid head. It was a little hard to look at.

  “I think I’m a ways off yet. I need my distillation to finish, and then I’ve got some experiments to run.”

  “Speeder it is. We’ll just open our boxes real quick and we can go.”

  “Ok, I’ll finish my noodles and get dressed.”

  From the boss box Cascadia got a skill pill that gave her a level one Seismic Smash skill. The skill let her strike the ground to create a knockback effect scaling with the force of the strike. There was no energy cost but it had a five minute cooldown. I received a “Cute Earring” that gave plus two to charisma. I assumed it was the system AI’s version of a practical joke. I gave it to Cascadia. Her Charisma was getting high enough to potentially be useful.

  Parson shoved the last bite of his noodles into his mouth then took off his coat, revealing a long, thin pack with tubes connected to a mask that he put on. It was an exaggeratedly aggressive looking respirator with large, opaque, eye plates. He stuck his arm into the Veraklion Spitter, which sealed onto his forearm. It extended a tongue-like appendage which he used to adjust his respirator.

  “All right, let’s do this.”

  The respirator pitched his voice down and gave him a raspy tone, making him sound like a cartoon villain.

  “The dungeon seems to really be pushing a certain aesthetic for me,” he noted as we walked out the door together.