We sat on the ground, leaned up against a boulder as we decompressed and sorted through our achievements. We ended up getting the Trailblazing Boss Hunter achievement, netting us platinum weapon boxes in addition to our silver boss boxes, and we had all gained a level. I had a long list of other fluff achievements, but none that gave any rewards.

  “Heh, check this one out,” Cascadia said, copying an achievement into the party chat.

  New Achievement! Guillotine Not Required!

  You’ve decapitated mobs before but this was some next level type shit! You pulled off the head of a borough boss with your bare hands. Keep this kind of thing up and you just might make something of yourself someday.

  Reward: You’ve received a platinum Close-Quarters Combat box.

  “Nice! I didn’t get another platinum box, but this was pretty good. Sorry Gel, didn't feel like I had time to ask first.”

  New achievement! Nonconsensual Dealings!

  You’ve injeceted a party member without their consent! With drugs!

  Reward: You’ve received a gold Pusher box.

  “You can inject me with whatever you want, just don’t make me do the dance again.”

  “Oh I think the dance is mandatory now. We’ve never lost a boss battle after doing it, we wouldn’t want to tempt fate.”

  “You two really need to work on your start and finish poses. I got a silver style box for my finishing pose this time.”

  It went on like this for a while. The boss fight had been difficult and the day had begun to feel very long. We had been in the dungeon for ten hours and we had come in at midday, which meant I had been awake for seventeen hours. I would normally start winding down for the evening at this point, and that was when I wasn't grinding real life mobs and bosses all day. I was on the verge of exhaustion and even Cascadia seemed to want to relax for a moment. Her and Parson were getting along well.

  “I assumed you would be using a long-staff or a throwing-staff, or maybe just your bare hands; you’ve trained with them so much already. Why do you use the axe? I guess you technically did kill the boss with your bare hands…”

  “I’m not opposed to the idea, but the axe I have is much better than my other options. It’s a “vibro-axe” and its cutting power is just ridiculous. The things I brought in feel like children’s toys in comparison, and the one staff I got in here is broken now. Maybe I’ll find a better one though, there’s got to be some sort of sweet electrostaff or force amplifying staff or something down here right?”

  “Must be. Maybe you can find a living staff, like my weapon. With poison tentacles on it.”

  “That sounds gross. I’ll stick with metal weapons, thank you very much.”

  Parson laughed.

  “I think you are going to fit in well down here, like I’m going to. Not because you’re chill like me, you’re as uptight as aunt Tabitha. But because the wide universe has a lot more to offer us than our little planet did. It sucks for everyone else but I think this dungeon is going to be good for people like us.”

  He turned to me.

  “You made a good choice, Gel. You should probably try to keep that in mind later.”

  “I…don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Uh-huh. Well, I’ve got to get back to Tabby. I’m going to ask him for the chewiest noodles he knows how to make. And I need to check on some things I left running. Do you mind dropping me off? It would be a long walk.”

  “Drop you off? You don’t want to stay partied with us?” I asked.

  “No, you two are running at a different speed than me. At least for now. I have a lot of things I want to figure out, and it’s going to take me some time. But we should stay in touch, I’ll let you know anytime I find something interesting or if I need help, and you do the same, yeah?”

  We dropped Parson off and headed for a tutorial guild in another neighborhood I had mapped out earlier. Even though we were scheduled for another eight hours of activity before sleep, Cascadia had agreed to go to a tutorial guild to open our boxes and do some training instead of finding more mobs to grind. Jasper was, as usual, waiting eagerly for us.

  “By. His. Left. Tit. It’s the first fucking day! What is going on! How is it even-..you know what, I am not going to question my good fortune. That was incredible. Actually, unbelievably, incredible. Shame you couldn’t keep Parson around, hopefully you can party up later. But no matter! Level eight, geared to the gills, more powerful than most crawlers halfway through the second floor. Now though, now you can stop taking risks for a while. Your performance was amazing and you should ride that wave all the way to the end of the floor.”

  “Yeah don’t worry. We got the trailblazing achievement and now we can just grind safely,” I assured him.

  “So Jasper,” Cascadia said as she pulled up a chair to sit and open her boxes, “what’s with these style boxes? Are there specific things I can do to increase my style score and get better rewards?”

  “I don't know. I’ve never actually heard of those achievements before. As came up earlier, this is my first season as a game guide. No one in my party was getting them when I was in the dungeon, and I haven’t seen them referenced in any of my training material or programs I’ve watched so far.”

  “I’ll just have to experiment then.”

  Cascadia opened her four boxes, copying the item descriptions to my chat as she inspected and equipped them.

  Silver Style Box

  Level 1 Personal Ambiance Generator

  Hair and cloak blowing in the wind, theme songs, light halos, swirling snowflakes. These are the kinds of things that make or break a moment. This limited functionality generator allows ambient wind effects and basic particle generation. Advanced models can do much more.

  While equipped the user gains +2 to charisma.

  The generator was a small rectangular unit that fit into a slot on Cascadia’s utility belt.

  “So is charisma actually good for anything? I can tell when my physical stats increase, but I’ve got a charisma of twelve now and nothing feels different.”

  “It is useful if you ever want to interact with NPCs in any way other than just killing them. And depending on the class you pick on the third floor, you may have abilities that scale with or otherwise depend on charisma. I was a Technobard when I went though the dungeon and charisma was one of my most important stats.”

  Her boss box was next.

  Silver Boss Box

  Combat Reflex Boots Mark 1

  Provides excellent protection for your lower extremities and superior striking surfaces for kicking. Rudimentary neurointegration enhances physical performance. Comes with standard combat booth sheath and holster options.

  User gains +4 to dexterity

  She removed her training shoes and put on the boots immediately. They went up to mid-calf and had a sleek, minimalist appearance.

  “You don’t have to pay for those chairs do you?” Cascadia asked Jasper.

  “Uh, no. Valtay Corp just provides this kind of stuff.”

  She grabbed the chair she had been sitting on, threw it into the air, and leapt into a triple spinning kick, shattering the chair.

  “See,” she said, flowing into a complicated handstand maneuver, spinning around on one arm, then the next, “my dexterity of sixteen means something.”

  “Does spinning like that before you kick actually do anything? Or are you just showing off?” I asked.

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  “First off Gel, it’s not “just showing off,” she said, continuing to twirl slowly. “Performing excessive physical maneuvers is both a valuable training and communication tool. As for actual combat value beyond gimmicky deceptions, not really. Well, that’s what I used to think. Now that my abilities are superhuman I’m not so sure. I think there are some applications in momentum management and long interval sequencing, but I’ll have to experiment.”

  She came out of her handstand and addressed her next item.

  Platinum Close-Quarters Combat Box

  Benevolent Helminth

  Though similar in form to what many would call a parasite, this tiny creature gives much more than it takes. As a lower life form it cannot integrate with a host's nervous system, and is thus limited in the functions it can perform, but it is still worthy of attention. When a Benevolent Helminth has properly integrated into a host’s endocrine system the host can activate the following ability on a 5 minute cooldown.

  Supercharged.

  The Benevolent Helminth has supercharged your system with a unique blend of regenerative and protective factors, bio-enhancing compounds, and neural anti-inhibitors. For 15 seconds you have greatly increased self healing, lesser regeneration, immunity to poison, immunity to disease, and a 50% increase to strength and constitution.

  You can only have one helminth equipped at a time. Qualified medical supervision is recommended for removal of an already equipped helminth.

  The item was a small glass container with a slimy, writhing, orange worm inside. Cascadia held it up to her eye and examined it uncertainly. She looked over to Jasper questioningly. He seemed very pleased to be able to guidance.

  “That is a very powerful item. It doesn’t take up an external slot and the buff is awesome, especially on that cooldown. In most cases the immunities will totally clear any relevant debuffs so you don’t have to worry about them coming back in fifteen seconds; you can use it as an on demand anti-tox kit. Lesser regeneration will let you grow back the small bits, fingers, ears, that kind of stuff, and reattach limbs if you can find them in time. The strength increase applies to your base strength only, so it’s not that great now, but it will be amazing later on.”

  “It sounds great, but how do I…equip it?”

  “Oh yeah, well, pretty much however you want. You can eat it or you can make a cut and let it wriggle in that way. I don’t think this kind can go in through the nose or ear. I guess they could probably use, ah, other orifices but I’m just going to go ahead and assume you aren’t interested in that avenue.”

  “You assume correctly. You seem pretty casual about this, is this kind of equipment something we are going to have to get used to?”

  “On my home planet we used parasites for all sorts of things, kind of like how you use modified viruses for medicine, so it doesn’t seem strange to me. I don’t think they are common items though, I think they are pretty rare. It was a lucky drop.”

  “Were you a human?”

  “No, I was a crest. Not really that different though.”

  “Well, if Gel can stab himself in the brain with a control spike then I can give myself a parasite.”

  She opened the container and held the worm between her fingers.

  “Do you think eating this would interfere with my premium ration bar streak?”

  “Uh…let me check.” Jasper’s eyes flashed as he referenced his codex. “It isn’t specifically mentioned. I don’t think it would, I think it would be classed the same as skill pills, which definitely don’t. But it doesn’t specifically address consuming living creatures.”

  “I’m not risking it,” Cascada said, pulling out her axe at minimum size. She made a small cut in her left forearm and brought the wormlike creature close to it. It hopped to her arm and burrowed right in, disappearing. The normally stoic Cascadia grimaced as the parasite squelched through the slit in her flesh. She activated her Healing-Burst ability and the cut sealed. We all waited for about fifteen seconds and then Cascadia activated her Supercharged ability. It made her veins glow and the whites of her eyes bleed to green. She hefted her axe and looked down at her left hand. I held my breath. Thankfully, she decided not to immediately test out her lesser regeneration.

  Last was the platinum weapons box, the reward we had been chasing.

  Platinum Weapon Box

  Compliant Gold Banded Staff

  This dimensionally attuned staff is thought to be the origin of the myth of the trickster god, common to most known cultures in the settled galaxies.

  This indestructible staff is made of quantum-reinforced high-entropy alloys. Its user can alter its weight and dimensions at will. The weight has no lower bound and can be increased to as much as the wielder can lift, up to a limit of 8,000 kilograms. Density has a lower bound, scaling with cross section, which has an upper bound scaling with weight. See user's guide for more details.

  It was beautiful, more artistically crafted than any of the other items we had received so far. The base alloy was patterned in waves and the thick golden bands at the ends were intricately engraved. We had a book of tales as children, and several featured the monkey trickster god with a magical staff.

  Cascadia motioned for us to wait and she turned around, taking out her hair tie and shrinking the staff down to a few centimeters. She placed the staff inside her ear and looked down dramatically, slowly pulling the staff from her ear before it burst out to fighting length. She turned, whirling the staff before striking a pose with the weapon behind her. A wind that affected only her pushed her loose hair back and golden particles swirled around her, matching her hand tattoos and earring, which were also glowing gold. Jasper looked completely glamoured.

  “God, you're such a ham, Cas. I’m opening my boxes.”

  I had just the boss box and weapon box to open.

  Silver Boss Box

  Reinforced Bioenhancing Greaves

  These military grade enhancement garments provide superior physical protection for the lower body and directly enhance physical robustness through a personal bioactive field generator.

  User receives +4 to constitution.

  Platinum Weapons Box

  Shade-Knoll Stun Gauntlet

  These top of the line gauntlets are used by elite riot forces when non-lethal measures are required and the target is too big or too strong to bludgeon into submission.

  When used to strike an enemy, inflicts the stunned debuff. Debuff duration depends on multiple factors including target-wielder level discrepancy, target constitution, and target size. Effective against most targets with a nervous or electrical system. 10 second recharge interval. Requires power source.

  These were fantastic. My problematic durability just got a lot better and I could get rid of the pants I had worn into the dungeon, which were barely hanging on after the lion fight. The stun gauntlet would help me not be completely worthless as soon as a mob got within reach of me. I had to remove my Reflex Gloves, and I would miss the dexterity, but this was better for now.

  “Hey Jasper, how do we recharge our rechargeable batteries? I haven’t had to swap any out yet but I assume it’s going to happen sooner or later,” Cascadia said.

  “Any full service safe room will have charge stations. You have to pay for them on later floors, but they are free on the first floor. Mobs will start dropping credits on the next floor.”

  “Cool. And how about this staff. What does “as heavy as I can lift" mean?”

  “Lifting in this context typically means holding something unsupported in your hands or comparable distal appendage,” Jasper recited. “You must be physically holding the item uncontested to be considered the user and be able to activate its abilities.”

  Cascadia lengthened the staff to two and half meters then dropped it to the floor with a heavy thud.

  “So it will just stay this heavy until I or someone stronger than me picks it up and activates it?”

  “That is correct,” Jasper said proudly. “Items like this are often as useful as utility items as they are weapons.”

  “Indeed,” Cascadia said as she grasped the staff and elongated it to four meters. “I am in need of much practice.”

  Even though we had over seven hours left before our scheduled sleep time, I just wanted to go to bed. Cascadia insisted that we stick it out to establish our schedule but she agreed to not go hunting bosses or mobs. Instead we found a safe room further into the dungeon where we were not likely to be disturbed by other crawlers and she put together a quick training schedule. Although we didn’t gain player level contributing experience, her training was very effective at raising our lower skill levels and building competency. I was hungry and ready to be done after two hours, but Cascadia pushed me through the full seven.

  Outside the saferoom she had me shoot at her with my turret, drone, and disruptor pistol for hours while she practiced dodging, absorbing, and even blocking with her staff and axe. Then we did hand-to-hand training, which was terrible, but I did learn enough to feel comfortable using my stun gauntlet. When used on Cascadia the stun lasted for about five seconds. I learned that when I successfully stunned a target it did nothing to change the target's momentum so I practiced stunning while dodging or blocking to avoid the follow through-blow. After that we practiced with the speeder. We spent most of the time on different ingress and egress maneuvers. Cascadia particularly enjoyed getting launched from the speeder at high speed and using her Friction Manipulation skill to maintain the speed as long as possible. By the end of the session, the speeder needed to go back into the repair bay. I determined that we needed to be on the lookout for some sturdier vehicle options as soon as possible.

  We finished the training with me working on my drone surveying while Cascadia practiced different moves with her adhesion disc. Thanks to the borough field guide we had received from the borough boss we already had a pretty good idea of everything in the area, but I still progressed the skill by inspecting mobs and reading signs.

  When we finally called it a day at precisely twelve hours before the season premier I was exhausted. The safe room was not a full service room, just a small facility with showers, vending machines, and sleeping cots. We ate our ration bars, showered, and set up our cots. The ration bar was no better the second time. I was laying on my cot trying to get the flavor off of my teeth when Cascadia spoke.

  “It's really all gone huh? Everything. There’s no going back.”

  “I don-....yeah. Yeah it’s gone. This is our life now, until we finish the dungeon and make our way through the universe at least.”

  She was quiet for a few moments.

  “There are a few things I’ll miss.”

  She was asleep a minute later. I was exhausted but I stayed awake a little longer, reviewing my plans and comparing them with how things had gone. Overall, I had been successful. There were a few hitches and I certainly hadn’t planned on nearly dying twice on the first day, but we had made it. Cascadia had taken to things even better than I had anticipated. I had watched hundreds of crawlers on the first floor in my recordings and had seen how some handled the changes and how some just broke down. Cascadia was taking everything in stride, even the crawler killing. I had seen that absolutely destroy some crawlers and I had hoped to avoid it, but it didn’t seem to be bothering Cascadia at all. I wondered how much of that was her actually hating enforcement officers enough to slaughter them and how much was her adopting the mental posture that was needed to thrive in the circumstances she found herself in; she had learned to do that very well growing up. But for the time being, I was just glad about how fast we were progressing. I closed my eyes and fell asleep mentally fidgeting with a few minor circuits in my Premium All-Purpose Drone, which rested on my chest.