Time to Level Collapse: 7 days, 24 hours

  Training over, I set a course for the next alpha orc boss. After the tutorial guild yesterday, Parson and I had caught up with Cascadia and spent a few hours clearing out monster dens, which seemed to help Cascadia’s mood quite a bit. Her new weapon was interesting; she didn’t use it as a primary weapon, instead using it mostly as a supporting tool. She would use it to grapple foes from a distance, pulling them towards her or tripping them before attacking with one of her other weapons. The strength increases also made an obvious difference. With the rings and the motor cortex amplifier she had gotten this floor, her strength was sitting at sixteen and she could absolutely dominate many of the mobs physically. By the end of the night we had both gone up to level fifteen and Parson had gone up to eleven.

  Now we had settled in for the ride, which was going to take several hours. Parson was in the back, still trying to solve the enzyme problem. Cascadia was in the front, idly twirling her staff, which she had shrunk to the size of a pen.

  “I think I need to get rid of the axe. Most of the other weapons too.”

  “What? There is literally no reason to do that.”

  “You know how I was so successful at the grappling event? My leg locks were ridiculously good. It’s not the only move I’m an expert at, of course, but I was uniquely good at them. It didn’t matter that everyone knew I was going to go for one, there was nothing they could do about it. If you get good enough with a tool, you can solve any problem with it.

  “These adjustable weapons have incredibly high skill caps, particularly the staff. I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of what is possible, and I never will if I’m trying to use seventeen different weapons. And that’s just talking about my own skill, the skill levels are another consideration. I bet I could have staff fighting above ten by now if I was more focused.

  “I’ll keep the wrist blade, it fills a unique niche. And the dagger, just for certain bosses. And the rifle, as we’ve discussed. And I suppose the bolas have to stay in case I need to capture something. And now I’m just proving my point to myself. I could fill all those niches with a single weapon if I got good enough with it.”

  I did not agree with that last statement, but I opted to sidestep it.

  “You underestimate yourself.”

  “I never underestimate myself.”

  Gellen: Then you underestimate the dungeon. You underestimate how much increasing your skill levels is going to do. And we are going to be able to accelerate that. A lot. That’s one reason I’m so focused on money. I don’t really get how your brain works, and if you are comfortable relying on dungeon skill levels or not, but it’s the only way we are going to be powerful enough to survive. We have eight days left on the floor, we will only spend a few more gathering alcohol and then we can grind. We can find the potion room, I know what a skill potion looks like, and we can buy more things like them on the next floor. I’ve seen crawlers way less competent than you pull off versatile builds. You could do a multi-weapon build like no one else. Maybe you do specialize, but let’s at least wait until class selection.

  Cascadia didn’t reply, but she nodded her head in ascent.

  “Hey, you want proof that I never underestimate myself?”

  “No, not really.”

  “Parson! How are we looking back there?” she shouted.

  Parson looked up from his workstation and gave us a thumbs up.

  Parson: It's looking good. I’m pretty sure I’ve got it right. Now I just need to make enough. Operation BEARKNUCKLE is a go.

  “Excellent. I just need to borrow one item from you, Gel.”

  The normal boss battle intro didn’t trigger when we used Parson’s last incense stick to put the orcs in the mud pit to sleep. It didn’t trigger after we quietly opened the door and executed all the orcs, and it didn’t trigger when the alpha orc popped his head out of the office to see what was going on, which I assumed meant the system AI was aware of and supporting Cascadia’s ridiculous plan.

  Parson and I quickly backed off to the entrance, as agreed, while Cascadia waved at the boss and strode forward. His icon on the minimap was still red, but he looked confused and didn’t attack right away.

  “Hello Mr. Alpha Orc. As you can see we have destroyed your operation, and as I’m sure you are intelligent enough to surmise, you can run a medium-scale production operation after all, we are here to kill you as well.”

  The orc grabbed a chainsaw from the wall and moved to step outside.

  “Wait! I have an offer you may be interested in.”

  The orc hesitated.

  “If you fight us straight on, we will kill you easily. We’ve already destroyed two other operations just like yours, and you don’t have any underlings left to help you. It wouldn’t even be a fight. My friends would be happy if you choose that route, but I’ve convinced them to try it my way.”

  The orc remained in the doorway, so Cascadia continued.

  “See, I’m seeking a little nostalgia. Before we came into the dungeon I did a lot of fighting, but not with all of these fancy weapons. Either my own hands and feet, or a simple staff. All of this,” she said, gesturing to her weaponry, “is a bit much for me sometimes. I’m offering you a chance at one on one, fist on fist, combat. I’ll put all my weapons down, you put that chainsaw down, and my companions will stay out of it. If you kill me, you can grab my gear, including my fancy healing injectors, which I will also put aside, and see how you fare against them. Your odds will be much better than if you try to face all of us at the same time. And I’ll be grateful, that’s got to count for something right?”

  The orc looked at us, judging our sincerity. We were both unarmed and as far away as we could be while still being in the room.

  “You first,” the orc growled.

  Cascadia complied, removing weapons one by one and tossing them into a pile off to the side. She kept her rings on, but didn’t have them formed into claws. The orc gave a sickening, toothy, smile as he put his chainsaw down.

  “So, humans have some honor after all.”

  Cascadia smiled back and said, to no one in particular, “if you haven’t told your friends to tune in yet, you better do it now. The show is about to begin.”

  The world, finally, froze.

  B-B-B…..Single Combat Challenge!!!!

  This special event can be triggered by specific circumstances, all of which have now been met for the first time this season! Hunker down folks, this is going to be a good one. On one side we have the challenger, Cascadia! You probably haven’t seen much of her yet, but don’t worry, she’s ready to put on a show. On the other side we have Chogel, one of the “Alpha Orcs” running the alcohol production on this floor. He’s bigger, greener, and possibly meaner, but does he have what it takes to come out on top? Let’s find out! 3-2-1 Fight!

  Bars of energy slammed down from the ceiling, forming a cage around the two combatants and a furious electro-beat started playing.

  What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck!

  I panicked. I had only agreed to this plan because we could always just step in if things got too dangerous. Cascadia was strong, but crawlers could die so quickly. She didn’t have a reactive teleport, the Cockroach skill, an Oh Shit! button, or any of the other failsafes that one should have before trying a stunt like this.

  I immediately launched a drone towards the cage, blasting at the orc, but the cage was impenetrable. I rammed the drone into the cage which bounced off with no effect. The orc curled his lip in disgust.

  “So much for honor, your treachery does not deserve a quick death. I’m going to beat you to the edge of death, just enough for the Gods to declare me the victor and release us from this cage, but I’ll keep you alive. After I kill your companions, I’ll have to wait for more orcs to be born before I restart my operations; I’ll need something to entertain myself with, and the old sow has lost some of her appeal.”

  Cascadia didn’t respond; she just stood on her side of the cage, posture relaxed and casual. I continued to freak out.

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  Parson: Calm down Gel, this is not a good look. Think about it. Don’t give them the material.

  I realized with horror that he was correct. I knew this, but I had lost control. The showrunners would be farming the early floors for material, setting up story lines and manufacturing dramatic moments. I didn’t need to give them this kind of softball. I forcibly calmed myself and used a precious Size-Up eye drop. Cascadia had explicitly told me not to do this, but I didn’t care anymore. I examined the orc, who was cautiously approaching the motionless Cascadia.

  His Pugilism and Powerful Strike skills were level five and he had no grappling skill listed, so Cascadia had a significant advantage there, but his strength was thirty, almost double Cascadia’s sixteen. Fortunately he had no special abilities other than his weaponized semen ability, but if he got a hold of her, he could snap her neck like a twig. His constitution was also twenty, much higher than hers. I relayed all of this information to Cascadia via chat.

  Cascadia: Gel, calm down and shut up.

  At that moment the orc finally lunged and grabbed at her. She easily sidestepped and kicked him in the midsection, knocking him back. A health bar appeared, but went down just a sliver. The orc attacked again, swinging a fist this time. Cascadia deflected it, answering with a punch and a kick of her own. The health bar went down another sliver. The orc made a few more passes, all with the same result.

  “Come on then!” he grunted, stepping back and holding out his arms. Cascadia complied instantly, moving faster than the orc could respond to. Her feet glowed orange as she exploded forward, using an enhanced friction push to launch herself into a dive. His arms were still out to the side when her shoulder made contact with his left knee. There was a loud crack as his leg snapped and Cascadia drove him to the ground.

  He reached to grab her head but she blocked him with her arm. My anxiety rose as he gripped onto her forearm but she immediately activated her Friction Manipulation again, making her arm slippery and rolling up the orc’s torso, pulling her arm free. She popped up into a half crouch and started punching the orc in the head, each blow snapping his head against the ground. He swung at her but he had no leverage from his position on the ground, and after a punch knocked his mask askew, his vision was impaired. She swatted aside the clumsy strikes and grabs as she continued to pummel his head. Every time he tried to place a hand down to support himself Cascadia would strike or pull it, keeping him stuck on the ground. Her dexterity had reached twenty-one and her speed seemed incredible, though I knew it was nothing compared to what it could be in a few floors.

  His health continued to drop a sliver at a time and blood poured from rips in his mask. As his health approached zero, Cascadia grabbed his head and slammed it into the ground. My “Humanoid Shock Collar” appeared in her hand. She jammed it onto his neck and snapped it shut. The fight was completely gone from him and she put a foot onto his chest, raising a bloody fist into the air.

  Flawless Victory!

  The letters exploded in the air with exaggerated fanfare as the world froze again.

  New achievement! Passive Observer.

  One of your party members has completed a quest or a boss fight while you contributed absolutely nothing. And it’s not like you were trapped or paralyzed or anything like that, you literally just stood there and watched as they took all the glory. For your own health and wellbeing, we do not recommend allowing this to happen again. Here is a reward to help you get back on track.

  Reward: I lied, I’m not giving you a reward for being a little bitch. Do better.

  Cascadia’s plan worked. The system ended the boss fight and after a few applications of a paralyzing electric shock, the Alpha Orc stopped trying to attack us. We kept him in the shed except for when the milk dried up. We would let him out to perform his duties, which he did nearly automatically it seemed, and then we put him back in the shed. We milked nearly the entire day. Cascadia used her new rings to milk six teats at a time and we filled barrel after barrel.

  Parson was helping milk in between processing the barrels. It took eight hours to fill as many barrels as the APC could hold. Cascadia wiped her hands.

  “Finally. Are we good here?”

  “I need a little more time to finish processing all of these, but then yeah. We certainly don’t need any more milk.”

  “What do we want to do with the boss and the pig?” I asked. “I assume you want to let them go like the last time?”

  “I don’t think that’s going to work this time,” Cascadia said. “It’s not his fault he is like he is, but it doesn’t change what he is. Watch.”

  She opened the office door and motioned for the orc to come out. She deactivated the shock collar and it fell to the floor. They stood there, staring at each other. Cascadia wasn’t blocking his way, but he stayed focused on her. After a few seconds of staring he lunged at her, but it was a half-hearted effort. She hopped into the air to ram her psi-blade into his throat, killing him. There was no fanfare, no victory announcement. She walked over and patted Parson on the shoulder.

  “You got the rest?”

  He nodded.

  “Great. Let’s go! I’ve got a few million new followers that would probably like to see us do something other than milk a pig. We’ve got an hour, let’s see what we can squeeze in.”

  We hopped into the APC and drove off to find some mobs.

  A few groups of dead mobs and a short amount of traveling later, I noticed that the potion reward room was visible at the edge of my minimap.

  “Hey, there is a potion reward room nearby, let’s go check it out.”

  “Alright, lead the way.”

  Cascadia was in a fantastic mood now that the coming days did not include hours and hours of driving and milking. We cut through a group of sentient vine monsters to reach the entrance to the potion room. It was an ancient looking stone archway placed right into the wall of the tunnel. The door was made of thick wood and had a pair of indentations near the side edges. It looked very out of place in the asteroid style tunnels. Someone had carved crude letters into the door reading MAXIMIZE THE DIFFERENCE EACH TIME.

  Next to the door was a small wooden bucket full of crystal discs. They were brilliantly colored, each one shining with a powerful and distinctive hue. They also fit perfectly into the small divots. “So is this some kind of puzzle or something?” Cascadia asked.

  “I guess so. Got any ideas?”

  She picked up two crystals and placed them into the divots. The disappeared with a pop. Nothing else happened. She repeated the process until all the crystals had disappeared. A few seconds later they all came shooting back out, scattering across the tunnel. Cascadia kicked the door to no effect.

  “This is stupid, you figure it out.”

  I puzzled over the door for a few minutes, trying out different combinations, but I couldn’t think of anything that made sense. They were all the same size and weight, and matching brighter and dimmer crystals didn’t seem to do anything.

  New achievement. Stumped.

  You have tried and failed to solve a puzzle at least five times. This is clearly not your thing. I’d recommend moving on with your life.

  Reward: This small bit of advice is all I can offer you

  Gellen: Parson, are you good at puzzles?

  Parson: What’s going on?

  I explained the door setup in as much detail as I could. Parson pressed me about the colors and made me scan them with my drone and send him the chemical formulas it displayed.

  Parson: Did you guys eat much seafood growing up?

  Gellen: Uh…no?

  Parson: That must be it. You said there was a seafood reward room right? We should try to go there later.

  Cascadia: What on earth are you babbling on about Parson?

  Parson: Seafood. It makes your brain good. It’s the easiest way to get docosahexaenoic acid, which is pretty important for neurological development. Even in adulthood it can support activation of CaMKII signaling, which is a fundamental part of neuroplasticity.

  Cascadia: Dude, are you going to tell us how to open the door or what?

  Parson: Ok fine. I just thought you might want to understand how you might be able to improve your own cognitive abilities, but I can see you are not interested. Just pick the two colors with the biggest difference in dominant wavelength and keep doing that until you get through them all.

  Cascadia: Are you being difficult on purpose?

  Parson ended up having to walk me through the pairings one by one, but it worked and the door opened.

  New Achievement! Witches Den.

  You have discovered a potion reward room. Potions are not typically included in this particular version of the game, but some parts of the code cannot be easily overwritten. Welcome to the mystical world of magically infused liquids. Go crazy.

  Reward: This is getting tedious, you know how this goes.

  New Achievement! Three Times a Treasure Hunter!

  You have found your third reward room! And on a single floor no less. This is basically unheard of. Either you are the actual luckiest person in the galaxy and should quit your life of dungeon crawling and take up gambling, OR…..well I’m not really allowed to talk about that now am I. Reward: I’m not giving you a reward for this.

  The reward room was tiny, barely big enough for Cascadia and I to both crowd in. There was a cauldron in the middle, surrounded by little wooden stands with potion bottles on top of them.

  Cascadia: You said you know which one of these is a skill potion right?

  I had said that, but I didn’t recognize a single potion in the room. I had spent very little time on Borant seasons, but potions still occasionally showed up in Valtay seasons. I was almost certain I could recognize a celestial tier skill potion, but it didn’t seem like we would be so lucky.

  Gellen: Sorry, I don’t recognize any of these. We are going to have to just pick one.

  Cascadia gave me a disappointed look and scooped up a random potion. We examined it as we left the room and headed back to Parson.

  Dolores Doesn’t Splat

  This is a potion created by a crawler who had fallen into a pit trap. The trap was so deep that she would have fallen for a full 10 minutes had she not saved herself with some quick thinking and a pair of potions. This potion was the result of combining a superb quality Power Slam potion with a Rock Buffalo Insemination Aid.

  This potion is only effective if consumed while falling at a speed of greater than 200 kilometers per hour. This potion has the following effects:

  Your falling speed will double.

  You will be granted temporary invulnerability.

  Your landing surface will soften, allowing you to penetrate deeper.

  You will be slammed onto the surface five times in rapid succession.

  Cascadia laughed, “This is actually kind of awesome.”

  “I fail to see how.”

  “Invulnerability and four hundred kilometers per hour is going to be a good time for me and a terrible time for whoever pissed me off. You’ll see.”

  I hoped that I never would.