It's the 6th of March now. I showered right after waking up, changed clothes, brushed my teeth, and went to a small store to buy a shaving razor. Mindy said she would meet me at 12 PM, that's when she'd be done with college classes for the day. She's majoring in psychology.

  I needed a shaving razor. I can't stand facial hair or hair anywhere except on the top of my head. Sometimes I wish I had blond hair, but I try to like things about me, so I'm fine with black hair most of the time.

  I explored a bit of the part of St. Louis the motel is in. Wow, that's a really shitty way to describe the area, sorry. The motel was surrounded by long, large roads, highways, and houses. I liked some of the houses. I stood in front of a few of them for a few minutes each. I imagined myself being the owner of the house, how much fun I would have on the nice lawns, between the big trees, and in the rooms. I've always wanted to own a home.

  I remember thinking to myself, I've never wanted to own a home more than I do now. This is gonna be my first full day homeless.

  I went back to my motel room and shaved. I packed everything I took out of my suitcase back into it, put on my backpack, and left the motel.

  Mindy was sitting in her beige Toyota Corolla when I got outside. I ran over to her car. She saw me and happily screamed. She jumped out of her car.

  "Oh my gosh! Hi!" she shouted.

  My response, "Hey! It's nice to see you again!"

  We hugged.

  I threw my stuff into her trunk, and she started driving to her house. We talked about what would happen next. I remember most of the conversation.

  "So, what do you wanna eat?" Mindy asked me.

  "What do people in St. Louis eat?"

  "Well, we just passed Denny's. We have McDonald's, Starbucks-"

  "Can we get Starbucks?"

  "Yea, sure, I'll pay. Also, can you tell me again why you're back? You said you were never coming back to America. I'm trying to understand what's going on."

  "The government agency that's in charge of immigration there deported me. They forced me to come back. I know when you hear that, you're probably thinking I did something wrong. I did nothing wrong. Kat and her entire family will tell you the same thing. I was deported simply because they could deport me, because they don't want immigrants there. Hard to believe, yea, but that's the truth. Me and Kat's family, we tried so fucking hard to keep me there. We kept telling them how dangerous America is, how awful it is living in America, and how I have nothing in America. They didn't care. The agency didn't allow me to have a lawyer from the beginning of me being there, which was one of the reasons it was easy to deport me."

  "Jesus, you have a really good memory."

  "Yea, I get that a lot."

  She let out a laugh, then looked really serious. She said, "Oh, uh, I asked my mom again if you could stay with us, she said no again."

  "Fuck."

  "I know, and I don't have enough money to get you into a motel. I don't know what we're gonna do. Well, we can definitely get Starbucks, my sister wanted to meet you, so we'll pick her up before we go there. But after Starbucks, I don't know. I don't know right now."

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  Rachel, Mindy's sister, left the house shortly after we pulled in front of it. Rachel greeted me happily. She sat in the back and talked with us as we drove to Starbucks. I also told Rachel what me and Mindy talked about earlier after we got our food and drinks.

  "Dude, I'm so sorry this is happening to you," Rachel told me.

  "Guys, we need to think of something," Mindy told us. "She's probably gonna call police if she sees you in the house. And I'm gonna be in massive trouble."

  "I can't fucking believe this. I know you guys aren't the ones doing this to me, it's your mom, but this is insane. I said that I was a barista for two years, so that should tell her I can get a job, keep a job, and pay rent. And I said I could pay rent. I said I was totally fine with paying rent. And I said I was totally fine with sleeping in the storage room, the backyard, or the garage. I've slept in WAY worse places. Why the fuck is she still staying no? If I have to be on the streets tonight, I might get stabbed, robbed, kidnapped, or worse."

  "I remember her telling me she doesn't know you," Mindy said.

  "I'm not some creep though. I've been friends with her daughter for five years, and I like guys. And we're both adults! I'm 20, you're 18. Her not fucking knowing me is such a stupid fucking reason to put me on the streets."

  "OK, she's not gonna be home until like 8. We can hang out at my house until around 7 and then we have to take you somewhere else."

  I thought a bit more before saying, "We can try a homeless shelter."

  "Yea, that might work," said Rachel.

  Mindy replied, "OK, we'll finish eating, head to the car, and we'll use my phone to call shelters until we get you into one."

  I think it was after calling three shelters that one told us they had a bed available. I said I'd get there around 7, which they said was alright.

  Me, Rachel, and Mindy were really happy I got into a shelter, but also really afraid of what might happen to me tonight. I was especially happy and especially afraid, because it was me that was the one spending a night in the shelter. I've seen how cruel shelters and homelessness can get.

  Mindy drove back to the house after the final call. We hung out until we needed to leave. We played on her computer, we met her cat and four dogs, one of which belonged to Rachel. We explored the house, the backyard, and the garage. There were so many places to sleep, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with Mindy's mom.

  Bitch.

  Mindy took me further into St. Louis to drop me off at the shelter. I got to see the Gateway Arch while she was driving. She promised several times she would pick me up tomorrow and that we would hang out. She promised to take me to the bus station too.

  We hugged before I went into the shelter.

  I've been trying to keep my expectations low so I don't get more sad, or worse, more scared. The shelter, which is where I am right now, is worse than I expected. It's one large room with black bunk beds, I'm on a top bunk. It's a bit tiring to climb, but I think I should be glad I got moved from a bottom bunk to a top bunk because an old man was getting tired of climbing. It means it will be a bit harder to attack me when I'm on my bed. There isn't a single clean surface in this room. I'm scared to go back into the bathroom, and I'm scared of everyone in here, and I've been trying to hide that I'm scared. I'm the only 20 year old in a sea of men who look between the ages of 30 and 60.

  A group of guys, who looked like they were in their forties or fifties, who seemed safe and trustworthy enough, told me to come with them earlier. I did. We went outside the room and down the street, because they told me that's where everyone goes to get meals, a pretty old looking building. While I was eating dinner with them, spaghetti and sourdough bread, one of them said to me, "Hey, when we go back and if you take a shower tonight, do not come out of the shower room without a shirt and pants on. You will get attention you do not want to get. Alright?"

  I replied with, "Yea, understood, thank you. For letting me know."

  I asked for three towels before I went to the shower room with a shirt and pants to change into. The shower room was awful. Black mold and broken tiles everywhere I looked. I put one of the towels on the floor below the shower head, so nothing from the floor could get on my feet easily. I put my clothes on top of the second towel, showered, and dried myself with the third towel. I changed into the new clothes, put my Doc Martens on, and went to put my old clothes in my suitcase.

  I've been through scarier days, but today's been a day filled with things to be afraid of.

  It's almost 9 PM, so I'm writing everything down as quickly as I can. The lights are gonna be turned off at 9 PM, and the staff will tell everyone to go to sleep. I hope nothing happens while I sleep.