5th of July

  I've gotten one job interview. It was today.

  The interview was with Tempting Media. It's a gay porn studio.

  No one else wants me.

  I drove to the interview in the afternoon.

  "You got your ID?" I had been asked by Mike, the owner. He's 49, four years older than Frank and Helen. I told him, "Yea."

  Mike looked at my ID, nodded, and handed it back to me. He pointed at a chair near his desk after saying with a smile, "Great, have a seat."

  He asked if he could see what I got. I spent a few minutes with nothing on.

  "Pale, skinny, and sexy," said Mike. "Like the other guys. I'm liking your look."

  "Thanks."

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  "Are you mixed?"

  "Yea, half white, half Asian. My dad's always been in California, my mom came from Taiwan in the 70s."

  "You like fucking guys or getting fucked?"

  "Getting fucked."

  "I need you to think about what I'm about to ask you before you answer, alright?" Mike had asked me near the end of the interview. "Are you alright with doing this? Are you really alright with being in porn?"

  I was honest, I said, "Yes."

  "Good," Mike told me, grinning.

  We went through some papers.

  "OK, we don't film here. This is just my office and some other rooms, mostly for storage. We've got a house nearby. It's not for living, it's where we film. You'll spend a couple days there every time we have something for you. I'll show you where the house is. I'm thinking a good first would be you and a guy in the pool behind it. How's that sound?"

  "Sounds great," I said to Mike happily.

  "Can you get there at 10? Morning of the 12th?"

  "Yea, no problem."

  "Alright," Mike said with a big smile. "Think of a name you wanna use for porn before then. Thanks for coming. See you soon."

  Helen and Frank are alright with the job too.

  We're about to go see a movie. Soon, I'll be in a movie.

  I'm excited, scared too. I'm taking a big step on a path that people hate. People hate it, spit on it, and pretend they don't look at it when no one's looking.

  I stopped caring about what everyone thinks, what anyone thinks, a long time ago. I think a part of that is because I've never thought I would make it past 30.