Morning on the "Virgin Island" did not commence with the gentle warbling of birds or the soft whisper of the tide. Instead, it began with a soul-shattering roar that could have resurrected the most lethargic zombie from a shallow grave.
"RI-I-I-I-SE AND SHI-I-I-INE!!!!!! THOUSAND SHARKS IN MY GULLET!" Captain JOE was performing the role of a living megaphone directly beneath Eni's window.
Eni forced her eyelids open. Her body, constrained by the steel corset even in sleep, responded with a strange vitality. She sat up, running a comb through her disheveled hair, when a familiar voice took root in her consciousness like poison ivy.
"Ha-ha-ha! Eni, what a sight," the Voice returned. This time, there was no malice—only a biting, almost friendly sarcasm. "Why not just kill him? Spare the world this noise?"
Eni ignored him, methodically tightening the laces of her corset until that familiar, arousing crackle of tension resonated through her ribs. A cold, calculating light flickered in her eyes. "His Captain's Honor dies today. And that will hurt far worse than death," she whispered to herself.
When she stepped onto the porch, squinting against the blinding sunlight, Captain JOE was already pacing circles in the yard, belligerently adjusting his oversized tricorne. Catching sight of her sleep-muddled face, he skidded to a halt, nearly tripping over his own clunky heels. "E-er... You're not even awake yet! Ar-rgh! I shall wait! The Great JOE does not strike a sleeping strum... ahem... lady!"
"I could beat you in my sleep, shorty," Eni countered, descending the steps. Her voice was thick with drowsiness, but it carried an undercurrent of iron certainty. "Here are the terms: a duel to three strikes. Sword or saber, I don't care. You got the rules, tiny?"
JOE went rigid. His lone eye bulged with a mixture of indignation and genuine bafflement. "Fine then!" The Captain struck a flamboyant pose, retreating five paces and drawing his boarding saber with a theatrical shing. "We begin on the count of three! Let the sea and my whiskers be our witnesses!"
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Eni slowly reached her hand beneath the hem of her violet uniform, into the spatial pocket. Captain JOE nearly dropped his weapon in shock. "What the—?! What are you doing?!" he shrieked, his face turning red. "Why do you have a spatial sack under your skirt?! This... this is the pinnacle of indecency!"
Eni didn't dignify him with a response. Her fingers closed around the hilt of the heavy iron sword, which now felt as light as a feather thanks to her Tank progression. "One... Two... Three! Begin!" she shouted.
But instead of a lunge or a parry, she reached down and hiked her uniform's hem up to her waist, revealing a clear view of her underwear and the smooth expanse of her thighs.
"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!" JOE bellowed as if he'd been branded with a white-hot iron. He instantly dropped his saber, clapped his hands over his lone eye, and began to back away in a blind, blundering panic. "THIS IS AGAINST THE RULES!!!! THIS IS A FILTHY TRICK! THOUSAND HUMPBACK WHALES, COVER YOURSELF!"
Eni didn't lower the fabric. She advanced on him slowly, a wolfish grin spreading across her face, savoring the sight of a "Great Captain" fleeing in terror from the sight of a woman's legs. "The rules said nothing about modesty, Joe," she purred, her voice dripping with amusement as she pressed the attack.
Captain JOE continued his frantic retreat, incoherent babbles about "morality" and the "honor of the pirate brotherhood" spilling from his lips. He was so preoccupied with defending his "purity" that he failed to notice the island's edge had vanished behind him.
There was a loud SPLASH!, and a plume of salty spray drenched the pier.
Eni couldn't hold it back; she burst into laughter. "I object! The battle is not over! I have not lost yet!" JOE sputtered, choking on seawater and flailing as he tried to scramble back onto the bank.
But Eni was already there. As soon as his wet tricorne appeared above the shore, she delivered three resounding thuds to the top of his head with the flat of her blade. Clang! Clang! Clang! "Three strikes. Duel's over, Captain," she stated flatly, stowing the weapon back under her hem.
When JOE finally hauled himself back onto solid ground—utterly defeated and soaked to the bone—he looked like a drowned rat trying to maintain the dignity of a lion. His whiskers drooped, and water streamed from his hat. "What dangerous weaponry you possess..." he muttered in complete confusion. "I don't know how Nick deals with Maeno... you women of the Coalition... you're all..."
He didn't get to finish. Eni, deciding to drive the lesson home, reached for the edge of her uniform again. JOE jumped like a scalded cat, once more shielding his eye and scurrying toward his tiny vessel.
"HOW DANGEROUS! SHAMELESS! WITCHES!" he shrieked, already leaping onto the deck. "FINE! I, the Great Captain JOE, have taken pity on you! I have decided to let you go! Simply because I am noble! Now shoo! Shoo from my island, you strumpet!"
He feverishly cast off the lines, and his little ship tore away from the shore at full steam, fleeing as fast as possible from the "terrifying woman."
Eni stood on the beach, watching the pirate shrink into the horizon. "What a freak..." she whispered, feeling an internal surge of hysterical laughter. A moment later, she was doubled over, her howls of mirth echoing across the water. "He... he actually fell in my eyes. Literally!"
