Karl stepped up next.

  He’d been complaining of a stomachache. He was emasculated and pale and moved slowly.

  He crawled onto the scale and the nurse managed to weigh him, but she couldn’t measure his height because he couldn’t stand up straight.

  The nurse and the feldsher tried to get him upright to settle his heigh.

  When in the course of this process the nurse pressed on his stomach lightly with her feminine hands, it was enough for him to evacuate himself.

  It started with a sudden strange, unbelievable noise.

  -Oh fuck all, the feldsher hollered as everyone turned in his direction.

  The light touch of the nurse’s shapely hand caused the Karl to release an uncontrolled three-second stream of total fecal expurgation.

  The nurse let out an “oh Jesus” and jumped out of the way just in time, but the feldsher was zoned out when he found himself behind Karl at that particular moment.

  During these very long, unfortunate three seconds, Karl, totally disoriented, had the time to rotate around his axis, something approaching the so-called German TEUFELSMUHLE.

  Because of the tremendous pressure on Karl’s insides, the spatter of excrement was monstrous. Several officers and one very important looking civilian authority, along with their papers on the table in front of them, the stool with the medical accessories, the scale, and a very large portion of the floor all found themselves within Kar’s range.

  The commodore, sitting at the very end of the table, and at the same time the closest to the scale, seeing what was beginning to happen, tried to save himself with a risky lunge of a jump.

  He looked like a third league goalkeeper trying at any cost to catch an unexpected ball shot to the opposite post.

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  Unfortunately, he got himself a concussion on the forehead and serious injuries to his hand, and did not get himself out of the way.

  The entire cadre of officials clustered around the chairman, who in a wild fit was trying to force the windows open.

  Because the unkind odor began to spread itself rather quickly, they hurried us back to the changing room to get dressed immediately, with the obvious exception of the perpetrator.

  Immobile and with a dramatically serious face, Karl stood there on the scale, lisping evry so often.

  -One meter sixty four… one meter sixty four… one meter sixty four…

  He had the time during this entire mess to measure himself precisely.

  For a very long time nothing happened.

  I dreamt to find myself at home already to turn on the radio station American Forces Network in Europe to listen to Big Band Tommy Dorsey, Charlie Barnet, Jimmy Lanceford, Count Basie or Benny Goodman.

  Karl looked like he was waiting for the death penalty.

  Raised voices came from the adjoining hall, from which could be distinguished the calm, low, heavily Russian-accented voice of the chairman and the nasty major’s shrill treble.

  After some half an hour we were allowed to go back to the main hall, where by the emptied stage the entire company with their auspiciously recovered papers had almost completely reconvened.

  Every so often one of the officers, demonstrating a naked disgust and repugnance, left.

  Even Karl, in a sense the day’s hero, stood at attention in the disposition of one who shat.

  He wore his long johns. Overwhelmed with emotion, he’d left his drawstrings untied, and had an undershirt with three linen buttons under the neck. He looked like a defendant in a court of law awaiting a sentence of death or life imprisonment.

  The chairman’s voice took over.

  -So happened a disagreeability, or sabotage, or an accident. I believe it as an accident. The major suspects sabotage. I think, if this were to be sabotage, it would have taken place hours ago.

  -You, the chairman continued, turning to Karl, you will clean everything here. You will stay here so long as it takes and you will do everything. The sergeant will check on you every hour. If you do not complete your task, the major will direct to the prosecutor the case for sabotage, and then you’re really up shit’s creek.

  -Don’t shit your entire life away, the chairman said, looking into one of the books to address Karl by his surnme. You have until seven in the morning to make this place immaculate. No trace of the feculence you committed.

  -And you, here he turned to all of us, you five, who because of this disagreeable accident, unfortunately, did not have time to stand before the commission, in a few days you will receive a summons.

  -You will receive a summons to the next commission in the EXTRA time schedule, he continued, returning our documents to us.

  Here, I’m not sure why, the amused chairman threw me a glance.

  -Dismissed!