My eyes focus as consciousness returns to me. “Where am I?” I ask, looking around to get my bearings. “Looks like I’m in a cave. It’s weird, I can see the entire cave. No, it’s more than that, I can feel it. It’s almost like this place is a part of me.”

  As I focus on the tiny space, more and more details pop into my mind. I can sense how many pebbles are on the ground, the type of stones the walls are made of. I can even sense the single sleeping bat hanging from the roof.

  With a little effort, I tighten my focus on the sleeping creature. “Let’s get a better look at you.” As my focus narrows, more information about the bat fills my mind. I can sense its age, its race. This is a common bat, and an old one at that. “Well, this sucks. This thing is going to die in my cave, and I’m going to be stuck with its body stinking up the place.”

  I pull my focus away from my sole intruder and look around for anything that might help drive it off. “Hang on, what’s that thing?” I ask as a small red pebble catches my eye. The small rock doesn’t look like much, it’s no bigger than a fingernail clipping. “Is this me?” An odd feeling in the back of my mind tells me it is. This is where my soul is being kept.

  I let out a long groan. “Who’s idea was it to dump my soul on the ground? Aren’t these things supposed to be important?” With a grumble, I turn away from the most important thing in the world to me and look for potential threats. “And of course it’s in front of the door.” I say, spotting the entry point to my cave. “Great, just great.”

  I focus on the opening, my vision drawing closer to the grey mist blocking my view of the outside world. “What is this crap? Why can’t I see outside?” Something in the back of my mind tells me this is the entry, and no matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to see through it. That doesn’t stop me from trying, of course.

  I let out a huff after several minutes of trying to narrow my focus. “Well, this isn’t happening.” I say, pulling my focus back and taking in the whole dungeon again. “Guess I should try to work out what I can do. No point in sitting around... Or floating around now, I guess. I’ve got to take action.”

  My eyes dart around my tiny, dank cave looking for anything I can use. “All I’ve got is rocks and dirt. Could I do something with those?” I reach out with... Something... I can’t quite explain the feeling, but it’s as if I’m filling the room with. Me? I can feel the cave and I becoming one. I can feel the walls, the floor, the roof, the very shape of the room. The space beckons to me; it wants to bend to my will. “Can I change this?” As if on cue, the walls bend to my will, becoming flatter as they expand out. “Oh, hell yeah! Now this is what I’m talking about!”

  As the room widens, I can feel the materials that make up the walls flowing towards me. “Wait, do I have an inventory? If so, then maybe I could.” I clear my throat, a smile pulling at my nonexistent lips. “Open inventory!” A long silence hangs in the air as I wait for the typical blue screen to appear. “Show my inventory? Open storage? Show resources? Help.” I say to the almost empty chamber. “Start tutorial?”

  My cave whistles as the wind blows through it. “Great, not only have I been dumped alone on a strange new world, but whoever is running this thing thinks they’re a comedian.” I drift down, resting myself next to the small gem holding my soul. “You guys could have at least given me some kind of help. Some training, or an instructor. Hell, I would have taken the classic blue screen.”

  A loud ding rings through my head as a small blue box pops open on my left side. “Damn it!” I shout, the small box following me as I pull away. “Really? You guys couldn’t have given me this from the start?”

  I watch as white words scroll along the little screen.

  System initializing.......

  New management system updating......

  Booting operating system WEEB version 1.0.0.

  Update successful.

  Now opening inventory management system.

  Inventory

  Pepple

  Rock

  Fecal material (Bat)

  Soil (Rich)

  Soil (Poor)

  Iron oxide

  Silica.

  “Really? The system’s called WEEB? Isn’t that a bit on the nose?” I ask before turning my attention to the list below. “Whatever. Let’s see what we’ve got here. Looks like I’ve got pebbles, rocks, dirt, batshit! Ah man, that’s gross! Why on earth would I pick that up?” With a grumble, I continue down my list. “Hang on a second, I’ve got iron. I can work with that.”

  The screen disappears the moment I stop focusing on it. “Interesting. So whatever I absorb gets moved into my inventory. Not sure what to do with it once it’s in there, but it’s still a handy feature.”

  I look around the chamber again, this time looking for anything I might be able to absorb. “This might be bad?” I say, looking at my cave’s smooth walls. “I’m going to guess this kind of thing doesn’t happen naturally in nature.” The walls, floor and roof are now a smooth dirt surface. The finished room feels satisfying to look at, but also fills me with a sense of dread. “If someone came along right now, I’d be screwed. This place looks like a dungeon.”

  I look down at the gem holding my soul. “I need to hide this thing. Maybe I could bury it?” My soul gem pulses with a faint red glow, almost as if it approves of the idea. “Wait, if this is a dungeon, then I can expand. The hardest dungeons in video games have a bunch of floors, maybe I should make one like that.” I concentrate hard on a small patch of ground in the center of the room, repeating second floor over and over in my mind.

  “What’s happening! I... can’t... breathe...” I say as the dirt below rumbles but doesn’t move. “What the hell was that? Since when did I need to breathe? I’m a shiny pebble. Why would I need to breathe?” Pain racks my body, becoming worse with each passing second until I stop pushing down. “Ah, this sucks. It feels like something heavy is sitting on me. I can’t get a decent breath.”

  I break my focus on the floor and try to shake off the feeling. “Okay, so not down, never down.” I say, letting out a long whimper as I wait for the pain to fade. “Oh god. I feel like shit.”

  “I have to breathe, focus on breathing, draw air in and out, in and out. I take a deep breath in.” A gentle warmth fills me as something is pulled into my dungeon. It’s like air, but not. Whatever it is, the gem holding my soul likes it.

  The feeling of breathlessness fades as the stone’s glow grows brighter. “That’s way better.” I say as I watch the ball of light in the center of my soul stone grow. “You like that too, don’t you, buddy? You’ve got a healthy glow to you now.” I giggle to myself as I move closer. “Healthy might not be the right word. You kind of remind me of a tiny glow stick that is almost out of juice.”

  I pull myself away from the only interesting thing happening in my dungeon and move over to a nearby wall. “Okay, so down isn’t an option. I’ve got no interest in feeling like that again.” I let out a long grumble as I fail to scrunch the nose I no longer have. “Guess I should focus on trying to expand this floor. It’s probably where I should have started, anyway.”

  I tighten my focus on the back wall. “Alright, how about we try and expand my empire!” I focus hard on the wall and press against it. “Whoa, this feels weird. It’s like the wall wants to shift, like it’s asking me what I want it to do but on an instinctual level. Ew, that sounds creepy. I don’t like the idea of me and my dungeon getting freaky.”

  I banish my stupid thoughts from my mind and focus. This wall is the end of this room, and something is telling me I can’t change that. That being said, I could make another room next to it, or a tunnel if I wanted to. I press against the dirt while thinking about carving a tunnel. The dirt disappears as if being carved away by magic, creating a perfect corridor into the wall.

  “This is awesome! I’m making a dungeon with magic!” The feeling of breathlessness returns as I push, but it’s nowhere near as bad as before. Instead of feeling like I’m suffocating, it’s more like I’ve gone on a long run. “Would you look at this! It’s amazing! I’m amazing!” I say, looking down the long tunnel. “Not bad for a first go, if I do say so myself.” I roam up and down the hall a few times to take in my greatness. “It’s odd; this tunnel feels kind of like it’s a part of me too. Like it’s always been here, but I’ve been ignoring it.” I let out a grumble as I return to the main chamber. “God, there’s a lot to unpack there. Building a dungeon is going to take a lot of getting used to.” I look down the corridor, and let out a sigh. “I wonder how long before I can make another room. This breathlessness is lingering way longer than last time.”

  I jump back as the small blue screen returns, white text already scrolling along it.

  Old bat corpse acquired. New minion unlocked: Common bat.

  The feeling of breathlessness disappears in an instant, replaced with a rush of... Something. It feels good for a moment, but that feeling doesn’t last long. “Oh crap, I think I’m going to burst. Whatever this is, it’s overwhelming me. I can’t think straight.”

  On instinct I press against the back of the corridor, forcing whatever this is into it. The wall gives way and carves a large room into the earth. The feeling fades as the power flows through me, filling my inventory as the room finishes. “What the hell was that!” I scream, more trying to get out my frustrations than actually looking for an answer. “Was that rush because that damn bat died?”

  I pull my focus outwards and take in the whole dungeon. “I need to calm down. This is a new world, and I have a new body. The rules are different here.” I pause, wishing I could close my eyes and take a long breath. “Right, let’s review what we know.” I say, more to help me process the information than anything else. “If something dies in here, then I get some kind of power. I can then use that power to make my dungeon bigger.” I let out a long grumble as I pull myself closer to the first room. “That’s a dangerous precedent to set. It encourages me to kill anything that enters the dungeon.”

  Before I can think too hard, the little blue screen returns with a wall of text across it.

  New minion information processed. Displaying results.

  Common bat

  Mana cost: 10 mana

  Spawner cost: 30 mana

  A living creature that can leave the dungeon

  This airborne creature can collect objects from the outside world. The dungeon will convert all outside objects into mana once the items are absorbed.

  New technology unlocked: Spawner. All relevant minions will be granted access to this technology. Displaying results.

  Bat Spawner: This spawner will create a new bat if one is killed. Cool down is one bat per hour. Spawn rate set to one. Spawner can support up to five bats. Rooms are limited to three bat spawners per room.

  “I got you.” I say to the little screen in front of me. “So that surge of energy was mana, and I can use it to make minions or expand the dungeon.” I read the description of the bat minion a few times before a thought occurs. “Why did the mana hurt me if I’m supposed to use it? Shouldn’t having more mana be a good thing? I wonder if there’s a way to find out how much mana I have.”

  This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

  I focus hard on the little blue box. “Hey little blue screen, help me out here.” The screen stares back at me, a small blinking line at the end of the text. “Ah, let’s see here... How about we try, check mana? “Nope, what about, show mana? Not that either, huh? Current mana tab open? Ahhh... Show current resources?”

  A second, smaller blue menu pops up above the last.

  Commands unclear, examining log history.

  Processing.......

  Complete.

  Command - Show resource parameter established.

  New feature added: Resources sub menu.

  Mana 5/25

  Mana regeneration 1 per day

  Dungeon points 10

  “That’s what I’m talking about! Way to go, little blue!” I say as I focus on the new box. “Let’s get a better look at you. Hmmm, it looks like my life is now a resource management game. Makes sense. Hmm... I get it now. I have a limited mana capacity. That’s why I was in so much pain before. I must have been over the cap.”

  Both screens disappear as I return to dungeon view. “I’m no stranger to RTS games, but those all have build menus. Hey little screen thing. Open the build menu?”

  Commands unclear, examining log history.

  Processing.......

  Failure, unable to extract.

  Processing.......

  Link established.

  New information found.

  Command - build menu parameter established.

  New feature added: Build menu sub menu.

  A large screen opens, displaying the current layout of the dungeon and three buttons.

  Displaying the current floor map and expansion options.

  New room: 15 mana

  New corridor: 10 mana

  New floor: 100 dungeon points

  “Damn it! I could have done this the whole time! Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me?” The blue screen flickers as I focus on the roof. “If I’m going to work with you guys, the least you can do is give me a heads up on the commands.” I say with a huff. “No, no. It’s fine, it’s fine. This was the point, right? It’s a test.” I refocus on the blue screen, my attention bringing an end to its flickering. “All I need to do is treat this like I skipped the tutorial.”

  I focus hard on the screen in front of me, my attention seeming to darken its color. “Alright little screen, let’s go with a classic. Display available upgrades.”

  A screen to the left of the map pops to life.

  Available upgrades.

  Increase mana capacity by 5: 15 dungeon points

  Increase mana regeneration: 20 dungeon points

  Unlock minion crafter: 5 dungeon points

  Unlock special monster crafter: 20 dungeon points

  Unlock Floor boss feature: 50 dungeon points

  “Well, at least I know what the dungeon points are for. I guess the smartest thing to do is to unlock the minion crafter and get started on that.” I select minion crafter, and the option greys out and disappears. A small box pops up on my right.

  Error - Compatibility issue found

  - minion crafter - incompatible with WEEB system

  To access minion crafter, disable WEEB and return to creative mode.

  I let out a sigh that becomes a grumble. “Why is this all so complicated? What kind of idiot would set up a system like this? Do the gods enjoy watching me flounder? What else aren’t you guys telling me? Is there an auto-build feature too?”

  A screen pops up in the center of my field of view.

  Turn on auto-build?

  All available resources will automatically be used to expand the dungeon.

  Error no parameter set.

  Specify the number of rooms and corridors to be auto-built before activating this feature.

  Note: While auto-build is active, you will have no control over the current floor.

  “Not happening, pal! I’ll take care of the building, thank you very much!” The little screen disappears with an angry beep. “Hey don’t sass me. It’s not my fault your creator is an idiot.” A soft ding rings through my head. “I’m glad we agree. Now then, let’s give minion crafting a go! Enter creative mode!” I wait a moment and nothing happens, not even a comically timed burst of wind. “Did. Did that do it? Well, there’s only one way to find out. Open minion crafter?” A screen with my available resources pops up on my right. “Is this all the information I’m getting?” I say, staring at the barebones interface. “Well, I’m not going to get anywhere by getting annoyed. Let’s see what this baby can do.”

  “Okay, let’s start with the basics. I have a bunch of dirt, so I’ll try a little dirt man.” I focus my mind on the space in front of me and start pulling the dirt from my inventory. The dirt flows easily, piling itself in a mound on the ground in front of me. “Good, I can access everything with a thought. That’ll make things easier.” I can feel my mana draining as I form the start of my new minion’s body. It’s not making me feel breathless yet, but I take it slow just in case. I can feel my mana pressing the dirt together, making it harder and stronger. Soon, I have stubby legs, then a nice round torso and finally some nice simple arms. “Does it need a head? Nah, it looks cuter without one, and a head kinda seems like an obvious weak point.” I pull my focus back and take in the simple-looking creature I’ve just created. “Not bad for a first go if I do say so myself. A bit crude, but it’s a good base.”

  A screen pops up on my little creation, causing me to back up in surprise.

  Dirt golem

  Mana cost: 5

  Spawner cost: 20

  A non-living creature, this minion cannot survive outside of a dungeon

  A golem made of dirt, by the unnamed dungeon. Its simple design makes it hard for the golem to move. If attacked, this minion can throw its arms as projectile weapons, using them as a crude form of self-defense.

  Spawner: Will create a new golem if a golem is killed. Cool-down for respawn is 10 minutes, spawner supports up to 6 golems. Up to 3 spawners can be built per room.

  “Oh? Now that’s interesting! So living things can leave the dungeon, but these golems are more of a defensive thing.” I float around my little dirt man, looking at it from every angle. “So what now?” I pull my focus back to the dungeon view. “What’s the next step for the unnamed dungeon?” I stare at my tiny dungeon. “Okay, I’ve got two rooms and a minion. So next I should. Um.”

  I let out a huff as I return to my little minion’s side. “Who are they calling unnamed? I have a name. It’s. It’s.” My mind draws a blank, as if the information I’m looking for never existed. “Wait, I had a name, I’m sure of it. In my last life I was called.” I stare at the ground, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to remember it. “What’s going on here? Did the gods steal my name?”

  I focus again on my new little creation to put the matter out of my mind. “Wait. Is. Is it looking at me?” I shift my perspective back to the whole dungeon, and the little guy’s torso moves back to a neutral stance. “Okay, that’s weird. What happens if I focus on him again?” I change my perspective so I can meet the golem’s line of sight. “It’s moving its torso so that the centre of it is facing me. Does that mean you can see me, little guy?” I ask, not hopeful of a reply. The little dirt man raises one of his stubby little arms up before dropping it down again. “Okay, I’m taking that as a yes!”

  “This is awesome! Oh, I wonder if I can give it an order.” I focus hard on the little dirt man and put on my best dungeon master voice. “Dirt golem, patrol my halls, seek those who don’t belong and bring me their souls!” I say, giggling to myself at the utter stupidity of my orders. The golem raises its right arm again and then walks away. Well, walk as a generous description. I didn’t give it any joints in its legs, so it’s more of a lumbering waddle. Still, I have a minion, and it follows orders, so that’s a start.

  “Well, at least that’s working. The next obvious step would be to see if I have some kind of list where all this info on my minions is kept.” I pull my focus back to dungeon view and let out a long sigh. “Now then, what would the idiot that designed this program set that command as? Let’s try, open minion menu.”

  The little blue screen springs to life.

  Minion list

  Common bat

  Dirt golem

  “Looks like my little dirt golem is an option now, as well as the bat. So, if I create something, I automatically know how to reproduce it. That’s a very helpful feature for when I start min maxing this thing and make something cool.”

  I watch as my little dirt man walks back and forth, his wobbly gait making me giggle. “He’s so cute! I should really make him a spawner. Being able to have minions respawn without having to use mana feels broken, and I’m going to exploit the hell out of it.” I say, then do my best impression of an evil laugh. “Yeah, that was closer to a cackle, but I’ll get better.” I try dropping the pitch of my voice to make what I’m about to say sound more grandiose. “Screen, I command thee. Open my spawner menu. So I might break this game, and live forever!”

  A blue screen pops into life right in front of me.

  Monster spawners

  Bat: Spawner cost: 30 mana

  Spawner: This spawner will create a new bat if a bat is killed. Cool down is 1 hour per bat, 1 bat is revived at a time. Supports up to 5 bats, up to 3 spawners per room.

  Dirt golem: Spawner cost: 20 mana

  Spawner: This spawner will create a new Dirt golem if a Dirt golem is killed. Cool down is 10 minutes per Dirt golem. 1 Dirt golem is revived at a time. Supports up to 5 dirt golems, up to 3 spawners per room.

  Resource nodes

  Fertilizer: 40 mana

  Unlocked by the collection of fecal material

  Creates a powerful fertilizer that can be spread on soil to revitalize it. Creates 1kg per day, plus 1kg per bat minion.

  Crude iron node: 60 mana

  Unlocked by acquiring rust oxide

  Iron nodes create a vein of iron in the surrounding wall. Spawners will add a random amount to the vein every day. A maximum of 2kg can be spawned per spawner.

  Note: Unnamed dungeon is incapable of living forever. Current maximum life span is 800 years.

  “Okay, rude!” I say, staring daggers at the note at the bottom of the screen. “What’s with all the nastiness? Can’t a disembodied soul have a little fun?” A loud buzz rings through my head as a new line of text crawls across the bottom of the screen.

  System error: Current system parameters make this interface incapable of lying to unnamed dungeon.

  “It’s not lying, it’s.” I let out a long sigh as I realize what I’m arguing with. “Forget it. Just tell me about these non minions spawners. The minion ones make sense, but a resource node? Isn’t that just asking for trouble? I don’t want farmers walking in here and trying to steal my stuff.” I lower myself to the ground and put on my best old man’s voice. “Hello, Mr. Dungeon, it’s me, old man Farmington, back again. You know the people in town are calling you the great poop dungeon. Just avoid the little waddling mud man and you’ll have the best carrots in town.”

  The blue screen clears as new text scrolls across it.

  Error: Old man Farmington is not a registered user.

  I giggle at my immense imitation talent and ignore the blue screen’s attempt at help. “It’s not important. I’ve got other things to worry about first.”

  I spend a little time watching my little dirt man make his patrol and planning my next move. “Right now, my biggest bottleneck is the lack of mana. Without it, I can’t do anything.” I pull myself back into dungeon view and just stare at the two tiny rooms. “I’m currently only getting 1 mana a day, and I can’t increase that without dungeon points. A bat could help, but I’d have to wait 10 days to make one. I don’t love my defense’s right now, either. All I have is Mr. Rolly Polly waddling around.”

  A small pulse of red light catches my eye. “Crap! I forgot my soul gem is still out in the open.” I focus my attention on my little dirt golem. “Hey little buddy. So, um. Not sure how much of this you’ll understand, but can you go get my soul gem and hide it somewhere?” The golem freezes in place and turns to me. “Would you like me to use smaller words, or?”

  The little mud man raises its right arm, then turns and heads back over to my soul gem. I watch as it picks me up with its tiny arms, handling me as if I were a sacred relic. Every movement it makes is slow and precise. It can barely hold me since I, in my infinite wisdom, forgot to give it fingers. Or joints. Or anything that could have helped in this situation. Despite that, my little minion can wedge my core between its two arms and pick me up. Sure, it might not be the most elegant of solutions, but it’s the best the little guy can do. It walks to the back of the dungeon, its movements seeming sluggish. “Is the little guy worried about me? Can it worry? Just how smart is this thing?”

  It places me against the back wall and scrapes its arm against it. Its tiny arms file away; the wall’s surface clearly made of stronger stuff than it is. “That’s not good. I need to help it. Ahhh, let’s see, an upgrade? No, I don’t have the mana to make any big changes. Oh, I know. It needs a tool; something like a rock could work.” I pull a pebble out of my storage and drop it next to the golem. It stops as the pebble falls at its feet and then looks up at me. “I got you a rock. It should help you dig the hole.”

  My little minion raises its right arm before bending down and pinching the small stone between its arms. “That’s it, you can do it.” I say as I watch it use its new tool to carve a small divot into the wall. “Good job! God, you’re just the best minion a dungeon could ask for.”

  The golem drops the rock once a small divot was carved, the discarded stone landing painfully close to my core and causing me to tense up. The little golem must a felt that, because it kicks the stone away before picking up my core and placing it into the gap. “Well, at least I’m at the back of the dungeon now. I wish I had something to cover me, though.” My minion raises its arm, then picks up the pebble and places it over the hole.

  “Hey now. That’s a great idea. It’s not a perfect solution, but all things considered. Yeah, that’ll work. Well done, my minion. This pleases your master!” I say, dropping my voice as low as it will go. The little golem raises both of its arms above its head before returning them back to its side. “Now, my little minion. Return to your previous duties and know you have earned your master’s favor!” I say with a giggle. I don’t know how long I’m going to keep up this voice of God thing, but it’s fun for now. The little golem raises its right arm before returning to its patrol.

  “Okay, my minions can dig holes and use tools. Well, at least this one can, and that’s good to know. My next step is to find a steady source of mana, and since my only option is the bat, the bat it is.”