"Five more minutes." I say as a series of loud dings wakes me from the deepest sleep I've ever had. "Where's the damn snooze button?" My blurry vision takes a second to adjust, not that there's anything to see. I'm still in my stupid chest after all. "Pop, I swear to god. If you don't cut that shit out right now, I'll never play games with you again." The dinging stops immediately, and Pop’s blue screen appears, taking up most of my vision.

  Message has been sent.

  User Unnamed Dungeon is back online.

  Welcome back user.

  “Oh man, I feel like crap. How long was I out for?” I ask, spinning my vision around a few times to shake off the groggy feeling, which of course makes it worse. Pop's blue screen clears and remains blank for a second.

  User Unnamed Dungeon has been unconscious for 2 years, 1 month and 11 days.

  “Wait, what? How did that happen? Six months, it was supposed to be six months.” I say, shaking my vision back and forth, hoping that will do the trick.

  Message length required additional mana.

  WEEB system was forced to send the message in 4 parts.

  Please see below for the message order.

  1 - Praise for past success

  2 - Information about user Unnamed Dungeon and the location of its core.

  3 - New orders.

  4 - Code data required for reply.

  I focus hard on Pop's screen, my eyes still struggling to adjust. “Not what I told you to do, Pop!” I say, the volume of my voice making my head feel fuzzy. “Mistake. That was a mistake. I'm going to need a minute here." I mimic the sound of breathing, the action giving me a second to focus. "Right. So it took 6 months to send each, right? What’s up with the extra month and change?”

  Pop’s screen takes a moment to refresh.

  Meaning unknown, please clarify the meaning of the term change?

  “Don't bullshit me, Pop. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Why was I out for an extra month and a bit?”

  Pops screen clears and remains blank for a suspicious amount of time.

  System Pop lost track of time playing checkers.

  "I'm sorry. You what?"

  WEEB system has been developing difficulty setting for games and was quality testing the new systems.

  "Why?"

  User Unnamed dungeon requested it.

  "I what? When? No, you know what, it doesn't matter. Just give me a report of what happened while I was out."

  Please clarify the statement.

  "Seriously? What happened to you while I was out? What happened while user unnamed dungeon was unconscious?"

  Pop's screen clears and changes to green.

  Command recognized, displaying summary.

  Construction of the sixth floor has been completed.

  Adventurers User Brollyn sent were unsuccessful in killing minion Lady Fluffy Butt.

  The dwarf in blue has been identified as User Brollyn's brother. Name currently unknown.

  User Brollyn has gained the ability to control most of the WEEB system's powers from a distance.

  WEEB system was able to block access to the following systems.

  Dungeon sight.

  Minion creator.

  Note: The above systems can be accessed through physical contact with the core.

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  User Brollyn. Even after all this time, using the dwarf's name fills me with a sense of dread. "It has to have something to do with the slave seal, doesn't it? Every time I hear his name, it makes me feel like I have a pit in my stomach." I say, turning away from Pop's screen. The thought of hurting the dwarf makes my head pound. It's probably another side effect of the slave contract, and unfortunately, it makes it hard to decide what I’m going to do to him if I ever get free of this spell. He’s going to die, and I’m going to take everything he has. The Goddess’s gift though. Do I want to torture him? Will that make me feel better? My logical brain says it should, but I can't shake the feeling that doing it is wrong. When the time comes, I’ll have to make that choice. But today is not that day. "So Pop." I say, turning back to my little blue friend. "If I were to play you at max difficulty, what would be my chance of winning?"

  Calculating............. Complete.

  User Unnamed Dungeon would have a 0.01% chance of success.

  "Oof, tough odds. Well then, why don't we try something a little different? There’s a game I'd like to introduce you to. The rules are a bit more complicated, so try to keep up. The game's called chess."

  Without a doubt, and I want to stress this point, as someone whose life has literally flashed before their eyes. This was the biggest mistake of my life. How bad could it be, I hear you saying? Well, let me ask you this. Do you have THAT friend? You know, the one that plays every game on hard mode because playing it on normal is for babies? Yeah, that's Pop.

  So here's how it would go. First, I’d think of a game from my old life, Pop would learn how to play it, I’d never win again, and I’d pick a new game. Rinse, repeat. Despite my best efforts, if the game had any skill involved, Pop would win. It even started requesting to play certain games. Chess was by far its favorite, but it also liked Catan, Reversi and Shogi. To be honest, I’m not sure I got all the rules right on Shogi since I only played it a few times with a Japanese guy I went to university with.

  Time marched on, and I settled into my little rut. New game, lose, repeat. As for the king, and yes, that’s what we’re calling him from now on since calling him User Brollyn gives me a bad case of the ick. He came by every now and then. Mostly to use my powers to be a perv or stare at his treasure. On very rare occasions, he'd parade me around, showing me off to some travelling noble or dignitary. Which was. Fun, I guess? No, that’s not right. Not fun. Ahhh. Interesting? Yeah, that. No, it definitely wasn't interesting. Everyone in this world is about as interesting as a bucket of wallpaper paste. Different! That’s the word; it was different.

  While we're on the topic of the king, there is something I'd like to get off my nonexistent chest. He is, on a fundamental level, the most boring person I've ever met and not in the fun way. Oh, how I wish it were the fun way. If he were obsessed with the colour and clarity of gems, or gambling, I could give him a pass. But no, he's an insufferable, idiotic bore. He picks fights every chance he gets, with anyone who’s not a threat to him. What’s worse, it's almost always over the pettiest things. Once, at one of he’s birthday celebrations, he argued for over an hour about which of the 2 cheeses this kingdom makes is better with his wife. It was by far the worst conversation anyone has ever had, and lucky me, I got a front-row seat to the whole thing.

  When he’s not fighting with someone, he’s trying to hoard more wealth. Seriously, the guy's like some kind of fat, bothersome dragon-pig hybrid thing, but somehow worse. Now that I'm thinking about it, he's much worse. A dragon-pig hybrid would be both awesome and tasty. Damn it all, it feels like I'm losing my tiny little mind again.

  Anyway, before I knew it, 80 years had passed. It’s odd how time seems to speed up the older I get. My little rut had become comfortable, and if I’m being honest with myself, things had become kind of nice. Sure, I'd like to be free, but I'd be okay with spending the rest of my life like this. I’ve worked out that dice games or games of luck aren’t Pop’s strong suit. No matter how many times we play, Pop never gets the upper hand. My new favorite game is liar dice. Pop has developed the cutest little tell. It can’t quite get the hang of not changing its screen color to red when it lies.

  Other than that, I spend my time just watching the days go by. I play my games, annoy Pop, and every now and then, get waved around at a special event. Life is peaceful, consistent.

  The only real noteworthy things that happened were the construction of the 7th and 8th floors. I hate to say it, but I'm happy here. "The only thing I’d change, besides being free of course, is I’d like to do something dungeon-y. Something like, oh I don’t know, make a minion or design a floor that doesn't have dragons all over it."

  Pop’s blue screen appears in front of me, and I’m once again glad I can’t have a heart attack.

  Command recognized.

  Proccessing.............. Complete.

  Creating interface.............. Complete.

  New function available.

  Would you like to enter blueprint mode?

  "I'm sorry, what's happening?"

  User unnamed dungeon requested the ability to do something dungeon-y. Blueprint mode would allow this action.

  "Pop, we talked about this. You can't just rattle off random words and assume I know what you're talking about. I know you're trying to help, but I don't know what blueprint mode is."

  The screen clears.

  Blueprint mode allows for the theoretical creation of golem-based monsters.

  "It does what now?" I say, staring at the screen with an odd mix of anger and happiness raging inside of me. "Pop. How long have I had access to blueprint mode?"

  The text clears again.

  Blueprint mode was created less than 1 minute ago.

  “Damn it, pop did you make this?” Pop’s screen clears and turns a light red color.

  No, User Unnamed Dungeon created this mode.

  Due to skills gained from playing virtual games for 80+ years, the WEEB system has gained the ability to problem solve.

  I shake my head from left to right. “Captain's log, star date. Unknown. My first officer, Mr. Pop. Is a dick who won’t tell. me anything.”

  Pop’s screen clears again and turns a dark yellow colour.

  First officer's log, star date unknown. Captain Unnamed Dungeon has no idea how to pilot a ship and blames others for his failures. His behavior of late has been highly illogical, suggesting a full psychiatric evaluation.

  I laugh harder at Pop than I have in a while. "You got my Star Trek reference; good for you, Pop."

  Pop's screen flickers, its usual stiff borders softening.

  Error.

  Analyzing........... complete.

  Error code 14113.

  System Pop is happy that it made User Unnamed Dungeon laugh.

  This bug has been noted and will be patched in the next update.

  My laughter grows louder. "It's not a bug, Pop, it's a feature."

  System Pop does not like this feature.