“And that was pretty much what happened,” I reported. “Josh has kept his distance and hasn’t really bothered me since.”

  Dr. Walters jotted down some notes in her folder as I told her about the incident that happened last week. “I’m very impressed that you kept a level head. You must have been very scared.”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, but I am taller than him. He’s just a kid, and he doesn’t really know what he’s doing.”

  “I’ll remind you that you are also a kid,” lectured Dr. Walters, “and the type of conduct he did was not okay. You may need to speak to your teacher to prevent this from happening again.”

  “I know, I know.” I leaned back on the oversized chair in Dr. Walters’ office. “There were a couple of girls who saw it, and afterwards they said that I can sit with them so that the boys will be sure not to bother me.”

  “Oh, you’ve made some girl friends?”

  “Not really. I’ve been grouped up with them, and I’ve been helping them with their homework. They probably just like sitting with me because I make their schoolwork easier if I am in their group. They probably still think I’m a freak who just suddenly became a girl.”

  Dr. Walters looked at me firmly. “Maya, you are not a freak. We’ve talked about this.”

  I crossed my arms. “I sometimes feel like one.”

  She leaned forward. “Maya, you’re just a regular girl who is just trying to figure herself out.”

  I didn’t look at her, because in my head I knew the truth. Officially the story was that some type of biological anomaly had caused me to be born with male external characteristics, which at some point in my life atrophied and became the female anatomy I have now. What actually happened was that I had been shunted back in time to when I was ten years old. Everything I knew about my life was practically the same and I remembered; except of course, I was now the female version of myself.

  I had knowledge about the future and a lifetime of memories growing up male, but now I was reliving my life as a girl. In the past five months since I awakened in the past so much had changed, and it was becoming more difficult to remember what it was like to be male and an adult from the 2020s. In all honesty I was getting used to my new circumstances, and all of the signals my body was giving my mind reinforced my growing comfort in being a girl. But whenever I thought about it too much, I felt uneasy.

  Dr. Walters touched my upper arm. “So, say it again.”

  I nodded. “I’m not a freak.”

  “There you go.” Dr. Walters crossed her legs and lifted her notes from her lap. “So tell me, is anything else going on? Halloween is in two weeks, you must be excited for that.”

  “Halloween? I haven’t done that in years,” I said too casually, forgetting myself. I immediately corrected myself with, “I mean, it’s been a year. Guess I forgot about it with…everything going on. It feels like years.”

  Dr. Walters pursed her lips, trying to discern what I had said, then dismissed it. “Do you know what you’ll be this year?”

  “I hadn’t even thought about it. We’re having a costume day at school for it, but I dunno what I would be.”

  “I’m sure you’ll think of something,” finished Dr. Walters. The clock on her desk gave a few gentle tones, signaling that the hour was up. We both stood up, and as she led me to the door to the lobby where Mom was waiting for me. Dr. Walters reminded me to talk to my teacher. I nodded non-committedly.

  On the ride home, Mom asked me, “So Maya, how was this week’s appointment?”

  “It was fine,” I replied, as I fiddled with my hair. “Talked about school mostly. I mentioned the Halloween day we’re having in class.”

  “Oh yes, that should be fun. Did you decide on a costume?”

  “I told her I didn’t know. With everything going on, Halloween costumes haven’t been on my mind. Besides,” I smirked, “it’s not like I can be Superman any more.”

  Mom chuckled. “You could be Wonder Woman, though!”

  “Or better,” I joked, “I could go as a ballerina!”

  “Maybe a fairy princess?”

  “No, wait, I’d have to be one of the Disney princesses now!” I laughed.

  I glanced over at Mom, who had a strange smile on her face. “Hm,” she murmured.

  “What are you smiling about?” I asked.

  “I just had a thought,” she said with a smile. “When we get home, I want to show you something.”

  “Uh, okay,” I replied, as I turned back to look out the window as I kept idly twirling the hair growing behind my ear.

  When we got back home, Mom had me follow her into her bedroom. She reached deep into the closet on the top shelf, where she was rummaging through some old cardboard boxes. I sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she pulled down an old matted box. There were a few garment bags stacked inside that she started pulling out.

  “I don’t think I ever told you this,” she told me as she pulled out and sorted the bags, “but when I was in high school I did some theater, and we performed Alice in Wonderland.”

  “I didn’t know that,” I replied honestly. Mom had never told me that, even in my previous life.

  “Yep! I actually played Alice,” she explained, as she found the bag she was looking for. “Your grandma Jeannie was terrible at sewing, so Grandma Lola helped me make my costume. It was the first time I ever sewed anything.” She unzipped the bag and pulled out the garment inside. “And here it is!”

  I had always been an animation fan, even in my previous life, which is something I had in common with Mom. I recognized the blue dress immediately, which matched the Disney version of Alice perfectly. It had the puffy sleeves and the white apron tied around it. It even had white petticoats that poofed out as soon as Mom held it up. “What do you think, Maya?” she asked proudly.

  “It’s nice, but –” my eyes bulged for a moment. I could feel my cheeks burn as I realized what she was getting at. “Wait, are you suggesting I wear that for Halloween?!”

  “Well,” she stammered, “it’s just an idea. This old thing is just collecting dust, and I thought –”

  “I can’t wear that stupid thing!” I shouted incredulously, “I would look ridiculous wearing your dumb frilly dress in public!”

  I had lost myself in the moment, and immediately expected Mom to be upset with me and scold me about belittling girl things. But instead, I saw her nervous smile wilt as she lowered the dress. It immediately occurred to me that Mom was reticent about talking about her theater days, even though she had been shyly proud of the work she did on her costume. Proud, of course, until I derided her.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, regaining my composure. “I didn’t mean –”

  “It’s fine, Maya,” she muttered as she fiddled with one of the seams. “I was really proud of myself when I made it and got to be in the play. I held onto this for the longest time, and always thought I could do something with it later. When Janie was born I finally had a daughter to pass it to, but it turns out I already had a daughter that I could maybe do this sort of dressing up with.” She gave a small sigh. “Maybe it’s too much.”

  I exhaled guiltily, feeling like a damn heel. “It does look like you and Grandma Lola did a good job on it,” I whispered, chewing on my lower lip. “I mean, I guess I could try it on.”

  “I don’t want to force you,” she started.

  “No, no, it’s fine,” I assured her. “I mean, it probably wouldn’t fit me anyway, but no harm in trying.”

  Mom handed me the dress with a smile and I took it into the bathroom. I held it up, clearly seeing that this was definitely too big for me, but I wanted to humor Mom. It did look well made. I stripped down to my underwear as I noticed in the mirror, not for the first time, that I was a lot thinner than I remembered. A lot of the chubbiness I remembered as a boy had all but disappeared, and I now had a skinny, girlish frame. I knew the dress wouldn’t fit, but I stepped into the dress anyway, feeling a bit silly as I smoothed out the petticoats. I stuck my arms through the sleeves, and tried to reach behind to zip it up. I struggled but wasn’t able to reach behind me.

  A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  “Mom, I can’t zip it up!” I shouted.

  Immediately, Mom opened the door and walked in. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” she assured me as she turned me around and zipped me up. She also took a moment to make a quick bow with the apron in the back. “There you go. What do you think?” She turned me to face the mirror.

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror, a little surprised. Wearing that feminine costume, combined with my thin frame and hair grown longer than I had ever had it before, it stunned me. It was the first time I looked like a girl. It was me, but the me was a girl, staring at myself in wonder. But the dress was clearly too big for me and bulged around my torso awkwardly.

  “Urm, well, it looks like it doesn’t fit,” I said, tugging at the bust.

  “Oh Maya, you look absolutely darling! Obviously, we have to resize it a little – here, come with me into the living room. Let me see if I can find my measuring tape and some pins…”

  About ten minutes later I found myself in the middle of our living room standing on a stool with my arms straight out to the sides as Mom fussed with the dress. A little embarrassed, I stood still as she wrapped the measuring tape around my waist, chest, and hips inserting pins to fit it to my skinny frame. She even measured my legs in order to bring the hem closer to my knees, since the dress nearly reached my ankles. I was still taken aback by my reflection; I looked rather cute – cute! I don’t know which affected me more: looking cute, or actually liking that I looked cute. I was glad that, as these thoughts floated in my head, that we had a little privacy while she busied herself.

  The privacy was short-lived as I heard footsteps clomp to the front door, and my brother Tim waltzed through. He was wearing his T-ball uniform and carrying his bat and glove. His mouth gaped open as he saw me standing with my arms spread wearing the very girlish dress. My face went red as he blasted out a laugh.

  “Ha ha ha!” Tim bellowed, clutching his stomach, “Maya, what are you doing? What are you wearing?!”

  I felt myself on the verge of tears as my lips quivered, and I was unable to move my body from the precarious standing position I was in. That was the moment where Mom stood up from behind my skirt. Tim hadn’t noticed her right away, since she was crouched down behind me, and his face drained of blood as Mom faced him enraged.

  “Timothy Peterson, how DARE you laugh at your sister!” she shrieked. “How many times have we talked about how difficult it is for her? You will apologize to her IMMEDIATELY!”

  Terrified, Tim dropped his baseball gear, and quickly mumbled an apology as I remained unmoving from the same position. I smirked a little bit as Mom loomed over him. “Maya is going to go as Alice in Wonderland for Halloween, and I swear to god if you ever, EVER laugh like that again you will be going as the White Rabbit. Now GO TO YOUR ROOM!”

  With a yelp, Tim ran past me, and barreled down the stairs to the basement. I snickered a bit, and without missing a beat, Mom went right back to pinning the hem of my dress. We giggled together for a few minutes, until eventually Mom got all of the measurements she needed and helped me out of the dress.without sticking myself with the pins. I found myself oddly disappointed when I changed back to my t-shirt and shorts.

  Mom set to work right away making alterations at her sewing machine she dug out of the basement. Tim avoided both Mom and me for the rest of the evening, and was clearly trying to avoid getting into more trouble. As Mom stitched the dress, I actually got curious and watched her use the machine. I didn’t know anything about tailoring or sewing, and I asked her questions while she worked. She even let me push some of the seams through the feeder.

  Mom worked on the costume for the next few days, having me try it on several times before going back to correct the work. It had been some time since she had worked on a project like this, and it was a good refresher. She even managed to find a decent blond wig from somewhere, and even bought a pair of white tights and new black dress shoes, which she justified spending money on by stating “Maya needs dress shoes anyways.” It was finished a week before Halloween, and we kept it hung on my dresser handle. In the days leading up to Halloween I actually slipped it on a few times when I was alone in my room, fascinated by how it looked and felt on me. It was actually very comfortable.

  The morning of Halloween came, and Mom woke me up early to get ready. I climbed into the dress after slipping on the tights, and once Mom zipped me up and tied the apron bow at my back, we fit the blonde wig onto my head. The fake hair fell past my shoulder, and we tied it back with a black headband. I liked how it kept the hair out of my face. The final touch was a bit of red lipstick and black eyeliner that Mom applied since I had no clue how to put on makeup. The final result was quite impressive; I very much looked like Alice from the movie and not only did I look unmistakably a girl, I actually felt like one for the first time.

  Tim didn’t end up as the White Rabbit, opting for a G.I. Joe costume. After Mom snapped a few photos of us in costume, with a bit more attention to my costume of course, we headed out the door to walk to school. Every step felt odd because it felt like I was wearing nothing below the waist, and the skirt bounced every time I stepped forward. It was chilly in late October in Minnesota, and the cold wind blew up the dress. Thankfully I had the tights; I had never worn tights before, and they were surprisingly warm. I thought it would be a little scary or embarrassing wearing the costume, but it was actually kind of thrilling. What’s more, it felt natural, and an excitement came from wanting people to see me in my dress.

  We turned right at the end of the corner, bumping into Randy who was dressed as a Ninja Turtle. But when he saw me, he did a very obvious double-take.

  “Matt!” he asked incredulously. “Uh, I mean, Maya. Is that you?”

  “It’s me,” I replied shyly. “I’m Alice in Wonderland for Halloween.” I fiddled with my white apron.

  “Wow,” he stammered. “You really look like a girl!”

  I laughed. “Well, I am a girl, remember?”

  “Yeah…I guess so!” He had a look on his face I didn’t recognize that bordered on amazement.

  As usual, Randy and I walked together with Tim trailing us. We chatted a little about class and everything as we navigated the dozens of other children walking to school. He kept glancing at me as we walked, as if he was amazed at the way I was dressed. It felt like we were friendly again, but with a tinge of awkwardness. I couldn’t help but think he was talking to me differently as well, but I couldn’t put my finger on precisely how.

  When we got to class, I noted that about a quarter of the students in Ms. Foster’s class weren’t in costume. Halloween wasn’t the commercial juggernaut it was in the 2020s, so most kids had cheap, homemade costumes or flimsy plastic masks. No one had a costume that was handmade like mine was. When some of the girls saw me, they approached me and fawned over the dress.

  “Maya, that dress is so pretty! Did you make it?”

  “My mother did, but I helped a little.”

  “You look just like Alice!”

  They fussed over the dress as I showed them the dress, blushing but appreciative. Some of the boys glanced over, not interested in my costume but clearly surprised to see me so dolled up. Ms. Foster let us socialize for a few extra minutes before she ordered us to our desks. It was a little tricky to adjust the dress as I slid into my seat, and I had to smooth the skirt under my bottom. It was a little too fluffy in the chair, but I unconsciously kept my knees together and managed to blow the stray strands of fake blonde hair away from my mouth as we started class.

  Instead of recess today, all four of the fifth grade classrooms were going to have a Halloween party in the gymnasium. There were going to be games, some snacks, and a contest for best costume. Each class would vote for two students with the best costume, who would in turn be judged by the teachers and other staff at the party. When we did our class vote, Ms. Foster gave us each a slip of paper and were allowed to write one name to turn into her, and she counted them out.

  I was a bit smug about my odds, and my confidence was justified as it turned out most of the girls voted for me, and even a couple of the boys. Josh, the boy who confronted me on the playground weeks before, had gone as a short and scrawny version of the Terminator, and got second place. Thankfully, this time around he wasn’t upset that I beat him. After all, to him his costume was way cooler than some dumb girl in a dress.

  They rotated each of the grades into the gymnasium after lunch, where they had a bunch of Halloween games set up as well as a table full of orange and black cupcakes. They even had some Halloween music piping in through the speakers. All of the girls in my class, myself included, formed little circles away from the boys as we engaged in the festivities and socialized. The teachers eventually gathered the eight students who were chosen for the costume contest on stage.

  I stood with my hands clasped in front of me. Next to Josh and the other students in front of the red curtain. I was suddenly very nervous, expecting the one hundred or so students sitting in the audience to start laughing at me at any second. Of course they didn’t, and clapped energetically when my name was called. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, so I stepped forward, did an awkward curtsy, and stepped back. It seemed like the appropriate thing to do. All of the kids on stage stepped forward when their name was called as the judges, formed from the principal and the front office staff, conferred with each other.

  When my name was called as the winner, my class cheered while the rest of the students applauded dutifully. I got a little trophy, and the principal announced that tomorrow, which was a Friday, my class would get a pizza party during the lessons, which led to more cheering from my classmates. I was the hero of the day, and by the time the end of the day arrived everyone congratulated me. It may have just been because there was going to be pizza tomorrow because of me, but I still felt like I was on cloud nine.

  Randy, as well as a couple of other classmates who lived on our block, decided to go trick or treating together that evening, and though I hadn’t planned on going out I changed my mind due to the excitement of the day. I took off the itchy wig when I got home, but I kept the dress on for the afternoon. I showed Mom my trophy when I got home, and bursting with pride she gave me the biggest hug ever.

  I asked if it was okay to trick or treat with the other kids, since Dad was taking Tim and his friends out and Mom was passing out candy with Janie. She said it was fine, and after resetting my blonde wig, I walked over to Randy’s house where the group was meeting. Randy’s dad chaperoned, and our group managed to fill our pillowcase pretty full before it got too late. I had forgotten how fun trick or treating was, and it was quaint to see streets full of kids out and about as they collected their loot.

  Once the evening was over, I said goodnight to everyone, and walked home by myself and a big bag of candy. The street was mostly empty as Halloween started to wind down. I was all smiles, and a realization hit me: I didn’t think about my former life for the entire day! I had completely lost myself in being a kid, and what’s more I had lost myself as being a girl! It came so naturally, and as my dress swooshed as I walked, I felt a sense of contentment. For the first time, I didn’t think about the future, or my circumstances, or even the fact I was acting like a girl. I just…was a girl.

  I smiled to myself, in the darkness of the evening as I smoothed my dress. It was nice.