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  3rd POV

  Penny Mosby stared at the glowing projection screen in front of her while her little brother sat beside her, smiling, chuckling, and occasionally shaking his head. They were both listening to one of their father’s old stories, and...… it was nothing like the calm, responsible man they knew at home.

  Penny sighed, lifting a hand to her forehead in disbelief as Old Ted narrated how unbelievably stupid he was for confessing his feelings to Aunt Robin—after literally one date.

  “Oh, dad… what is wrong with you? Even I’d look creepy if—” Penny began, but immediately stopped herself.

  {Wh—What? Come on! Finish that sentence!} Old Ted shouted from the 3D projection, horrified and dramatic as always.

  Penny turned away stubbornly while Luke simply grinned, enjoying every second of this.

  “Yeah, I agree with Penny,” Luke said, nodding way too eagerly. “You can’t just tell someone you like them after one date, Dad. That’s something Uncle Barney would do.”

  Ted narrowed his eyes from the projection, giving them both a deeply betrayed squint.

  {…Fine. I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear any of that. Oh! And honey—} he pointed at Penny,

  {—I think you’re meeting your new bodyguard today.}

  Penny groaned loudly and flopped onto the couch, throwing a little tantrum on her dad. “No! I don’t want to! There’s nothing suspicious happening, Dad! Ask Luke!”

  Luke nodded immediately. “Yeah, Dad. She’s just been single for a long time. I think she has a crush on someone but it’s… you know… not mutual.” He nodded wisely—though the giant grin on his face absolutely ruined his attempt at seriousness.

  Penny snapped toward him. “I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” She lunged to playfully choke him, and Luke squealed dramatically, flailing like a dying fish. Ted was smiling so wide in the projection that Penny could practically feel his dad-energy glowing.

  Penny whispered through clenched teeth, “...I owe you one.”

  Luke pretended to choke harder. “...Good,” he whispered back.

  Old Ted was absolutely delighted.

  {Hahaha! Great! Education is more important than dating, guys! Stick to your studies first. Then maybe… let’s say… ten years for Luke and twenty years for Penny—then I’ll bless you to have a partner.}

  Penny made a horrified face. Luke stared at the projection like Ted had just sentenced him to life in prison.

  “Ten years?! What am I—an old fossil?!” Luke complained.

  “Yeah, Dad! You can’t do that to us!” Penny added, throwing her hands up in despair.

  Ted waved them off calmly, like he was granting them a royal decree they should be thankful for.

  {You guys don’t have to thank me. Really.}

  Both siblings groaned in perfect synchronization, staring at their father’s smug expression floating in the air.

  Then Old Ted clapped his hands, going back to the topic.

  {So anyway—after I made that mistake with Robin, I did absolutely nothing for a week. Didn’t even call her.}

  Luke nodded in approval, tapping his chest before giving Ted a peace sign. “Respect, bro!”

  {I am NOT your bro!} Old Ted snapped.

  Penny rolled her eyes so hard she practically saw her own brain for both men here. She sank deeper into the sofa, already exhausted by both her brother and her father.

  —---

  3rd POV

  At MacLaren’s Bar, Robin sat alone at the counter, staring into her drink as if it could magically give her answers. A couple of guys approached her throughout the evening—smiling, trying to start conversations, but she dismissed each of them with a polite smile and a gentle “no,” hoping not to sound rude.

  Ever since Ted walked out of her apartment, she hadn’t received a single call from him.

  She kept telling herself Ted would call. He would call. Yeah, he would call….

  But he didn’t.

  So here she was, sitting in Ted’s bar, MacLaren’s, which was inconveniently far from her apartment. Technically she had a job downtown, so she told herself she was just stopping by before going to work.

  But she knew the truth.

  She came here hoping Ted would be here. And he wasn’t.

  “He usually comes in around nine or ten,” Carl, the bartender, said casually as he slid a beer to another customer.

  “...What? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Robin said quickly, glancing away so fast she almost pulled a muscle.

  When Carl didn’t respond, she looked back at him….only to find him watching her with full amusement.

  “Oh!….you mean Ted? Pfft. Please. I’m not waiting for him.”

  Carl lifted one shoulder in a lazy shrug. “Okay.”

  Robin took a sip of her drink, pretending not to care in the loudest way possible.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  “…It’s nine-thirty,” she muttered after a moment, still staring at her glass. “So he’ll show up later, right?” She tried to sound casual, but her eyes kept flicking toward Carl, waiting.

  “Yeah, sure,” Carl said. “You can ask Wendy.”

  He nodded toward Wendy, who was delivering beer to a different table.

  Robin didn’t get up. She just waited, eyes fixed on Wendy like she was waiting for a train to arrive who was just in her eyesight.

  When Wendy finally walked by, Robin straightened her posture and cleared her throat.

  “Um… Wendy, right?” Robin said in the most innocent tone she could manage.

  “Yeah,” Wendy smiled. “....And don’t worry—he’ll show up. He always does. Just wait a bit.”

  Carl chuckled beside her as Robin blinked in disbelief, absolutely flabbergasted that everyone in this bar seemed to know her secret intentions.

  “I am NOT looking for him!” she suddenly shouted—to Carl, to Wendy, to the air, to anyone still within earshot.

  Nobody cared.

  Except one woman.

  “Looking for who?” a familiar voice asked.

  Robin froze, turning to see a woman approaching—pretty, confident, the kind of person Robin had absolutely seen before.

  It was Lily.

  Ted’s best friend.

  “Oh,...Lily… right?” Robin said, pretending she wasn’t certain. God, she had been pretending nonstop tonight.

  “Yes. Robin… Ted’s ex-crush, right?” Lily grinned, leaning in gleefully.

  “Well, I’m not gonna say ex…” Robin replied, flipping her hair with forced confidence. “But, yeah, I am Ted’s crush.”

  Her smile stretched wide, way too wide.

  “Should we have a drink? Beer?”

  “Yeah, sure,” Lily said, taking the seat beside her. “I’m waiting for Marshall, too. They’re probably running late tonight—Ted said he had something to tell us.”

  Robin nearly choked on her own breath.

  “Wha—what he’s gonna say?” she asked, voice tighter than she intended. She swallowed hard, trying to look composed. “Did he… did he say something about me?”

  Lily snorted. “No, of course not. He’s not like Barney.”

  “We didn’t sleep together!” Robin blurted out immediately. She didn’t want rumors. Or gossip. Or for Lily to think she was some desperate mess.

  Lily laughed warmly. “Sweetie, I know. Ted already told us.”

  Carl approached again, placing two beers in front of them.

  He looked at Robin with a solemn nod.

  “Respect,” he said. “No woman ever says no to Ted… even my ex-girlfriend.” His face soured with pure bitterness.

  Lily sighed deeply, the kind of sigh she probably saved just for Carl or what Carl still holding a grudge for nothing.

  “We already talked about this, Carl! It’s not Ted’s fault your girlfriend kept talking about him!”

  Carl scoffed dramatically and walked off to serve other customers, muttering complaints under his breath.

  Lily rolled her eyes so hard. She’d dealt with Carl’s Ted-related grudge—a grudge Ted absolutely did not deserve. The last time Carl’s girlfriend got drunk, she tried to introduce Ted to her “twin sister”—which was a total lie, and when Carl asked about it, a fight broke out and they broke up.

  Ted had been entirely clueless about that.

  “God… how many times do I have to protect him like that…” Lily muttered before taking a long sip of her drink. Then she turned toward Robin with a curious smile. “So, Robin… what do you think of Ted?”

  “What? Oh—what about him?” Robin asked a little too quickly. Lily’s eyes sparkled with interest, the way someone looks when they finally find the gossip they’ve been waiting their whole week for.

  “....Nothing,” Robin said, trying to sound delicate and casual. “I just….became friends with Ted. He didn’t tell you that?”

  “Oh, he told us,” Lily said, her grin widening. “But he didn’t tell us what happened.” She leaned in slightly. “…Did you really not have sex with him?”

  “No! Lily—come on! I’m not that kinda slut!” Robin blurted, her voice going embarrassingly high-pitched, earning her several looks from surrounding tables. “Sorry…”

  Lily waved a hand at the onlookers, shooing them away. “So, what did Ted do?”

  Robin sighed, cheeks warming. “We just… you know… drank a little wine and watched a movie.”

  Lily nodded like she’d just solved a complicated puzzle. “Ahh. I know exactly what happened.” She took another sip of her beer. “You fell asleep on his shoulder, right?”

  Robin froze. “…Did he tell you that?” she asked, voice small and a little ashamed. She must’ve been really tired that night….but remembering how warm, comfortable, and safe Ted’s arms felt… she wanted to crawl under the table, or maybe feeling that moment again.

  “Yeah,” Lily laughed. “Me and Marshall used to pass out on Ted’s shoulder before he dragged us to bed. Or, well, tried to drag Marshall. That man is a giant viking—Ted couldn’t lift him to save his life.”

  Robin flushed deeper. “Yeah… something like that,” she said, carefully hiding the memory of Ted’s soft forehead kiss.

  “Did he kiss you on your forehead?” Lily asked suddenly.

  Robin grimaced hard. “Really? He did that to you too?”

  “No,” Lily replied with a mischievous smile. “He didn’t.”

  Robin immediately shut up, hiding behind her beer as her face burned. She blamed the alcohol, of course!....the alcohol was definitely the problem.

  “...Shut up,” Robin muttered, chugging more beer while Lily grinned smugly.

  Robin slammed her glass on the bar. “This is only between us girls, alright?!”

  “Of course. I keep secrets very well, Robin. Don’t underestimate me.” Lily pointed to her mouth dramatically.

  {No, she’s not.} Old Ted’s voice echoed dryly from the projection.

  Robin and Lily continued chatting—slowly shifting from gossip to comfortable small talk—until several minutes later, Marshall and Ted finally arrived.

  Marshall looked at Ted with pure horror, eyebrows raised so high they almost flew off his face.

  “…Are you serious, Ted? You already thought about this carefully?” Marshall asked, voice tight.

  Of course Marshall had been told beforehand. Ted’s best friend always got the early warnings.

  But Marshall did not like what he heard.

  “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, Marshall,” Ted said calmly. He scanned the bar, then smiled at Carl. “Hey Carl!”

  “Shut up, Ted. I’m working,” Carl barked loudly, serving other customers with aggressive hand movements. He didn’t actually hate Ted—he just needed somewhere to place the irritation he couldn’t dump on his ex.

  It wouldn’t take long before Carl was smiling at Ted again.

  Ted only grinned and pulled out his wallet. “I’m feeling generous tonight, Carl! Two bottles of champagne!” he announced, slamming cash on the counter. “…And the rest is for Wendy and the others.”

  As expected, it took Carl exactly two seconds to return to cheerful bartender mode.

  “Right away, Ted!”

  Wendy, catching sight of the tips Ted left for them, didn’t hold back. She kissed Ted on the cheek. “Thank you, Ted! This is gonna help me pay my rent this month!”

  Marshall watched all of this with quiet dread. He knew this Ted.

  Chaotic Ted.

  Decisive Ted.

  The Ted who absolutely could not be stopped once he committed to something.

  “Let’s go, Marshall!” Ted said, already walking toward an empty booth.

  “Oh—Robin! What are you doing here?” he asked, spotting her and Lily. His grin was goofy, his energy oddly bright tonight, but he continued walking to the empty booth.

  “TED! What’s the meaning of that?!” Lily shouted, following him to the booth. “Did you get a bonus or something?” she asked, glaring at Marshall for answers.

  Marshall only gave a helpless shake of his head. He already knew the truth. And he definitely didn’t want to be the one to say it.

  “Nope! It’s better,” Ted said as Wendy placed the champagne on the table.

  “What? What?!” Barney suddenly appeared out of absolutely nowhere, like a chaos spirit summoned by the word ‘champagne.’ He grabbed a chair and sat instantly, eyes laser-focused on Ted. “Don’t tell anyone before me, Ted! I’m your best friend!”

  Marshall smirked. “Sorry, dude. He already told me first.”

  His grin turned savage, practically taunting Barney with a silent, victorious: Who’s his best friend now?

  “No! You can’t do this to me, Ted!” Barney screeched, watching Ted reach for the bottle. “Please tell me you didn’t say it to Marshall first!”

  “Hey! If Ted wants to tell his ‘best friend’ first, that’s his choice!” Marshall snapped, puffing his chest proudly. “....And honestly? I didn’t want to hear it first. It’s better if he tells all of you.” he said again, losing all the proud face and replacing it with a dreadful face.

  Meanwhile, Robin, who only came here to ask Ted why he never called, was suddenly dragged by Lily to sit with the group. And now she was here, in the middle of Ted’s inner circle, wondering how the hell this happened.

  “...Why am I here?” she whispered, taking a sip of beer, then grabbing the champagne that Ted already poured for her, because apparently she needed both tonight.

  “Okay, silence! I’m gonna tell you all about my news now!” Ted announced proudly.

  He lifted his champagne glass, grinning at all of them like a man ready to jump off a cliff.

  “I quit my job!”

  He declared triumphantly and downed the entire glass in one gulp.

  ---

  Ted POV

  I don’t want to talk about it.