Chapter 21

  - Wanna cup of tea? – asked one of the demons, the one called Kalid.

  - Wouldn’t say no. – I sincerely hope “tea” means the same thing here as in my past life. If it does, I’ve got a bone to pick with my old pal. Wonder what their delivery fees are around here? Was I overpaying? But honestly, that’s not what I should be thinking about. If that demon meant that Mary, I’m fucked. Or maybe not? Either way, I’m probably fucked.

  I sat quietly, watching Kalid fill a metal teapot-shaped vessel with water using his own magic. Then he set it on a grate over a small pit where magma bubbled. Hold up… A metal teapot-shaped vessel is a teapot. Anyway, my eyes popped out, and with my jaw dropped, I drooled over the process. That teapot held real water…

  - Can I have some water?… – I barely squeezed out.

  - Uh… Sure… – Kalid was a bit thrown by my junkie-like stare but handed me a mug of the divine liquid.

  There it was… An entire world in my hands. Without wasting a second, I greedily attacked the innocent fluid, gulping it down in huge swigs. Oh, healing coolness… The taste of heavenly blue… Like angelic tears washing my parched throat. I was happy in that moment. The happiest in the world. Hell and its demons, my shitty fate, my grim prospects, and whoever’s hiding behind the name Mary—they didn’t matter. I dissolved in that water like salt.

  - There he is. Or she? What’s correct? – The third demon, sent to fetch the succubus, pointed at me.

  - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  - What’s with her?

  - No clue… – Nimus shrugged.

  - Oh, fuuuuck… I can’t!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

  Recognizing my old friend rolling on the floor laughing, I instinctively spat out all the precious water.

  - What’s wrong with her?

  - Don’t know… – Nimus tried to explain.

  - Oh, shiiiit… I can’t!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

  - Yo, hairy bitch, quit dirtying our floor.

  - I… I thought… hahaha… What a load of crap… A… And it’s… HAHAHAHA!!!

  - Hey, Mary, I’ve got a business proposition. How about you calm down? – I risked taking the lead.

  - HAHAHAHAHAHA…

  - You two know each other? – Kalh asked. Since getting an answer from the succubus was hopeless, I had to step up.

  - Yeah, us succubi chat a lot. – Silence fell for a moment.

  - PFFFFHAHAHAHA HEEHEEHAHAHA WAHWAHHAHA!!! – Mary caught her second wind.

  - Alright, what’s her deal? This is getting on my nerves. Nimus, you do something to her on the way? Can’t even trust you with something simple.

  - I didn’t do anything…

  - Okay, okay, boys… Haha. Where… Where’d you find this fairy-tale character?

  - He barged in. Almost got eaten by the kitties. Damn, why’re you laughing like a crazed mare? Chill already. – Kalh was getting more pissed.

  - She’s probably shocked I changed genders.

  - Azahaha… Oh, fuck!!!

  - Mary, you’re not gonna miss your shot, right? Play along. – I whispered in her ear.

  - Ooooh, phew… haha… alright… Boys, I’ll take this succu… HAHAHA. Okay, done… Your debt’s cleared. C’mon, succubus, hahahahahahaha…

  Mary grabbed me by the scruff and dragged me off. I didn’t resist. The others just shrugged in relief, not getting what happened. Probably didn’t care. We entered a crevice where a demon settlement was tucked away, hidden from prying eyes. Caves like the one I’d stumbled into lined both sides of the rock. It was like walking down a street. Now and then, other demons peeked out from dark gaps, eyeing us with mild surprise. But that’s where their interest ended. Nobody bothered to figure out what was going on. A demon was marching beside me, and my walk didn’t look too voluntary, so it all seemed pretty normal. Mary finally stifled her laughter and could talk calmly.

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  - Damn, you really pulled it off.

  - Said whatever came to mind. They bought it.

  - Haha. Gotta search far for idiots like that… How’d you end up here?

  - Escaped… Fed those two a load of bullshit and bolted.

  - How’d you manage that? Never thought they’d ignore the master’s orders.

  - Promised them a super strong spell. Said they had to unchain me from the rock, walk a couple hundred meters away, close their eyes, and yell “Glory to Ukraine!” a thousand times. (Tried that trick, but those thick-skulled demons didn’t fall for it.)

  - And they went for it?

  - Yup. Probably still out there shouting my homeland’s praises across hell.

  - Haha. So, what’s your next move?

  - No clue… Keep running, I guess.

  - HAHA, running, sure, good luck. You got far.

  - At least I tried.

  - Good job, buy yourself a medal. So, what’s this proposition?

  - Everything I’ve got. I really don’t wanna go back to those two morons.

  - First: you’ve got jack shit. Second: I wasn’t planning to send you back. Let ‘em sweat a bit. It’ll be hilarious.

  - Sweet. Do whatever you want with me.

  - Thanks for the permission, pineapple succubus. Let’s go.

  - Hey, Mary, could you put in a word for me with the master? I could train demons for war. You saw how Grok leveled up? Regrew a whole organ for me.

  - Honestly, I’d love to see that. Alright, I’ll keep you at my place for a few days, then take you to him. You’ll tell him yourself. I’m expecting a hell of a show, don’t disappoint.

  We walked for a few minutes. I trudged along, magically moving my legs, looking a bit like I had mild CP. Mary held my arm tight, leading me. Remember those “follow me” photos with a hot girl in a bikini leading you to the sea or some gorgeous spot? Always dreamed of something like that. (In my past life, my paycheck didn’t stretch for beach trips or hot girls.) Well, be careful what you wish for.

  - Is it cool for us to just stroll like this?

  - Don’t worry about it.

  - This a city or what?

  - Settlement. Middle of nowhere.

  - Got it… Lots of demons live here?

  - Enough. – Mary cut me off sharply. – What, gathering intel? Seriously? You actually planning to escape?

  - Nah, just chatting. It’s kinda boring here. Not much for entertainment.

  - Oh, I’ve got some entertainment for you. You’ll love it. We’re almost there.

  - I know your entertainment. Leaves me zoned out for two days.

  - You offered.

  - Yeah, like you wouldn’t have done it if I just sat there quietly. By the way, where we going?

  - My place.

  - Duh. Stupid question.

  - You got any other kind?

  - Yeah, I do… – I couldn’t help but make a face behind her back. Man, I wanted to crack her skull. – You live alone?

  - Holy shit, you grow a second dick? I’m enough.

  - Nah, just wondering if I’ll die today. What if you throw a girls’ night and there’s only one ride?

  - We don’t get along much. Those bitches are all sneaky vipers. Other succubi, I mean… Each one’s just waiting to screw you over.

  - Got it. Typical girl squad.

  - We’re here.

  We descended a narrow passage into another cave. Against my expectations, it wasn’t much different from the last one. Same primal loft vibes. Why’d I imagine it in pink with K-pop posters? Light was scarce, but I made out a big bed against the far wall. Its legs were oddly thick. The mere existence of this furniture piece sparked suspicious thoughts about its purpose. Probably how future victims of serial creeps feel. Makeshift hangers held a ton of clothes. I spotted a cloak made from my skin. No hard feelings… Guess her job demands a big wardrobe. On another wall hung weapons, like in the last cave. But instead of chunky two-handed swords, crude axes, and heavy hammers, a neat collection of knives and daggers gleamed. A pair of stunning blue-tinted blades with intricate silver patterns caught my eye. True works of art.

  - You not scared leaving all this stuff unguarded? No door or anything.

  - Don’t get it.

  - Like, what if someone tries to steal those awesome daggers? They’re probably super valuable.

  - Steal? How?

  - Uh… Like how they stole me. And that weapon doesn’t look demon-made.

  - Oh, I get it. Stealing’s taboo for demons. We don’t even have a word for it. You weren’t stolen. Far as I know, healer material’s traded for services. Those daggers? Trophies. Took ‘em off some famous demon hunter way back. Still insanely sharp. I take ‘em out sometimes. They’re made of some holy steel or something, I forget. I love ‘em. Touch ‘em even with a finger, and I’ll rip your balls off…

  - I wasn’t gonna…

  - Gotta tie you up.

  Minutes later, I was fully immobilized, laid out flat, pants down, on a sacrificial altar that could pass for a bed. On your mark, get set, go! My marathon began. Piercing, rhythmic creaking echoed through the cave. You know, at first, it’s fine. But when it goes on for hours, you wanna die. In my past life, I wasn’t exactly a marathon man. Fifteen minutes, tops. [Here the MC shamelessly lied.] In this new body, I last a bit longer, but still not enough. Being half-demon didn’t seem to boost those stats. Doesn’t matter.

  My little improvised plan worked like a charm. I got alone with Mary, and sparking a hookup was no issue. I outdid myself with the bullshit stories. Didn’t think she’d buy every word. Or maybe she didn’t. Her cockiness played her. I worried she’d spot my horns—couldn’t explain those away. Acting skills on point. I fucking nailed it! Wait, am I getting full of myself? Eh, screw it…

  - Why you making faces? What’s funny?

  - Nah, nothing…

  - Something on my face?

  - No, all good. Just, you know, demons have such a strong aura…

  - So?

  - A regular mage could never beat it.

  - What’re you on about? That’s impossible. Otherwise, any earth mage could drop a rock in your head and call it a day.

  - Yeah, I know, but some magic types can bypass auras. Like healing.

  - Huh, never thought about that.

  - That’s not all. Lightning magic can too, to a lesser extent.

  - Really?

  - Yeah, but it’s still tricky from the outside. From the inside, though…

  - What? I… I can’t move… What the? What’d you do? What’d you do, you bastard!?

  Mary’s paralyzed body slumped onto my chest. Twitchy technique! As I thought, she underestimated my physical strength. I broke free quick.

  Now, let’s see how sharp those daggers are. No room for romance in hell.