Chapter 23

  You don’t need to be Dr. House to diagnose a venereal disease. Either I’ve got syphilis (or something like it), or I’m turning into a xenomorph. Given recent events, the first option’s more likely. Mary… What a fucking whore… Is it a habit for everyone in this cursed place to screw you over after death, or just the nastiest ones? Though… I should’ve seen this coming. Endless banging in a backward society doesn’t lead to anything good. A hooker’s life is usually short. Those who make it to twenty could hit the casino with that kind of luck.

  Guess Mary’s fine since she’s a full demon. I’m only half, so here we are. Can I pick a different half? One with immunity to this shit! Swap it out, please! Ugh… Gotta figure out how to crawl out of this mess… Which one is this now? I’m too tired to count. Oh… right… Editors say I haven’t escaped the first one, so it doesn’t have a number.

  - Nimus, you don’t happen to have any antibiotics on you, do you?

  - Any what?

  - Never mind…

  Well, that’s it. I’m out of ideas. Yeah, I’m a modern guy and all. Yeah, I’ve heard of penicillin, some kind of mold. But how to make it? No clue. Why didn’t they teach us this in school? What good are cosines and Mendeleev’s table if I’m dead? Why hasn’t anyone added a fantasy world survival course to the curriculum? Though… Maybe Japan’s got one. Some isekai school where, at graduation, instead of a principal, you’re greeted by a truck-kun at 100 km/h.

  - You look like shit. – Nimus kept worrying.

  - Yeah… Thanks.

  - Stop the transformation. It’s only making it worse.

  - Nah, it’s not that. I’m a bit sick.

  - You’re what?

  - Ugh… Hard to explain. It’s a succubus thing. Only we’re vulnerable to it, so we don’t like talking about it. I need healing.

  - Actually, I’ve got a healer buddy. He lives not too far from here.

  - Really? Can you take me to him?

  - Yeah, but it’ll mean a detour of a few days.

  - Doesn’t matter. If we don’t get there in time, I could die.

  And that’s no joke. I think syphilis can eat half your face, not to mention other organs. Not sure about death, but… No, I’m pretty damn sure. Think about how old Mary was. I didn’t dare ask, but I’d bet it’s a four-digit number. In all her years, she’s drained so much life force that her vag hosts monsters Lovecraft couldn’t dream up. Brr… Guess it doesn’t matter which demon half you pick—I’m fucked either way.

  - Die? It’s that bad?

  - Oh, yeah… Cooking, cleaning, childbirth, makeup… It’s not like chilling with a beer watching football.

  - Then we’re going now!

  - Thanks, but…

  - Don’t worry, I’ll carry you!

  This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  A lone tear rolled down my cheek. I think I’ve met Mother Teresa’s reincarnation. It’s weird. Seems like a good guy. Caring, responsible, kind, but let him loose on the surface, and he’ll turn into a human-slaying machine. Not a single muscle on his face would twitch during a massacre. Except maybe the ones for chewing food.

  I settled comfortably in the demon’s arms and gave in to the fever. I was freezing, burning, aching, shaking, sweating buckets, head spinning, stomach churning, body twisting. A whole bouquet of delightful symptoms. My grip on sanity kept slipping. Damn Mary…

  After enduring an eternity of venereal hell, I finally noticed a cluster of buildings on the horizon. We were approaching a city. And this time, it actually looked like one. Instead of caves, there were one- and two-story houses made of stone and clay, scattered chaotically, making “streets” a loose concept. It was way livelier here. Tons of demons milled about, occasionally throwing me hungry glances. Some were very hungry. Some so hungry I started feeling peckish myself.

  - You’re awake? What a relief… I was scared I wouldn’t make it. Two days running non-stop. (Wow… WOW! Give this guy a Nobel Peace Prize!)

  - I’m alive… Where are we?

  - We’re here. This is Dapaedi. My buddy lives here. He’s got important work.

  Nimus carried me to an improvised square. Improvised because they just didn’t build a house there. A small crowd of demons argued loudly, with furious shouts coming from the center.

  - You’re all weaklings! You can’t break me! I’m the strongest! I’m your true master! You scum don’t deserve to look at me!

  - Yeah, yeah, sure…

  - Hey! No cutting in line!

  - What? I’m first today!

  - Why’s that? You were yesterday!

  - Bullshit! I wasn’t!

  Way too many of them… I pulled my hood tighter. As I recall, the plan was to avoid demons, not waltz into their biggest hangout. Nimus pushed through the crowd.

  - So, – I asked, – what’s going on here?

  - What? It’s Dapaedi.

  - And?

  - This is where Ksafraks is punished. Didn’t you know? It’s the biggest tourist spot around. Pilgrims come from other cities all the time.

  - Oh… Right, Ksafraks… How could I forget… (What the hell is that?)

  When we reached the other side of the crowd, a painfully familiar scene hit me. In the square’s center, a demon was chained to a massive stone pillar. He looked beaten and torn up but clearly hadn’t lost his spirit. He kept shouting self-affirming lines and insulting everyone around. No surprise. He was one-and-a-half times beefier than the rest. His eyes blazed with rage. Even in his sorry state, he gave off serious badass vibes. Next to him, slightly hunched, stood another figure, like a photo negative. The contrast was striking. The first radiated strength, youth, and defiance; the second, calm, wisdom, and… dentures? Didn’t know demons could be like that. The hunched demon emitted a faint pink glow from his hands, enveloping the chained one. OfTav. Healing, of course. It haunts my nightmares now.

  - Alriiight, you bastards… – the healer rasped. – I’m done, have at it.

  Instantly, the crowd pounced on the poor guy like vultures. Their sharp claws glinted darkly. Their teeth bared in wicked grins.

  - Line up, damn it! How many times do I gotta say it? Five minutes each! I see a weapon, you’re fucked!

  - Okay… Nimus, mind explaining what’s happening here?

  - I told you…

  - It’s a symptom. I forget things sometimes. Really convenient… I mean, sneaky disease.

  - Your lives are rough…

  - Tell me about it. So, what’s with this Xerox guy?

  - Ksafraks. He was a general, in charge of the outer arc. But he’s the one who knocked up the Progenitor last time, producing a… “defective” generation of demons. Bad blood… That’s why he’s being tortured, and the current master took his place.

  - So, they’re torturing him because…

  - His kids are all idiots. He basically ruined a whole generation, and the next one’s a long way off.

  - Got it… (Weird law… Worth noting.)

  - Alright, there’s my buddy. One of the oldest demons. I respect him a lot. Hey, Aiden!

  - Nimus, long time no see, kid. Finally came to visit? Or you here to brag? I see you caught that runaway. Congrats. – The hunched demon replied.

  - What runaway?

  - The one in your arms. The master’s offering a nice reward for him. What’s with you, Nimus? Why’d you freeze? No use pretending, buddy. I’m a healer. Hide him under clothes all you want, I can tell he’s human. A weird one, though… Probably why everyone’s after him…

  Uh… Okay…

  I’d been prepping for this for days… Time to unleash my super-secret technique. A technique that could turn the world upside down. One with no counter. I saved it for this moment. So…

  Teleportation!!!

  What? It’s not working? Oh, right, I just made that shit up in my fevered head.