“UGH… HUH?” DEREK GROANED after hearing the faint cries of pain of Jim echoing from all the way down at Town Square

  Having fallen asleep on the roof outside of his bedroom window… AND STAYING OUT THERE ALL NIGHT, Derek let out a big yawn… Which ended with a fierce and crappy coughing spell.

  Due to having slept in the cold night air, Derek had accidently developed a slight cold.

  After his coughing had stopped, Derek pushed himself up to his bottom.

  Whilst he sat on the edge of the overhanging roof and looked at the radiant morning sun, which shone across his whole peaceful neighborhood, Derek was suddenly alerted by a ‘vibrating’ sensation in his right pants pocket.

  Digging into his pocket, Derek pulled out his Red protective cased UPhone.

  Unlocking it with the thumb print scan option, Derek read off the ‘lit-up’ home display screen to see that he had a next text message from Kyle.

  Focusing his eyes behind the lenses of his glasses, Derek read off his phone’s screen:

  ‘EMERGENCY!!!

  ME AND THE GUYS R HEADIN

  OVR 2 UR CRIB...

  RIGHT! NOW!!!!’

  Confused and alarmed by this ‘emergency’ that Kyle had texted him about, Derek got himself back up on his feet.

  The frail geek then turned around and hobbled back over to his opened bedroom window.

  Crawling back in his room, Derek zipped up his red hoodie that he was still wearing all the way up to his neck due to the ‘achy chills’ that were starting to set in on his body.

  To combat this even more, Derek grabbed a black knit beanie that was sitting on his nearby wooden computer desk and pulled it over his messy hair and ears, which looked too big for his abnormally small head.

  *RING! RING! RING!*

  “Ugh… Duh-Duh-Dammit,” Derek sighed as he heard the doorbell to his family’s home ring from all the way downstairs.

  Whilst the doorbell continued to ring furiously, Derek dropped his head low as he trudged over to the hatchway door that led down to the house’s second floor, slowly and carefully skipping down the wooden retractable ladder after he had lowered it.

  “Huh? AGH!” Derek cried out after he had mistakenly missed the last run on the wooden retractable ladder, causing him to lose his grip and fall down on the second floor hallway, hardwood floor FLAT on his back.

  As he laid there, Derek, with pain quickly riddling his frail body, cursed, “FUH-FUCK.”

  _

  “Shut the door! QUICK!!!” Kyle shouted as he and Eric rushed inside of Derek’s family’s home with an ‘unknown person’ who was covered by a green flannel blanket in their tow.

  “HUH? Wuh-Wuh-What the heck?” Derek fumbled out after Kyle and Eric ‘blitzkrieged’ inside along with the unknown person covered in the green flannel blanket.

  “SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR, D!” Kyle snapped as he and Eric rushed the unknown person into the living room area of the Bentley Residence.

  “Actually, feel free to keep it open,” Eric smirked as he left Kyle to tend to the unknown person all by his lonesome. “We’ve got nothing to hide. NOTHING! Not a damn thing, homie.”

  “Cuh-Can someone tuh-tuh-tell me what’s guh-guh-guh-going on?” Derek asked through an aggressive stuttering spell after closing the front door (as well as deadbolting and chain locking it).

  “Sure thing, dude… BUT IT’S KIND OF A LONG STORY,” Kyle stated as he tried to keep the unknown person ‘calm’.

  “A fucking HILARIOUS one at that! Ha-Ha!” Eric cackled as Derek scrunched his brow at both him and Kyle in confusion.

  “Yeah, too long, but it’s FUCKING HILARIOUS!!! HA-HA!” Eric clattered.

  “I’LL KILL HIM! I’LL FUCKING KILL HIM!!!” Jim cried out after ripping off the green flannel blanket to reveal himself to Derek… Wearing nothing but his golden silk boxers and a few tattered strips of duct tape that were still stuck to his now HAIRFREE chest.

  “HUH? Juh-Juh-Jim?” Derek stammered as the half-Italian teen began to redden with more rage by the second.

  Thinking rashly, and with his hatred still felt FULLY towards Brent and his demented squad of goonish lap dogs, Jim BEELINED towards the still currently locked front door.

  “DEREK! STOP HIM!!!” Kyle cried out as a frozen Derek stood in a state of confusion still whilst Jim bolted past his right.

  “NAH-AH! NO YA FUCKIN’ DON’T, DINGUS!” Eric shouted after rushing up to Jim and bear hugging him from behind.

  As Eric pulled a resisting Jim back into the living room he shouted, “Let me go! LET ME GO, YOU FUCKING PUSSY! EVELYN! EVELYN, PLEASE! YOUR MOST BITCH-ASS SON IS HOLDING ME AGAINST MY WILL!!!!”

  “Eric, calm him the fuck down!” Kyle ordered as he proceeded to run his hands through his sweat matted hair.

  “Urgh… Gladly,” Eric grunted as he picked up Jim right off his feet and hurled him onto Derek’s Parents’ White Leather Living Room Couch.

  After the quite impressive ‘Greco-Style’ Wrestling throw from Eric, Jim landed on his side and fell down on the living room floor… FLAT ON HIS FACE.

  “Ugh… Ouch,” Jim groaned as a very pleased looking Eric stood up behind him and wiped his hands free from his ‘Dingus Germs’.

  Looking over at Kyle, Eric said as he placed his hands on his hips, “There, Gordon. Jim has officially been ‘calmed the fucked down’.”

  Darting his eyes back down at Jim, who was slowly recovering from Eric’s throw, Kyle said in an awkward voice, “Uh… Thanks, man.”

  As Eric nodded to Kyle whilst grinning, Derek asked, “And I ah-ah-ask again, duh-duh-does someone wuh-wuh-wanna tuh-tell me what’s guh-guh-going on?”

  “Well, to make a long story short, Der,” Kyle said as he plopped down on a nearby white leather reclining chair (which was Derek’s Father’s personal favorite). “Fuller, Greenberg, Shaw, and the rest of those dumb idiots stripped Jim down to his boxers at some point late last night after Layla’s Party and duct-taped him to the statue of the Chief down at the Square.”

  “Nuh-No wuh-wuh-way?” Derek asked in shock.

  “Yes way, dude,” Eric nodded whilst cheesing. “Heh, heh… So very fuckin’ yes way.”

  Derek then looked back down at Jim, who was now shaking out his head, Derek asked, “So… I guh-guess that the puh-puh-party went… went bad for you… you… you guys?”

  “Nah… Not really,” Kyle replied whilst shaking his head. “Aside from Jim getting COMPLETELY shithoused and making a TOTAL asshat out of himself in front of the whole school’s entire ‘popular and rich-as-shit’ elite, Eric and I had a pretty chill time, overall.”

  “Shit yeah we did!” Eric erupted as he plopped down on the middle of the couch as Jim pushed himself up to his hands and knees now. “I hit the ‘Redemption Cup’ twice in a row in two games of Beer Pong last night to give me and Gordon back-to-back wins against that fuckin’ clown Jacob Anders and that drunk JOCKSTRAP idiot James Roden. It was so HEAT, dude. You shoulda came with us.”

  “Well, uh, cuh-congrats I guh-guh-guess,” Derek commended. “So, how… how did Juh-Jim make an ass… asshat out of him… himsuh…”

  “Himself?” Kyle asked.

  Derek nodded.

  Propping his right ankle atop his left kneecap, Kyle explained, “Well, after downing about half a bottle of ‘Burn-Sphere’ and smoking a SHITLOAD of Sativa by himself…”

  “SOLD TO HIM PERSONALLY BY YOURS TRULY,” Eric stated loudly whilst thrusting up his right hand. “FULLY TAXED, of course. Heh, heh,, heh…”

  Derek then gave Eric, who was actually the BIGGEST drug-dealer at K.H.S., a slight smirk, Kyle continued, “Right… So yeah, after all that the Dingus decided that it was ‘wise’ to take it upon his incredibly fucked up self to ‘attempt’ to hit on Layla Check.”

  “Ruh-Really?” Derek stammered.

  “Fo sho,” Kyle nodded. “And much to all of our surprise… JIM MADE AN EVEN BIGGER ASSHAT OUT OF HIMSELF.”

  “And let us not forget that his ‘asshat actions’ have not just reflected poorly on himself, but somehow managed to reflect on the rest of us as well… As per recent news on my YourStory News Feed!”

  The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  Bringing up his UPhone, Eric showed both Derek and Kyle the several online social media accounts of their fellow school peers, both popular and unpopular, who were all talking about Jim’s behavior last night at Layla’s party…. ALONG WITH his ‘little incident’ down at Town Square earlier in the morning.

  “Juh-Juh-Jesus,” Derek gasped as his eyes widened as Eric’s phone screen.

  “WAIT! HOLD THE FUCK UP! THERE’S A VIDEO?!” Eric erupted loudly as he looked back at his phone. “Oh, we SOOO gotta check this shit out!

  Bringing up a video recording of Jim’s drunken actions at Layla’s Party the night before, it showed the excessively drunken and high teen idiotically trying to get ‘handsy’ with Layla… UNTIL he tripped (thankfully) and fell into her swimming pool.

  After watching the video, the three friends all looked down at Jim angrily, who had finally recovered from Eric’s toss.

  “Huh? What’d I do?” Jim asked after noticing his friends’ intense glares, which were ALL directed towards him.

  _

  “ALRIGHT. I’VE GOT CLOTHES ON NOW, YA FREAK-BITCHES,” Jim loudly announced after entering the kitchen area of the Bentley Residence to find Kyle, Eric, and Derek all chowing down on bowls of ‘Choco-Crunch’ cereal.

  Now wearing a gold colored hoodie with black basketball shorts, black calf-high socks, and some black slides, Jim looked over at Derek and said, “Thanks for the threads, dawg.”

  “Nuh-Nuh-No prob-problem, Juh-Jim,” Derek replied.

  Before taking another bite of his cereal, Eric said, “HEADS UP, BENTLEY. You’re gonna wanna BURN those clothes after Jim’s wearin’ them… Or else you’ll become a ‘Dingus’ just like him.”

  “SUCK A CHODE, YOU DOUCHE!” Jim snapped at his stoner ‘friend’, who snickered whilst devouring his cereal.

  “C’mon, Jim. Don't get all ‘butt-hurt’,” Kyle said as Jim continued to fume at Eric. “You deserve a ‘verbal bashing’ after the shit you pulled at Layla’s last night.”

  “YOU CAN GO SUCK A CHODE TOO, KY-KY!!!” Jim snapped at Kyle, causing the latter’s eyes to widen in surprise.

  Directing his attention and anger towards all three of his ‘friends’ now, Jim spurred, “I dunno about any of you fuckin’ bitches, but I can’t control myself whenever I get TURNT! Shit just happens on the fly when I’m faded, y’all… AND I CAN’T DO SHIT TO STOP IT!!! So y’all fools can just deal with whatever happened last night and MOVE THE FUCK ON ‘cause I already have!”

  “Oh Jim,” Eric smirked whilst holding up his UPhone still. “Would you like to see just what ‘occurred’ last night at Layla’s Gathering? Heh, heh, heh...”

  With a nervous look on his sweat-laden face, Jim shouted, “FUCK NO I DON’T, YOU DOUCHER!”

  Throwing up his hands and arms now, Jim raged, “ALRIGHT, FUCKERS! HERE’S THE DEALIOSO! From this point on, NO ONE brings up the TOTALLY ‘misconstrued’ events that took place at Layla ‘BODY KARATE’ Check’s Rager last night! NEVER AGAIN, YA DIG?!?!”

  Kyle, Eric, and Derek all gave Jim sour glares in reply.

  “URGH… LOOK,” Jim growled like a curmudgeon. “I know that I was actin’ stupid as fuck last night… EVEN THOUGH I couldn't handle myself because I'm pretty fuckin’ sure that ‘FULLER THE FUCKER’, or one of his fuckin’ bitch-loser drones, spiked one of, if not, ALL of my drinks that I had at the party… BUT NEVER THE LESS I would like to take this time to apologize for shittin’ on all of your already SHITTY-ASS reps. I’m sorry, bromigos, but please, if you love me as a F.B.F.F.L…”

  “F.B.F.F.L? What in the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Eric asked with his brow scrunched sourly still at Jim.

  “FUCKING BEST FRIEND ‘FO LIFE!!!” Jim shouted, causing Eric to roll his eyes.

  Eric then rolled his eyes while Kyle smirked at Jim… slightly.

  “F.B.F.F.L? Ugh… Jeez,” Kyle groaned whilst smirking. “Alright, Jim. We heard you out…”

  “Unfortunately,” Eric remarked, gaining a glare from Jim.

  “We heard you out… NOW IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO SHUT THE EFF UP AND HEAR US OUT,” Kyle stated bluntly, causing Jim to now direct his full, undivided attention towards him. “Here’s OUR DEAL… We won’t ever bring up you actin’ like a total and complete fuckin’ dumbass last night at Layla’s Party again as long as you control your drinkin’... AND STUPID-ASS-ANTICS whenever we’re at another gathering of our more ‘upper-class’ social peers… DEAL?”

  “AND pretty much in any other setting. Like, RIGHT NOW, for instance,” Eric snared, causing Jim to almost verbally rip into him until Kyle said ‘deal’ again, but in a more ‘stern’, ‘no bullshit’ sounding kind of way.

  “Ugh… Whatever. Yeah. Fine. Fuck it. Deal,” Jim sighed distastefully.

  “Deal???” Kyle pressed.

  “YES! DEAL! DEAL! FUCKIN’ DEAL, YA DOUCHE!” Jim erupted, causing Kyle to briefly snicker.

  With Eric shaking his head and Derek still trying to comprehend what he had watched on Eric’s phone just a little bit ago, Jim said, “Ugh… Alright. With all that shizz bein’ said and I done, I need one of you fuckfaces to drop me off at my crib so I can get the Swag Wagon and head to work.”

  Looking over at Kyle now, Eric smirked, “That’s your ‘cue’, Gordon.”

  Rolling his eyes, Kyle looked back over at Jim and asked, “Y’sure you wanna go into work today, dude? I mean, like, after everything that’s, uh… ‘recently happened’ wouldn’t you just wanna, like, ‘call in’ or somethin’?

  “YOU DON’T THINK I’VE ALREADY CONSIDERED THAT OPTION, KY-KY,” Jim snapped, causing Kyle to glare at him again. “I would fuckin’ LOVE to call in, broseph, but I’ve already called in NINE TIMES.”

  “Suh-Seriously, Juh-Jim?” Derek asked in a shocked voice. “Did… Didn’t you just… just start buh-buh-back in Au-Au-August?”

  “FO’ SHO, FAM,” Jim replied. “And if I call in a TENTH time then they’re gonna CAN my sorry ass… AND IF THAT SHIZZ HAPPENS then my parents are gonna kick my BROKE-ASS out on the street.”

  Turning back to Kyle now, Jim continued, “SO YEAH, GOR-DON, can you PLEASE just take me to my fuckin’ Van already? PLEASE?!?!”

  “Ugh… Yeah. I suppose,” Kyle sighed. “EVEN THOUGH your place is TOTALLY out of my way since it’s LITERALLY over on the WEST SIDE OF TOWN.”

  “Y’know, I don’t see what’s so wrong about living on the streets?” Eric asked as he finished up the last bit of his cereal. “I mean, look at all of the famous people who did it and see how they... WAIT A SEC. Who am I kiddin’? It’s THE DINGUS who we’re talkin’ about here. He’ll never be famous… OR amount to anything that’s of worth.”

  Burning hot with rage, Jim blared, “YOU MOTHA…”

  “OKAY!!! That’ll be enough of that!” Kyle suddenly erupted after shooting out of his seat to keep Jim from getting his ass tossed again by Eric. “C’mon, man. Let’s dip out before you end up being late for work.”

  As Kyle started tugging Jim along towards the front door of the Bentley Residence, Eric requested, “Yo, Gordon, you care if I catch a ride too?”

  Looking back at Eric with his eyes squinted, Kyle asked, “To where?”

  “The Mall,” Eric smirked. “I got a couple ‘errands’ to run.”

  “Oh yeah? What are these so-called ‘errands’ of which you speak, E?” Jim asked with a snarky tone in his voice. “You need to run to Spenser’s to get a new Dildo? If so, then no need. Your MOM’S should do ya just fine. Heh, heh, heh…”

  “I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU,” Eric threatened in cold, unnerving tone, which made Kyle and Derek squirm whilst Jim continued to laugh like the idiot that he was.

  Looking back over at Kyle, Eric asked, “So, Gordo, can I get that ride?”

  “Uh, I dunno, man,” Kyle replied in an unsure tone. “I really don’t wanna have to keep puttin’ up with you and Jim’s CONSTANT bullshit and stop you guys from having a fight every seven seconds.”

  “It’ll be fine, G. The Dingus isn’t gonna wanna ‘step’ to me again after what I did to him a little bit ago.”

  “FUCK YOU, ERIC!” Jim snapped back. “You DIDN’T do shit and AIN’T gonna do shit!”

  “Oh yeah? Wanna go again, buttercup?” Eric smirked as he rose up from his seat around the dinner table.

  “Ugh… God, I can’t with you two,” Kyle groaned whilst shaking his head at both Jim and Eric.

  Looking over at Derek, Kyle asked, “Yo, D, would you mind comin’ with us to the Mall? I might need an extra set of hands to keep these two bitches from ‘catfighting’ again.”

  With Eric and Jim now narrowing their eyes at Kyle, the golden haired teen looked to both of them and said, “DO SOMETHIN’.”

  Not wanting to mess with Kyle (because whenever he got mad it wasn’t pretty), Eric and Jim just lowered their heads and put an end to another one of their arguments (temporarily).

  “So, D, whaddya say?” Kyle asked Derek, who had just finished the last bit of his cereal and milk.

  “I duh-duh-don’t know, Kuh-Kyle,” Derek replied. “I stuh-still don’t fuh-fuh-feel so guh-good.”

  “C’mon, bro. It’ll do ya some good to get out of this ‘suburban prison’ of fucking boredom for a change.”

  Not wanting to be out in public (especially after what happened last night at the Burger Hut), but also not wanting to succumb to MORE boredom at home, Derek looked back up at Kyle a minute later and said, “Okuh-kay. I’ll cuh-cuh-come.”

  “Hell yeah, brotha,” Kyle said with a smile.

  Derek slightly smiled back as Eric picked up the spoon that was in his cereal bowl and flicked it at Jim, striking him in the bridge of his nose.

  Immediately clasping his hands over his incredibly sore nose, Jim cried out whilst doubling over, “OUCH! URGH… ERIC, YOU FUCK!!!”