“YOU’RE FIRED, HUNTER!” THE RED-FACED, FORTY- SOMETHING-YEAR-OLD ‘MALE’ MANAGER of the River City Mall’s ‘Buckley Beaver’s Pizzeria and Arcade’ Franchise shouted in the Mascot’s ‘fuzzy’ face. “I NEVER want to see your face in this Shopping Mall ever again!!! You’re banned… FOR LIFE!!!!!!”

  Pushing himself up to his feet after the two morbidly obese ‘Mall Cops’ dragged and THREW HIM outside, the ‘Buckley Beaver’ Mascot responded, “Ah, to hell with you and the rest of those little snot-nosed BRATS, Mitch!!! If you wouldn't have just fired me then I would've quit today ANYWAYS! That place is a fucking SHITHOLE, U.S.D.A NIGHTMARE! PLUS IT’S GOT ROACHES THE SIZE OF FOOTLONG SUBS FROM SUBSTATION!!!!!!”

  Gritting his teeth, the Manager, now known as ‘Mitch’, seared, “Say anymore, Jim, I’ll sue you for defamation!”

  “SUCK MY ‘DEFAMATION’, BITCH!” ‘Buckley’ ripped back.

  Disgruntled, Mitch the Manager just retreated back inside of the Mall with the two Mall Cops following him closely from behind.

  “PUSSIES!!!” ‘Buckley Beaver’ spurred after he pulled off his ‘head’ to reveal that he was, in fact, Jim Hunter.

  “FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!” the sweat-drenched eleventh grader shouted as he proceeded to ‘flip the bird’ at the Shopping Mall’s front main entrance.

  “WAIT,” Sam said aloud after she, Kyle, Eric, and Derek had all walked out of the mall to check on the Dingus. “You mean to tell me that the Mall’s ‘Buckley Beaver’ Impersonator… IS JIM???”

  “NOT ANYMORE! My fuckin’ ass just got SHITCANNED,” Jim angrily erupted as his sweat splattered on the front Eric’s chest, causing him to grit his teeth and growl.

  “JIM, how the hell did you already get fired?” Kyle asked the enraged FORMER ‘Buckley Beaver’ Impersonator. “It’s only been, like, TWENTY MINUTES since you got here and started your shift.”

  “Oh, it was complete and utter bull-shizz, Ky-Ky,” Jim stated. “CHECK IT, YO! Some little ‘bed-wettin’ piece shit SIX-YEAR-OLD-KID kicked me in the nuts so I picked him up and threw the BASTARD in the ball pit.”

  “YOU DID WHAT?!” Sam asked in complete shock.

  “Ugh… And yet again, Jim has proven how much an IDIOT he really is,” Eric sighed.

  “GO FUCK A SEAHORSE, ERICKSON!” Jim slammed at the drug dealer. “I'm not in the

  mood to deal with your bullshit right now!”

  “A suh-suh-seahorse?” Derek stuttered in confusion.

  “Jim, you seriously did NOT chuck a kid into a ball pit… Did you???” Kyle asked, hoping to God

  that what his ‘friend’ had just told him and the others wasn’t true.

  It unfortunately was.

  “HELLZ YEAH I DID, FAM!” Jim proudly stated. “The little puke had it comin’ to!”

  Pointing his furry thumbs towards his puffy foam chest now, Jim continued, “Y’see fuckers, whenever I don this ‘sacred suit of sweat-drenched furry armor… And foam’ I am to be respected as one of America’s… AND THE WORLD’S greatest icons! I AM BUCKLEY MUTHA-FUCKIN’ BEAVER, DAMMIT!!! And I shall take no shit from anyone! Not even you guys! YA DIG?!!!”

  “God, Jim. What in the hell were you thinking?” Kyle asked in a disgruntled tone.

  “He obviously ‘wasn’t’, Gordon,” Eric remarked. “As per usual.”

  “FUCK YOU GUYS! I DID A SERVICE!!!” Jim shouted.

  Confused, Derek asked, “Suh-Service?”

  “A service to whom?” Sam followed.

  Lowering his brow, Jim went on to spout whilst pointing at his furry chest once more, “A service to all who wear the Beaver’s Pelt… EVERYWHERE!!!”

  The quartet all gave Jim disgusted glances as he said after pulling off his sweat-soaked ‘Buckley Beaver’ Mascot Suit, “Now, if you’d all excuse me, I’m gonna go get a Blackberry Slush from the Food Court.”

  Eyes widened, Derek stammered, “Buh-But I thuh-thuh-thought you wuh-wuh-were buh-buh-buh…”

  “Banned?” Jim returned/completed. “HELLZ TO DA NO, SON! The Beaver’s been banned! I, however… AM INNOCENT, BRUH! Just you wait and see, D-Bent! ALL OF YOU WAIT AND SEE!!!”

  Free of the Buckley Beaver suit, an even more sweat-soaked (and rather odorous) Jim said, “STEP ASIDE, PEASANTS! I’ve got a Blackberry Slush to KILL.”

  Chest puffed out and head held high, Jim ‘trotted’ back inside of the Shopping Mall.

  As the Dingus ‘gallivanted’ back inside of the Mall, Sam turned to Kyle and asked, “So, Captain Goober… How do you think this’ll go?”

  “Well, knowing Jim,” Kyle replied. “FUCKING TERRIBLE.”

  _

  “GOD, BABE! How much longer do we gotta be in here for?!” Brent angrily asked Amber as she went about her shopping in the ‘Pandora’s Box’ Women’s Clothing Store.

  While she gallivanted through seemingly endless racks of On Sale clothes, Amber sighed, “Ugh… Now, now… Brenty-Bear, please settle down. I’m almost done.”

  “Heh, heh… Brenty-Bear?” Greenberg snickered to Shaw, who let out a few chuckles of his own.

  “WHAT’S SO FUCKIN’ FUNNY?” Brent asked his two lackeys after hearing their whispery chuckles.

  Shaw and Greenberg immediately then zipped their lips as Amber said, “BRENTON RYAN FULLER, WATCH YOUR MOUTH!”

  “Ugh… Sorry, Babe,” Brent sighed. “But for real thou, you’ve been shopping ALL MORNING. Can’t I just go to the places that I wanna go with Josh for a bit? I’ll even leave you with Dirk and Sean to hold all your bags.”

  Amber then gave Brent’s two fumbling toadies a disgusted glance.

  The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  “Thanks… BUT NO THANKS, BRENT,” Amber snapped. “I’d rather be with you instead of your… Uh… Friends.”

  “Fine, but just hurry it up, will ya? This place SUCKS.”

  “Do NOT rush me, Brenton. We will go as soon as I'm done here so, until then, I want you to be quiet… Understand?”

  “Ugh… Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” Brent sighed as he looked off to the side as Shaw and Greenberg continued to carry Amber’s bags.

  _

  Outside of Pandora’s Box was Josh, who was leaning on a glass ledge that overlooked the mall’s ground floor.

  As the star Running Back scanned through the crowded first floor level with his perfect, twenty-twenty vision he spotted Kyle, Sam, Eric, Jim, and Derek walking amongst the flood.

  The five juniors pushed their way through the ground floor crowds with slushies in their hands headed southward.

  With his brow rising in intrigue, Josh felt the need to apologize to Kyle, Eric, Jim, and Derek for the ‘incident’ that had occurred at Burger Hut the night before down at the Square.

  So, as Josh went to leave his position a very nervous looking Dexius Solas accidently had bumped into him during his search for the Lady-Princess Ashanna.

  “HEY! WATCH IT, DUDE!” Josh spurred as the Blue Guardian blatantly ignored him.

  While Josh rubbed his arm, he watched the alien soldier storm inside of Pandora’s Box.

  “You’re supposed to say ‘excuse me’, dick!” Josh shouted at Dexius, who still ignored him.

  _

  Inside Pandora’s, purple-haired Princess Ashanna had just put on her new ‘human’ outfit.

  An outfit, which consisted of a purple, loose-fitting belly shirt over a tight, black long sleeve spandex shirt, black skinny jeans, a purple skirt, and some knee-high magenta basketball sneakers.

  A very ‘pop-punk rock’ look, if you will.

  “PRENDEKUMOUS!” Ashanna clattered as she over her reflection in a mirror which was nailed up on a wall inside of her Changing Room.

  Whilst the Princess of Guardinas continued to marvel at herself Dexius was fumbling through the front end of the store.

  With a determined look on his drained face, the Blue Guardian cried out, “ASHANNA?! ASHANNA!!!”

  “Dexius?” Ashanna muttered to herself as she looked over her right shoulder in bewilderment.

  As the Last Guardian Warrior clamored on through the store in search of the Lady-Princess, Brent, Amber, Greenberg, and Shaw caught sight of the humanoid, alien warrior.

  “That freak better pipe it the fuck down,” Brent said in irritation. “He’s givin’ me a headache with all that yelling shit.”

  “Yeah! He better shut it before someone BASHES his teeth in!” Shaw said gleefully.

  “Heh, heh… Yeah!” Greenberg chuckled. “Someone like US!”

  Feeling the testosterone surging in the air, Amber sighed, “Ugh… Boys, we’ve gone this far without causing any trouble today so let’s try to keep our stride.”

  “Yeah. Fine. Whatever, Amb,” Brent groaned. “Just hurry it up.”

  Amber then glared at Brent as both Greenberg and Shaw fell in line.

  Locating Princess Ashanna in one of the store’s Changing Rooms, Dexius shoved open its door.

  “AIYEEEE!!!” Ashanna cried out in terror as she turned around to face the frantic warrior.

  Grabbing onto the sides of her arms, Dexius blared, “PRINCESS ASHANNA! OH, THANK THE HIGH-ELDERS THAT YOU STILL BREATHE LIFE!!!”

  “Why Dexius!” Ashanna greeted in a more electric sounding tone after calming down. “Tis grand to see you as well!”

  The Lady-Princess then looked down at Dexius’s new human outfit and smirked, “I like your Aeshlaran Robes, Dex. They’re so rez. Heh, heh...”

  Sighing after his stress levels had briefly dropped, Dexius lowered his brow whilst he spouted, “PRINCESS ASHANNA, this planet is NOT like our own. We CANNOT just simply ‘wander off’ whenever we thracking feel like it!”

  Princess Ashanna then narrowed her eyes sourly at the Last Guardian while he continued, “We are in UNEXPLORED ALIEN TERRITORY, remember? Tis dangerous… GRANDLY DANGEROUS for us to trek it ON OUR OWN and not with each other.”

  Princess Ashanna then looked down at her protector’s hands, which were still gripped tightly on the sides of her arms.

  “Lord-Guardian… As LADY-PRINCESS OF GUARDINAS and DAUGHTER of the LORD-KING AND LADY-QUEEN, I order thee to UNHAND ME,” Ashanna commanded sternly with her eyes still sourly narrowed at Dexius.

  Bound to his ‘Royal Highness’s’ word, Dexius ultimately let go of Princess Ashanna.

  “Grandest apologies, Your Highness.” Dexius nervously replied after stepping back to bow cordially. “You worried me immensely. I… I just thought that you were in danger.”

  “Well, Lieutenant… I AM NOT IN DANGER. So you have no need to fret. Everything is grand here within this fine establishment.”

  “Aye, my Princess… Very well.”

  Giving the clothing store a distasteful glance now, Dexius asked, “So, are you ready to leave

  this… place?”

  “I suppose,” Princess Ashanna replied. “I have already picked out a few items.”

  Ashanna then directed Dexius’s eyes over at a literal mountain of clothes that she had compiled

  inside one of the open fitting rooms.

  “RAXX,” Dexius cursed in bewilderment. “I mean no offense, Your Grace, but don’t you think

  tis a little… much?”

  “Much?” Princess Ashanna asked with her brow scrunched.

  Dexius nodded.

  “Ugh… Yes. Maybe so, Lieutenant,” Princess Ashanna sighed distastefully. “But tis NOT ‘as much’ as my old wardrobe back on Guardinas. Heh… Now that was truly a prendekumous sight.”

  Rolling his eyes, Dexius said, “Princess, if you are truly finished here then let us regroup with Castron and leave this dwelling at once.”

  “Ugh… Very well. Gather my new belongings then, Lieutenant, for they have already been purchased with the currens that Lord Lakarias gave me before I came here.”

  “As you wish, Your Highness… And they’re not called ‘currens’ here, Ashanna. The human form of currens are referred to as ‘money’ or ‘cash’ on this world.”

  “Really??? Hmm… Money? Cash???”

  The Blue Guardian nodded once again as Princess Ashanna continued, “Interesting… Well, grand thanks for your services, Dex. They are always grandly appreciated.”

  Dexius gave the Lady-Princess of Guardinas a slight bow of respect before he went to gather up her new articles of human garb.

  “FUCKIN’ FREAKS,” Brent snarled disgust as he watched the secret Guardinian Refugees from over by the store’s main checkout desk.

  As Amber picked up her Homecoming Dress and Heels, Brent and his goons watched Dexius and Princess Ashanna in suspicion.

  “You MORONS know who those two weird lookin’ FUCKS are over there?” Brent asked his lackeys.

  “Nah, man,” Shaw replied whilst shaking his head. “I ain’t never seen them before in my life.”

  “I don’t know them either, B,” Greenberg followed. “But I’d sure like to ‘get to know’ that purple-haired chick. She looks fuckin’ goood. Heh, heh, heh...”

  Overhearing Greenberg, Amber scoffed whilst she waited to receive her homecoming garb.

  “Goood? REALLY, SEAN?” Amber asked in a pissed off tone of voice.

  Greenberg’s eyes widened immediately as he then proceeded to hang his head.

  “OH, uh… Sorry, Amber.” Greenberg said in a drooping tone.

  Shaking her head again at the ‘numbskull’ football player, Amber snapped, “PIG!”