"On the plus side, it's not like it can turn around, right?"

  Nathan turned and glared at Chad. He winced in response.

  "Jinxed it," he said.

  As if the universe had been listening to him, a portal flashed to life in front of the train. It (she?) let out a whistle and drove into.

  Nathan felt something from behind himself and jumped to the side. A split-second later, a portal flashed into existence where he'd been standing and the train went directly through the air and into another portal.

  "I'm sorry, did the train say it was a she?" Mara said.

  Nathan cast a dirty look at her. "The system description did, yes, but we probably have bigger things to worry about."

  "No, no, this is very important—"

  The train appeared for a second time, directly behind him and Nathan felt his stomach nearly leave his chest. He jumped again to the right.

  He screeched. "Why is it only targeting me!?"

  Chad ran up and slashed at the iron exterior, only for his sword to bounce off with a loud clang.

  "It said it hates people who derail the story!" Chad shouted. "Maybe that has something to do with it?!"

  Nathan gasped.

  Derail the story?

  Wasn't that what Nathan was trying to do by avoiding the key?!

  Shit! The consequences of my own actions strike again!

  The train reappeared at the end of the hallway. It then struck Nathan that this was all remarkably similar to a certain event involving a giant magic worm.

  Wait, I remember how I killed that thing!

  Nathan held out his hand and a portal weaved itself in front of him. The train chugged forward. First slow, then faster, then faster, until it was bearing down at them, feet away—!

  It disappeared into thin air.

  Nathan let out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding.

  Then it reappeared in front of them.

  Nathan tossed himself to the wall and the iron shaved his cheeks.

  It flew past all of them. Chad took several loud, deep gasps.

  "Bro, this is not—" he gulped. "—how I remember Thomas!"

  Nathan chewed his lips.

  It's trying to take me out for avoiding the quest, so maybe if I just…

  Nathan focused as hard as he could. In that moment, all he wanted was the key. He wanted to get that key and get to the next circle and—

  "Nathan, move!"

  Nathan ducked down. The Plot Railer clipped his hair. Loud clinks echoed just after the sound of loud booms.

  "It all just bounces off!" Mara shouted.

  "Of course it does, it's a freaking train!" Chad said.

  Emi launched a ball of fire at the back of the chassis. "What is a train?!"

  Nathan wasn't sure how to explain a train to an elf girl from another world, so he didn't even try.

  Okay, so wishing for the key doesn't work. Unless we had a hypnotist, there's no way it would… although I'm ignoring the fact that hypnotism doesn't really work like that—

  Nathan was losing focus. Priorities.

  Last time they'd fought a mechanical being, the way to beat it had been by gunking up its insides. The problem was the metal chassis. It looked pretty well contained. If Nathan wanted to get into the heart of the thing, he'd have to climb in on the back or something.

  Wait.

  He should just try that.

  The plot railer appeared at the end of the hall.

  Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

  "Lily," he whispered into his shoulder. "Think you can do me a favor?"

  Lily pulsed on his shoulder. "Yes?"

  "Slow it down. Wrap up it's wheels."

  "What's a wheel?"

  "The spinny thing at the bottom."

  Lily paused for a moment. "Understood."

  Her vines unwrapped from his arm in that chilling, unfamiliar way before she crawled down to the ground and disappeared into the brick floor.

  The train chugged forward, but this time it was slower. Noticibly so. Around the wheels, a vast ocean of green had sprouted up and consumed the metal.

  Nathan ran forward. He couldn't afford to waste any of the time Lily was buying for him.

  The train broke free of the vines rushed forward.

  Nathan pressed himself to the wall. The train came forward. Nathan threw himself onto the back of the caboose.

  He wheezed for air, then wiped the sweat off his forehead.

  In front of him, a door. One of those fancy sliding ones. He opened it up with a loud slam.

  Inside there was a boiler ablaze with coals and absolutely no one manning the station or shoveling it in.

  Nathan reached out toward the boiler.

  Hot!

  He pulled back. Yeah, not a smart idea… though he'd think with his Constitution as high as it was, he'd be more or less invincible against these sorts of things. Instead, he'd nearly fried his fingers and turned them into sausages.

  Must be the high level of this thing.

  The train jerked forward. Nathan caught himself by grabbing onto a rail behind him.

  He held out his hand toward the coals. Water appeared and slammed into the coals—only to evaporate as soon as it touched the coals.

  Nathan stuck out his tongue and conjured a little bit more water. It flew directly into the coals only to meet with the same result.

  "Well, shit," he said.

  For this next big idea, he ripped the rail off the side of the wall. He went around the edge of the boiler then lined it up the rail like a baseball bat.

  He swung at the vent above the boiler.

  The rail hit the metal vent exterior with a deafening clange. Shokwaves traveled up the rail and into Nathan's arm and chest like some kind of twisted version of a rock concert.

  He dropped the rail and it fell to the ground.

  Nathan was pretty sure he was really, really strong. To see that he hadn't made so much as a dent was kind of staggering.

  There has to be someting I'm missing, some other way to kill a fire—

  Kill a fire?

  A fire needed three things, right?

  Fuel. Heat…

  And oxygen!

  Nathan pulled water out of the air. But rather than try to douse the flames, he wrapped the water around the coals.

  He focused as hard as he could, his plan was to make sure there wasn't even the tiniest gap. Without air—without oxygen—the fire would die.

  He finished his water blanket and waited.

  The fire dimmed… then it grew brighter?

  The water from the inside evaporated. Nathan compensated, adding more and more water, but it was a losing battle. He could feel the room building to an uncomfortable swelter. Sweat dripped down his forehead in great dollops, forcing him to stop and rub his forehead.

  Finally, he let the water disappear and evaporate. The fire burned bright before it diminished down to it's more normal state.

  If only I had some way to get the coals out.

  Wait.

  It can't be that easy… right?

  Nathan was going to die of laughter if this actually worked.

  He held out his hand and activated [Astral Fishing].

  The familliar wavy lines of the air indicated its activation. A second later, the coals fell through the floor and into the far reaches of another dimension.

  Nathan felt his rift in space shut without his consent.

  The coals dripped from above where he had his rift and back into the location they used to be.

  Okay, that's a misison fail.

  At this point, Nathan was feeling kind of confused and unsure. What even was he supposed to do here?

  "Maybe if I just go slower?"

  Nathan pulled out his fishing rod. He wound it back up and flicked it forward.

  The hook tumbled through the air and hit the bundle of coals. One went flying straight back toward Nathan.

  His heartrate shot up.

  He grabbed it for a split second—ow, ow, ow—then tossed it into his inventory.

  He kissed his sore fingers, then look back over at his inventory window.

  The coals were still there.

  Could I just put them in, one at a time?

  Nathan tossed his hook out again. Then reeled it back in. Eventually, he figured out how to minimize finger contact and almost glide the coals into his inventory.

  The train rumbled. The heat from the remaining coals grew hotter.

  "You don't scare me!" Nathan shouted. "You know how many toy trains I had as a kid? Like, a ton!"

  The coals grew even hotter. The walls were bathed in a blood red. The metal of the boiler was glowing yellow.

  Nathan's lungs burned. He pushed past the pain. Coal after coal after coal went into his inventory. The train sputtered, then slowed, then—

  [You have leveled up!]

  [You have leveled up!]

  [You have leveled up!]

  Nathan stared at the now dark boiler.

  "Well, that was horrible," he said.

  When Nathan stepped out, he was greeted by the charred faces of his friends.

  Mara was covered in soot and ash from head to toe. Chad's hands were completely blackened. Emi, meanwhile, was more nasty in that Hollywood way where they didn't actually look all that bad.

  Damned elven genes, Nathan thought. I bet she doesn't deal with bed hair, either.

  He felt Lily crawl back onto his arm. He smiled briefly before it disappeared.

  "What did you guys do?" Nathan said.

  "Well," Mara coughed into her hand. "Chad thought that we could blow up the inside by preventing it from releasing steam."

  "Wait, but I was inside."

  "Yeah, but you would've survived," Mara said.

  "There was literally no guarantee of that at all!"

  Bjorn nodded solemnly at Nathan. "If you'd died, it would've been a glorious death, worthy of your title as a great hero."

  When exactly did I become a great hero?

  Nathan tried not to think about it for too long.

  He looked in a random direction. "Which way do we go?"

  Please give the wrong answer, please give the wrong answer, please give the wrong answer—

  "Don't worry, chat remembers," Chad said. "It's just this way."

  Damn it.

  Nathan gave a brittle smile. "Right then, let's get going.

  It was only a few minutes before they came to a wide open room with a pillar in the center.

  A key on top of the pillar.

  Nathan was going to cry.

  "Oh sweet, we made it in record time," Chad said. "Someone clip this."

  "Hold on," Mara pointed over at the pillar. "Look at the sign."

  Nathan turned and looked at it.

  [The Key of Mildly Inconvenient Bullshit]

  Sorry Mario, but your princess is in another castle. Try again?

  Nathan did a slow blink.

  What exactly was he looking at, here?