I never had a birthday party as Joan. We just had a feast for our name day, and mine was for Saint John. I remembered the spread for my first name day celebration since I became Joan: sausage, cheese, some watered-down wine to wash it down, and most important of all, soft bread.

  It wasn’t much compared to modern day meals, but I had been subsisting on months of hard bread and gruel by then and devoured it all with tears in my eyes. I didn’t even know enough to understand what name day meant.

  They had been so patient with me, this useless daughter that had become completely alien overnight. I could barely speak, and fumbled with the crude utensils. Yet, Maman would cut the meat for me, and Papa would hand me the last bit of soft bread. From their eyes I could tell they’d take care of me even if I stayed that way forever.

  It’d be easier if it was just a game.

  The spread of food on tables before me now would have been stupéfiant to my French parents; it would have been mind-blowing, even to Steve.

  Meridol carried me past stacked trays of cupcakes topped with spiral cream and fruits. A roast bird with crisp skin laid on its back with its succulent drumsticks sticking up. A large fish, propped up as if it were jumping out of the water, had its side cut open to reveal slices of raw meat. And alongside each display, was a rich variety of cheese and meat thrown in almost as an afterthought.

  This wasn’t even the main meal. I could see servants setting up a long table on the other end of the massive hall that we were in.

  The drone of idle chatter that had submerged the room when we first entered, died down when Meridol set me down on a long strip of red cloth leading up to a set of three chairs, the middle of which was occupied by The Duke in a grey suit with gold buttons, his blue hair standing out as always.

  In the now quiet hall, all eyes converged on me. All eyes except for his.

  Even Ben, fidgeting in the seat to The Duke’s right with a blue shirt that matched his hair, still snuck peeks over at me.

  The maids had picked a dazzling dress for me, pale snow-blue with a sheer translucent netting, under which was a dust of sparkling silver. It surely accentuated the highlights of my metallic blue hair and covered for the steel sheen of my inhuman skin.

  I lifted my gaze to Meridol and she nodded to me.

  She had explained to me that my mother was supposed to walk with me down the walkway and present me to my father. Usually, most one year olds would need help, but it was a source of pride for parents if their child could do it on their own.

  “I do not know if His Grace would find compassion or revulsion in either of the paths you take. So I will leave the choice to you,” Meridol had said as she made the final adjustments to my dress, my hair and even the bracelet on my wrist. “I will be with you regardless.”

  I debated even up to this final moment whether I should walk by myself or reach for Meridol for help. But then that image from the screen appeared from my memory asking me to enter my name. I was standing once again at the gates of Orléans, declaring who I was. It’s not in me to be anything but prideful, and full of hubris.

  My velvet slippered feet stepped forward in a straight line, my shoulders balanced, my eyes staring steadily ahead at him, even if his won’t meet mine.

  A murmur cascaded through the crowd. Gasps, shocked gazes shot at me as I walked with Meridol beside me. We stopped before their seats, and I dipped into a formal curtsey, lowering my head.

  “Fa… th… er..” I made sure to properly pronounce each syllable of the word.

  A long silence followed, for which I held my head lowered.

  He stirred. The voice that had last screamed so wretchedly a year ago finally spoke. “Today, we celebrate the birth of a wonderful daughter who now comes to us in my wife’s stead. Everyone just now saw how brilliant she was, and hence we are having this wonderful feast in their honor. Thank you guests who have come from afar, please enjoy.”

  In the end, he didn’t even say a word to me. When I lifted my head, he was already gone.

  I seethed, and Ben shrank back when he caught my glare along with everyone else in the front row.

  This must be what being a villainess is.

  —

  I wanted to leave right away, but Meridol wouldn’t let me. Apparently, I had to receive my gifts from all the guests who came to see me.

  The first to approach us was the Crown Prince, Anthony, and his mother, Queen Sarsee.

  Anthony, who looked to be around Ben’s age, had mossy green hair and golden eyes. He was dressed impeccably in a black vest and pants, and held a rectangular box object that was wrapped in colorful silk cloth.

  “Ah, Lady Meridol. I’m happy to see you’ve found footing in Bloomcrest, and are finally free from the taint of your old house,” Sarsee commented without meeting Meridol’s eyes.

  The dark lines of anger etched over Meridol’s face were subtle, but I saw it. “Thank Your Majesty. I’m here to serve.”

  The queen fanned herself with a small fan while looking down at me. “You did a great job with this one. That was quite the show. How very unfortunate she doesn’t have the support, else…” She tilted her head as she observed my face.

  My glare sent her back as well. I don’t want to marry your stupid kid anyways.

  I turned back to the boy who was looking at me with wide eyes.

  “What book?” I demanded, pointing my little finger at the present in his hand.

  He stumbled back a step, his bewildered eyes darting back and forth between his mother and me.

  “It’s… it’s the tale of Saintess Fray and the Black Dragon,” he stuttered.

  “Magic cast or No!” I knew I was making a scene, and behaving childishly, but there was part of me that just wanted to scream out. I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

  I was in a foul mood.

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

  The gentle music of the quartet in the corner faltered for a beat. Gasps, like the rustling of dry leaves, rippled through the nearby guests.

  Queen Sarsee’s fan snapped shut with a sharp clack. Her caramel eyes shining hard like polished amber narrowed on me. “Well,” she said, her voice dangerously sweet, “it seems the taint might’ve lingered. Is it spreading?”

  Before I could retort, Meridol’s hand was a vise on my shoulder. “My deepest apologies, Your Majesty. She is… overwhelmed by the occasion.” Her voice was tight, a strained cord about to snap.

  But the boy, Anthony, didn't look offended. He just looked… surprised. He held up the silk-wrapped book for protection, but as he peeked around it his eyes held something I couldn't name. Curiosity?

  He lowered the book and took a small, hesitant step forward, ignoring his mother’s sharp intake of breath. His finger, only slightly less stubby than mine, pointed to the bracelet on my wrist. “You’ve a hero’s bracelet,” he whispered in a hushed, nearly reverent tone.

  My glare held. I wanted to cackle and throw it back at his cheeky face, but out leaked a bitter, hollow sound. “No hero.”

  Wait ‘til you find out what I really am… and what I had done.

  He just stood there, rooted in place, my purple reflected in the yellows of his eyes. A strange bar started blinking over his head. His hand reached for my face.

  SMACK!

  I swatted it away.

  “Anthony!” the Queen hissed, yanking the boy behind her. Her hard eyes were set ablaze. “How dare you touch him?! Guards!”

  The room instantly froze. Notes from the quartet came to a screeching halt. The dancing and chatter stopped. Our house guards who outnumbered the royal guard stood facing them with awkward tension.

  Anthony pulled at his mother’s arm. “No mother. It’s my fault…” He glanced about the silent room and his voice rang out in panic. “I choose her!”

  The Queen immediately swung toward him, shrieking, “No! Definitely not!”

  At the same time Meridol shoved me behind her, shielding me from sight.

  “What’s going on here? Did my niece somehow trouble you, Your Majesty?” Winthrop’s calm collected voice cut through the crowd. He appeared, walking stately in a fine doublet with a wide collar, but I could tell from the heaving of his chest that he had run here. “Please, do forgive her, as she only just turned one.”

  “Yes, these children say the darndest things,” Sarsee said, looking obviously flustered. “Let’s forget these words were said.”

  She placed a finger sharply to her lips just as Anthony was about to protest.

  “Certainly, Your Majesty,” Winthrop said with a sweeping bow. “Please,” he continued, guiding them away with a gesture, “perhaps the Prince would enjoy some of the other refreshments we have to offer.”

  —

  Winthrop returned after we had received the rest of the guests. I plastered on a smile and bore through it because of how upset Meridol was with me. She wouldn’t even look at me.

  Winthrop knelt before me, smiling as he patted my head. “Everything is settled now, My Lady. There is no need to worry.”

  I stared blankly at him.

  I wasn’t worried at all, plus he hadn’t come to see me in all this time either.

  “But I must say, that prince was really taken by you. He kept pestering me with questions about you.”

  When I didn’t respond, he nodded to himself.

  “I see… Well, you do look breathtaking today.” He held out his hand and there were a few balls wrapped in wax paper on it. “Would you like some candy or I can go grab some of those cupcakes there?”

  “She still hasn't taken to solids yet.” Meridol said from above.

  Winthrop winced and patted my head as he slowly stood up beside her. “Not happy with me either, it seems.”

  “When will he stop shutting her out? She can’t last like this.” Meridol whispered up against him, but my ears could pick out every word.

  Winthrop smiled down at me, waving his hand, then he turned back to Meridol. “Today was not a good day for it.”

  —

  When I got back to my room, the maids were buzzing with questions. Even Beatrice was in on the act.

  “I heard My Lady was dazzling out there. That she was gliding like an ethereal faery!”

  “Did the Crown Prince and the Queen get enchanted by her?”

  “Did the Crown Prince really propose to My Lady?!”

  Meridol was having none of it. “She insulted the Crown Prince, and nearly got taken away by the royal guards.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Always trouble with you, isn’t it?”

  My sullen expression and Meridol’s dangerous eyes made all the maids go silent.

  After they helped me out of my dress, I was given a bath and then left alone in the room with Meridol and Beatrice.

  Meridol threw on a long black jacket. “I’m going to the House Cemetery,” she announced to Beatrice.

  Then she snapped toward me. “Do you wish to come?”

  I didn’t even have to ask where she was going. It was my birthday afterall.

  I nodded.

  Beatrice got up to follow us, but Meridol bade her to stay. “We need a private moment.”

  It was night, with a lone pale moon in the dark sky and no clouds. Just a few stars blinking here and there.

  Meridol carried me in her arms past the dark outlines of gravestones. We arrived at a small stone mausoleum, and inside was her sarcophagus. I recognized her face in the carving, the shape of her nose, and her eyes even if her bright blues weren’t there.

  “Hello Priscilla, here’s your daughter, Josephine.”

  She slowly lowered me to the ground. “Josephine, why don’t you say hi to your mother.”

  Her hands nudged me forward. “Go on… go to her.”

  My feet edged forward until my hands were planted against the cold stone.

  This wasn’t her.

  She was beautiful. She had bright sapphire eyes. Her smile was radiant. Her arms were warm…

  And she loved me.

  “Why!” I screamed.

  My fists struck the unyielding stone and pain reverberated back as a wail rose from the depths of me.

  Why do you have to torture me with the knowledge that she existed?!

  Why do you have to taunt me with what I could’ve had?!

  I realized what I should’ve already known.

  That I had held on to the soul of that child and selfishly kept her with me.

  I had forced her to endure seeing me kill the mother she could never have.

  And watch as I live the life that should be hers.

  It was her that has been boiling up from inside me today.

  I stepped back, letting her pound my fist until it was bloody against the tomb and screamed until my throat was raw.

  She deserved some time on the surface.

  I knew that she couldn't last long for her soul wasn’t complete.

  Meridol grabbed my wrists to stop her from punching the stone.

  The girl looked up into Meridol’s black eyes and I knew what she was going to say because she was a part of me.

  I didn’t stop her, because even though I wanted to live life to the fullest here, I didn’t mind if it ended.

  I had lived enough lifetimes, and I had dragged her into this for no reason other than comfort.

  She thumped my bloody hand against my chest. “Evil… Kill me,” she croaked, pleading desperately.

  I had willfully ignored it, but I knew what the “Soul Points: 24/100” in my stat display meant.

  The soul that I had siphoned from the mother who loved me was fading.

  And I would kill again.

  Deep down, we both knew the [Dark Binding] meant we were destined to bring death to her people.

  She receded and I closed my eyes, waiting for the end.

  It never came.

  A warm breath caressed my cheek, then arms wrapped around me as I was lifted into the air. Meridol’s voice snaked into my ear, broken and trembling.

  “I can’t…”