Thanks to someone’s subtle concern, I managed to recover my composure and quietly slipped back into the gym.

  Though I felt a few brief glances in my direction, I pretended not to notice and returned to my original spot, handing my jacket back to Si-hyun, who was waiting there.

  "You’re late."

  "Yeah."

  "Shall we continue?"

  "No."

  "Alright, I’ll head out first."

  I actually felt relieved when Si-hyun left. Because I didn’t know how to keep a proper distance, I’d caused misunderstandings, and now I really needed some space from him. I could handle being criticized myself, but I didn’t want to drag my best friend into it.

  Even though there was plenty of training time left, I stayed in a corner and kept to myself, afraid of drawing attention with any big movements.

  When training ended, the ride home that day was unusually quiet. Or rather, I made it that way.

  Si-hyun tried to start a conversation a few times, worried about me, but I ignored him or gave vague replies. Eventually, he gave up.

  As the car stopped in front of my house and I prepared to get out, Si-hyun suddenly spoke up.

  "Did something happen?"

  I wished he were a little less perceptive... Sharp as ever, Si-hyun seemed to have noticed I’d been off since returning from the gym restroom.

  "It’s nothing. Sorry for worrying you."

  Normally, I would’ve confided in Si-hyun, but this time I couldn’t. It was too awkward to bring up, and I didn’t want to risk another misunderstanding.

  "Well... see you tomorrow."

  When I got out, I caught a glimpse of Si-hyun’s worried expression but couldn’t bring myself to address it.

  As soon as I got home, I checked for a delivery, but it hadn’t arrived yet. A search on my phone only showed "preparing for delivery."

  My mom wasn’t home, so I went online to look up things women should know. But I couldn’t find anything useful, I really should’ve paid more attention when Mom explained it all.

  Still, just being home lifted my gloomy mood.

  Home really is the best. No one watching, no one judging.

  As the depression faded, a different feeling took its place. A subtle discomfort... an impulse I’d known as a man, something people call lust.

  Back when I was male and my lust ran high, I’d take care of it myself.

  But this body is female now, isn’t it?

  Gulp.

  I swallowed hard. In the three weeks since I’d become a woman, I’d never once touched myself for pleasure.

  I’d gotten wet reading erotic stories, but I’d never actually tried it.

  The ethical dilemma of whether a woman should masturbate was quickly crushed by a stronger curiosity, what would it feel like for a woman?

  After all that mental debate, the answer was obvious.

  In the end, I gave in to lust. Sure, curiosity played a part, but the sudden urge was just too strong to ignore.

  The knowledge I’d picked up from videos and novels about female masturbation finally came in handy.

  My mind made up, I lay down on the bed and slowly lifted my shirt.

  I started with my breasts. When my palms cupped the softness, I felt their plianess.

  But that was it.. nothing like the novels that claimed "just touching them feels good." Only when my fingers brushed against my nipples did a strange, tingling sensation begin to surface.

  "Mmph..."

  While continuing to tease my nipples until they tingled and swelled, my left hand began creeping toward my waistband.

  After hesitating between "reaching into my panties" and "touching over the fabric," I timidly chose to rub my crotch over my underwear.

  A pleasure completely different from playing with my nipples instantly swept through my body. As the fabric rubbed against me, my body quickly grew hot.

  My right fingertips pinched my nipple while my left hand kept rubbing the triangular area, building waves of satisfying pleasure.

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  "Haah... ah... mmh!"

  Unlike the pleasure I'd experienced as a male, these sensations came in overwhelming waves.

  Lost in the pleasure spreading through my body, I repeated the motions seeking stronger stimulation.

  Just as I was about to reach the peak-

  The sound of the door bursting open froze me in a humiliating pose.

  Lost in lust, I had no time to straighten my disheveled clothes, let alone pull my hand out of my pants.

  The person who barged in was, in this unfortunate situation, the least bad option... not my parents, but my brother.

  "Whoa, sorry!"

  My brother smoothly executed an escape combo: "enter → turn around → close door."

  "Ah... aah... damn it!!!"

  Fuck! I've been caught.

  The shame and frustration of being interrupted were secondary, what filled my heart right now was burning rage.

  I forced myself to stop, not that I could continue in this situation anyway. After hastily straightening my clothes and wiping my left hand with a wet wipe, I rushed to my brother's room.

  But when I tried the doorknob, I found it locked.

  "Hey! Hey!! Open up!!!"

  "Ah~ I don't know, I don't know. I didn't see anything."

  "Goddamn it!! Why didn't you knock before coming in!!"

  I pounded on the door with my fists, but my brother never came out.

  "Ah, I get it~ You're curious about a girl's body, right? I'll delete the memory. Yeah, I didn't see anything."

  Argh!! Damn! Damn!!! Hearing my brother say that, my shame now overwhelmed my anger.

  Since he's someone I can't overpower physically, I had no choice but to give up and declare:

  "Don't tell Mom."

  "Okay, okay~"

  Listening to his dismissive response, my emotions churned violently but there was nothing I could do. Pushing further would only make things worse for me, and questioning him wouldn't change anything.

  By the time I returned to my room, my emotions had completely settled.

  The lust that had been churning inside me, the restlessness I'd been trying to relieve through masturbation, all of it was gone. In its place came overwhelming shame, regret, humiliation, and embarrassment.

  "Ugh......"

  Curling up on my bed, I pressed my forehead against my knees.

  Is being caught masturbating by family really this shameful?

  Why can't I control my lust!

  They say curiosity killed the cat, and now I'm living that consequence.

  After wallowing in self-loathing for half an hour, I reached a conclusion: I'll pretend it never happened.

  I've never masturbated, my brother never caught me, I just got home a little while ago.

  Nothing happened, nothing happened, nothing happened.

  "Haa.. "

  I took a deep breath and stood up again.

  What good would come from drowning in negative emotions?

  I started moving my body, trying to think positively.

  I saw my brother again at dinner, but he didn't say anything. Whether he intended to keep his promise or was saving this to tease me later, I felt temporarily relieved.

  After dinner, I decided to take a bath to relieve my physical fatigue.

  Once ready, I immediately stepped into the bathtub. As my body sank into the warm water, I completely relaxed.

  "Haaah......"

  Today was just the worst.

  Even though it was all my own fault, it really was the most terrible day.

  Unpleasant memories kept surfacing, and my mood began to sink again.

  The more depressed I felt, the more my lust came rushing back. To calm this impulse, I splashed my face with water from the bathtub.

  But trying to forget by washing my face was useless. Those memories lingered, and eventually my lust boiled up again.

  "Damn it."

  When lust surged, of course the thought that came to mind was masturbation. Was it because I hadn't gotten enough earlier when I was interrupted? While wallowing in self-loathing, it was fine, but once I calmed down, the biggest regret was not finishing. Even though I felt pathetic, the answer was clear.

  "Then why not just continue?"

  Right. I had locked the door before entering the bathroom. That meant no one could disturb me, right?

  Once the desire and sexual urge emerged, they could no longer be suppressed.

  And so, masturbation in the bathtub began. Since no one would interrupt, I leisurely started by pinching both nipples. Perhaps because I still remembered the pleasure from earlier, arousal quickly ignited.

  "Haaah......"

  Maybe because I was soaking in warm water, the excitement came unusually fast. My hands, which had been pinching my nipples, gradually slid down to my labia. While slowly stroking with both hands, I didn't forget to stimulate the key female spot, the clitoris.

  When I started rubbing my clitoris, an intense pleasure unlike anything before instantly overwhelmed me.

  "Mmmnh... Ah, ah!"

  This sensation, completely different from stroking my nipples or labia, spread rapidly. To get more pleasure, I increased the stimulation.

  Once immersed in the act, I couldn't stop. My brain greedily absorbed the resulting ecstasy.

  "Ah... Mmm... Haaah......"

  So intense that I didn't even notice the lewd sounds I was making, I finally experienced my first orgasm as a woman.

  "Mmm... Haaaah, mmm"

  The climax, accompanied by slight trembling, was intoxicating.

  Though not as explosive as the male kind, the lingering afterglow and prolonged satisfaction left me feeling warm and lazily content.

  After savoring it for a few minutes in the bathtub, when my lust subsided and reason returned, shame still consumed me.

  Not only had I failed to control my lust and masturbated again, but what was even more shameful was that I had actually enjoyed the afterglow. Was this something someone who was recently a man should be doing?

  "Sigh......"

  But I'm a girl now. I have to learn to accept it. Didn't I just realize today that I can no longer live like a man?

  Still, thanks to masturbating, the earlier negative emotions and depression had faded a bit, and I actually felt more at ease.

  Moreover, I realized it's better to avoid masturbating as much as possible. Although it felt good, if I kept doing it, the former man in me might completely disappear, and I'd end up accepting without resistance that I've become a girl, a future where I live as a woman being pinned down by a man. Thinking that, I made up my mind.

  I should try not to masturbate anymore.

  When I came out after my bath, I ran into Oppa at the bathroom door, holding a drink and heading back to his room.

  "So, did you have fun playing in the bathroom?"

  ...?

  "What do you mean?"

  "What else could it mean? I'm asking if you enjoyed your happy time."

  ...What? How does he know?

  I fought to keep my expression from crumbling.

  "I-I have no idea what you're talking about?"

  "Let's just leave it at that then."

  After saying this, Oppa walked into his room, swirling his drink in hand.

  The more I thought about it, the more confused I became. I spent the entire walk back to my room worrying.

  What did Oppa mean by that?

  Did he hear something? Or was he just guessing?

  Was he testing me?

  Did I handle it properly?

  Damn it, I can't figure it out at all.

  Even after racking my brain, I couldn't find an answer, and my worries only grew deeper.

  I stayed awake worrying until dawn, finally reaching one conclusion:

  Today was just a fucking unlucky day, truly the worst day of my life. I swear I'll be more careful to never let this happen again.

  -

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