Feargus

  Since returning to Amalia, I’d been itching to see Derek, but instead, I was at the Drop, watching Michael and Rhian stumble out of the bunkhouse confused. They didn’t have anything much to say to one another initially. Maybe because if they verbalized what they’d seen at the schoolhouse, then they’d have to explain it. They also may not have wanted to be overheard. Whatever the case, I watched them disappear into the Administrator’s outpost, long enough to file the report to Councilwoman Faust about the Partisan bones they’d found. Their aim was to get them retrieved and properly buried.

  After that, they set out out to Oskari on foot so they could talk, and while I didn’t plan on following them all the way back to Oskari, especially at Michael’s pace, I wanted to hear what they had to say about their experience with the Barman.

  “So, that was weird, right?” Michael said finally.

  “Faster than any Barren I’ve ever seen,” Rhian replied.

  “Stronger, too,” Michael added.

  “So, what, then? Some kind of Super Barren?”

  “Super Barren?” he asked.

  “I don’t bloody know, mate. Sounded all right in my head.”

  Rhian stopped to pick up a rock, she tossed it around for a minute, and then she chucked it over some trees. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Do you think there are others?” Michael asked.

  “Reckon the man who saved our lives—he was fast and strong, too. But Michael, this explains everything.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, that Barman was a bit unhinged, wasn’t he? That’s a lot of power for one person to have, isn’t it? If there are more of these Super Barrens, maybe some are a bit loony. Maybe it was a Super Barren who toyed with mine and Gus’s heads.”

  I couldn’t have been more proud, mates.

  “I guess that makes sense, as far as anything that includes the term Super Barren does, anyway. It’s strange, though. I grew up in Amalia, I’ve never even—”

  “Aye, but Leberecht is a bit different, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  I got what I needed from their chat. They were savvy to the existence of the Anima, what they were capable of, the idea that there may be more, and that they were most likely involved in the situation in Oskari. Moving along.

  After leaving Rhian and Michael, I ran to the estate to update Faust on their progress. Alexander had already briefed her on what had happened at the schoolhouse, though from what I could gather, he’d left out one glaring detail: Everleigh Gloom. So, Alexander was mad at her but still protecting her. At some point, I’d have to sit those two down so they could work out their problems.

  Faust was pleased with the progress.

  I drank a Pig, and I left.

  Obligatory Strauss Check-In:

  - Sat in his room looking sad, flipping through the pages of his book sadly.

  - WHY, STRAUSS? You both were so happy.

  Obligatory Ivana Check-In:

  - “Cookies.”

  - Lunch.

  - Sleep.

  Things I Missed While I Was Asleep:

  - Helena Varis arriving.

  - Rhian and Michael waking up in bed together.

  - Rhian leaving town to go for a run.

  - Lidia capitalising on that so she could creep on Strauss.

  - Michael explaining to Strauss what happened at the schoolhouse.

  I woke up from my sleep to V hovering over me. A little while back, she’d set up a cot in the office so I had somewhere nicer than a corner on the floor. I yawned and asked her in for a kiss. She was happy to oblige, and then she said, “There’s been some drama.”

  And that’s when I learned about Varis’s arrival and the misunderstanding upstairs.

  Things were already so awkward between Rhian and Strauss, but there was no way he actually believed she’d slept with Michael, was there?

  “That’s Lidia for you,” Ivana explained. “She’ll try to weaken them, their relationships with the locals, with each other. And she really can’t resist having a flirt with a priest.”

  “Do you know where everyone is now?”

  “That Michael guy is upstairs in his room with that warrior woman. They were fighting, but I think now they might be fucking.”

  Business as usual, then.

  “Andrei’s probably at the church.”

  “Way to bury the lead, V.”

  “Right—you want to know where Rhian is. I overheard that Michael guy say she might have gone for a run.”

  I couldn’t find Rhian initially, so I made for Jaska and commissioned a replacement lock for my new cabin. But on the way back to Oskari, I spotted a flash of something red in a tree in the distance. Hint: it wasn’t a bird.

  Rhian scooted over on the branch, and I climbed to join her. She smiled and laid her head against my shoulder, and I smiled and laid my head against her head. She held her flask in her hands, idly loosening the cap and tightening it again.

  “So, we did it, and now he won’t talk to me.”

  “First of all, I know you did. That was the most excruciating embark trip of my life, but good for you. Second of all, have you talked to him?”

  “Well, now he thinks I slept with Michael.”

  Surprise face. “What, why?”

  That’s when I got her explanation: that she and Michael returned from the Drop, went to bed in their own rooms, but then woke up together in Michael’s bed missing most of their clothes. It wouldn’t have been the first time they’d seen each other naked. Most Partisans weren’t really shy about that since we often had to bathe or change under rushed or cramped conditions. But still, poor Strauss, and poor Rhian.

  “I doubt he believes you did anything like that with Michael,” I said. “It doesn’t even make sense. You straddle Strauss in Delphia, come back to Amalia, and just randomly decide to straddle Michael, too? That’s something I’d do, not you.”

  Rhian chuckled. “True story.”

  “Just talk to him,” I continued. “He doesn’t know what to do, and between the two of you, you have a lot more experience with uncomfortable improv.”

  We unlinked our heads to share a few sips from the flask.

  “So what about you, then?” she asked. “How’s your lad?”

  “I’ve not seen him since we’ve been back.”

  “Why not?”

  “Busy.”

  It was a familiar few seconds of silence that always came after me bringing up my job while being unable to actually speak about my job. Rhian nodded for a while, hamming it up, but then, “Nope, I don’t buy it,” she said. “You’re never too busy for cookies.”

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  “The cookie’s one thing, but the talking’s another. And I—look, he doesn’t even know my name, and I can’t tell him much else.”

  “Aye, that’s rough,” she said. “But it’s worked for us, hasn’t it? And you’re not your name or your job. When you’re together, what’s it like? Who are you then?”

  “Just me, I guess.”

  “All right, so when you’re together, you’ve not been angling, or playing, or trying to hide, and he likes you, right?”

  “Aye, reckon so.”

  “All right, so nothing else really matters, does it?”

  “Right, I guess it doesn’t.”

  “Good, so here’s the deal: I’ll go talk to Strauss if you go talk to—”

  “Derek.”

  “Aye, I’ll talk to Strauss if you talk to Derek.”

  “Love you, Rhian.”

  “Love you, too, Gus.”

  It was mid-afternoon, and after leaving Rhian, I freshened up in the stream near my cabin, picked up my things, and headed over to the Tragers’. I knocked twice with the bronze heart, and Derek answered almost straightaway. He pulled me into a hug at the same time as he closed the door behind us. Seven seconds before we were kissing, ten before our hands were everywhere, eighteen seconds and he led me to the sitting room.

  Once there, we cuddled up on the couch and he asked me about my trip. Whether I’d had fun, and if the waters were calm. I asked about Della, who he said was out for the day, so I asked about Everleigh, and about how things had been going at the Jaskar.

  “She’s scary.” Derek mock-winced. “But Della loves her, and we’ll probably need her to be scary for us at some point. And she’s really protective of you, at least that’s the impression I got from that two minute, ‘Hurt him and die,’ stare she gave me.”

  “Lucky me inheriting a creepy doll of my very own.”

  A pause, and then, “Yeah, she does look like a creepy doll…”

  I laughed and nodded, pulling my bag on to my lap. “I’ve come bearing an assortment of smuggled goods. So, first thing’s first.” I reached into my bag, and retrieved a total of three books. I stacked them on the table in front of us. “Smutty books for Della.”

  “They barely print fiction around here anymore, let alone romance. She’s going to be so excited. Thanks, J—” a hesitation, and it seemed he felt badly for slipping, and then for not knowing what else to call me. “You,” he said. “Thanks, You.”

  “That’s better than being named after a pie.”

  He smiled, bemused, and I reckon I died for a second. “I’m sorry—a what?”

  “Pie. Like cherry, or blueberry.”

  “Okay, okay—uh, well, you’re definitely not cherry or blueberry. But you’re absolutely pumpkin. Ugh—you know, You, I used to love pie. Apple was my favourite.”

  “Aye, it’s mine, too.”

  We kissed over our shared pie preference, as more people really ought to do, and then I decided, “You’s all right. You can call me You.”

  “Then can I get You anything? We have an icebox full of leftovers from last night.”

  Leftover tiny party food was tempting, but, “Maybe in a bit, mate. Don’t want you going anywhere just yet, and besides, we still have—” I produced a ring box from my bag and popped it open. “New rings for my new favourite couple.”

  Over the years, both Della and Derek had lost their wedding rings someway or another, and getting them replaced was something they’d been meaning to do for the past century or so. Certain precious gems, like rubies, which were what they’d wanted, couldn’t be obtained in Amalia. I passed the box over to Derek who gave the jewelry a closer, appraising look before closing the box and kissing it.

  “They’re perfect, and you’re earning me so many points.”

  There were a few other things in the mix, small luxuries you couldn’t get in Amalia, like tobacco and fancy stationery for example. But I’d been saving the best for last, in my opinion. I pulled out a wooden box with a latch and opened it. Derek’s eyes went wide.

  “Is that Resonance?”

  “Aye.”

  Resonance was a flower that could only grow in Delphi climate. Dried, milled up, and smoked, it induced a state of euphoria, and heightened the pleasure senses.

  “Oh, we’re going to have so much fun, aren’t we?”

  I smirked. “Aye. Reckon Della will want to join us later?”

  “Later, oh yeah. But the Resonance is all ours. She doesn’t partake, and she’s been wanting us to spend some quality time alone together anyway.”

  I’d smuggled enough back to feed Derek’s business and for our pleasure, and I’d also picked up a pipe which we promptly filled.

  “Wait—You, if we’re doing this, we’re doing it properly. Hold on.”

  When Derek disappeared into the hallway, I laid back against the couch. I should have been heading back to Oskari, but what would I be missing, really? If I had to guess, Rhian and Strauss were having their awkward chat. And knowing how much Strauss liked words, it was probably only just beginning. Varis and Michael were probably still arguing or having sex. And, to be honest, mates, now they knew about the Anima, I was reasonably sure they could handle themselves for a day.

  Derek returned with a tray of tiny party food he wouldn’t be able to eat, but I would happily devour. He set it down on the table and motioned me to stand.

  “Boots off,” he said.

  I smiled, and we both took our boots off.

  “Shirts off,” he said.

  I wiggled, and we both took our shirts off.

  “Pants off,” he said.

  I laughed, and we both took our pants off.

  “Couch,” he said, and we sat.

  “Feet up,” he said, and we put our feet up on the table.

  “Pipe?”

  I passed the pipe.

  Derek lit the flower with his mind when he took a pull, and through a cloud of smoke he said, “Yeah, okay, now we’re ready.”

  We were still lounging around in our undies, and I was three crackers, two tiny meat skewers and six cheese squares into the fuzzy, vibrational sensation happening inside my body. Between snacking and smoking, we horsed around a bit here and there, and then we got to talking about Derek and Della’s life before they were turned.

  He confirmed that he was an Ambiance dealer in life, as well as a worker at the brothel where he met Della. She was a physician.

  “She wasn’t paying me for sex, but she liked my massages. She was otherwise always working, except to sleep and make our appointments. I looked forward to our time together because we always had such great conversation. And she’s beautiful, obviously.”

  Derek lit the pipe, passing it between us again.

  “So what happened then?”

  “Well, we were married quickly, which—yeah, her parents hated. We tried for children for years, but it just wasn’t meant to be. And then we were turned.”

  “Why?”

  “We asked to be.”

  I sat up a bit straighter, and so did Derek.

  “No joke?”

  “Nope, no joke. It’s no excuse, but we were naive. We saw the glamour, the benefits, but we hadn’t been exposed to the reality. That worked out okay for Della.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m only telling you this because she wants you to know, but—”

  “Don’t worry, mate.” I could keep a secret. Or twenty-five thousand of them.

  Derek nodded. “The thing is, Della can’t physically commit acts of violence—at all. She loves fiercely, she feeds off willing people who love her as much. She’s many, many wonderful things, but she has no counterweight. It’s rare, but it happens among us sometimes. The same way some of us can’t stop committing acts of violence.”

  We’d burned the pipe down by that point, so I stretched my legs across the couch and laid my head in Derek’s lap. He played with my hair, which was my favourite.

  “And what happened with you?” I asked.

  “What did Alexander tell you?” Derek’s wondered.

  “He said the pair of you would bring men into your bedroom, sleep with them, and kill them.”

  “The official story,” Derek replied. “We were both driven by our desires, we couldn’t stop seeking out what we enjoyed. But then I couldn’t stop killing them. It was just me. There are some Anima who don’t feel any remorse, but each time it happened, I spiralled. I hated myself, I hated the choice we made, but I love Della. She never gave up on me.”

  “How long has it been since?” I asked.

  “Three hundred and twelve years.”

  It all happened so quickly, but one minute I was laying comfortably in his lap, and the next he had me flat on the couch, hovering over me, his lips grazing mine. “Three hundred and twelve years until tonight,” he said. But I didn’t flinch. I smiled, and finally he laughed and showered my face with kisses.

  Fair play.

  We goofed off a while longer until…

  I looked to him straight on and said, “I’m here on a job to spy on my friends.”

  The relief of it all, folks.

  It wasn’t long before we were both sitting on the couch again, our feet up on the table, the pipe freshly filled and passed between us. Because once I started talking, I couldn’t stop. There were still many things I couldn't—wouldn’t—tell anyone, but I felt I could trust the Tragers with the basics. Even Everleigh Gloom trusted the Tragers.

  When I finished explaining, Derek just looked confused.

  “And you have to spy on your sister?” he clarified.

  “Spy, lie to her face, act like I don’t even know why I'm awake let alone why I’m in Amalia. I live for the charade, I love the charade, mate. But now I’m just actively trying to avoid the people I love so I don’t have to perform for them while they're already confused. Not to mention, I feel like I’m missing out on everything, even though I’m seeing everything.”

  “That’s all weird, right? Like, none of that sounds normal.”

  “Aye, it’s really weird.”

  "What can I do to make it easier for you?”

  “It just feels so good to talk to someone neutral about it, and—wait, actually, maybe there is something.” I turned in toward him. “Can you go invisible?”

  He turned in toward me. “Yeah.”

  “Derek, would you like to spy on my friends with me?”

  Derek held a thoughtful, increasingly playful gaze for a whole five seconds. “I’d fucking love to spy on your friends with you, You.”

  “It’s Gus,” I said. “My name is Feargus.”