There was no easy way to take the news that Michael had chosen to be wiped by the Trio. But even without having yet heard his reasons, there was a part of me that understood. There was a part of me that wished someone would erase the way I was feeling. Thing is, he hadn’t just chosen to forget the bad. He’d chosen to forget the good, too—including all of us. But that’s the thing about resilience. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel the pain. It just means you’re better at pushing through it, until suddenly you’re not.
An Interview With Michael Reider
“Thank you for sitting down with me again today, Michael.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“I know this isn’t an easy conversation, so we’ll take it slow. Let’s start at The Studio. What happened after you woke up?”
“Well, I was feeling incredibly hungry, but I was still feeling like myself. They saved my life. The Trio fed me, gave me everything I needed to feel comfortable in the room they’d set up for me. But there wasn’t much—there wasn’t anything, actually—that could make me feel better.”
“Just to clarify for the people, because of what happened with Helena?”
“Helena, no. Yeah, that was hard, but—no. You have to remember, I still thought you were dead. And when Helena told me Lidia killed Strauss and Rhian—I, what did I have left then? I’d done everything right, my whole life for Palisade. Only to what? To get sent straight into a nightmare none of us were prepared for? To lose all my friends?”
“Did you think she might be lying?”
“Yeah, I considered it. But it didn’t make sense to me at the time. We were bound, Helena and I. She knew I was going to stay with her, wherever she’d up being posted. I promised her that. Once Lidia was dealt with, we expected the others would be sent back to Palisade, and I wouldn’t be going with them. And if they were still around, I’d eventually find out. So why would she lie?”
“Helena Varis wanted to turn you, didn’t she? Did you consider she was trying to manipulate you into agreeing?”
“Yeah, I considered everything, Finlay. But if Helena wanted to turn me, really wanted to turn me, she didn’t need my permission or me thinking my friends were dead. She would just do it, which she did. Or at least, she tried. Now I know she was just… sadistic.”
“Thank you for clarifying.”
“Sure. So, I stayed a couple days at The Studio while I recovered, but—well, you know how it is. You never think you’re going to feel better. And honestly? I don’t know if I ever would have, if what Helena said actually turned out to be true. While I was there, I spent a lot of time talking with Avis about my experiences at Palisade, things I’d never told anyone before. We agreed none of what I’d had to see or do was normal. During one of our conversations, she asked me what I’d have chosen, what I’d want, if my life hadn’t been decided for me. I told her I didn’t care, that I just wanted to be with people I love. And that I wanted us all to be happy.”
“Is that when she offered to help you?”
“No, but we were able to relate. She’d lost the people she loved most once, too. All her friends in the troupe, her husband, Sebastian—she still didn’t remember Jakob at that time. Obviously, I had a lot of questions. She answered everything she could as honestly as she could, but as we know, her recollection of events was a little skewed. I asked her how she got through it, and she said she didn’t. That she never would have without help.”
“Avis still remembered Sebastian and her husband even though she believed one was self-isolating in another territory, and the other was just really, really late coming home. So why wouldn’t she have left you with the good memories of us and just temper the pain?”
“She gave me the option, and as much time as I needed to think about it. But I told her that I wanted to start over the way it should have been. I just wanted to go home.”
“Avis met Rhian when she dropped you off, so she knew she was alive, at least. Did she tell you that?”
“Not at first, but she confessed to me one day. She admitted that it was important I make decisions based on what I wanted, and not on what I felt was expected of me, or what I thought my friends might want, or Palisade, or anything else. So, I asked her what would happen if I went through with the procedure, and if I ran into you all some day? Because if you were alive, I had to figure eventually you’d find a way to come see how I was doing.”
“And?”
“She agreed that you’d come find me, and if we were all as connected as she believed we were, then it would all be inevitable.”
“Meaning?”
“That we’d all become friends again, anyway. But at least then I’d be the happy Michael and not the Michael who couldn’t stand himself anymore. The Trio gave me the chance to rewrite my own life, essentially. And when I found out Marta left home, knowing she’d probably never be able to come back, I knew what I had to do. I still had two siblings at home, and my parents were most likely relying on Marta’s income. Avis said she could get me in at the Iron Hand.”
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
“I’m sure the people really appreciate your candor in the matter, Michael. I know you’re worried about how they might judge you, but for what it’s worth: I get it, mate.”
“Yeah.”
“So, let’s go forward in time to the night at the base when Sebastian restored your memory of The Studio. Is it safe to assume Sebastian saw you make the choice and didn’t reveal it?”
“Yeah. It wasn’t his place to reveal, you can’t blame him for not violating my trust. Not only that, but the revelation came as a surprise to me, too. At that point I still didn’t remember my life, or any of you, so I was just finding out that the untampered version of me was in so much pain he chose to erase our life. It was a lot, so I lied a little.”
“Why wouldn’t you tell us? We could have been there for you, mate.”
“Yeah, I’m not answering that question from Feargus Finlay.”
“…Fair play.”
“Yeah.”
“One last question before we wrap things up today, Michael. When we recovered your storybook from The Trio, you ultimately chose to read the book. Why?”
“Because there’s that old, cheesy saying: you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, right? Well, it turns out that applies to everything.”
“Thanks, Michael.”
“Yeah.”
Other than telling me we were staying at the Mount Inn for the night, there was no talking while we walked the ramps around Leberecht. Faust waited until we were secure in my room, which she paid for and invited herself into, before saying anything.
Once we were locked in, she poured us each a drink of Hocks spirits from the bottle she bought at the bar, and we sat at the bay window—if you could call it that. The actual window was barely a slit in the stone.
“So,” she said, “Sebastian Vonsinfonie? Is it true?”
“Aye.”
“Explain?”
“Well,” I started, taking a healthy sip of my drink before continuing, “Sebastian Vonsinfonie is supposed to be in Delphia—where he’s been all these years. He made a pact with some powerful Anima, which I’m thinking now might be the Six. He agreed to stay away from Zacharias and Amalia in return for peace, and he made me promise I wouldn’t tell anyone he was back.”
“Delphia? I don’t follow.”
“So, it turns out, Vincent Delestade was Sebastian Vonsinfonie.”
“How is that possible?”
“He assumed the real Vincent’s name and story at some point after Vincent died by suicide. He’d gone crazy after experiencing Amalia.”
The Councilwoman knocked back her drink in one fell swoop, and poured herself another. “You were worried my knowing he was alive and in Amalia would put him in danger with the Six?”
“Aye, basically. Sebastian's a good person, like, really good. He doesn't deserve to be back in this life, but here he is.”
“I see,” Faust said. “I’m not so naive, Agent Finnegan, to think there wouldn’t be things you’d keep from us. But rest assured, we’ve put you in this position because we trust you to do the right thing with whatever information you do have, as you and Rhian have always done. Frankly, I wish The Writer had kept her mouth shut.”
“I’m not sure why she did that. As far as I know, they want to protect Sebastian, too. That’s why I—that’s why they scrambled my brain the first time I was there.”
“They what?”
“Well…”
Things I Decided To Tell Faust:
? About my former food-related problem.
? That The Writer and The Tinkerer were trying to help Avis by reuniting the brothers.
? That Avis was Zacharias’s wife.
? That Sebastian was Father Lemmon Pious.
? That Sebastian was the foxy fellow hanging in the salon.
? That Sebastian had a medical condition that made him look the way he does. Faust was familiar with this medical condition.
Things I Still Didn’t Tell Faust:
? That Rhian was pregnant.
? That my mates knew I was alive.
? That Alexander had been helping us the whole time.
? The Vonsinfonie/Anima/Partisan history.
? That Zacharias Vonsinfonie was my new best friend.
? Where Zacharias was living now.
? That Michael knew about Helena.
? Anything about Everleigh Gloom.
? Anything about the Tragers.
? Anything about Jakob Adler.
? Anything about how close I’d become with Captain Kavelin.
? That I was in love with Ivana Novak and quietly grieving.
? That V officially but unofficially left me the Widow’s Peak.
? That I’d been kidnapped by The Florist.
? Or that we all got kidnapped again.
“I think it’s time,” Faust said. And let me tell you: the woman could drink. We were a third the way through the bottle of Hocks and she was still talking relatively clearly.
“Time for bed?” I asked.
“Time to tell the others,” she answered. “We’ll leave in the morning—or afternoon. The Hocks haven’t hit me yet but I fear it will the minute I stand.”
I chuckled and hopped up from the window bench, offering her my hand.
She took it, and there it was: the wobble.
“What are we going to do about Michael?” I asked.
“Well, I may not have any control over the Trio, but I still command the Iron Hand. Let me think on it, and we’ll see what tomorrow brings, Agent Finnegan.”
With that, she left me with two thirds a bottle of Hocks, which I spent the rest of the night crying into until I was drunk enough to black out.