Perception

  ( Sunshine )

  Sunshine sat upon the lone chair in her room, facing the expansive window. She was leaning forward, her elbows propped upon knees, hands together, fingers interlocked and chin resting on extended thumbs.

  Her focus lay upon the charred, smouldering sugar patch that had once been Candy Town. She hadn't a single fond memory of the place. For years it had served as the theatre of her defeats. Even its demise was a smoke signal declaring her failure. And yet, she couldn't help but feel bitter now that it had been reduced to charcoal.

  Weak. Pathetic.

  "Weak. Pathetic," she whispered.

  She thought back to the wretched orphan who'd mocked her up in Rainbow City. 'You'll never, ever beat her', they'd said.

  The opinions of children didn't matter. Nor did Sunshine care about something as frivolous as her dwindling fanbase. No, what bothered her, especially now that Candy Town was gone, was the possibility of the boy being right.

  Again and again she replayed the morning's events in her head until she felt sick. Memories that made her teeth grind. She'd give anything to go back and take control of her trembling body. To force it to act. To perform the duty expected of her as a Fairy Princess. As firstborn. But what was done was done, and the attack would go down as yet another of her countless fuck ups.

  Weak. Pathetic.

  "Weak. Pathetic," she hissed.

  The others hadn't seen what she'd seen. They'd not recognised ichor as she had. It wasn't just some calamitous disaster, nor a sea of sorrowful souls. There was something deeper. A sadistic sentience that hungered for pain and misery. An unbelonging force that existed only to leech the world and all upon it barren.

  What's more, just as she had recognised it, it had recognised her in turn. Beholding the horrific will had made her vulnerable. It had felt like a flood of tiny fingers crawling through her sockets. A thousand hands that threatened to smother her every thought until nothing remained. An impossible cognisance beyond comprehension and compatibility that had only retreated with the ichor's banishment, leaving her with naught but confusing images.

  She'd encountered but the tip of an infinite iceberg, and yet it had felt like her skull was about to explode. It'd taken all she had to resist. To stop the ichor from doing to her mind what it did to Cutiehorn's arm. And yet...

  Weak. Pathetic.

  "Weak! Pathetic!" she growled.

  ...That was no excuse. She should've been prepared. She was supposed to be better. She was supposed to be stronger. She was firstborn. But when she'd finally come face to face with their great enemy, when she'd finally been given the chance to prove herself fit for purpose, she'd faltered.

  You failed. You fucked up. Completely. Utterly. As you always have. As you always will.

  Her focus shifted. For the briefest of moments, she caught sight of the ghost upon the glass. Twinned gold gazed back at her.

  "Weak!" she screamed.

  Sunshine jumped up from the chair and swung. A concave web of white fractures spread from her knuckles. The vast panes were peppered with such impacts. A dozen to her left. A dozen more to her right. If they hadn't been custom made from the same enchanted crystal as the faefire vials, they would've shattered from the first strike. Just as all the windows before had done.

  Don't forget pathetic...

  "...Pathetic," she sighed.

  From the moment Sunshine emerged, she'd been able to see magical energy. Not just the visible manifestations, but the residual traces that lingered in the air and stained the land. She could even see it pulsating within every fairy's core.

  At first she'd thought the size and intensity of these auras must equate to strength. After all, Mother's had once been so vast it filled entire rooms, whilst Cutiehorn's was the faintest of specks. But that rule didn't always hold true. Her own dwarfed most others within the sisterhood, yet she'd never been able to accomplish anything with it.

  Unworthy.

  Then there was Winterwish. That undeserving twerp had emerged less than two weeks ago, and yet her aura had already grown to eclipse all others. It didn't make any sense. Ultimately, Sunshine had been forced to accept that the glows she could glean were meaningless.

  Hopeless eyes for a hopeless fairy.

  Sunshine looked to her grazed joints and brushed them clean of tiny glass splinters. Then she turned her hands over and examined the scars that covered the underside.

  Winterwish had asked about the marks, but someone like her would never understand. She'd been accepted immediately, and yet had dared to ask if she was liked. There was nothing worse than a fool ignorant of their own fortune. If that damn brat had at least allowed Sunshine to Mentor, then maybe, just maybe, she could've been seen to achieve something.

  You'll never achieve anything.

  Sunshine took a deep breath, strode over to her bedside cabinet, and pulled open a clunking drawer. Inside lay a short length of iron chain, surrounded by dark stains. Fingers flexed in readiness. The longest she'd ever managed was two seconds. Today she'd reach three. She had to reach three.

  You won't.

  Skin sizzled the instant she grabbed the ferric links. She gripped with all her might so the chain wouldn't slip from her violently shaking hands.

  "One."

  Bubbling crimson pittered and pattered into the open drawer, adding to decades of discolouration. Teeth clenched as muscles melted and burning bone loosed gritty crunches.

  "Two!"

  But willpower alone wasn't enough. It never was. Flayed fingers fell limp. The chain tumbled into the puddle of blood. The patch continued to boil until nothing remained but a dried smudge of deformed proteins and overcooked cells.

  Next time wrap it around your ugly neck.

  Sunshine screamed. Not in pain, but in fury. In hatred of her weakness and the pathetic frailty of her flesh. In the early days, she'd asked Splishsplash how she was improving so rapidly. 'Resolve', she'd said. What a joke. What a cruel fucking joke.

  Conk-conk-conk-conk!

  "Sunshine! What's wrong? Are you ok?"

  See what you've done now?

  Sunshine recognised the voice. It wasn't the first time Winterwish had knocked upon her heavily-latched door, only this time simply remaining quiet wasn't going to work.

  Get rid of her.

  "I'm fine," Sunshine sighed reluctantly.

  "But I heard screaming! What happened?"

  You were weak. You were pathetic. That's what happened.

  Sunshine shrugged. She knew Winterwish couldn't see it, but she didn't care. The last thing she wanted was to waste her breath answering pointless questions.

  "Sunshine? Are you sure you're ok?"

  "Yes!" Sunshine slammed the bloodied drawer to a close with her knee.

  "You're not hurt?" asked Winterwish.

  She wouldn't care if you were. No one would.

  Sunshine shuffled toward the door. Steaming scarlet dribbled from swaying hands. Each lost drop sapped her warmth. Weak chills rocked her extremities, but they would not last long. They never did.

  She should've left you.

  "You should've left me," she growled.

  "...What?" asked Winterwish.

  "You should've left me!" Sunshine continued to stumble toward the door until her forehead pressed against it. For a moment she just enjoyed Winterwish's speechlessness. Crushing her concern felt like a victory. Like she'd repelled an invader. It was a blissful silence, while it lasted.

  "...If I'd left you, Cutiehorn would be dead right now."

  Sunshine stared point-blank at the oak. After a few seconds, her focus sank until it came to rest upon the carpet. Sanguine stains spread with every heartbeat. "...Fuck."

  "Apparently she's awake," said Winterwish.

  "And?"

  "She's stable, but... Splishsplash won't let anyone besides Bubblebun see her yet. So, uhm, once we're able, we should go visit together. You know, to exchange thanks, and stuff."

  They shouldn't have to see you. They hate you. They're probably talking about you right now.

  "...The arm?" asked Sunshine.

  "Dollymop tidied up the wound, though that's about all she can do, apparently..." said Winterwish.

  "I'm sure there's someone in Rainbow City who'd be willing to spare a limb for the right price. I'll pay them myself if I have to."

  "I had the same thought, but Dollymop said human and fairy biology isn't compatible. Even prosthetics are rejected. Seems fairy bodies have their downsides too..."

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

  Cutiehorn will never forgive you. None of them will.

  Sunshine watched as the drooling red started to thicken and sinews sought reconnection. "...It's my fault."

  "No one's blaming you," said Winterwish.

  She's lying.

  "It was horrendous," continued the frosty fairy. "All those things, sobbing and reaching. I don't know if I'll ever get them out of my head. Yet... you experienced something more, didn't you? I could see it on your face. We were all afraid, but you... you were petrified."

  Sunshine remained quiet.

  "It's your eyes, right?" asked Winterwish. "You see things. That's why you sometimes stare... I didn't get it until now. I thought you were just trying to intimidate me... I'm sorry."

  The word pierced Sunshine's ears like a pair of needles. She gritted her teeth until the ringing stopped and world ceased swaying.

  "I still don't understand to be honest," said Winterwish. "Why we all emerged so different. Why our capabilities are so unique and distinct..."

  Sunshine looked back toward the fractured glass. Beyond, the Enchanted Forest shimmered with residual magic. "That's the metamorphosis for you. A wheel of bullshit we all took a turn to spin. Some win. Some lose. That's that." She'd not told anyone of her perception. She already had a hard enough time tolerating others. If they knew she could see into their core it'd only create even more friction.

  "It was hard for me," said Winterwish. "All that misery and desperation... If you saw something more than that, then I can't imagine how awful it must've been."

  "You don't have to. We're done. Go back to your Mentor."

  "Merrymint's been in her room since we got back. I think she needs some quiet time."

  She's not the only one. Tell her to fuck off.

  Conversation was something others seemed to enjoy, but Sunshine had always found it immensely exhausting. Just reining her own rebellious thoughts took constant effort. Long ago she'd come to the conclusion it was better to keep her distance. It wasn't like she had any hope of persuading others to like her when she didn't even like herself.

  "Just leave me alone," she groaned.

  "The day I emerged, you welcomed me to the family," said Winterwish. "Like it or not, we're sisters. The only reason we all escaped with our lives this morning was because we worked together. We helped and trusted one another. If you have a gift, then -"

  "Then what!?" snapped Sunshine. "You think I was able to see anything useful? Some weakness you might be able to exploit? A hidden key to victory? No. You have no idea what it was like!"

  "You're right. I don't. But if you'll just give me a chance then maybe we can figure something out. What if we can stop anyone else from getting hurt? What if we can save the queendom?"

  You'll never save anyone. Don't tell her anything.

  Sunshine loosed a long, deep sigh.

  "Please," said Winterwish. "Just try to explain. Anything you can. Even if it makes no sense. I'd really, really appreciate it. I promise. I swear."

  Liar. She's a liar. She's just using you.

  "What ichor does to flesh and bone... it tried to do to my mind," said Sunshine. "I could feel myself breaking. I caught glimpses of madness, that's all."

  "Madness?" asked Winterwish. "What do you mean?"

  Sunshine grumbled. The images were even more hazy in hindsight, but if recounting them would rid her of Winterwish's presence, then recount she would.

  "Fire falling in the night. Sandy scraps and seeping stone. Two broken spears. Blood spilling before a crowded throne. A molten crown beneath a quaking sky." Her pulse accelerated and chest tightened. The more she gulped for air, the more she felt like she was suffocating. The images weren't the only thing resurfacing in her memories. Frenzied fright danced across her skin, inducing full-bodied shivers. "A f-field of moonlit screams. Two figures falling from a tower..." She pursed her lips and tried to slow her breathing. Tingling darkness was claiming her vision. "W-what more do you want? It's all useless!"

  You're useless.

  "Just leave me alone!" Sunshine snapped.

  "...I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry," said Winterwish.

  Sunshine flinched and winced at the word. She clawed at her constricting ribs.

  "Maybe next time we can be better prepared?" asked Winterwish. "I can help! What if I stayed by your side to keep you safe?"

  Protected by a newborn. How pitiful.

  Sunshine thrashed her head from side to side. She was supposed to be better. She was supposed to be stronger. She was firstborn. "Don't you get it? I can't beat this thing. I can't even fucking look at it." Her eyes began to sting. Her throat ached with every swallow. "We've got one job, and I can't do it. I can't do the only thing expected of a Fairy Princess. If you hadn't been there..."

  "But I was there," said Winterwish. "Just as I'm here now."

  Sunshine screwed her eyes shut before her vision could blur any further. "I've fucked up so many times, but this... this was different. This was important. Really, really fucking important and I didn't get it right. I never get it right."

  Too weak to stand alone. Too pathetic to endure others. Too ugly to love. You're a failure, and always will be. May as well just die.

  "It's not like I don't try," said Sunshine. "I've tried for so long. I've tried so hard. Decades of struggle, sweat and pain, yet it never amounts to anything."

  ...You've said enough. She doesn't want to hear it.

  "Sunshine -"

  "What's the fucking point? It doesn't matter how much I push or fight, I'm never good enough!"

  Shut up. Stop talking.

  "I'm sorry," said Winterwish.

  Air lashed through strained teeth as Sunshine filled burning lungs. "Stop fucking apologising!" she screamed.

  Finally, silence once more. And in that silence, Sunshine noticed the dripping. Not from her clotted wounds, but from her cheeks. Her chest shuddered. Her whole body shook.

  You're supposed to be better than this, firstborn. Can't you even pretend to be strong? You may as well just die.

  "Shit," whimpered Sunshine.

  "...I know you might not want to hear this, but I am sorry," said Winterwish. "For everything. Even for the things I have no control over..."

  Sunshine just ground her face against the door, harder and harder. She wasn't sure if she was trying to wipe away her shameful tears, or punish her weakness.

  "But most of all, I'm sorry it took so long to talk with you," said Winterwish. "We should've done this sooner. I kept worrying and hesitating, and then..." she sighed. "This morning put things into perspective. Regardless of our differences, we're all in this together, right? We're family. We should be united, not divided. So, I'm truly sorry."

  Sunshine's lips quivered. "Winterwish, I... I..." Her voice cracked. Every word hurt.

  Don't.

  "What is it?" asked Winterwish.

  Sunshine thumped her forehead against the door, causing the abundance of latches to rattle. She did so again and again, as if she might be able to bash her brain into submission. They were just two words. Two little words. Yet they refused to come out.

  Don't you dare. Words can't fix anything.

  "Uhm, Sunshine?"

  Sunshine took a deep breath and braced as if preparing to take a punch. "...I'm sorry."

  Just like that, the words had left her mouth. She'd taken a single step to accepting one of her competitors, and the world hadn't come crashing down around her. If anything, it felt good. Like the vice upon her heart had loosened a turn. Like she could breathe properly for the first time in a long, long while.

  "For letting you all down," Sunshine sobbed. "For the rage. For being difficult. For fucking up. For everything that I am. I never wanted to be this way, but that's no excuse. So... I'm sorry too."

  Now she knows just how weak and pathetic you really are. She'll tell the others. They'll laugh. Sunshine the weak. Sunshine the pathetic. Sunshine the ugly joke.

  "...Do you feel like coming out?" asked Winterwish. "Or maybe I could come in? I don't feel like being alone. Not after this morning."

  Sunshine exhaled unsteadily. She looked to the wounds upon her hands, to her tear-soaked robe, and to the many webs of fractured glass.

  Go ahead. Let her see who you truly are. She'll run a mile.

  "No," said Sunshine. "Not right now."

  "Are you sure? I think it might help if -"

  "No," Sunshine whined.

  "...Ok," said Winterwish. "Well, I don't want to be any more of a hassle than I have. I'll be around, I guess. If you change your mind, come and find me."

  Sunshine listened to the frosty fairy begin to walk away. The footsteps grew quieter and quieter. Soon they'd disappear entirely. Just like all the others.

  She's better off without you. They all are. Make it permanent.

  Sunshine shook her head, like she might be able to toss the thoughts loose of her skull. "...Winterwish, wait!" She pressed her ear to the oak. To her relief, the steps rose in volume.

  "What is it?" asked Winterwish.

  "I know it's awkward, but... We can keep talking like this for a while, if you'd like?"

  "...Sure, Sunshine. I'd like that."