“I effectively lost my first argument with Yaeko. I beat her with logic but she turned to an emotionally driven argument.” I started slowing down as I thought about that moment.

  “I learnt from that loss. I knew I could beat Yaeko with logic and force her into an emotional defence.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “After I won the logical argument in the fifth round, I accused her of intentionally provoking Nobu. I believed I was right, but that didn’t actually matter.” I let out a small chuckle as I kept explaining.

  “I knew I had enough ammo to win in an emotional argument. As I showed you earlier, she uses emotions to manipulate people.” I spoke softly to make sure Yori knew it wasn’t an attack on her, but that it was an axiom that I built my plan on.

  “I knew she would keep trying to fiercely deny it, no matter how bad things looked. I created that situation to force Osamu to step in and get her to back down.”

  Yori slowly looked up.

  “You knew he would want to protect her enough where he’d ignore his fear of the spotlight.” He understood that part perfectly.

  “What was Mei’s role?” Yori started biting his nail as he held eye contact.

  “She chose the perfect time to step in and praise Osamu.

  She managed to diffuse the situation while doing exactly what I asked her to.”

  I carefully analysed him, but he didn’t show any signs of distress when I explained Mei’s role. He’s truly trying his hardest to bridge the gap between his morals and my actions.

  “The next big part was during the sixth round. My lie was at risk of being exposed again, but that didn’t change things.” He tilted his head as he waited to hear my explanation.

  “If I knew everyone would react like me, then I’d win the vote and gain information. I’d be able to think logically and I’d avoid getting angry or upset with people before I knew for a fact that they were the liar.”

  He had no reaction, showing me that he’s already accepted the way I think.

  It’s what I’m willing to do to help people grow that’s getting to him.

  “You already know what arguments I made during the sixth round, there’s no point repeating them. The important part was that I baited you into asking if I lied about my point total.” He spoke up without showing any reactions.

  “If you made your argument first, it would look like you were covering for your lie.” He paused before continuing.

  “By baiting me into asking, you could get past the accusation and then present your logic.” He nodded his head as he spoke.

  He isn’t just accepting the way I think anymore.

  He’s starting to understand my logic, yet he showed no markers of unease or anger. If anything, it seems like he can actually appreciate my thought process and how accurate it is.

  “Yeah, that’s right.” I paused, letting it sink in. “You already know everything we did to convince Nobu to save Mei, so we can skip those details as well.” He simply nodded in agreement.

  “I knew that giving Nobu a chance to “redeem” himself would create an obstacle in Yaeko. That was fine, though. I already knew how to deal with her.” He leaned back in his chair, waiting to hear the rest.

  “I was originally going to weaponise Yaeko’s pride to get her to sacrifice her points to save Mei.” He spoke up as I paused.

  “She said she felt like we were just ignoring how Nobu went up to her, and how that made her feel worthless, so you bailed out of your plan… did you know that Osamu would speak up?” He softly smiled, looking down at my desk as he connected the dots.

  “Yes.” I waited for a few seconds before continuing.

  “It wasn’t part of my original plan, but I knew that sticking to the pride route would be a guaranteed loss.

  After you came through for me, I realised that I should have faith in Osamu and his desire to protect us all, so I stayed quiet as I waited for him to speak up.” Yori interrupted me again.

  “That’s why you were smiling so calmly when I looked at you… you knew Osamu would speak up and you knew that Yaeko would be more likely to listen to him than to you.” He leaned forward, fully engrossed in this discussion.

  “You used and predicted us to orchestrate that entire scenario.”

  He blankly looked at me.

  It wasn’t an accusation.

  It was an acknowledgement.

  “You realised it was the only way to save Mei and our friendships.”

  He swallowed, and he couldn’t look me in the eyes as he said it.

  I looked away and took a deep breath out.

  That was it.

  I’d gotten my hopes up for no reason.

  I smiled to myself.

  It’s ok. I was fine before I had hope. I’ll be fine now.

  It’s still worth it, this price is nothing compared to what it could be.

  “Is there anything else?” I silently stared at him before I answered his question.

  “There’s some other details about how I cheered Mei up, but nothing anywhere near the stuff I already told you.”

  He placed his elbows on the desk, resting his head on his hands, and I gave him some time to process before asking for his verdict.

  “So, do you believe that I genuinely think that everything I did was to help them?”

  He slowly took a sharp, deep breath in.

  “Don’t do that… it’s not as simple as that.” I could see the torment in him, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.

  “Really? You shouldn’t have made that empty promise then.”

  His head snapped up as he looked up at me in shock.

  I didn’t want to do it, but I had to be as cruel as possible.

  If he didn’t want to make his decision, then the last act of kindness I owed him was to make it for him.

  Maybe it’s the best for both of us. He doesn’t have to compromise his morals, and I don’t have to cling on to hope. We can both move on and go back to normal.

  I smiled, waiting to be freed from this purgatory.

  I calmly looked back at Yori.

  His eyes and body language had conveyed a sense of anger when he grabbed me out of the canteen. He was angry that I’d used him to manipulate Nobu and it resurfaced when he saw me and thought I was confronting Yaeko for no reason.

  It had shifted into a quiet sadness when I told him one of my darkest secrets.

  Now, things instantly switched.

  Yori exploded out of his chair and turned to face me. The sadness in his eyes dissipated, replaced with a terrifying clarity.

  That anger from before… it paled in comparison to this.

  “No! I know what you’re doing, you don’t get to do that you idiot!” My body jolted forwards as he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. He pulled me close enough to hear his shaky breathing as I saw the tears drop from his eyes.

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  “This is my decision to make, not yours!” His voice erupted to a yell, but I simply watched with a straight face.

  I’d already given up hope.

  If he hadn’t decided already, the choice would only get harder and harder.

  “Why did you make yourself vulnerable if you were just going to push me away!” My eyes shut closed in pain as he pushed me back onto my bed, hitting my head against the wall.

  “I was wrong to give you a choice.” His lips twitched as we held eye contact.

  “It was selfish. A real friend would never ask you to abandon your moral compass.” I’m not sure why, but I felt a quiet joy spread throughout my body.

  I deserved this punishment, but why did losing hope feel so good?

  Yori dove onto me, grabbing me by my collar again and raising his left arm as his fingers curled into a fist.

  I had a few seconds to react.

  I subtly tilted my face to the left and closed my eyes. It hurt. A lot. He didn’t hold anything back.

  “You’re not the only one who can read people, Akira.” I rubbed my hand against my cheek as Yori breathed heavily.

  “You want a real connection. You never would’ve revealed anything to me if you didn’t.” His grip on my shirt slowly tightened.

  “And now, you’re trying to convince yourself that I’ve already decided to abandon you.” His voice broke as he took another shaky breath in. “You find it easier to accept abandonment, than to wait to be abandoned.”

  I immediately started laughing.

  “Of course it’s easier. I was fine without a real connection. I was willing to live a life without one.” I continued laughing as Yori pulled his fist back again.

  “You showed me a possibility.

  Maybe I still had some humanity left.

  But obviously, we were both wrong.” He threw another punch, but this time I slipped to my right, dodging it as I started laughing quietly again.

  “I already know what decision you’ll make. Don’t you think it’s selfish to lie to yourself and to prolong my pain?” Yori’s face contorted with anger.

  “I’d much prefer if you just ripped the bandaid off. I can get over it.” I smiled, giving him the perfect invitation. I felt a sudden shockwave of pain spread across my left cheek as my head snapped to the right. Instead of drawing his fist back normally, he threw it against my face.

  “What makes you think you know my decision! Stop trying to force your verdict onto yourself!”

  He sniffled as he finished yelling.

  “You keep trying to write a script for me that serves the performance that you want!”

  He tried punching me again, but this time I grabbed his wrist and guided his fist to my left, pushing him off balance.

  “If I already made my decision, consciously or subconsciously, why would I be fighting you this hard!”

  He tried throwing another punch, but with his body off balance, there was no weight to it. I simply caught it with my palm.

  “It’s simple human behaviour, Yori.” I gently smiled as he tried pushing through my palm. “You’re scared to make a decision in the moment because you’re worried you might lose something.”

  He regained his balance and put all his weight behind his fist.

  “If you truly accepted me, you wouldn’t have hesitated when I asked you directly.” He let go of my collar and tried punching me with his other hand. I caught that fist as well as he leaned forwards with all his might. He realised his fists weren’t getting anywhere and pulled them back.

  “You’re a pathetic hypocrite.”

  He looked away and broke eye contact.

  “You said you hated the idea of being powerless, but you’re taking away all of my power.” I watched him as another tear rolled down his face.

  “You’re taking power away from the friend that you sacrificed so much for to protect?” He paused as he let out a small laugh.

  “Tell me, Akira. Who are you protecting here?”

  He coldly looked into my eyes.

  “Me?

  Or yourself?”

  I swallowed and looked away for half a second. In that time, another punch connected as my head snapped back to the left.

  “You said I hesitated because I was scared of losing something.” I did my best to ignore the pain and look him in the eyes. “Do you want to hear my undeniable proof that you do have some humanity in you?” I silently stared at him, waiting for him to go on.

  “If you were the ruthless machine you think you are, you would’ve seen the other, simple alternative. It’s because you so desperately want a true friend, that your fear of losing that possibility forever blinded you from it.” He pulled back his fist as his voice went hoarse.

  “I didn’t hesitate because I was scared of losing our friendship.”

  He sniffled again.

  “I hesitated because I was scared of what it meant for my own humanity if I agreed with you.”

  One of his tears dropped from his face and landed on my shirt.

  “I was scared because I understood why you did it, and even if I didn’t fully agree… I didn’t want to condemn you for it, and I needed time to understand what that tells me about myself.

  That’s why I said it’s not that simple.”

  A few seconds passed and Yori’s drained face morphed into a smile, and I instantly understood why.

  I felt the tear roll down my cheek.

  It was only one, but it meant more to both of us than all of his tears.

  Despite this, two thoughts echoed through my mind as he leaned down to hug me.

  I know my numbing can’t just be undone. I cried a tear, but it doesn’t feel quite like the way I remember. It might take a long time, or require extreme conditions, but what other emotions do I have the capacity to feel?

  And how many other connections can I form?

  Can I trust anyone else with all of this?

  How would Mei react?

  I forced a smile as I hugged him back. Yori cried even more, but the hug couldn’t make me feel anything extra.

  There was one last thought weighing on my mind that prevented me from truly feeling relieved.

  How is this going to affect the skill I sacrificed so much for? I can’t become powerless to protect them…

  I didn’t consider it because I never thought it would be possible… but is becoming “human” worth it, if that’s what I have to give up?