“You can stop following me, now.”

  “I’m not following you! This just happens to be the only trail out of the ravine.”

  “Yeah, you think I was born yesterday? You’re one of those weirdos with a little person fetish—”

  “I am not! I don’t even like you! Not even a little bit!”

  “You have serious virgin energy, anyone ever tell you that?”

  “No!” I say, and my voice breaks. Seriously? Inside the game!! How does my voice break inside a game?!?!

  BellissimaBaby is laughing at me and I can feel my ears turning bright red at the sound. More than that, her laughter seems to be triggering some horrible memory I feel I once went to great lengths to repress.

  Why does it sound so familiar?

  “Anyway,” I say, clearing my throat, doing my best to change the subject, “what’s the deal with you, going off on your own like this? What happened to your guild?”

  “Rubbing it in?” she says sarcastically.

  Not understanding, I glance up to where she climbs the trail just ahead of me, only to realize that the space beneath her character’s name is empty.

  “You left Iron Claw,” I say, disbelieving.

  “Kicked out,” she corrects me without shame.

  “Why?”

  I hear her smirk. “Guess they couldn’t handle the heat.”

  This isn’t the first time she’s referenced fire spells. “You some kind of pyromancer?” I ask her.

  “What, you haven’t checked out my character build, yet? Or is that because you were too busy checking out my—”

  “Hang on!” I cut her off, ears flaming once more. “Let me pull it up…”

  “Forget it,” she says, turning to slap her hand through my personal screen, disrupting it. “It’s private. Anyway, it doesn’t matter to you, since we’ll never see each other again.”

  “Never see—”

  “We’re at the top of the hill, or didn’t you notice?” The little mud-streaked gnome smirks up at me. “Here’s where we go our separate ways.”

  Ah. I don’t think my heart was ready for that one.

  “You don’t know that,” I say in an effort to cling to just the slightest bit of hope. “We might still be headed in the same direction.”

  “Wrong, because whichever way you pick, I’ll be sure to go the opposite way.”

  “Ha. So that’s how it is.”

  “Yeah,” she says, and she sticks her tongue out at me. “See ya never, big guy.”

  “Sure,” I reply coldly, doing my best to pretend her careless dismissal doesn’t cut my poor heart to the quick. “See ya never.”

  I turn and walk away from BellissimaBaby, my pride refusing to let me look back.

  I won’t think of her, I tell myself as I stride purposefully into the next trail I find, determined to get good and lost and hopefully so f*cked up by a bunch of high level mobs that I forget all about her.

  Real girls. Who needs ‘em? I have Charis, my love. I’m going to steal a staff for her, and in return, I’m sure she’ll give my staff some long awaited attention. Eh heh heh…

  For the next fifteen minutes or so I’m successful in forgetting all about that irritating gnome. Rousing mobs, enduring their blows, watching them drop dead in my aura, it’s all very satisfying, though not particularly difficult.

  “Come on!” I shout to the forest. “Is that the best you can do? Can anybody provide me with a decent challenge?!” I yell in my best Lu Bu impersonation.

  But the mountain timber does not answer back. In fact, it’s dead quiet. Even the birds have stopped talking to one another. The sun has slipped behind the clouds and the wind is absolutely still. It’s the strangest thing, as though I’ve stepped through a portal into another world.

  The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  I’m starting to get a creepy feeling, like I’m being hunted, but I just swear at myself for being a coward and laugh it off. It’s been too long since I’ve adventured alone, I tell myself. I’ve gotten too used to Sherbie’s conversation, to Bobo’s reckless thrashing about. Man, I wonder how Bobo Jenkins is doing. It’s been a few days since I saw the little guy…

  I wish I could say I breathe easier when the sun comes back out. I wish those damned birds would start chattering again…

  I don’t know what it is that makes me stop in my tracks. A sound or just the hint of a scent. A gut feeling… But I stop, freezing mid-stride. While all around me the sun shines bright, I suddenly realize I’m standing in a stark shadow.

  [Heart rate accelerating. 136 BPM. Automatic system shutdown if heart rate reaches 150 BPM.]

  Look up, my gut tells me, but I don’t want to.

  Look up!

  I don’t care anymore whether I’m imagining it or not. My head jerks back sharply, and I look up to see an enormous griffin perched on a rocky cliff just above me, its long talons gripping the ledge, its massive yellow beak parted and ready to rip me to shreds.

  “Oh, shit…”

  The beast dives in the next instant, straight for me. It strikes in the middle of my shield, knocking me flat on my back as it rakes my shield with its talons and tears at my shoulder with its beak.

  [-44 HP]

  [-37 HP]

  [-226 HP]

  Dang! That thing just took out nearly 30% of my HP in less than two seconds. How the hell am I supposed to survive a full minute?!

  This time the griffin goes for my throat with its long beak. Oh, no, you don’t!

  I bash its beak away with my shield, and it screams in my face before taking flight, climbing up into the air on magnificent wings. Higher, higher it climbs while I scramble to my feet. Higher, still higher! Till it’s completely out of the reach of my aura.

  Well, damn. What now?

  I crane my neck to look up at the beast where it hovers in the air above me, regenerating, recovering the HP it lost while it engaged with me in battle. From its vantage point in the sky, the griffin regards me with keen intelligence, and I come to understand that this move was no accident. It knows exactly what it’s doing.

  Now what? I ask myself, downing a potion to make up for lost HP. Have we reached a stalemate? Will it give up and fly away?

  “Get back down here, coward!” I taunt the monster, banging my wooden sword against my shield. “Afraid to face me? Come on, you don’t see me running!”

  Like a true bird of prey it dives then with incredible speed, falling squarely into my shield. I can’t help but wish I had a second one to shield bash it with, but alas! I’ve got no offense but this aura of mine.

  We become entangled again as before, the griffin tearing into my armor and flesh, dealing severe damage with each blow it manages to sneak around my shield.

  [-112 HP]

  [-41 HP]

  [-68 HP]

  And so on…

  Each ripping blow hurts like the devil, and by the end of our encounter I’m screaming in pain. The griffin likewise is screaming as it retreats once more into the air, having fallen to nearly half health in our last life or death scramble.

  We continue with this dance for some time, but the griffin has the better part of it. After each swoop, it’s able to stay in the air long enough to regenerate the HP my aura drained, but without having the monster near to leech life from, my health isn’t going up as fast. It’s true potions heal more now that I’ve upgraded them, but they also have a cooldown, limiting the amount I’m able to drink.

  Not good. If this keeps up, it’s going to wear me down eventually. I need to change gears here.

  Think, Rev!

  I’ve got nothing—nothing but the sheer determination to survive at all costs. Since starting this game I’ve still yet to face a single death with this character, and I’m not about to break that streak now!

  This time when the griffin dives I throw my shield away at the last moment, and jump! With my arms around its neck, somehow I manage to scramble atop the griffin’s back.

  This is it! I think as the beast screeches and rolls and does everything in its power to throw me, to no avail. I’ve got it in a death grip, and I’m not letting go till I’ve drained every last hit point with my aura!

  “There’s no escape for you!” I cry triumphantly as the griffin unfurls its great wings and takes off, slowly, clumsily gaining height till we’re soaring over the trees. “There’s nowhere to run!”

  I’m laughing like a lunatic as the griffin flies me this way and that, now dipping, now soaring, screaming with pain and frustration. I watch with triumph as its health falls into the red, and continues falling.

  “This is it!” I cry. “Four, three, two—ONE!”

  The griffin ceases to struggle, dying in my arms with its wings outstretched—a couple of hundred feet above the ground!

  Whoops…

  Maybe I didn’t think this through properly…

  “AAAAAHHHHHHHH!”

  [You have reached character level 22]

  I fall together with the beast straight down, hitting the ground with all the force of a semi truck.

  [-987 HP]

  For a moment I’m so dazed I hardly hear the sound of screaming in my ear. Then I sit up and shake myself a bit, returning to my senses just in time to realize I’m staring at a naked woman on the shore of a mountain lake, whose wet clothes are hanging out on a nearby branch to dry.

  That’s funny, I think, staring dazedly at the wet figure as she tries in vain to cover all of her private areas with her tiny hands.

  She looks kinda familiar…

  “You pervert!” she screams, ripping down a nearby leafy branch and somehow managing to use it to cover most of herself. “You absolute freak! I knew you’d follow me, I just knew it!”

  “BellissimaBaby?”

  “You nasty freak with your little person fetish! I hate you, do you hear me? I absolutely hate you!”

  Realizing only now what I’ve done, I leap up, mortified.

  “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean, that is, I didn’t see, that is—! Thank you, I liked them very much!”

  Just then, a massive fireball is hurled to the ground in front of me, exploding and sending dirt spraying in every direction. The concussive damage sends me flying back on my ass.

  [-103 HP]

  [HP critically low!]

  I’m so dead.