It could feel the horrid gem and its excretions slowly covering its skin.
It could feel when that part was over and it was completely enveloped, powerless to do anything.
It could also feel when an old acquaintance came to taunt it, more persistent than usual.
That this annoyance could escape the slap it deserved was truly unfortunate, but there were far more pressing matters to worry about.
The being's flesh was losing coherence as the shape it had gone through such a great hurdle to claim... simply slipped away.
However, it didn’t feel sad. Because it had an inkling of what this was all about. And because it had, once again, a freedom similar to the before. Only, with the experience to really make use of it, this time.
And wasn’t that marvelous?
It couldn’t help its enthusiasm as it started playing around with different parts. It grew arms, legs, scales, fur, eyes… everything it could imagine, in every shape and size. How it had missed this!
If it weren’t for the annoyances that kept popping up to harass it with every change, it would have been perfect.
It was increasingly clear that this wasn’t a regression, but a chance to do over. To transform once again, with more awareness. In whatever direction it wanted.
Pretty soon, it had tried everything it could think of and was struggling to decide what next… so it went for everything at once. The result was unwieldy and pointless, but it made the being realize: it wasn’t confined to its previous size!
Immediately, it swelled up as much as it could. It wanted to become as big as the errant… bigger even! So big that it would dwarf the errant as much as the errant had dwarfed it. Maybe more!
...unfortunately, that turned out to be impossible: it stopped growing when it was just a tad smaller than its vanquished adversary, unable to get even a hair bigger. Still, that was no small change, and the being was quick to recover from the initial disappointment.
Once size was done, it focused on the shape. It tried to be fancy and come up with new and marvelous things... but truthfully, it ended up with something not too different from its previous shape, only much bigger and with some traits from the errant. Nothing wrong with that, when those were its only sources of inspiration! The errants it had met before… it could remember a bit, but not enough for something so important.
And it should also make itself more flexible and capable of easily dislodging pesky critters biting vulnerable areas! Taking inspiration was good, but it should avoid copying mistakes, since it didn’t want to end up the same way.
Alas, this meant cutting into bulk and height, due to the way the spine and some other things had to curve... but in the end, the being felt very comfortable with itself.
It would love to explore the world in this form.
As if in reaction to this very thought, the changes started to… lock in place, and its mind to slip away...
It woke up slowly, to the new marvel of sound.
A whole host of soft, faraway howling, thuds and puffs; the much closer scraping of rocks underneath every time it all but twitched; and the gentle roiling of the great Current beneath that – barely there, but all-encompassing.
Strangely, though an entirely new and unprecedented layer to reality, it wasn’t unexpected. Not that hearing wasn’t pleasant by any means. Just that it felt obvious to its new instincts, a due thing. A given.
Something was digging in its side, trying to ruin the moment. But that could wait, couldn’t it? Better to enjoy its hard fought peace a bit more.
In no rush to move, and still quite dazed, the being settled back down to relax.
It closed its eyes to enjoy the hum of the great Current and the heavy, background silence of nothing around that could bother it. Had it imagined those faraway sounds, after all?
… fortunately for the annoyance, the being felt too at peace to slap it away right now, even though it had interrupted its relaxation.
It reached under, took the pointy stone and threw it away, taking a small pleasure in the thud it made against some other rock. Then, it slowly pushed itself into a sitting position, rubbing at its eyes.
And determined to slap the annoyance away, in the end. It was halfway through a big stretch when it realized… wasn’t it supposed to be dead?
And where was it? It didn’t recognize any of the... It looked behind and had to stare for quite a while to understand what it was seeing.
The corpse of the errant. A much, much smaller and abused version of it.
Did a group of other errants get angry at the body? And why did it look like it had exploded?
Inevitably, the being looked down at itself. It took in the changes, and realized that its wild, unbelievable hallucination hadn’t been a hallucination at all.
It was real. It had truly grown.
Each and every one of them were distractedly slapped away until none remained.
The being felt at its responsive limbs, at its slick smooth skin. At its all-around healthy body.
Then it got up.
And danced.
It was the new sharpness of its mind that finally pulled it out of the joyful reverie, as new preoccupations crowded up.
The transformation had brought along new instincts, and mysterious knowledge. With them came awareness of many matters and new perspectives on the events that had happened in its brief but intense journey.
It knew now that ‘errants’ were simply living creatures, just like it. Just like it was even before its first transformation.
It was clear now what had happened, back then: some creature had fallen over its previous self and the being had instinctively done with it the same thing it had done just now with the hostile… otter?
Only that creature had been already dead, while the otter… the otter had needed killing.
The being felt incredibly uncomfortable with what had happened, now that it understood more. It just wanted to live life in peace. It hated having taken that away from another and hated the otter for forcing it into that situation.
But even more, it hated how close to death it had come.
Its body trembled even now, thinking about the state it had been in during the whole fight. If it had even been a real fight: the otter had clearly been crazed, doing random things and not caring at all about its health until the very end. If it had actually attacked back…
The being decided in that moment that it would never again be in such a situation. Maybe once it wouldn’t have cared. Now it definitely did. And for how much it didn’t want to end the life of another, the desire to preserve its own was stronger.
So, if any other otter tried something, the being would use this newfound strength to…
just as it was flexing its arms in emphasis, it realized one thing: during the transformation, it had been so focused on its body as it was when it had triumphed over the otter, that it had forgotten a small detail: one arm had been bitten off.
It had mimicked a lame body.
…
That was quite disappointing. And was bound to come back to bite it. If only it could go back and do it again! It had been so…
So wonderful! Feeling the freedom of the before, enjoying it in a much deeper way with its improved mental faculties, would be tempting on its own. But the sheer glory of becoming better. Faster, stronger.
More.
How unfortunate that it was in the past...
But no matter that. What to do now? It was supposed to be doing something, wasn’t it? A need that came with its new awareness: as a living being, and possibly a bit more, the being should be…
It just couldn’t keep doing what it had in the before. That would be simply wrong. And possibly it should meet other creatures? There must be some... better ones around.
More than that, there was something deep inside that made it feel jittery and like it couldn’t stand still.
These annoyances were really getting pushy.
Well, whatever that feeling was, the being wouldn’t find the solution here, and it was getting quite bored with the landscape. The corpse of the otter definitely didn’t add to its charm.
What else could it even do stuck in this place? Most everything could be seen from this very spot, and even if there were hidden nooks, it had lived the majority of its life in hole in the ground. Diving into a different one wasn’t exactly the great change it had aimed for.
Inevitably, the edges of this world captured its gaze next. They were impossibly tall, disappearing into the impenetrable cape of dust above. But what if there was something beyond?
Nothing else to do but check.
So, it started walking towards- Oh! Now that it was so much better, shouldn’t it be something different? It couldn’t stay ‘the being’ any longer. That felt silly.
The not-‘being’-anymore mulled about the matter as it walked... but couldn’t find anything good.
In the meantime, it would be ‘the frog’. For some mysterious reason, that felt appropriate.
The lone sidha darted across the strange sky, eddies still easily parting before her might, only with increasing resistance. A sign that she was getting close to some manner of disturbance. Hopefully one that would show the way forward, because she was grasping at straws.
As she went by, only her clarity could prod the ground speeding past below, as even her enhanced sight - that should easily see past the thick dust - was obscured here.
Unfortunately, nothing promising came up. Just more of the same: a barren, dead silent land, completely devoid of anything necessary for life. And yet so teeming with it.
Bizarre little creatures, sustained entirely by the strange... substance, that infused everything in this world. They didn't need to eat, drink or breathe as the unawakened, but neither were they sustained by some higher principle as sidhas. In fact, what little was here – what trickle of prana managed to escape the trap that were these mysterious whirlwinds, high in the sky - kept well away from the little ones below.
She had never seen or heard about anything like this. She must have stumbled into someone's - or something's - experiment. A mastermind that had played around with this wayward realm, and then left long ago, when they grew bored. Or one that set inscrutable events in motion and was just waiting for matters to unfold, after some obscure aim. Which meant they were far beyond her - admittedly quite respectable - station.
In both cases this mysterious player was unlikely to mess with her business, and so theirs wasn’t any of her concern.
When she finally reached the place of greatest concentration, it was a ruined lump of stone, yet still recognizably artificial. Another one...
She sighed, but what she really wanted to do in this moment was to smash the ruined building to dust, in frustration.
No matter how much she went around the realm, there didn't seem to be any place that resonated in any way. Nor a rift which might lead to an actually viable escape route. And she had gone around many times.
Feeling dejected, she alighted in the structure and started to explore, knowing full well she wouldn't find anything relevant. She just wanted to rest for a bit, and defying the push of the substance against her was cathartic. The stuff didn't want her here. It would have to deal with it.
Here too, the strangely tepid and soft texture of the ground - as of rock that had been smoothed for eons - felt untowardly pleasant to her feet. Either the swirling dust and the shifting ground had eroded them uncharacteristically quickly, or these places were ancient. Built by a civilization long gone. But were they the same intellect that had shaped the realm?
The way they channeled the mysterious substance seemed to hint that way, and there were some clever, and at times inscrutable solutions. However, they felt a bit too... rough, for that. Of course, it could just be the ravages of time that had stripped away the sophistication, and they must still be related to the mystery of this place, one way or another.
She got to the center pretty soon with this few rooms, and found, once again, nothing. The hall was completely empty, except for some piles of dust that could've been furniture once upon a time, or simply ambient residue piled up.
The majority of the structure must be buried, hiding its secrets underneath. Unfortunately, she was on a severe time limit and had no time for spelunking, especially when she knew her objective wouldn't be underground, because it would...
In any case, the important bits must have faded long ago, and the substance only flowed in ruins like these because they were convenient to gather and move through, in some way. Possibly a resonance established through countless eons of routing?
All together, they made a pattern. Very subtle. So soft it had taken her long to notice, and would probably require much longer to discover more. It might be worth investigating... if all other avenues proved fruitless.
Alas, probably nothing related to her mission. Nothing that could explain why she had been guided here.
Of course, she could still hide the artifact and lure her pursuers away until the collapse. They would never find all the fragments.
But in her sinful selfishness, she had queried for... salvation. For herself.
She clutched at her locket for comfort. All her supposedly prodigious talent, all that she had achieved... it couldn't be all over for her. It couldn't. There must be a chance here.
But where?
She started playing with the substance distractedly, trying to overcome its inherent refusal of contact. But it was a small matter for her to corner some, so that it was forced to, so that it had no escape. Just like someone else in this room...
Even if she did find her chance and made it out, her former friends would ensure she was hunted forever, throughout the whole cosmos. Ironically, the only places she wouldn't be killed on sight would be the domains of her 'sworn' enemies.
Like that poor, lone soul trapped in here, the only other sapient being around. Most likely, one ostracized the same way as she. Perhaps that was why she kept running into them.
Half of her peers would have killed a naradha without hesitation. The other would have apprehended them. Even she might have been forced to put out at least a token attempt, had someone else been here.
No one was here now. They wouldn't ever be again.
...
But there was a chance at redemption, even for a naradha. There was a chance for... for them. There always was, for everybody, if they had the will.
And the sheer drive of this one, to keep going even after what had been done to it... She didn't think she would be able to do the same. But she would find out soon enough, wouldn't she? If Urrant was with them - and he was - he would insist.
Such a terrible thing nobody should ever be subjected to. A crime against everything, something she had always fought against. Chief was ambivalent, leaning on her side of the matter for as long as she could remember. But would he this time, after what she had pulled? Would she be the one he dirtied his hands with, after they caught her?
… No matter. The others might disagree, but she was vedraka still: she needed to get back to work, back to searching.
Make her own vision prevail. And save herself in the process, hopefully.
Because if she didn't, nobody would be here for her now.
This time, no help would be coming.