Kip stared at the wall of his study.

  “Level 5,” Kip said to himself, “It’s all happening so soon.”

  He opened up his system and stared at his ancestry feat. The free feat that was given when a kobold turned a certain level. He let out a painful sigh. He pointed his finger at the bell on his front desk that Jasssper had installed. He aimed down his finger gun.

  “Stretchy Arms.” The finger stretched. With little more force than the first time, the finger plodded outward, remaining attached by scales and ligaments that now stretched. The claw just barely made it to dinging the bell. The chime was subtle. It could have been confused for a bird’s chant but Kip still heard Jasssper from the other room.

  “You rang, sire?”

  Kip got out of the huge seat the dark lord used to sit in and made his way to the door frame, “Jasssper! Come help me with the thing!”

  “Yesss, sire,” Jasssper said. He slithered forward with a crayon wrapped around his tail. Kip leaned his back against the door frame, pressing his head into the wall as far as he could go without standing on his toes. Jasssper extended his tail and marked an etching on the door frame on top of Kip’s head. Then he wrote down the words ‘Level 5.’

  “Seems you have gotten bigger, sire.”

  ‘Really?!” Kip asked as he turned around to look.

  “A full two inches!” Jasssper said excitedly. He pointed with his tail toward the new mark. He was right. On it, Kip had labeled himself turning level 2. He’d grown the least between level 2 and level 3, but there was a tiny jump on level 4, and now two whole inches on level 5.

  “Oh my!” Said Kip, “How exciting!”“How do you feel?”

  Kip looked down, he suddenly started to get a sense of vertigo, “Woah! Like… everything’s high up! Like… it’s all too high! Jasssper! I might fall!” Kip swung his arms as he tried to gain bearing of these new two inches.

  “I shall catch you, sire!” Said Jasssper as he stuck his tail up.

  “It’s okay!” Kip said, “It’s okay! I can balance myself. Thank you, Jasssper. You’ve been a tremendous advisor.”

  “I’m not so sure he has.”

  Kip turned around and saw a young goblin at the window. Her lazy green ears popped out of her newsie hat, her large yellow eyes covering a dramatic proportion of her head. The suspenders she wore matched her socks. She was standing on the window sill, breathing heavily. She was able to poke her head in freely through the burned open window Davilo had caused and not yet replaced.

  “Hello!” Said Kip, “Uhm, what are you doing on the window of my study?”

  “The name’s Blingo. And as for why I’ve had to sneak in here, ask your snekretary.”

  “Allow me to remove her, sire,” Jasssper said, “She’sss a bothersssome lot.”

  “Who is she?” Kip asked.

  Blingo stuck her hand up as she shifted further into the room, “She’s a reporter for the Dark Lord’s Digest. And she has been trying to get an interview with you since the Dark Lord named you in charge.”

  “You write for the Dark Lord’s Digest?” Kip asked.

  “That’s right. You’ve read it?”

  “It’ssss a rag. Why the dark lord would even allow an independent news outlet when we could have something printing out our truth instead wasss beyond me.”

  “The old dark lord didn’t like us, but he knew what not having us would mean either. You knew what the old dark lord’s motto was, right?”

  Kip turned to Blingo, “No, what?”

  “Non Reges. No kings. Only those fit to serve. He said that someone reporting on his actions, flawed or otherwise, kept him fit to serve. But, tell me… If his whole motto was about how only the fit could serve… why’d he choose a scrawny wimp like you to replace him?”

  Blingo stared up at Kip. Kip was small but Blingo was probably half Kip’s size.

  “Also, may I come in? I wanted to ask but the height from that window was giving me a stomach ache.”

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  “You may leave through the window,” Jasssper said, “The front door is for guests.”

  “That’s okay, Jas! This is free press! She should be allowed to her opinions. Come in!”

  “I’ve been trying to get an interview with you for some time. But your snekretary never let me have an interview.”

  “I’m not his snekretary, I’m his advisssor!”

  “Really? What were you doing just now?”

  “I was advising him.” Whispered the snake.

  “He was scribbling my new height on the wall. I just grew two inches!”

  “Can I quote you on that?” Blingo asked.

  “Sure!” Said Kip.

  “NO!” Jasssper wrapped his tail around Kip and pulled him aside, “Blingo is a very nosy reporter, sire. When the dark lord was in power, it seemed that this goblin would turn up any time my old master was about to fail. Her and that damn dictogryph.”

  “Dicto what?” Asked Kip.”

  “Dicto-what. Squaw!” Said a sharp noise behind him.

  “It’s how I scaled these walls,” Blingo said, she pointed out of the window. When one thinks about a gryphon, the standard eagle and lion pairing somes to mind. This is often a symbol of nobility. Of elegance and excellence. While the lioneagle gryphon was most famous, it was often the most rare. The thing was… the spectrum of gryphons was large. In some cases, there were less than favorable combinations. In the case of Blingo’s gryphon, it was the unfortunate pairing of a hypoallergenic sphynx cat and a parrot. Its dazzling red plumage was cut short at the head, and the rest of it, including the wings, were entirely made of skin.

  “Dear Lord,” Said Kip as he watched the dictogryph painfully fly outside, struggling to keep in the air.

  “She remembers everything I say! Call her Dick.”

  “She’s Dick, and you’re Blingo?” Said Kip as he pointed after each one of them.

  “That’s right!” Said Blingo, she turned her newsie cap backward, “You mind if I ask you a few questions?”

  “Don’t let her, sire!”

  Blingo paid Kip a smile, “I’d love to get in that big brain of yours. You seem like a different kinda dark lord.”

  “If my advisor tells me it’s a bad idea, I’m inclined to believe him.”

  “Hmmm, a dark lord that listens to other people. And an advisor that doesn’t me snooping around. I might have my new scoop.” She said, turning her bugging eyes to Jasssper.

  “What story could that possssibly be?” Jasssper asked, “Snake advisor most loyal in all the land?”

  “Something like that,” Blingo took out a piece of gum and chewed half of it. Saving the other half for later.

  Jasssper slithered over to Kip, “I rather like the idea of an interview.”

  “But you said-” Kip started.

  “I know but if we play ball we can make it a puff piece. Get our side out there. You still have a lot of people who hate your guts for ‘ssskipping the line.’”

  “Right. I like it! Also, nobody’s ever interviewed me before. It could be kind of fun!”

  Jasssper turned to Blingo, “Go easssy on him.”

  Blingo smiled and pulled her newsie back to the forward position.

  “Dick! We’ve got an interview to do.”

  “SQQQQQUUUUUUUAQWWWWK” Said Dick as she floated into the windowsill.

  Kip sat down in his chair, and the goblin sat across from him, her pen scribbling against her notes.

  “So… Kip, when the dark lord first told you that you’d be the dark lord, how’d you feel?”

  “Oh, I didn’t feel anything. The dark lord never told me.”

  “The dark lord didn’t tell you?” The goblin asked.

  “No. I found out from the note. Same as everyone else.”

  Blingo scribbled in her notes, “Same as everyone.”

  “That’s not bad, is it?”

  “What’d you do before this, Kip?”

  “Head of Traps. Mostly I was a glorified repairman,” Kip chuckled.

  Blingo smiled, “Humble. Is that what we need in a dark lord? Pardon my brusqueness, but do you believe you’re qualified?”

  Kip took in a big heap of air, Jasssper stuck his tail up, “Let’sss move on.”

  “I’m merely asking…”

  “I know, but let’sss choose a different question.”

  "I think my choice,” Kip powered through, happily answering the question. Jasssper’s tail dripped disappointed, “Was a symbol. It was to let all of Shangra… All of the Dark Lord’s Land know that… anyone could be the dark lord. Even a glorified, underpaid repairman.”

  Jasssper smiled a little. It was a better answer than he thought.

  “Wonderful. Let’s move on to some policy questions, shall we?” Blingo asked.

  Jasssper’s smile faded, “We’re not versed on that.”

  “With the Ulmund kingdom breathing down our necks, their armies patrol the borders with scrutiny, and their borders… well let’s just say they’re subject to change. It stands to reason that they might be gearing up to take an offensive stance. How are you prepared to take that on?”

  Kip said, “I believe we have the strongest army with the meanest monsters. Everyone who basks in the dark lord’s system is blessed with a foundation and a pathway for their growing power.”

  Blingo nodded, leaving a pregnant pause for Kip to fill in.

  “But… I obviously would not like conflict to be our first recourse. I would be interested in brokering peace.”

  Jasssper tried not to let the sigh he sighed be caught by the dictogryph. But when he lifted his head up, he saw the dictogryph’s wonky eye peering back at him.

  “Interesting,” said Blingo, perking up, “Some would say they started it. That Shangra has been clamoring for peace and that the Ulmun want war. I mean, just last week we lost three feet of Revenge River.

  “Well,” Kip said, “It’s three feet. It’s almost negligible.”

  Blingo and Kip both stopped because the sound of Jasssper sucking in air was so loud that it took away from the interview. Jasssper grabbed a glass of water and shakily brought it to his mouth and sipped.

  “Could you expand on that?” Blingo asked.

  “No, I mean.. It’s incredibly important…” Kip did not like feeling this way. Like he was failing a test he did not study for. His eyes would glance up at Jasssper who was doing the cut it out sign with his tail along his neck, “But three feet… we could get that back.”

  “So you’d like to fight back?”

  “For the three feet we’ve lost? Sure, if it’s important.”

  “You just said it was negligible.”

  “It’s… if it’s important to the people, it’s important to me.”

  “We have to go!” Yelled Jasssper, “We have to go, we have busssinessssss to attend. Please, Sire. Let’s wrap this up.”

  “Yes! Business.” Kip bowed his head, “Sorry, Blingo. We must go.”

  Blingo was scribbling notes furiously, “Kip, this interview has been enlightening. But I want the full story. Give me a chance to see all the good you’d do for us. Can I tag along? I have a feeling following you is going to get me to a scoop.”

  Kip had a feeling it was going to continue to be a rough day, “S-sure. Blingo. Come along.”

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