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Chapter 8 It was me.

  Ester didn’t bother pretending to be shocked.

  She didn’t blink. Didn’t argue. Didn’t even look up. Her

  stomach just...dropped.

  What had she expected? That she could outrun her past? That no one

  here would ever know?

  Se’raf’s voice cut through her like a blade. Cold. Unrelenting.

  “I

  did it in self-defence,” Ester whispered.

  “You still killed someone, no?” Se’raf snorted through their

  distorted mask. “And a pretty important person, no less.”

  Ester bit her lip until she tasted metal. She didn’t want to

  remember him. She didn’t want to remember the way people still

  spoke of him, as if he’d been holy. The thought gnawed at her

  conscience.

  “He deserved it.”

  The words sounded foreign, slipping from her mouth before she

  realised they were hers. “If not from me, then from one of the

  girls he’d been abusing.”

  Se’raf didn’t react. For a long moment, they only watched her,

  eyes dissecting her where she stood.

  “You left his face unrecognisable,” they finally said, voice

  devoid of judgement. “The Church report claimed an unstable

  Synchrite caused his death. One whose existence had been hidden by

  their family.”

  Ester’s throat tightened. Of course they did

  Families who did a Synchrite were punished. Publicly. Brutally.

  Shamelessly. Her family had been made an example of.

  Se’raf’s voice remained steady, too steady.

  “Do you not understand? Because of they think us

  dangerous. Regulars are whispering amongst themselves, accusing

  families of hiding unidentified Synchrites.” A soft sigh slipped

  through their mask. “It’s fortunate that boy defeated that thing

  
in Leria. Because of him, discourse is spreading across Chimera.”

  Another pause.

  “How long until the rest find out the truth?”

  Ester’s gaze drifted to the other Starless. Their earlier

  complaints had quieted, morphing into dedicated focus. Her eyes found

  Saphy. Bright, warm, radiant. The one person Ester dared to hope

  might become a friend. A sister.

  Her chest tightened painfully.

  “H-how do you know all this?” she asked, barely audible.

  “...Cannot say,” Se’raf replied after a moment. “But you need

  strength. Quickly. Or you will not survive here. And I do not mean

  just the Chimera Cross Trials.

  Before Ester could ask more. Se’raf’s head snapped toward the

  training yard entrance. Instructor Burnad had appeared at the edge of

  the field. He looked up at the sun, nodded to himself, and clapped

  his hands loudly.

  “Alright! Starless, gather round!”

  The conversation was over.

  Se’raf stood and walked away without another word.

  Ester stayed where she was, letting the truth she’d been avoiding

  finally take shape and breathe. She didn’t know how long she stood

  there before her legs carried her toward the other’s.

  Burnad surveyed the Initiates one by one, pausing when his eyes met

  Ester’s.

  “You have now taken your first step into being recognised as a

  proper Synchrite,” he said, voice heavy. “As a Synchrite,

  understand your luck...or misfortune. Your existence sets you apart.

  You will be outcast in some places and praised in others, but you

  will never fully belong in either. The only thing you’ll ever

  control is how you choose to appear in both.”

  He almost said more. Ester saw it, a flicker of something in his

  stern expression, but he swallowed it.

  His focus shifted past her.

  “Is there something wrong, Starless Gideon.”

  Everyone turned. Gideon had been staring at Ester, as if

  contemplating something. It made her skin crawl.

  When he realised he was the subject of attention, he blinked a few

  times before looking at Instructor Burnad.“What?”

  Burnad just shook his head and sighed.

  “Today was a good day. Tomorrow is the weekend. No lectures, no

  training. After lunch you’ll have the rest of the day off. And I’m

  sure you remember Instructor Markos’s speech yesterday. Tomorrow

  evening is the Starless Banquet. Look your best. It will be a good

  opportunity to meet the others. Dismissed!”

  Excited whispers and nervous chatter erupted as the Initiates hurried

  inside. Ester drifted with them, mind to busy replaying Se’raf and

  Jacen’s words to worry about a banquet.

  She was mid-thought when an arm dropped across her shoulders.

  “Esterrr!”

  Saphy. Appearing out of nowhere as always.

  And then…

  “Oh shi-”

  Too late. The memory of Ester’s fall hit her and Saphy practically

  jumped back as if Ester had the plague. Ester let out a tiny laugh.

  “What did we learn?” she teased.

  But Saphy never got an answer.

  A thin, scratchy hesitant voice answered in her stead,

  “U-um…Sapphire? Where are you going..? Can I… come too?”

  Geire.

  Saphy froze. Trembling at his voice. Her fingers dug into Ester’s

  arm. Her breath turned sharp and uneven. Ester had never seen Saphy

  react like this, the same girl who radiated such endless

  kindness...afraid?

  Ester stepped forward.

  “We’re heading to the Bathing Chambers. Perhaps another time?”

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  Geire’s gaze slid to Ester, as though only now realising she

  existed. His green eyes were hollow, sleepless...wrong. The same

  coldness her uncles had once worn.

  Something inside Ester recoiled.

  He stared too long. Unmoving. Calculating.

  Then he turned toward

  Saphy, desperation twisting into rage the moment she refused to look

  at him. He began chewing his thumb, whispering to himself as he did.

  The air shifted.

  Wind rose suddenly, spiralling around him like it obeyed his anger.

  Flo

  manipulation.


  It had to be. Ester could feel the air leaving her lungs, finding it

  harder and harder to breathe. She saw the gleam in his eyes, what

  once seemed dark and void now glowed brighter. His face contorted

  into a sadistic smile, pleasure curling through his expression as

  though he liked this. Liked watching them suffer.

  It wasn’t long before Ester was on her knees, one hand clasped to

  her throat. Saphy didn’t appear to be as affected, but she couldn’t

  scream. Only gasp.

  “GEIRE!”

  Before he could finish whatever he intended, Burnad appeared behind

  him, gripping his shoulder with a massive hand.

  He leaned close to Geire’s ear and whispered something.

  The screaming winds died instantly.

  Geire shrugged Burnad off with a violent twitch and stormed away. He

  walked a few paces, then turned, his expression softening at the

  sight of Saphy.

  But when his eyes landed on Ester, his face filled with hate and

  disgust.

  He walked away.

  Burnad exhaled sharply. “You two alright?”

  Saphy managed frantic nods. Ester only managed words after catching

  her breath. He helped her up.

  “I’m fine...thank you.”

  “I am sorry you two had to go through that.” Burnad’s face

  hardening, “I would advise staying away from him...He’s a ticking

  time bomb.”

  The warning was vague, but frighteningly clear.

  Ester didn’t need to be told twice. She already hated everything

  about Geire.

  They didn’t speak the whole walk to the Chambers. Saphy’s silence

  made Ester’s stomach knot. The cheerful girl was gone, replaced by

  someone hunched and haunted.

  “Are you okay?” Ester tried. “Is it...about him?”

  Saphy grimaced, staring at the floor before stopping entirely.

  “...When I helped him earlier,” she whispered. “When he fell

  like an idiot during the run.”

  Ester remembered.

  “He started muttering. Scary...strange things. And it got worse as

  the day went on.”

  A chill crawled up Ester’s spine.

  “He was...listing the kids who laughed at him.” Her voice

  cracked. “Said he wanted to rip their tongues out. Dismember them.”

  She hugged herself.

  “He was Laughing to himself while he listed what

  he wanted to do. That’s...that’s not normal.”

  She wouldn’t repeat the worst of it. Tears slipped free. Ester

  hugged her tightly. Geire terrified her too, especially now that

  she’d caught his attention.

  “Chamber time?” Ester murmured. “Might do us both good.”

  The

  Bathing Chambers were a blessed shift.

  The

  steam was thick and immediate, swallowing them whole. The sounds of

  other girls chatter, laughter and the slap of water on stone, were

  muffled, distant. Here, in the warm, clouded silence, the terror of

  the yard began to loosen its grip.

  Saphy’s

  awful, off-key singing started up softly from a nearby stall, and for

  the first time since Geire’s attack and the training, Ester felt

  her shoulders relax. It wasn’t peaceful, not really. But it was a

  different kind of noise. A human one.

  Afterwards, clean

  and wrapped in fresh towels, they made their way to the Starless mess

  hall. The hall was packed, buzzing with chatter as a few high-Starred

  students monitored from the edges. The food, as Saphy described it,

  was just bleh. Not delicious, not awful. Just… bleh. Ester

  didn’t complain. It was okay.

  They

  split afterward. Saphy had been roped into exploring the HoS with her

  team, while Ester, after learning there was a library, wanted to see

  it. Saphy seemed oddly hesitant when Ester mentioned the library, but

  they agreed to meet back in the dorm later.

  The

  library was inside the main HoS building. The massive brown doors

  groaned as she pulled them open.

  And

  stopped.

  The scent hit

  first, old parchment and leather, the smell of her father's study

  before everything fell apart. Then the sight…shelves stretching

  toward vaulted ceilings, Starred Synchrites in crisp uniforms

  browsing with ladders, light filtering through stained glass in

  colours she'd never seen in the dungeons.

  Her throat

  tightened.

  For once, she

  didn't feel like a murderer. Or a candidate. Or the ragged girl

  they'd dragged from darkness.

  She felt like the

  girl who'd once spent entire afternoons lost in stories, the girl

  who'd existed before the necklace, before the blood.

  She felt like

  Ester.

  “Welcome

  to the HoS library!”

  Ester

  nearly screamed.

  A

  boy with enormous glasses and a thin frame stood grinning at her.

  “I-uhm-”

  “I’ve

  never seen you before,” he said, tilting his head. “Zero Star, I

  presume?”

  She

  nodded.

  “Promising

  student, then! Name?”

  “...Ester”

  At

  her name, something flickered in his expression, curiosity tightening

  into apprehnsion, then smoothing back into politeness. Subtle. Almost

  too subtle.

  “Nice

  to meet you, Starless Ester. I’m Cosmo, the one in charge of this

  library!”

  He

  puffed out his chest.

  “Looking

  for something specific?”

  “No,

  just looking around. It’s beautiful In here.”

  His

  glasses glinted with barely constrained excitement. “Then explore

  to your heart’s content!”

  She

  smiled before wandering into the labyrinth of shelves. After several

  minutes of quiet awe, she turned back to him.

  “…What book

  would you recommend?

  Cosmo froze, then

  lit up like a lantern.

  “A

  recommendation? On your first visit? Oh, that’s..hehe!”

  He scrambled off,

  muttering to himself as he ran fingers over spines. He guided her

  past biographies and Church histories to a small alcove beneath

  stained glass.

  “Forget

  Curriculum texts,” he said. “Read something with soul.”

  He knelt, closed

  his eyes, dragged a finger across a row, and pulled out a book with a

  leather cover embossed with bronze leaves.

  “A Tale of

  Sky and Ground
. One of my absolute favourites. Two people,

  opposites in every way, forced to journey together to find their way

  back home...I can’t say more than that. It’s a masterpiece!”

  He held it out

  with earnest, ridiculous hope.

  Ester didn’t

  realise she didn’t actually have a choice.

  She turned the

  book over, reading the back while standing in the alcove.

  “Who are we

  without our memories? Who are we without our past? Would we have

  gotten so close if we didn’t have them? The journey back to our

  home was made only enjoyable because of the stories we shared.


  Without truth

  and honesty..who would we be?”


  The words felt like they’d been written for her.

  Cosmo stamped her

  name in his ledger-

  – then waved her off with satisfaction.

  The walk back to the Starless Dormitories was quiet. Walking passed

  the Main buildings square, she saw Starred Students chatting and

  laughing around her. Existing comfortably. Meanwhile Ester clutched

  her book like a shield.

  The Truth hit her painfully.

  She had no idea how to make friends.

  Growing up isolated, then locked away for months, no wonder she

  preferred hiding to risking humiliation.

  Hours passed. She was curled on the bottom bunk, deep into the story,

  when Saphy burst in laughing as she said goodbye to her friends.

  Ester didn’t even realise.

  “Heyyy!”

  Ester lowered her book, revealing Saphy’s wide hazel eyes and face

  pulled into an unnatural, funny look. Her heart jumped, sending her

  head bumping the top bunk. Saphy, though she found it hilarious,

  apologised profusely.

  “You should’ve seen the look on your face!” she said between

  laughs. Ester found herself flustered, rolling her eyes. Glad, at

  least, to see her feeling better.

  “Not. Funny,” Ester muttered. “You almost gave me a heart

  attack.”

  “I made a racket coming in! What were you...oh.” Saphy blinked at

  the thick book in Ester’s hands. “You...can read?”

  Ester frowned. “Is that something to be amazed by?”

  Saphy recoiled as though the words had hit her. She turned away,

  fists trembling.

  “I-I’m from the slums in the Capital,” she said quietly.

  “Education costs more than living. Impossible. Something like

  that...wasn’t for me. My mother said I was too dumb to learn

  away...that I was only destined to be someone’s wife.” She let

  out a sad laugh. “She called me useless because I was terrible at

  cooking.”

  Her voice shrank.

  “But when they found out I was a Synchrite...suddenly I was seen as

  a blessing. A saviour.”

  She turned back, eyes steeled with soft resolve.

  “So yes. It is something to be amazed by. Because its something

  that not a lot of us can do. And..and even though I may be

  dumb. I’ll pass the Trials and I’ll learn aswell.”

  Tears pricked her eyes. She wiped them away quickly.

  Ester’s face burned. How had she not before

  speaking?

  “Saphy...I’m sorry. I misspoke”

  “How could you have known, Miss Perfect Noble?” Saphy teased

  weakly. “What could you know about struggle..”

  The words landed like a blow.

  Ester flinched.

  She looked to the side of her bed, where the book lay. She remembered

  the quote that had stuck with her.

  Without Truth

  and honesty... who would we be?


  Who was she without her past? Who was Saphy actually talking to?

  She swallowed.

  “Do you...know what happened in the capital? The murder?”

  Saphy frowned. “The murder of the Archon in training? Of course.

  Horrible. But what does that-”

  Ester’s heart hammered.

  “Saphy…”

  Her voiced trembled.

  “I killed him.”

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