After several incidents in the late 2020s and early 2030s, various companies and high standing individuals demanded compensation after experiencing financial ruin due to run-ins with Samurai. Several years of lobbying later and with extreme pushback by Samurai, many insurance companies specifically implemented a “FAFO Clause” to their policies, stating that all coverage is voided in the case of a direct, antagonistic confrontation with a Samurai. In true insurance company fashion, this was discreetly expanded into a framework for consistently denying coverage in the case of an incursion.

  For reference, FAFO stands for fuck around and find out.

  -The History of Post-Antithesis Insurance and Coverage, 2045

  Something told me that ‘three Model Threes every half hour’ was not, in fact, the last gasps of a recently annihilated hive. Something like that sounded, instead, like a seriously active one. One that was building its forces as we speak and would become a very, very large problem if left unattended.

  ‘“So…let me get this straight:” I led with, taking a deep breath because I had a feeling that whatever answer he was about to give was not one I was going to be happy to hear. “You guys have known about the Antithesis activity for the better part of a week, could have surmised that it was getting worse and probably coming from a proper hive maybe a day or two later, and you still have chosen to tell fucking no one about it?”

  Silence followed, which may as well have been an admission of truth.

  God, did I want to punch him right then. Either him or the wall, but breaking the wall would be an offense to the people who built it, or at least the people that manned the machine that built it. Breaking the face of a dumbass is so much more satisfying, especially if they deserve it. Fortunately for him, the charitable part of my soul decided to give Shermanson one last chance, although I did my best to make how thin of a line he was walking exactly clear through my tone. “Alright, I’d like an explanation as to why you’ve kept it all hush-hush, unless you’d like your skull to become concave within the next, say… thirty seconds.”

  “Two reasons,” he said, raising his fingers to coincide with the number. His composure didn’t look to be shaken, but his free hand was certainly more fidgety than earlier. “First, the amount of red tape that would be required to actually get someone out here through traditional means would result in all of us being xeno chow long before help arrives. Everything that comes from a budget needs to go through at least four layers of upper brass, and the priority to get that all through is much lower for a small mining town like this.”

  “Uh-huh, fair enough.” I nodded, making sure to over exaggerate the motion because I was far from convinced. “Could’ve still actually, y’know, started the process in the meantime, even if you were still planning to get help under the table.”

  “That brings me to the second reason. Reporting this all to the higher-ups would risk my position here in Orson.”

  “Oh fuck off!”

  I was seconds away from fulfilling my namesake, rushing very angrily towards his desk with fists clenched, but he raised a still composed hand, giving me pause. “Now hold on, miss, if you would give me a moment.”

  “The suits up at Murdock have a sort of…complex relationship with me. On one hand, I’m not one to particularly rock the boat with regards to franchise policy as it were. No sweeping changes, no ludicrous attempts at trying to diversify our business model, none of that. Makes Orson a very consistent source of revenue, if one that falls into the middle-lower rankings of each territory. On the other hand, I’ve been at this job for fifteen years. Long enough to know where to bend things without breakin', usually to the detriment of our bottom line. I really do like this town, miss, and I try my damndest to make things better and easier for everyone where I can. They can’t really ding me for any particular action, as everything I do is within the parameters of our policy, but I know some of my choices have a tendency to tick off those higher up on the pyramid.

  “My conundrum here is that reporting this Antithesis issue up is enough of a stumble to give them reason to relocate me, probably using a hogwash reason like ‘lacking safety foresight’ or some other word salad. With me gone, that gives some ladder climbing ass kisser the chance to swoop in and royally fuck up the place, all in the hopes of getting their tush in a slightly nicer chair within the next year or two. I’ve done a lot to make this town as nice as I can within the restrictions, and really I just don’t want to see that taken away.”

  All that gave me pause. If he was telling the truth, and that was still a big if, then I could see the chain of logic and understood why he wanted to stay planted. The entire relocation thing could just be an overblown reaction, but I get putting yourself in a precarious situation to protect your town. Still, it was just words, and the words of a bonafide corpo on top of that. Was that something to be trusted?

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  Charitable Max won out for the second time that day with a sigh. I eased off and went back to leaning against the wall, this time noticeably closer to the door. “...Fine. I believe you. For now.”

  “Thank you.” While still a bit stiff, you could almost visibly see the tension exit his body. “Your trust means more than you’d think, Miss Samurai. Now, if we could get back to the matter at hand.”

  Once again clicking his remote, the projector flipped to a picture of a schematic, one that extended out into a root like pattern. No guesses as to what it represented. “This was the set of hive tunnels we mapped out during our last incident.”

  Another click, and the map now showed a new tunnel, outlined in blue. “This is the tunnel we just found, and how we estimate it links up with the rest of the hive.”

  The number of roots sprouting from the main body was over a dozen, which did make me a little bit anxious, mostly on the possible workload. “Would I have to go and check all of those other routes? I don't exactly specialize in being in several places at once.”

  “Luckily no. All of the remaining tunnels are essentially blocked off by the turrets that BBOB set up, that being the Samurai we worked with previously. Kid certainly had a mouth on him, but it'd be wrong to say he wasn't thorough.

  Because you are likely to ask about the acronym at some point within the next twenty-four hours, their full name is Bullets, Bombs, and Other Bullshit.

  I snorted. “That's a stupid name.”

  Damning criticism coming from the Vanguard called Death Punch.

  “Shut it, you.” In my attempt to throw stones from my glass house I had failed to remember that Shermanson was still watching, which led to an awkward moment of silence followed by an even more uncomfortable clear of the throat. “Sorry, please continue.”

  After giving a rightfully deserved glare, he turned back to the projection. “In essence, all I’d ask of you really is to go down into the tunnel and clear out the xenos and their hive, assumin’ that there is one. You wouldn’t be alone; I’d be sending you down with four of the guys from the PMC we have on site. Cleanup is optional for you too, as is picking off any stragglers. I’m fairly certain that we could handle it ourselves once the main force is done and dealt with.”

  I stood quietly for a moment, internally taking in all that had been asked of me. It certainly derailed my plans for today, not like I had any concrete ones in the first place, but I was very quickly learning that there is rarely a dull moment as a Samurai. After enough time contemplating, I gave a brief sigh. “Well, it’d be kind of a dick move if the person chosen to kill aliens didn’t want to kill said aliens, so count me in. Just give me like…two hours and I’ll be ready to go. Need to eat and all that.”

  Shermanson nodded. “Fair enough, it’ll take about that long to get the team together anyways. Swing by our cafeteria if you want some grub. By corporate standards, I’m told it's quite serviceable.”

  “Sure, whatever makes you happy I guess,” I replied, giving a brief, detached wave as I slipped back through the door. Although, before I fully let it close behind me, I stuck my head out for one final comment since it came to mind. “By the way, if you could dock the pay of those five chucklefucks who couldn’t keep it in their pants last night, since you’ve probably heard about it already, that’d be great, thanks.”

  Not waiting for a response, I let the door close completely behind me. I made sure to travel far enough down the hallway for no one to hear me when I leaned up next to one of the paintings and groaned. “Ugh, this is not how I wanted to spend today.”

  Antithesis do not care for what you want, merely for what they want, which is the assimilation and annihilation of all organic life.

  “So I’ve learned.” My fingers went to the bridge of my nose, lightly massaging it in hopes that it would soothe that irritation I was feeling. “Today was supposed to be my relaxing day, and that’s gone up in smoke.”

  Are you regretting the choice of offering your assistance to Shermanson?

  I audibly scoffed. “No, not even remotely. Killing the aliens is the fun part of the job, and I could always use the points. Just have to work through some feelings, that’s all. Mostly ones of annoyance, hence the complaining.”

  The human brain is a fascinating, if not completely nonsensical organ.

  “Tell that to every therapist who ever lived, they’d agree.” I gave a sigh. “Damn, I really wanted that ice cream.”

  If you really need it, there is a collection of approximately forty eight thousand different flavors of ice cream and adjacent desserts within a dedicated Catalog, and that is before considering any possible modifications I could make to the lineup.

  “Yeah, but it's the culture of it all, Cal. If I just wanted ice cream, I’d hit up a convenience store and nab a pint there. Going out specifically for ice cream is a whole different thing.”

  I pushed myself up off the wall. “That’s enough moping though, let’s get some food. Hopefully his claim of their cafeteria being decent actually holds up.”