“I was happy that last night we managed to scare off that wretched Count’s army, but then you come into my chambers spouting bullshit. Are you seriously telling me that some mercenaries took down Sir Davistan? And Sir Davistan didn’t even take one of them with him? AND THEY’RE THE SAME BASTARDS WHO KILLED MY SON?! THE SAME BASTARDS WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD?!” Duke Iselbaum spits like a hungry beast in the face of the poor man charged with reporting to him.
“Y-Yes, sire.” The herald slouches down small so that maybe the Duke’s rage will fly over him.
“YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME THEY DIED IN THAT GODDAMNED MOUNTAIN PASS! DID YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME?!”
“S-sire, I- I was sent to deliver that message before the battle was over, sire. They numbered less than twenty when I was sent away.”
“YES!! AND THEY WERE OUTNUMBERED FIVE TO ONE! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY STILL LIVE?! HOW DO MY KNIGHTS KEEP FUCKING DYING TO THEM?! WHO - THE ACTUAL FUCK - ARE THE KNIGHT FLAYERS?!”
—
Dice clatter along the backgammon board, having left Rabbit’s hands. He exclaims with joy:
“Snake eyes! Hhahahaaa!”
He moves his pieces two at a time and takes two of Viper’s white pieces.
“That’s bullshit! You’re cheating!” He flips the board and gets a gasp from almost every nurse in the infirmary.
“It’s not my fault you can’t keep your pieces covered!” Rabbit replies smugly.
“An’ it ain’t my fault ya mamma couldn’t keep ‘er legs covered!” Viper is literally trembling with rage. They hadn’t even finished their first game yet.
“Fuck you!”
“Pf-fuck you too!”
“You buried me alive! Fuck you more!”
“Should’a checked your prick instead of your pulse! Only way that baby dick o’ yours is ever gonna be stiff is if yer’re dead!”
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“...”
Rabbit is silent and Viper has won. Nobody can blame Rabbit for failing to find a comeback for that last one.
But for everything there is a price. Behind him were Saul, Anna and Jacob. Anna was red in the ears with embarrassment and white in the cheeks with horror while her hands were over Jacob’s ears in a vain attempt to shield the child from the words he heard. Jacob and Saul are both stifling laughs.
“HA! I win! Y’see, this is why I don’t have a girl! I’d lose so many arguments!” Rabbit exclaims.
“Hmm… If what we just heard is true, there may be more reasons for that…” Saul adds and the room erupts in silent laughter.
“Ha- haaa… We were just joking about, y’know, like soldiers do. Uh-uhm… what did you guys want?” Viper is sweating like a nun wearing anal beads to mass.
“Jacob wanted to see Rabbit…” Anna responds, shell shocked.
Jacob runs over to Rabbit and hugs him. Rabbit groans in pain but turns it into a cheery ‘Ho!Ho!Ho!’. Viper and Anna remain in place, staring at each other with their jaws to the floor. Saul bites down on his fist to keep from laughing.
—
Meanwhile, some explanations are in order. How come the siege is not yet lifted?
“I saw them fighting from my window last night. Count Treblin’s army was routed after only about five minutes… They regrouped a few miles west, but…” Vulpes says holding back tears of frustration while Landyn contains his disbelief.
“Umm. H-How?”
“How do you rout and army in five minutes? I don’t know. I assume he has some powerful knight with him. I should probably… surrender.” That word falls like a stone.
“No.” Landyn orders.
“No?”
“No.”
“...” She is stunned. She has let him get too close… “How dare you oppose me, sellsword?”
“Is that what I am to you, your highness?” He snarls at her. She has struck a sore spot it seems.
“Is that not what you are?” She answered only after a long silence and a longer one came after.
His eyes go cold. Landyn knows only to answer hurt with hurt: “Of course. Surrender, then. This humble tanner’s boy won’t stick around to see what two thousand hungry, unwashed soldiers do to one woman. I already know what beaten leather looks like.”
He storms out. He is angry and frustrated and hurt and wants to cry but he’s been holding it in so long that tears won’t come even if he tried letting them. Vulpes does not have the same problem, but he won’t see her tears behind the door he slammed shut.
“FUCK!” He screams into the empty hallway.
By the time Landyn finds his men idling away in the courtyard, he’s made up his mind.
“The fuck are you all standing around for? We’re taking charge of the defense on orders from on high. Do whatever it fucking takes but don’t let this place fall!”
